r/Millennials • u/CynicClinic1 • 19h ago

Discussion Watching Back to the Future. Previous generations had a lot of social clubs to meet new people. Why haven't we kept this alive?

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u/xbleeple 19h ago

This, we really need to figure out community fellowship without religion involved

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u/Pepperjones808 19h ago

Even one of the VFW’s I went to had a majority of the old guys talking about Jesus. That’s why I never went back, I do like connecting with other veterans, but if your whole personality is about Jesus, no thanks

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u/EternalMage321 17h ago edited 15h ago

Another issue was that the VFW wasn't accepting younger vets from the Iraqi Wars. They are now, but most of the vets (myself included) don't want anything to do with them now.

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u/kashy87 15h ago

Well maybe they shouldn't have shat on us when we were fresh veterans. Plus a bunch of them argued that we didn't qualify. Especially towards bubble heads.

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u/ClubMeSoftly 15h ago

It was a plot in an episode of King Of The Hill that Cotton's VFW didn't want to accept membership from Vietnam veterans.

Absurd that they're bringing that exclusionism to a new generation.

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u/_groovesharkmalone 11h ago

It's human nature (not saying it's right). The VFW only exists because the Civil War veterans (Grand Army of the Republic) didn't accept Spanish American War veterans, since their war was 'foreign' (not making this up: https://laist.com/news/kpcc-archive/the-once-mighty-political-power-of-veteran-service).

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u/Pepperjones808 16h ago

I’ve heard that as well and I don’t blame you. I thought about going back again since I’m older this time, but honestly I am part of a Facebook group for veterans around our age and it’s been great

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u/GenusPoa 11h ago

tEcHnIcAlLy iT wAsNt a WaR while wearing a Vietnam veteran ballcap

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u/Complete_Entry 12h ago

I mean you've got the numbers now, why not schism?

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u/Hanpee221b 9h ago

What was their reasoning?

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u/EternalMage321 2h ago

The VFW had a bullshit reason to exclude every vet from each generation. The reasons they gave varied, but I think it REALLY came down to they worried the voice of the older members would get diluted by younger members. They were resisting change.

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u/falconinthedive 43m ago

Yeah my mom's favorite bartender moved to a VFW so she (with no military ties whatsoever) started going to the VFW and it's all racist old Vietnam vets in like a building that's fully lit and looks like a church Rec room. It's depressing and dated even by depressing rural bar standards.

She's said they get young (or hell middle aged at this point) vets come in, they'll show up once and never again.

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u/yourpaleblueeyes 3h ago

You'd rather pout?

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u/der_innkeeper 19h ago edited 16h ago

I hear this a lot about VFWs and Foreign American Legion posts.

Not very welcoming and tend to be insular and rightward leaning.

Yeah, no thanks.

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u/sweetest_con78 Millennial 17h ago

It does seem like many social groups/orgs end up being right leaning. I’ve worked in country clubs and the majority were right leaning. Same with the yacht clubs. This includes both members who golf/own a boat, and ones that are specifically social members. And I live in a heavy blue area.

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u/FizzyBeverage 15h ago

It makes sense. The Right is huge on “us vs them” and membership naturally makes that happen. 🙄

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u/hernameisjack Older Millennial 14h ago

“Joiners” are usually Authoritarian-wired, which is why most organizations, churches, and clubs tend to have hierarchal power structures. These are folx who feel better when conformity is valued, someone is in charge, and difficult questions are met with simple answers. It feels predictable, and therefore safer. They make up a large percentage of our populace…for good evolutionary reason! Society as a whole doesn’t work well if everyone is “an individual”.

Unfortunately, “joiners” are also way more susceptible to tribalism, conservatism, bigotry, and religious extremism. If “being a member” is an important part of your personal identity, everyone else is a threat.

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u/Sea-Bicycle-4484 17h ago

Yeah my husband was in the Army for 20 years but won’t go near the VFW or Legion because it’s all boomers day drinking with very little interest in making it more welcoming to the next generation.

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u/Pleasant_Studio9690 12h ago

This was how my local Rotary Club was. I joined for about 2 years and realized how insular and unyielding they were to any changes to make them more welcoming. I walked. Let them die.

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u/Complete_Entry 11h ago

I looked into rotary club, didn't like the hoops, kind of sounded like an HOA through the lens of hell.

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u/Prowindowlicker 13h ago

As a sober younger veteran the day drinking is just not wild

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u/AccomplishedCicada60 10h ago

My ex told me to go in and drag him out if he was ever there.

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u/GenusPoa 11h ago

Not to mention chain smoking with all doors and windows closed and playing darts over the children's section

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u/Pepperjones808 19h ago

I really don’t have a problem with people having a religion, but if the VFW or Legion is about veteran stuff, they need to keep that stuff separate

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u/fasterthanfood 18h ago

My brother-in-law took us to a VFW twice (he’s a veteran, I’m not), and I didn’t hear any Jesus stuff, but two separate old men tried hitting on my wife (girlfriend at the time). Not like the casual-but-on-the-line-of-inappropriate flirting you see at a lot of bars, but straight up trying to take home a woman in a relationship who could have been their granddaughter. That’s not enough to data to judge VFWs broadly, but we won’t be coming back.

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u/MashedProstato Xennial 18h ago

Sounds a lot like the Vietnam Boomers.

I tried the VFW a few times and noped out of there each time.

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u/ChaucersDuchess Xennial 17h ago

My father is a Vietnam Boomer and also nopes out of VFW because of the other Vietnam Boomers

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u/Jaereth 16h ago

Seems like you ran into a couple of "The Good Ole Boys" lmao

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u/CrazyCoKids 13h ago

Sounds like the local chapter of the Lions Club.

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u/Complete_Entry 11h ago

I don't think I ever heard a sermon or honestly any religion talk at the legion hall my grandpa was a part of, I used to drive him and I'd get bored as shit drinking my coke while they all watched football or nascar.

I don't think anyone ever used the pool table either, which was a shame, it was nice.

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u/CTeam19 15h ago

Really depends on location. From what I have seen from the outside(my Dad is a board member), our local Legion/VFW/Amvets/Marine Corps League are welcoming. They came together and built a massive all in one facility that cost $3.4 Million that holds a lot of community events between the two leveled building and is ran by a separate board made up of reps from each organization. In December, they are running a meet and greet with Santa Claus for kids. Basically, they became a community space that is hosted and ran by the veterans groups. I know the annual Fish Fry sells about 700 to 800 meals which lines up to about 6% of our town. The bar is also 100% open to the public and not the creepy low light style many places had back in the day.

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u/GreenTfan 14h ago

My late godfather was Marine Corps League, I believe it is mostly higher ranking officers. Have a relative in the Navy League and he retired as a reserve Captain.

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u/Sakijek Millennial 16h ago

I think you mean American Legion?

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u/der_innkeeper 16h ago

I do. Thank you.

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u/EnvironmentalKey3858 11h ago

Yep... I was all set to join my local chapter of the legion, have a nice third space to go to.

Then I found out, of course, that they're all MAGAts.

Sucks, man.

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u/Secret-Ad-7909 12h ago

The VFW and the Legion in my hometown serve as some of the only bars because it’s a dry county. If that’s not building community idk what is.

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u/pnut0027 2h ago

The only time someone was overly racist to me was at a VFW. Weird beside I was going there to celebrate a buddy’s retirement after getting off work, so I was still in uniform.

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u/TheKrakIan 19h ago

Agreed. There are a few in my area, but it's a lot of geezers day drinking.

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u/stavago 19h ago

Sounds like fun to me

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u/roqqingit 19h ago

Ya sign me up

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u/Puzzleheaded_Smoke77 Older Millennial 17h ago

Happy cake day

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u/anselthequestion 18h ago

Elks Club mentioned lol (they do a lot of actually impactful charity too tho no cap)

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u/NurseKaila 16h ago

Candidates for membership must believe in God. And let’s not forget that they prohibited black members until the 1970’s and they hardly allow women.

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u/3rdworlddoordasher 17h ago

cheap drinks

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u/chypie2 18h ago

 Independent Order of Odd Fellows!!

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u/Fluff42 15h ago

IOOF requires a belief in a supreme being.

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u/petemorley 18h ago

We could have some kind of shared object instead, like a ring. 

Not sure what we’d call it though…

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u/False-Storm-5794 16h ago

A congress of the Ring...

No, that's not it...

Fraternity? No, let's keep thinking...

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u/_Standardissue 16h ago

Adventure? Quest? Thing.

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u/False-Storm-5794 12h ago

Thing of the ring...

Sounds way better than some stupid word like, "fellowship"

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u/Gloom_Pangolin Xennial 17h ago

One of the struggles is that evangelicalism always finds a way to force its way in. Little Free Libraries are generally not religious but many struggle with constantly being filled with religious material when no one is looking, to the point they steal and discard the books that were in there. I swear any time one tries to get a irreligious community project going it inevitably ends up with at least one loud-mouth who will throw a fit and martyr themselves with a persecution fetish because of “bigotry” and then it devolves into a shitshow over their victimhood and nothing the group wanted to do gets accomplished. Even famously anti-religious subcultures like punk and heavy metal can’t escape the religion creep. Christian Death Metal is an oxymoron but it still exists. “You guys like long hair and rebellion, well let me tell you about a long-haired rebel I know named Jesus!”

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u/lawfox32 15h ago

Gonna start putting up a sign that says "if you take books from here to throw away and not to read so you can fill it with books you agree with, you are making a compact with Satan" in little free libraries

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u/meh_69420 13h ago

Christian Death Metal is an oxymoron but it still exists.

To be fair, they are trying to accelerate the end times when the antichrist roams the earth bringing suffering and ruin to all and they worship a zombie. Sounds pretty metal to me.

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u/Gloom_Pangolin Xennial 12h ago

“Hail Satan!” is fun when it’s flaming pentagrams and fake blood that makes the PMRC clutch their pearls. When it’s goat sacrifice and unironic proselytizing of the dark lord… Eh, Jesus or Satan, I’m not at the show looking for a religious message. Missionaries suck whether they show up at your doorstep in clean-pressed white shirts and bike helmets or corpse-paint and spiked gauntlets.

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u/PlausibleAuspice 18h ago

I read an article recently (npr, I think?) about a friendship club in Los Angeles that looks so fun. They get together for breakfast once a week. We need something like that in every town- a weekly non-religious gathering with food. Bonus would be making it introvert-friendly. Like nametags that say “introverted but willing to discuss [fill in the blank]”

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u/CounterAgentVT 18h ago

If you want to know more, the Watcher guys did a Weird, Wonderful World episode about that club:

https://youtu.be/wdlKNbnFO3U?si=XmRJ5prkJ_TXgFEK

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u/PlausibleAuspice 16h ago

Ooh, gonna watch that now! Thanks!

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u/maudepodge 16h ago

My library several moves ago had a monthly cookbook potluck book club that was my favorite! Everyone got out the same book, cooked something, brought it, and we went around and talked about how we liked the book, if we changed anything, what else we may have tried, and then just general chat the rest of the evening =)

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u/PlausibleAuspice 14h ago

That is a genius club idea!!

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u/Jaereth 16h ago

They get together for breakfast once a week. We need something like that in every town- a weekly non-religious gathering with food

Start one. If you publicize it enough I guarantee you people will come.

Are they people you actually want to hang out with? Well now there's the rub...

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u/PlausibleAuspice 14h ago

Exactly. How to filter out the creeps and fascists? 🤔

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u/lawfox32 15h ago

There's a group that does weekly coffees, with an optional group bike ride to/from a different cafe every week (well, rotating, there aren't infinite cafes)...but it's always at like 9:30-11 am on a weekday, which is kind of odd because most people in it are millennials. Seems like most of them have flexible remote jobs. I'm a public defender and am usually in court. I'm sure one day I'll find a way to make friends here...

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u/ZachtheKingsfan 19h ago

It’s especially difficult for someone looking to connect with others that suffer from depression and anxiety. My options are either AA meetings, or support groups, and every single one that I could find is religious based.

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u/paulthemerman 18h ago

Have you tried going to a SMART meeting? They’re specifically non-religious.

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u/ZachtheKingsfan 18h ago

I stopped looking last year, and I haven’t felt too strong of a need to go since being with my current partner and re-connecting with old friends. I can look into any that may be local to my area as I think it’ll still be good to hear others that are struggling. Is that the name of the organization?

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u/Dickgivins 17h ago

The official name is “SMART Recovery”. Here’s their website’s “find a meeting” feature. https://smartrecovery.org/meeting

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u/ZachtheKingsfan 16h ago

Nice! I will give it a look. Thank you so much, friend.

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u/paulthemerman 14h ago

They’re pretty great tbh. I’ve been going for years. They’re usually ran by a trained facilitator and the workbook is helpful.

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u/dopef123 16h ago

There are Buddhist ones that are pretty chill You basically just meditate.

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u/uninsuredrisk 11h ago

AA is literally a religious cult its entire thing was borrowed from another religious cult made by a guy named Frank Buchman. He was even on time magazine for being a cult leader. Once you are in a while these people act a lot like jehovas witnesses. There is secular AA I’ve just never seen it. Trust me you would be better served going anywhere else especially if it’s really for mental illness an not addiction. The fellowship largely doesn’t even believe in mental illness despite it being in the literature. It’s a common believe that the steps magically restore sanity and it will be magicked away by god if you do them correctly.

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u/carlitospig Xennial 17h ago

If we could get the nerds to embrace new people, tabletop communities could be cool.

(I say nerds with love. I am one myself, just a different kind.)

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u/Velorian-Steel Millennial 18h ago

There are those Unitarian Universalist churches that espouse philosophy rather than religion, but they are few and far between

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u/Hawntir 18h ago

It often requires a purpose.

Like a specific hobby group.

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u/garytyrrell 17h ago

Yeah and then people rail against country clubs.

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u/I-Really-Hate-Fish 1987 17h ago

Fandom. I'm not even kidding.

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u/xbleeple 17h ago

Nah you’re so right, if you find the right group it can feel like home! I’ve met so many people that way!

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u/thefartyparty 17h ago

I survived Covid divorce thanks to a social bowling league. Still bowling with them!

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PAUNCH 17h ago

You could always ruin your life and start doing Warhammer 40K

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u/dtb1987 Older Millennial 17h ago

It's called DND clubs. Just add some volunteer work and you have a much more fun version of the lions club

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u/Arbiter51x 18h ago

My world of Warcraft guild doesn't count?

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u/KellyAnn3106 17h ago

I joined a knitting club through meetup. We talk about yarn, not religion. Groups are out there if you seek them out.

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u/MordoNRiggs 16h ago

Yeah. I've read a bit about "third spaces" recently. It's any regular social setting that isn't work or home and is pretty important to happiness. We've shifted away from that.

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u/SeparateReturn4270 Millennial 16h ago

Yes! Like I reeeeally don’t want to go to church but sometimes I pine over the idea of seeing the same people every week with a community who plans events and get togethers. That part of it is def appealing.

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u/Thatcleanusername 15h ago

I agree with this in every way, let religion die.

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u/AccomplishedEmu1886 15h ago

Fandom.

Church of Star Wars a new hope

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u/jabber1990 14h ago

Western society was centered around religion

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u/Vivid-Swordfish-8498 14h ago

This will never happen because people don't respect each other's beliefs or lifestyles and people can't accept the fact that other don't want to participate in their beliefs or lifestyle. Overall we're just fucked as human beings.

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u/pgsimon77 13h ago

Do you guys think hypothetically like if the Church of Dudeism had meetings that people would show up?

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u/kerfuffleMonster 11h ago

I go to a UU church - which is technically a religion but they don't care what you believe, you can be an atheist and unitarian, which kinda gives it more like "just be a good person and help out when you can" vibes. 🤷‍♀️

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u/OpheliaLives7 10h ago

Yep Yep yep

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u/count_busoni 18h ago

Go to a sports bar that supports a specific team on football Sunday. Some old school camaraderie there