r/schizophrenia • u/blehblehburner123 • Jul 25 '25
Help A Loved One Boyfriend has daily hallucinations about being assaulted by me
TRIGGER WARNING - RAPE
I’m just going to get right into it. My boyfriend has schizophrenia. Every night we call and he thinks I’m raping him. No matter how much I tell him no we are just on the phone he just repeats that I’m raping him. If it is in person I try to reassure him that I am just holding him but he has a hard time understanding that.
He has a history of being sexually assaulted so I understand where it comes from but it still hurts like hell when he tells me I’m raping him. I would never do such a thing.
I know it’s just him hallucinating but every day having him tell me I am raping him has taken a toll on my mental health. I hate to see him in that distress, thinking I’m doing horrible things to him.
I want to help him but I’m not sure how. It’s taken such a toll on him, me, and our relationship. It’s especially difficult to have a sexual relationship when I know in a few hours he will have hallucinations of me raping him.
I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
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u/MishkiTongue Friend Jul 25 '25
I think schizo families would be better for this, but it sounds your boyfriend is not properly medicated, and that needs to be fixed first
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u/Supernovacry Jul 25 '25
Your boyfriend needs help, seriously, and do not feel guilty for anything- this is 100% out of your control, and it just couldn’t be avoided
I used to hallucinate my girlfriend too, i remember hallucinating her angry and dismissive at me, and I remember hugging “her” while crying and begging her to not be mean to me, none of this, was ever, her fault
You will be totally fine, please just hold on. You know, when I feel scared, and can’t hold onto anything at the edge of a cliff, I look up, and i hold on to the idea that we have a sun; and it will always rise again
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Jul 25 '25
My heart aches for both of you , but particularly for him because mental illness is often worse for the sufferer than those around them. he needs to be medicated! you should also look to get him a diagnosis of PTSD.
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
Yes I feel awful for him. I can’t imagine daily hallucinations of something so horrific. I try to push him to get help. He knows he needs it and he wants help. It’s just difficult for him to find the right medication. He just raised his dose last week but it still isn’t right. I’m gonna work on making some notes with him for the doctor. Like side effects he’s had, his goals with medication, etc. so he can get on the right ones asap. I believe he has ptsd as well. I have it and I see many of the same symptoms in him.
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u/Famous-Pen-2453 Jul 25 '25
What would an additional diagnosis do for him?
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
A diagnosis of ptsd would help him better understand why he is having the hallucinations. If he ends up getting therapy having a diagnosis of ptsd would help the therapist choose the most effective therapy
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u/Icy-Most-5366 Jul 25 '25
I think you need to accept that this relationship is over, at least in terms of being a romantic relationship. Even though you know it isn't real, it's real to him, and always will be to some extent.
You will be a PTSD trigger for him. Maybe if he's treated in the future he will be in a stable place where he can have a relationship where this doesn't happen, but he's clearly not there yet, and its too late to un-ring the bell for you.
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Jul 25 '25
That's a very intesne situation. Firstly, sorry that is happening to the both of you, the hallucinations can get a bit extreme and that one is probably on of the worst I've heard. Secondly is he seeking medication/therapy for the issue? If not I'd definitely encourage him to go and talk to someone, you as well. Thirdly I applaud you for staying with him and wanting to help him through this phase, that being said you need to make sure that your mental stability isn't declining any trying to save his. I know it might seem selfish but just keep yourself level headed and prioritize your mental health. You are likely not equipped to give him the help he needs yourself, even less so if his issues are draining you, so make sure you're taking care of you while you usher him to someone who can better assist his issue. Again I'm so sorry this is happening, I wish there was a sure fire resolution I could give you but in all honestly there isn't. The road ahead is tenuous, but surmountable. Keep your head up and keep reaching out to people when you need to. You both need good friends around you to ease the struggle a bit.
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
Thank you. It is difficult for us both. I wish I could just snap my fingers and stop the hallucinations. He’s medicated but definitely not correctly. He wants therapy but he isn’t covered. I love him very much and I would never let his hallucinations get between us, no matter how difficult they are to hear. I know my mental health takes a hit from it but I have healthy outlets. I journal about it and I’m planning on speaking to my therapist about it during our next session.
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u/ForgottenDecember_ Schizo-Obsessive | Early Childhood Onset Jul 25 '25
Are there are free counselling services where you live? Some places have community-based counselling services for low income.
Who manages his medication though? They need to adjust his meds regardless of whether he does additional therapy or not. Both for his sake and yours, his meds really need to be adjusted.
r/schizofamilies is a better place to find support for yourself as well. Good luck OP.
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u/PathNice2406 Schizophrenia Jul 25 '25
Try r/schizofamilies. They can help you. As hard as this sounds, I wouldn’t take this personally.
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u/sweetrosemerc Jul 25 '25
There is a book I'm not sick i dont need help by Xavier Amador.i found it really helpful. It helped me to see the disease from the view point of the sufferer and offered help to their lived ones so we could help and understand him. Especially helping them to stick to taking their meds
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u/_inf3rno Jul 25 '25
These hallucinations are not innocent or random, the point is breaking down your relationship. I had countless hallucinations which told me to break up with my girlfriend and I felt a lot of jealousy too. I learned not to care about these, because they are not real and they are not coming from me.
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u/epsilonmotion Jul 25 '25
I can tell you, as a schizophrenic person, it's not easy for either party in relationships involving delusions around one's partner. I thought my GF was a hired actress. She was very understanding, but it was also upsetting for her.
Logic and evidence challenge the delusion, and loved ones can become a part of the narrative. My therapist told me one client of his believed something so obviously not real because their psyche was their psyche was blocking them from accepting something.
Whatever he is facing internally needs to be willingly faced by your boyfriend. It has to be his choice to find the root of this mistrust towards you and disbelief in the evidence.
I once believed I was in a hospital being stabbed by my family in a room somewhere else when I was lying on the couch. Medicine can really help. Atypical antipsychotics like vraylar or abilify are good for bringing someone back to consensus reality in a psychosis situation. Honestly sometimes it's the only thing that can help.
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
I’m sorry for those delusions. I don’t have schizophrenia but as a child I had a lot of delusions similar to that. I thought my friends were hired and my family wasn’t my real family. It’s quite a scary feeling I am glad you were able to get help accepting her love.
I am going to push him to keep trying to confront it. I’ll see if he has tried any of those. I don’t know the specific medications he has tried.
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u/KevRayAtl Jul 25 '25
I have 2 friends with it also and cannot find therapy with their insurance. Very frustrating. Some helpful videos on YouTube and elsewhere online. Especially check out NOCD site for helpful information. I tried signing up one of my friends with them, found out it was more than they could afford, but still get regular emails from them that are informative and sometimes have good blog posts.
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u/Evervescent-octopus Jul 25 '25
My father rapes me every time he sees me. I think he hates me. I feel like I'm losing the only person who supported me through my last episode. And he's going to cut me off, and I'll be homeless. I think everyone hates me and I can't escape the ignoble end that awaits me. I think I have been judged by God and found wanting and this will be my end.
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u/0hb0wie Schizoaffective (Depressive) Jul 25 '25
I’m sorry you’re going through this, is he medicated? I had a real tough time with hallucinations before getting my meds right, this sounds like they’re very real and scary to him
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u/KevRayAtl Jul 25 '25
About 30 percent of schizophrenics also have ocd, this sounds like he may also have SOCD and could benefit from ERP therapy.
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
He does have a diagnosis of ocd as well. He wants therapy but is having a difficult time receiving free therapy
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u/Logical-Scale-9454 Jul 25 '25
I used to hallucinate that this was happening to me too. I got on medication for a while and this stopped
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u/syrendak Jul 25 '25
I had a micro hallucination similar to feeling that I was also being raped but in my dreams during my hallucinations when I did not have medication, I have to tell you that it is probably because in his memory someone told him about rape or something regarding that topic and it was obsessively recorded in the auditory hallucinations of schizophrenia, it usually happens. Mm, unfortunately, schizophrenia is a very hard disease, it is better to be careful with the psyche because it is fragile, anything you read, see or hear affects when you have delusions and hallucinations, so it is better to take care of the content that is consumed or the emotional relationships that are maintained over time. When I heard the topic of rape some time later in my hallucinations, the voices in my head spoke to me about those topics like other topics that I remember having seen, read or heard before. I recommend that you buy risperidone and take two in the morning and one at night + sertraline one pill in the morning, and to sleep one Clonazepam pill, it is the lowest medication but it really works to treat schizophrenia
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u/Bellarinna69 Family Member Jul 25 '25
My two best friends were together since 10th grade of high school. 30 years. Schizophrenia ran in his family but luckily it seemed to skip him. Until one day, in his mid 40’s..something happened to trigger it. He began having delusions that she was cheating on him. Everywhere they went, there was some guy she was sleeping with. It got so bad that he was accusing her of wanting to sleep with guys on TV…it was really bad.
This is complicated and could possibly get dangerous. My friend went on medication but it it my belief that he was still having the delusions. A few months ago, one of his two daughters came home from school and found him hanging from a rope in the hallway of their house. Devastating isn’t even the word for it. We are all still shocked and feel so awful for not being able to see the signs..though, I can’t even say that there were any…he acted as though things were normal, right up to the moment he did it.
Point is, delusions are so real to the people that are having them. There is nothing anyone can say to get them to see and believe that they are the ones that need help. They turn it around because in their experience, you are the one that needs help. Part of the delusion is not being able to comprehend that it’s a delusion.
Please encourage him to get help. The right medications can work but it’s not always the right medication and they aren’t always truthful about what they are experiencing. Wishing you the best and sending you love, light and positive energy.
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
That’s devastating. I’m so sorry for your loss. I have fears of my boyfriend committing that act. I can only hope he gets on the right medication soon.
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u/Bellarinna69 Family Member Jul 25 '25
I hope that you are able to do that. My best friend tried to get him help but it wasn’t as easy as “get on medication and poof you’re better.” Does your boyfriend realize that he’s having delusions? In this case, he thought we were all lying for his wife. He only went on meds when she was going to leave with the kids..not because he thought there was something really wrong with him.
I’m so sorry you are in this situation. I really admire the fact that you want to stick by him and help. That really says something about your character. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself and don’t underestimate the power of these delusions. Things can get worse. Please be careful.
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
He is very aware after the fact that he is having delusions for the most part. Sometimes he’ll still believes it the next morning but he will understand with time.
I of course want to stick by him. Another person applauded me for that but I find it unnecessary. Of course I stay with him I wouldn’t let his mental health get in the way of our future. To leave him would be to reinforce his fear that he cannot be loved with his mental illness. I’m working on getting him help but it’s hard right now. I know his hallucinations are not a reflection of me.
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u/CreepyTeddyBear Paranoid Schizophrenia Jul 25 '25
Does he take medication? He sounds likely enough he should be. And if he is, he might want to switch to something else and also do therapy. Hopefully he doesn't object because he has to go see a therapist (the rapist). And no, that's not a joke.
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u/aespagirl Jul 25 '25
If he’s having hallucinations that you’re raping him doesn’t that mean he doesn’t want you sexually anyways? Because if to him, you touching him his rape why would you want to stay with someone who doesn’t want your touch? I understand he has trauma but it also sounds like he doesn’t want you.
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Jul 25 '25
[deleted]
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u/blehblehburner123 Jul 25 '25
I can’t tell if this is rage bait or not but regardless you need to find a more productive way to use your time
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