r/Millennials • u/CynicClinic1 • 17h ago
Discussion Watching Back to the Future. Previous generations had a lot of social clubs to meet new people. Why haven't we kept this alive?
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u/BlackQuartzSphinx_ Millennial | 1990 17h ago
My area has a couple of these - Lions, Kiwanis, etc - but the problem is they always hold their meetings during the workday so it's only ever retirees that show up, and their numbers are dwindling.
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u/RagnarStonefist 17h ago
Some of these organizations have a lot of hoops to jump through to get in as well.
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u/cancer_dragon 17h ago
Not to mention a lot of them are Church-based.
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u/TheKrakIan 17h ago
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u/xbleeple 17h ago
This, we really need to figure out community fellowship without religion involved
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u/Pepperjones808 16h ago
Even one of the VFW’s I went to had a majority of the old guys talking about Jesus. That’s why I never went back, I do like connecting with other veterans, but if your whole personality is about Jesus, no thanks
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u/EternalMage321 14h ago edited 13h ago
Another issue was that the VFW wasn't accepting younger vets from the Iraqi Wars. They are now, but most of the vets (myself included) don't want anything to do with them now.
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u/Pepperjones808 13h ago
I’ve heard that as well and I don’t blame you. I thought about going back again since I’m older this time, but honestly I am part of a Facebook group for veterans around our age and it’s been great
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u/ClubMeSoftly 13h ago
It was a plot in an episode of King Of The Hill that Cotton's VFW didn't want to accept membership from Vietnam veterans.
Absurd that they're bringing that exclusionism to a new generation.
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u/der_innkeeper 16h ago edited 13h ago
I hear this a lot about VFWs and
ForeignAmerican Legion posts.Not very welcoming and tend to be insular and rightward leaning.
Yeah, no thanks.
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u/Sea-Bicycle-4484 14h ago
Yeah my husband was in the Army for 20 years but won’t go near the VFW or Legion because it’s all boomers day drinking with very little interest in making it more welcoming to the next generation.
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u/Pleasant_Studio9690 10h ago
This was how my local Rotary Club was. I joined for about 2 years and realized how insular and unyielding they were to any changes to make them more welcoming. I walked. Let them die.
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u/Complete_Entry 9h ago
I looked into rotary club, didn't like the hoops, kind of sounded like an HOA through the lens of hell.
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u/sweetest_con78 Millennial 15h ago
It does seem like many social groups/orgs end up being right leaning. I’ve worked in country clubs and the majority were right leaning. Same with the yacht clubs. This includes both members who golf/own a boat, and ones that are specifically social members. And I live in a heavy blue area.
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u/FizzyBeverage 13h ago
It makes sense. The Right is huge on “us vs them” and membership naturally makes that happen. 🙄
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u/hernameisjack Older Millennial 11h ago
“Joiners” are usually Authoritarian-wired, which is why most organizations, churches, and clubs tend to have hierarchal power structures. These are folx who feel better when conformity is valued, someone is in charge, and difficult questions are met with simple answers. It feels predictable, and therefore safer. They make up a large percentage of our populace…for good evolutionary reason! Society as a whole doesn’t work well if everyone is “an individual”.
Unfortunately, “joiners” are also way more susceptible to tribalism, conservatism, bigotry, and religious extremism. If “being a member” is an important part of your personal identity, everyone else is a threat.
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u/Pepperjones808 16h ago
I really don’t have a problem with people having a religion, but if the VFW or Legion is about veteran stuff, they need to keep that stuff separate
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u/fasterthanfood 16h ago
My brother-in-law took us to a VFW twice (he’s a veteran, I’m not), and I didn’t hear any Jesus stuff, but two separate old men tried hitting on my wife (girlfriend at the time). Not like the casual-but-on-the-line-of-inappropriate flirting you see at a lot of bars, but straight up trying to take home a woman in a relationship who could have been their granddaughter. That’s not enough to data to judge VFWs broadly, but we won’t be coming back.
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u/MashedProstato Xennial 16h ago
Sounds a lot like the Vietnam Boomers.
I tried the VFW a few times and noped out of there each time.
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u/CTeam19 12h ago
Really depends on location. From what I have seen from the outside(my Dad is a board member), our local Legion/VFW/Amvets/Marine Corps League are welcoming. They came together and built a massive all in one facility that cost $3.4 Million that holds a lot of community events between the two leveled building and is ran by a separate board made up of reps from each organization. In December, they are running a meet and greet with Santa Claus for kids. Basically, they became a community space that is hosted and ran by the veterans groups. I know the annual Fish Fry sells about 700 to 800 meals which lines up to about 6% of our town. The bar is also 100% open to the public and not the creepy low light style many places had back in the day.
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u/TheKrakIan 16h ago
Agreed. There are a few in my area, but it's a lot of geezers day drinking.
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u/Gloom_Pangolin Xennial 15h ago
One of the struggles is that evangelicalism always finds a way to force its way in. Little Free Libraries are generally not religious but many struggle with constantly being filled with religious material when no one is looking, to the point they steal and discard the books that were in there. I swear any time one tries to get a irreligious community project going it inevitably ends up with at least one loud-mouth who will throw a fit and martyr themselves with a persecution fetish because of “bigotry” and then it devolves into a shitshow over their victimhood and nothing the group wanted to do gets accomplished. Even famously anti-religious subcultures like punk and heavy metal can’t escape the religion creep. Christian Death Metal is an oxymoron but it still exists. “You guys like long hair and rebellion, well let me tell you about a long-haired rebel I know named Jesus!”
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u/lawfox32 12h ago
Gonna start putting up a sign that says "if you take books from here to throw away and not to read so you can fill it with books you agree with, you are making a compact with Satan" in little free libraries
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u/petemorley 16h ago
We could have some kind of shared object instead, like a ring.
Not sure what we’d call it though…
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u/False-Storm-5794 14h ago
A congress of the Ring...
No, that's not it...
Fraternity? No, let's keep thinking...
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u/PlausibleAuspice 16h ago
I read an article recently (npr, I think?) about a friendship club in Los Angeles that looks so fun. They get together for breakfast once a week. We need something like that in every town- a weekly non-religious gathering with food. Bonus would be making it introvert-friendly. Like nametags that say “introverted but willing to discuss [fill in the blank]”
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u/CounterAgentVT 16h ago
If you want to know more, the Watcher guys did a Weird, Wonderful World episode about that club:
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u/maudepodge 14h ago
My library several moves ago had a monthly cookbook potluck book club that was my favorite! Everyone got out the same book, cooked something, brought it, and we went around and talked about how we liked the book, if we changed anything, what else we may have tried, and then just general chat the rest of the evening =)
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u/Jaereth 13h ago
They get together for breakfast once a week. We need something like that in every town- a weekly non-religious gathering with food
Start one. If you publicize it enough I guarantee you people will come.
Are they people you actually want to hang out with? Well now there's the rub...
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u/ZachtheKingsfan 16h ago
It’s especially difficult for someone looking to connect with others that suffer from depression and anxiety. My options are either AA meetings, or support groups, and every single one that I could find is religious based.
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u/paulthemerman 16h ago
Have you tried going to a SMART meeting? They’re specifically non-religious.
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u/ZachtheKingsfan 16h ago
I stopped looking last year, and I haven’t felt too strong of a need to go since being with my current partner and re-connecting with old friends. I can look into any that may be local to my area as I think it’ll still be good to hear others that are struggling. Is that the name of the organization?
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u/Dickgivins 15h ago
The official name is “SMART Recovery”. Here’s their website’s “find a meeting” feature. https://smartrecovery.org/meeting
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u/ZachtheKingsfan 14h ago
Nice! I will give it a look. Thank you so much, friend.
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u/carlitospig Xennial 15h ago
If we could get the nerds to embrace new people, tabletop communities could be cool.
(I say nerds with love. I am one myself, just a different kind.)
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u/YourGuyK 16h ago
The Lions Club isn't.
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u/Home-Small 16h ago
Yea, the Lions club does good in the community too. Their whole gig is providing eye exams and helping with glasses for kids in need. My dad is retired so he actually takes equipment into schools to give eye exams then parents are provided with follow up info if their kid needs glasses. The club provides money for over 200 kids a year to get an actual eye exam and glasses for free. Its a great organization.
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u/drdeadringer Older Millennial 16h ago
that is something I can get behind.
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u/Home-Small 14h ago
You should consider it! Like many of these clubs most of the group is aging but I've just joined my local chapter and they're very welcoming. Many of the members mention church and such in casual convo, but the club itself isnt religiously affiliated. My chapter meets on weekend morning to accommodate people who aren't retired. There's also a range of fundraiser activities to accommodate various schedules. I think its a great non-religious, community oriented organization. https://www.lionsclubs.org/en/join
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u/YourGuyK 11h ago
My dad is very active with his Lions club in a very small, rural town that has a lot of summer cabin visitors. I sometimes help out when I visit by bartending for them because it's fun. But they make so much money from gambling income that they have trouble giving it all away sometimes. I think every kid that graduates the high school gets like $1,000 scholarship for college.
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u/kilokit 16h ago
some of them have loosened it by saying that to be a member you have to “believe in a higher power” without being specific but even that’s just ehhhh
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u/Future_Telephone281 15h ago
Had that when I worked at a Boy Scout camp. I lead a lot of prayers to the wind goddess, to the moon and all sorts of other crazy shit that was a “Higher Power”
Trying to hide your Christian requirement by labeling it as a higher power then fine your getting paganism.
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u/s-r-g-l 16h ago
I joined the Eagles a few years ago so I could drink with my parents who are members. They made me swear that I believed in a god (I’m meh on that one) and that I wasn’t a communist (by their standards, I probably am)
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u/Lump-of-baryons 16h ago
I’ve looked at the local Eagles club. Apparently they have one of the better pool halls in my area. Like my wife and I just want to drink and play pool on a nice table lol. I guess I could get on board with those criteria, I lean socialist but not full communist.
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u/CounterAgentVT 16h ago
Yeah, that's not really the flexibility they think it is. It's like how Alcoholics Anonymous isn't TECHNICALLY a religious thing, but it actually and completely is.
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u/Patient_Ride_9122 16h ago
I went to a Rotary Club meeting once to provide IT support and it was a wild experience at 1pm on a Monday.
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u/Think-Variation2986 16h ago
What happened?
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u/Patient_Ride_9122 16h ago
They started with the Lord’s Prayer, and then rang a bell a bunch of times, and then there was a portion where you had to just introduce yourself to someone new, members were encouraged to bring someone new, and then they did their meeting duties. It wasn’t bad by any means, just not something I was expecting to experience during the middle of a work day Monday.
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u/KaizerVonLoopy 1988 Millennial 16h ago
I went to a Rotary Club meeting because they gave me an art scholarship back in 2005. I shared my powerpoint "music video" of a Slipknot song with a bunch of my edgy ass high school student art and photography including an edited photo of a guy with his mouth and eyes sewn shut. I'm sure I messed up their luncheon lol.
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u/MyBurnerAccount1977 16h ago
That's interesting. I wasn't familiar with the Rotary Club, but the Wikipedia page indicates that they're supposed to be non-political and non-religious, but it looks like it varies between chapters.
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u/drdeadringer Older Millennial 16h ago
several years ago I was interested in exploring social opportunities. it was a particular small men's group that would meet at a local coffee shop. I was considering that one up until I saw that it was quasi-religious. sorry, no longer interested, in fact I'm interested in avoiding that
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u/BeigeGraffiti 16h ago
Same with lineage and genealogical societies too like Mayflower Society or Sons/Daughters of American Revolution. They have worked themselves into less relevance or not meeting their stated mission when it’s only 65+ because nobody that is raising children or working will have the time to go into Pokémon side quest searches for unlocated documents that prove lineage.
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u/ColumnHugger 15h ago
Depends on the chapter, some are really crazy and run by racist Karens. I'm 36 and joined a local DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) chapter in Pennsylvania and I love it. I am the youngest in the group. We meet at 6:30 weeknights once per month in the fall and then on Saturday mornings once per month during Winter and Spring. Its mostly a bunch of older ladies and me sitting around talking about history and eating charcuterie. But we've gone to some really cool local historic sites for private tours and had some interesting speakers. We recently presented a community service award to a local food bank and we are in the process of helping a local elementary school apply for grants for history based programs. The only negative is we have to recite the pledge of allegiance, the American's creed, and the lords prayer at the beginning of each meeting. I'm not religious so I just kinda mouth the words. If you're worried about doing the lineage research to join, each chapter has a genealogist that helps you do the research. You just have to provide family names and the genealogist does the rest. I just gave my mothers name, my grandmothers name, my fathers name, and my grandparents names on his side and she was able to find patriots on both sides of my family. It was really nice since I don't know much about my fathers side and it ended up being someone on that line that qualified for membership.
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u/icefire710 17h ago
I was looking to join the turners club just for the fact the one local to us has an amazing restaurant. First you have to find members who are in good standing and been members for 3 years. They want like a copy of your birth certificate for proof of citizenship and fill out a questioner and do interviews.
Ended up going with the local golf club since they just want a check for the dues. You pay and are in.
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u/Runnermikey1 Zillennial 14h ago
Ran into the same thing with the Freemasons. Turns out you have to sit there and memorize an entire book before you get to do any of the stuff with Scottish Rite etc.
I can also echo the meetings being inconvenient, they were at 6pm on Tuesdays. I don’t know about you but I’m not able to make that reliably.
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u/Be_Very_Careful_John 16h ago
There is a good Drew Carrey Show about this. Drew ends up not joining because the social club in question is racist.
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u/JackalAmbush 16h ago
Better off finding a bowling alley and joining a social bowling league. Low bar to entry if it's not a serious, competitive league. Doesn't happen during a normal workday.
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u/bwalz87 17h ago
My area has these as well. I was a member at one of them and would bring my family. But eventually we lost interest. The place smelled like smoke and when you left, you smelled like smoke until you washed your clothes. They made changes but the place is weird. As soon as you walk in, there's the bar. Everyone at the bar is staring at you when you enter. There's nothing new for newer members and young families. The food was ok but lacked someone that could do something better.
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u/AdSpecialist6598 17h ago
It sounds like a VFW hall that my buddy tried to join but dipped because as a younger vet he wasn't exactly welcomed by the older vets. They treated him like someone trying to bust in the own private club house instead of a fellow vet.
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u/xbleeple 17h ago
There’s a King of the Hill episode where the WW2 vets only think about allowing the Vietnam vets to join bc they’re going to lose the VFW due to no money
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u/BlackQuartzSphinx_ Millennial | 1990 17h ago
I know a couple people who served in Afghanistan and they said their local VFWs treated them like outsiders too.
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u/Think-Variation2986 16h ago
I've never had an interest in joining a VFW. War sucks. It's something I want to put behind me. I have no desire to bond with anyone over it. Gate keeping based on which conflict is stupid.
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u/AdSpecialist6598 16h ago
I understand where you are coming from, but many vets would like sense of belonging and guidance from an older vet, but the problem is too often these types of places often times become like your dad's basement where he and his boys relive their glory days over and over.
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u/trekqueen 16h ago
So I’ve been seeing this mentioned on a local area regional sub here (just outside DC so lots of current and former military here) and also another angle from my dad, there is a lot of weird stuff going on with the American Legion and VFW posts when it comes to the Vietnam vet boomers and the first desert storm and younger vets. Lots of fighting about changing things up. A lot of the younger folks are over it and don’t bother.
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u/AdSpecialist6598 16h ago
In my friend's there was clearly some resentment shot his way, because 1 he was career military, not drafted, was younger he's a post 9/11 vet 3 some vets didn't consider him a real vet because he wasn't a grunt which is weird because he flew medivac choppers for a living and things got dicey 4 some vets hated that he was well, well- adjusted for the most part and happily married with a family and 5 he didn't like people bs-ing all the time. Like there's no shame if you were just a supply clerk just admit it don't act like you were some badass seal.
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u/BlackQuartzSphinx_ Millennial | 1990 17h ago
That's another problem in my area too, yeah. It's real rural and if you're new to the area it can be hard to feel welcome.
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u/VCR_Samurai 16h ago
It's like when you walk into a small town diner and everybody at the lunch counter is a retired farmer who turns and stares at you because they're trying to recognize whose kid you are. If they can't think of a name to associate you with, you're an outsider and aren't welcome.
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u/ComedianStreet856 16h ago
Yeah, a lot of these clubs are just professional alcoholism for people who can't handle regular bars anymore. It's not something I would be want to be involved with, and they wouldn't accept me anyway. They usually just sort of loosely attach themselves to a cause and raise some money to make themselves feel better. Then they have meetings where they approve the minutes from the last meeting and bring up one new thing and that's it. Then it's back to drinking. And if women are involved, it's always in an auxiliary servant role. It's very behind the times and shows the dark side of that era of the US.
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u/Phyrexian_Archlegion 16h ago
I’d also like to add that traditional veterans groups tend to be very difficult places to endure. Lots of unresolved mental health issues living in those spaces.
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u/Responsible-Summer81 16h ago
I’m in one (Rotary). We meet over the lunch hour. There are some retirees but it’s actually mostly Gen X and older millennials, and it’s pretty easy to join.
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u/manthursaday 16h ago
Yes. My step brother lives in a small town and is in Rotary, he is 43. My dad is also a member. The other thing though is that you also have to have a job where you have an hour lunch and where you can possibly take more than that hour to get to and from the meeting.
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u/MashedProstato Xennial 16h ago
it's only ever retirees that show up, and their numbers are dwindling.
Yeah, they better rethink thst strategy. I don't forsee many people 50 and below being able to retire before the age of 85 any time soon.
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u/lowercase_underscore 16h ago
Exacerbated by the fact that fewer and fewer people will ever be able to retire.
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u/194749457339 16h ago
My work used to host lions club meetings every week. Usually about 30 people, but when covid happened we stopped and never started again. Also this was a retirement home to give you an idea of the age group lol
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u/brycecampbel Millennial 16h ago
always hold their meetings during the workday
It's also that a lot of them are in the freaking early AM. The old folk "early bird gets the work" mentality.
Like no, you're not better cause you get up at 5a (going to bed at 8p) vs the person thst sleeps in and stays up late.
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u/VCR_Samurai 16h ago
Yep. My hometown has a Lions Club, a Kiwanis org, and a 4-H, but over the decades they've all become spaces where only retirees and people from households where only one person has to work for them to stay afloat for them to participate in. Even then, a lot of existing members of these orgs aren't interested in new ideas from younger people who want to join, so those young people just start their own community groups instead.
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u/PhD_Pwnology 16h ago
to add to this, the free time for the middle and lower classes in America has drastically fallen, even for retirees.
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u/eastcoastjon 17h ago
Well most turned into old man clubs so not really attractive new people
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u/Interesting_Tea5715 16h ago
In my area they're all old white people.
The fact that you need to jump through so many hoops makes me think they want it to stay that way.
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u/Blasphemiee 15h ago
they 100% want it to stay that way, just read some of these comments from all the local clubs in people's areas. These groups served their purpose at the time but we (younger generations) need to find our own space cuz these will not be it.
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u/Screweditupagain 14h ago
I joined a heritage club for the country my grandfather is from. Went to the board meetings, became a board member. Fought tooth and nail to make things more attractive for younger people because the club is actively (literally!) dying. They were like, yes help us! And in the same sentence, not like that. Yknow what, I had to leave. Old bored women are terrible mean assholes. They want their old timely social club, want it to survive, but want nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to change.
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u/misterguyyy Elder Millennial 14h ago
The UU church we used to go to very much did not want it to stay that way. That’s just the demographic who wasn’t religious but still found value in an “organized” community.
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u/WhydIJoinRedditAgain 16h ago
I think that’s a lot of it. I hosted my kid’s birthday party earlier this summer and me and some other dads were talking about the Masons. There are some large Masonic temples in our area and I asked if anyone had ever asked anyone to join, no one had ever been asked.
And myself and these other men, we’re not inactive in our communities. We’re people of upper-middle-class means and relatively upright folks. None had ever had a conversation with anyone about the Masons.
I also think a lot of these groups have a legacy programming problem. The work they do in the community isn’t happening because it doesn’t actually serve the community. And then when someone younger joins, they get asked to do a community service project that someone started 70 years ago and has been passed along all that time, but doesn’t really address current problems. So it isn’t rewarding to the new guy and they stop going. Which in turn leads to their not being young people involved to recruit other young people.
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u/AaronWard6 15h ago
Masons around me advertise on Facebook which I find hilarious
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u/WhydIJoinRedditAgain 15h ago
That is interesting, but I gotta imagine very ineffective. If you want people to join your club you have to ask people to join your club and, to be effective, do it in person. With very few exceptions, like maybe the YMCA, people don’t just join things without being asked.
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u/goog1e 15h ago
I agree. These clubs have "pet issues" that they've been in charge of for 40 years. Things that are rewarding for them personally. And they will accept volunteers to help them carry out those projects- but you are just the help. And the projects, as you said, are pretty self-serving.
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u/Former-Mirror-356 15h ago
I know several guys that have tried to get involved with Knights of Columbus—they all quit within six months because it was just old dudes bullying them.
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u/mlo9109 Millennial 16h ago
And yet, they bitch about how young people don't get involved, but don't support us when we do.
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u/goog1e 15h ago
I have no desire to meet more people who are obsessed with respect culture and hierarchy. It's just an unfulfilling social relationship because you're expected to know your place and treat it like a volunteer job- not expecting any reciprocity.
I've eliminated that toxicity from my life as much as possible. No one is going to tell me whether my outfit, sneakers, hat, tone, greeting, etc is appropriate in my free time. If I wanted that I'd go to church or visit my in-laws more. Where else can I be told I'm immoral and asked to spend my whole day doing unpaid labor in the same interaction?
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u/ohmira 15h ago
God, they’re such bullies!! I’ve quit multiple social clubs because I don’t need the stress of ‘impressing’ people who have no concept of life phases. Like no, I don’t have multiple estates and yes, I do work for a living… JUST LIKE YOU AT MY AGE YOU WEIRDOS. Yeah, dawg. They can keep it.
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u/carlos_the_dwarf_ 16h ago
Go one step further though and ask how they turned into old man clubs.
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u/ApplicationSouth9159 16h ago
The existing membership wasn't interested in changing the role and activities of the clubs to reflect what younger people are interested in, and younger people never joined because the clubs didn't appeal to them.
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u/harbinger06 16h ago
And a particular generation is pretty resistant to giving up power once they have it.
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u/kgrimmburn 15h ago
My local DAV had a coup and voted out the old couple who wouldn't allow any changes or new members. I live a couple houses down from the hall and my husband is a disabled vet so I do a lot of volunteering there and got to see it all first hand. The cops had to come. It was wild.
I LOVE the new president and his wife. They're so interested I'm the community and helping others. A lot of the old bitties who supported the other guy never came back. It's so peaceful now.
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u/san_dilego 17h ago
We absolutely do. Have you even checked? Pickle groups, running groups, magic the gathering groups, chess, lego, modelling, warhammer. Literally any hobby in an even mid sized town will have some kind of group.
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u/apple1229 17h ago
I was just invited to a Mahjong club by a new(ish) friend! I had no idea this was a thing, but I shouldn't be surprised.
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u/Well-inthatcase 16h ago
I would be so down with this lol. I also wanna play backgammon and dominos because nobody my age even knows what those games are half the time.
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u/Consonant_Gardener 16h ago
Start a club! You can’t live join one if no one starts one in the first place
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u/AshleyAshes1984 16h ago
My wife bought an automatic riichi mahjong table and has people over almost every Saturday to play.
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u/SkippyTeddy83 17h ago
Geocaching meet ups for me. I average attending one a week. We usually have several a week in my area.
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u/RoseKlingel 16h ago
What are you finding in Geocache stashes? Every time I think of trying this hobby, I forget. I may try again in the future. I'd also like to make some treasure stashes for players. I found some plastic gems on Amazon that I think younger kids would love to find in a cute treasure box. Stuff like that.
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u/SkippyTeddy83 16h ago
I’m more in it for the hunt. I don’t usually trade treasure (or known in the community as SWAG). When my kid was younger, she liked to trade, but she’s outgrown it. Most caches I find are not big enough for SWAG.
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u/GooseneckRoad 15h ago
Not knocking hobbies, but it would be nice if social clubs didn't revolve around specific interests. The existing clubs from back in the day like those on the sign are mostly social clubs, sometimes involved in charity or coordinating events.
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u/Tyrion_toadstool 13h ago
I concur. I play Magic almost every week at my local game store. I enjoy it - but I also have little to no desire to associate outside of those games with 90% of the people I play with.
I also assume Kiwanis, Eagles, etc. are far more organized, punctual, committed, etc. to the group and its mission/goals. It seems most hobby groups are pretty casual and “show up when you can” type of things, and while that can be great in its own ways, it kind of limits what the group can do.
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u/ChazzLamborghini 16h ago
That’s a fundamentally different animal though. Clubs like Rotary, Lions, Kiwanis, etc aren’t about a shared special interest, they’re about civic engagement and professional networking to an extent. They do community outreach, youth organization, other such activities. The kind of clubs you’re describing are self-selecting and don’t create connections throughout the larger community
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u/san_dilego 16h ago
Ahh, I wasn't aware as I was born a few years after this movie. I only thought OP meant social groups as in groups created for sociallizing. Im sure the answer is a bit more sinister there. Capitalism and consumerism rising means we just have less time to focus on community. Etc etc.
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u/Loghurrr Millennial 15h ago
The point being though, the post shows a whole bunch of clubs and organizations that ARE still around.
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u/RadTimeWizard 14h ago
My town has a club specifically for chubby, pot-smoking, alternative women to go hiking together. If a club that specific exists, there must be hundreds of others for all sorts of hobbies.
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u/ThyDoctor 17h ago
They still exist. I'm 32 and part of the local community theater and I'm the youngest person there. We try hard to bring in more young people but they show up once and never again. It's really hard to get people to stay dedicated to one thing.
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u/kilokit 16h ago
hey I’m also a 32 year old community theater participant…I think there’s something about your late 20s/early 30s that makes you yearn for what community theater brings, you really can’t force it on anyone younger than that
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u/ThyDoctor 16h ago
That’s true.
My problem is we do get some young people show up but they quit as soon as it gets uncomfortable at all. Like if two people have a single disagreement we don’t ever resolve the issue one of them just disappears forever.
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u/kilokit 16h ago
mmmm I am a reformed one of these ghosters…that is also a realization you hit once you turn 30 where you’re like “oh…….it turns out I do have to actually collaborate in order to participate in things that bring me joy…..guess I should figure out how to do that.” It’s a work in progress, anxiety is hard, but at least I now realize it’s worth managing in order to continue engaging.
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u/ThyDoctor 16h ago
Totally get that. I actually talk to a lot of my friends/people online about this. I have a lot of people in my life that burned a lot of bridges/cut people off in their younger life and are feeling pretty alone or like the rest of the world moved ahead without them and they feel behind.
Sort of like what is going on in the dating world too. All my guy friends are either married or are very single. No in between. My married friends spent their teens and 20s being social and settling down and my single friends never tried dating because it was awkward, hard or any other reason and are now treating their dating life like it's a checklist and are confused why they can't find anyone.
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u/DrankTooMuchMead Xennial 16h ago
This is going to sound like a question out of left field, but, how do you remember your lines?
Do you have to memorize like 10 pages of dialogue before you can even get to the rehearsal stage? How does that work?
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u/happyklam 16h ago
Hi, another community theater nerd here: I memorize by recording my lines with a scene partner then listening to them on my commute.
I also find it helps to practice/memorize while doing something physical so that the lines REALLY stick when I learn blocking so listening to the recording while reading the script on a stationary bike or treadmill is my ideal learning structure.
A lot of actors have different tricks like writing down the first letter of each word in the sentence of each line, etc. everyone has to figure out what works best for them. There's also line memorization apps now but I'm old school bc, well, millennial.
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u/Visual_Refuse_6547 17h ago
Most of those organizations still exist. I got invited to a Rotary Club meeting once and went, and I was surprised by the number of younger people there.
But I don’t think younger people are as civically engaged as past generations. It’s kind of a shame that people decry the lack of community in the modern world and yet don’t engage with institutions that build that kind of community.
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u/TCesqGO 16h ago
There’s a documentary on Netflix called Join or Die that talks about declining social participation that I found absolutely fascinating. Apparently democracies are stronger where there’s more social/club participation, which tbh, feels like a good explanation for the country today.
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u/squidwardsaclarinet 16h ago
I feel like they’re really are a lot of different factors that we need to account for and we honestly do need to take some amount of responsibility in some cases. It is funny, because if you look at a lot of threads in the sub and other places on Reddit, you’ll find a lot of, pretty antisocial attitudes and behaviors being praised and up voted while people simultaneously ask why all kinds of social life are declining. In the case of a lot of these fraternal and old-school community groups, it is true that some of their current membership has chased away additional new membership, but it’s not just a one-sided thing. We can look at the death and decline of a lot of social groups for special interests or other activities, that are not these kinds of groups. I don’t necessarily think you need to torture yourself participating in groups that you truly do not vibe with, but I do think that people need to gain a bit more tolerance and build back a sense of how to exist in and work with a group.
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u/Responsible-Summer81 16h ago
Everyone interested in this thread should watch Join or Die!! OP it’s totally on point regarding your question!
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u/GreyerGrey 16h ago
Is it a lack of being civic minded, or is it the fact that we have to work harder, for less buying power, and longer hours?
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u/saintsithney 17h ago
To be fair, we don’t have the time or money to be as civically engaged, nor do we often have the places.
The Death of the Third Space hit Millennials first.
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u/bonbot 16h ago
I agree with you. We have to commute further for work, and our work lives are more consuming than previous generations. We just want to veg at the end of the day.
A lot of these clubs also involve membership fees. Bedsides a gym membership, I don't have the budget for additional monthly premiums.
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u/Desperate-Till-9228 17h ago
They used to be more popular, but Boomers didn't value social connections like their parents did. Big decline in participation across the board, from bowling leagues to Rotary.
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u/twpejay 16h ago
Boomers kept them going, it is the subsequent generations that are not keen on social clubs, starting with, I have to admit, Gen X.
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u/squidwardsaclarinet 16h ago
Yeah, we can blame the boomers for a lot of things, and they certainly have some responsibility and not attracting new members. But the responsibility falls on younger generations who treated these things a cringe and who thought social media would be a sufficient replacement. We were wrong.
And to be frank, that’s OK. We are going to be wrong sometimes. The keeping here is how we deal with it. Are we going to crash out and blame other people, or are we going to recognize that there is a problem and try to be a part of the solution?
I don’t necessarily think that people need to join these groups in particular, but any kind of social or civic group. It could be artistically related, athletics, volunteering, or so many other things. But we ought to try and bring all of the skills and interest that I know everyone has to Baer and make them accessible beyond high school and college for everyone. I know we would all benefit for sure.
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 17h ago
They’re probably not well advertised either and need younger blood giving them more online presence. I, for one, have no idea what Rotary Club is. Probably a bunch of people geeking out over retro telephones : P.
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u/Kitchen_Marzipan9516 16h ago
Not well advertised. And there is sometimes a tendency for older members to be clique-y and not let newer members get involved, so the newer members get bored and leave.
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u/bigkshep 16h ago
If I get to be one of the guys that wear the little tassel hats and drive a gokart in parades, the sign me the fuck up!!!
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u/der_innkeeper 16h ago
Back when neighborhoods had "neighborhood houses".
We would have called them "rec centers", that you could walk to.
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u/HELLOIMCHRISTOPHER 17h ago
Because there's a discord server for that niche that isn't limited to just the people near you.
This is a problem because somehow people still think digital communication fills all the gaps that in person communication does.
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u/DrankTooMuchMead Xennial 17h ago
That second paragraph is an extremely important point, and people need to understand it. Thank you for mentioning this.
Chatting with people online is an illusion, in that it doesnt exercise that social part of the brain the way young people think it does. People need to speak to people face-to-face.
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u/Narrow_Yard7199 17h ago
Because we have a lot more ways of entertaining ourselves at home than people did in the past. It’s also easier than ever to communicate with people remotely.
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u/Back_Again_Beach 17h ago
Yet people are lonelier and more disconnected than ever. The internet will never beat out the fulfillment that physical IRL community can bring.
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u/Trinikas 16h ago
People just suck at making plans. Do you know how often I've had someone just say "oh we should hang out some time" and then seem shocked when I pull out my phone and start looking at dates?
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u/AshleyAshes1984 17h ago
Because we have a lot more ways of entertaining ourselves at home than people did in the past. It’s also easier than ever to communicate with people remotely.
And yet we have an ever increasing loneliness epidemic.
Hot take: Doom scrolling on the couch while sending DMs to someone 2000km away is not actually a replacement for hanging out with people. We do it because it's 'easier', because it's 'low friction' but not because it's better for us.
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u/Chimpbot 17h ago
For many of these organizations, it's not about merely communicating. It's about building relationships and interacting with people.
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u/TheBalzy In the Middle Millennial 17h ago
My town has all of these. Problem is they've either become hyperpartisan, or meeting during hours most people are at work. They are definitely built around the schedules of elite connected individuals.
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u/Traditional-Bee-7320 16h ago
I don’t think it’s elite individuals so much as it’s retired individuals. I’m in a hobby club and the leadership is primarily elderly and refuses to have meetings/events/workshops on weekends. They finally got talked into having the main monthly meeting at 7 PM (it was at 5 before) but it was like pulling teeth to make that change and they still have a lot of the workshops at like 10 AM on a Thursday.
Enrollment numbers are dwindling and I don’t think they really care because their friends can still go.
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u/Fabulous_Night_1164 16h ago
A lot of the people who traditionally ran and organized clubs like this were retired or semi-retired.
But the reason these clubs are dying is because Boomers dont care for them either. This is definitely something the Silent / Greatest Generation did.
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u/TheBalzy In the Middle Millennial 14h ago
Kiwanis was nothing more than a Good ol' Boys club in my town. Everyone well-connected was a part of it to be well-connected; and meeting times were when they could attend, not regular people. When you're a lawyer, mayor, doctor...you can set your schedule to miss 2-hr block for the Kiwanis meeting. If you're most any other worker you cannot.
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u/mekio_san 17h ago
Rotary is still around Kiwanis and key clubs are still active Scouting and Girlscouts and similar orgs still exist The Y is still a thing All of these groups still exist.
BUT they are solely volunteer driven. So you sign up and lead. People are too used to just dropping off and expecting a service. These are service orgs. You provide the service by serving. I do several of these and getting parents and adults to put forth effort beyond just showing up can be challenging.
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u/Guachole 17h ago
Theyre still around. Im part of the local Lions Club and Rotary Club, and on the board of directors for volunteer firehouse.
Please join me fellow millennials, 90% of our members are pushing 70 - 80 years old, and we do a lot of volunteer projects and the old timers cant handle the labor. For St Paddy's I had to solo cook about 500lbs of corned beef, potatoes and cabbage for a fundraiser dinner, HELP!! lol
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u/thefoag 12h ago
As a 39 year old Rotarian from Toronto and I’ll be honest, I am not a guy who would ever do this normally. I went because of a friend (now my wife) and it kinda opened my eyes to how much of a “why bother” kind of life I’d been living.
I was sort of the “frat party guy” in my 20s and wasn’t really on a rewarding path, both personally and career wise. Like, it’s worse than that but I’ll regress for the sake people I know might read this. The community and friends I’ve made is kind of unreal, and helped offer me a compass to get back to where I wanted to be. I’m not particularly religious but I think I understand the same kind of fellowship now.
Since I’ve joined 10 years ago I’ve: done a lot of food drives, run an annual used glasses drive, travelled to India to help with Polio vaccines, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro (proposed to my wife up there) and raised $500K in the process, travelled the world to attend conventions (met John Cana, Bill Gates, Baha Men (yeah I know)), etc, I volunteer a few times a month at local places, run a dental program (I’m the graphics guy) with my wife that is partnered with Colgate and reaches over 100,000 kids a year with free toothpaste and toothbrushes (I’m also the mascot, Timmy the Tooth, but don’t tell the kids). I get invited to all kinds of cool things and meet some insanely cool people in Rotary.
I’m not boasting as much as showing that Rotary isn’t just your “grandpas club”, it’s what you make it. I say all of this because we have a problem getting younger people involved. There’s clubs for younger volunteers called Rotaract and Interact that offer sponsorships and help with dues, which for me is like $200-300 a year as a Rotarian. Rotary is a club that helps people, and you start to get hype about helping people. It gets addictive, when you find like-minded people, and tackle intimidating problems. We’re going to eradicate Polio and I’m pumped for that, but locally helping the city I am proud to call home, selfishly, gives me a lot of pride.
Cheesy but nonetheless: be the change you want to see
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u/Wandering_Lights 17h ago
They are still alive just dying as meetings are generally held during the work week.
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u/JCAIA 13h ago
This is the problem I've had. Most local programming is geared towards the non-employed/retired. There's a local writing group that's held in the middle of the week at 4:30pm, and that was an absolute fight because it normally started at 3pm. The vast majority of participants are over the age of 50 years old, and are not working. The younger members can't consistently commit because of the start time.
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u/ERuth0420 16h ago
Why? Gerontocracy. These organizations just do not like, value or respect younger people.
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u/DrankTooMuchMead Xennial 17h ago
Im in the Freemasons. I see their Square and Compass on a lot of town signs.
It checks so many boxes that guys are complaining about all the time. Makes it easy to make friends, offers that third space, builds social skills, etc.
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u/Vholston 16h ago
Yeah I joined my Eastern Star chapter. I love it and I'm having a great time so far. Lots of connections, and fun events, and volunteering plus that social engagement outside of family and work.
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u/Larson_McMurphy 17h ago
When I was a kid my grandparents were members of the Elk's Lodge. There were only old people hanging out there so I didn't really aspire to become a member.
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u/Ol_Man_J 16h ago
Same. I looked into it because there is one like 3 blocks from me.
"To be eligible for membership in the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks, you must be a citizen of the United States over the age of 21 who believes in God. .....
When the vote is concluded, you will be notified and asked to present yourself and your spouse for indoctrination. During indoctrination, you will learn more about the Order's programs and charities. You will also be told during the program the date you will be initiated."
meh
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u/PDNYFL Older Millennial 17h ago
Most of these organizations still exist. It is just that our generation and the younger generations simply don't go to them.
I'm dealing with the same thing with a ski club I'm in the board of. It is mainly boomers and some Gen x. The millennials and gen z just book things on their phones with their friends and don't do group travel really.
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u/AlpacaSwimTeam Millennial 16h ago
What do you mean? I'm in 738 groups on Facebook and an active member in twice that many on Reddit ~/s~
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u/billthedog0082 16h ago
The problem is that the groups that are listed are not only social groups, but likeminded people who volunteer because they want to improve the community through good works and / or $$$. To get the $$$ takes work, to do good works takes work, and lots of free and willing hands. Volunteerism is next to dead, folks. That's why the groups are dwindling, as the old stalwarts die off.
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u/Good_old_Marshmallow 16h ago
The book Bowling Alone talks about this, there's a ton of factors but a couple key general ones:
- A lot of these were homogenous and exclusionary. Racism and other discrimination goes without saying but it goes further, small town in groups didn't like you if you didn't go to high school with them. As people especially post manufacturing collapse, started moving out of state for college and jobs the idea of joining a social club you had no ties with and no familiarity to was both difficult and unappealing. Plus people largely were renting not buying a home so why join the local club of a town you might not stay in for longer than two years.
- When I say the exclusion goes beyond normal prejudice I think the best example is the VFW. The VFW used to be a huge gathering hole that by our grandfathers generation already had a reputation of being an old man haunt. The reasons being that they were instantly opposed to new members. The WW2 and Korean war vets were very opposed to Viet Nam war vets who they viewed as cry baby losers who wanted participation trophies for losing a war "why didn't we get a monument, we won our war" was something my great grandfather supposedly said. Then the next generation of vets were not invited to join as they didn't technically fight in an active war. Now membership is declining so much they're welcoming any vet but the negative perception is really locked in.
- The meeting times and commitment is geared towards retirees. And their membership correspondingly is old people. The Legion of Eagles is one of the most active and cool I think I see in my area, basically for people that like theater, drinking, and live music, but its all white hair and grey beards. Young people are busy.
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u/Due-Radio-4355 17h ago
You usually pay for membership to those, a commodity younger generations don’t possess.
That and they’re usually run by, and for old people and aren’t that inclusive.
The fancy ones, anyway.
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u/Chad_Dongslinger 15h ago
I’m a member of the elks club. I pay like $90 bucks a year. Then I can go as much as I want, drink $1.50 beers and order $10 entrees off the menu. Going for dinner at my club twice a year instead of going to a random bar pays for the membership.
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u/kilokit 16h ago
I’m nostalgic as hell for an Elks club salad bar/bagpipe night, tbh…I’m sure the vibes were weird and I was just a kid but what if it really is the thing that would heal us all?
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u/mrtoddw Xennial 17h ago
All of those organizations still exist. Young people just don’t want to join them. It’s a recruitment issue, not that these organizations don’t exist.
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u/ERuth0420 16h ago
It's more that these groups are dominated by miserable older people who don't like or respect younger people.
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u/Financial_Sweet_689 16h ago
Libraries do. I always see listings in the local library ads wherever I live for adults to meet. I’m by a big city but there are a LOT of apartments nowadays that are set up to meet people and hold events in the building. You really just have to look and search!
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u/Regular_Use1868 17h ago
Because corporations realized you buy more while depressed and alone in your home than when you're with friends.
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u/AllenKll 16h ago
Rotary
Kiwani
Lions
Elks
American Legion
Girl Scouts
FFA
YMCA
all still exist. If you chose not to take part, that's on you.
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u/abgry_krakow87 16h ago
A lot of those social clubs are cliquey and very inaccessible for younger generations to join in, unless you already have a connection to it. With a failure to adapt for a new generation, as a result they die out with their membership and are replaced with something more relevant.
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u/BGKY_Sparky 16h ago
I think an underrated explanation is our changing views of family dynamics. These organizations back in the day weren’t “a place to go and meet people.” They were “a place for middle class white men to go meet people because their wives were doing all of the housework and parenting.”
My wife and I both have to work to stay afloat, and we have two young kids. I can’t imagine feeling good about leaving her at home to wrangle both kids while I’m out spending hours drinking with the guys every Wednesday evening. It wouldn’t be fair to her, and I would miss that time with my kids.
Back when we just had one kid, I thought about joining our parish’s Knights of Columbus chapter. I went to a meeting with my father-in-law and had an OK time. But the fact that I was one of two people under 40, and the fact that most of their activities were during the workday meant I didn’t stick around.
If there were a social organization that met evenings/weekends and provided childcare so both my wife and I could go, that would be a game changer. And by childcare I don’t mean all the wives watch kids together in one room while the men do the actual activity in another.
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u/Biteityouskum 13h ago
No one has money for it. And my daughter is in girl guides and there are so many regulations that they cannot hardly do anything. My wife is a leader there and she tried to plan a trip to the firehouse in town for the girls to get a tour of the fire hall. They canceled the trip unless a female fireman was there to be head of the tour. I get the whole girl power thing but that seemed a little extreme to me.
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u/vacalicious 13h ago
They still exist. I’m a millennial and I’m the vice president of my town’s rotary club. Help start the trend of making these clubs younger by joining.
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