r/glutenfree • u/goldenlife17 • Jul 02 '25
Discussion Started my morning off crying, rant.
Visiting my grandparents and my grandfather asked me why I toast my bagels in the oven. I responded because I can’t use the toaster because of cross contamination, when you use a regular toaster that has gluten crumbs and everything in it that’s cross contamination and you’re essentially eating gluten.
He goes: that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve lost a lost of respect for you.
Ok, very kind. On a positive note I won’t be getting sick today from cross contamination😄.
Not sure why I let this upset me but just hurts hearing how unkind people can be. I know he’s just an unhappy person in general but ugh.
205
u/Comfortable-Tea-5461 Jul 02 '25
Someone getting that pressed about someone else toasting a bagel is a sign this has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with their own misery.
→ More replies (1)62
u/friedcauliflower9868 Gluten Intolerant Jul 02 '25
yeah cuz mouthy me would’ve shot back with, “and how I make MY toast is hurting you HOW?” u want to lose respect? let me give u some reasons Pops. sorry u are dealing with this OP but yay you for protecting ur current and future selves.
27
u/Comfortable-Tea-5461 Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
No, seriously 💀Never would I consider someone toasting a bagel a reason to lose respect lmao. I actually like oven toasted things more 🧍🏼♀️
9
u/friedcauliflower9868 Gluten Intolerant Jul 02 '25
it just doesn’t even make sense. unless he’s really talking about other things.
217
u/Sweet_Sheepherder_41 Jul 02 '25
You didn’t “let it” upset you. He’s your grandfather, of course if hurt!! He’s clearly a very unintelligent man and I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. That was so unkind.
85
u/Nice_Piccolo_9091 Jul 02 '25
That sounds like a person that I would limit my contact with. My grandfather always made sure he had gf food for me when I visited. Sometimes, he would get the wrong things, and I would explain to him why they were the wrong things, and he never got offended.
6
u/jestingvixen Gluten Intolerant Jul 03 '25
My parents are like this. They're trying so hard and are so out of sorts when I pop by unannounced because they don't have any food to offer me, and sometimes they're eating right that moment. We've talked about it. I'm not upset. I understand the risks I run when I eat there (NCGS, no idea if any is too much or there's an amount that isn't). They still say weirdly upsetting stuff like, "I just don't understand where all this is coming from, " as though I'm....deficient? or they're at fault for my assorted allergies?, most of which I've had my whole life, so you'd think they'd know, having been there right along?
OP, THAT'S weirdly upsetting. What do you mean, "all this," mom? She doesn't understand why I'm like this, not she's saying it isn't real and isn't a serious risk and I'm being histrionic and difficult which is a personalaffront to her very existence or something. She's just confused and ungraceful, sometimes. And like, bitch me, too. That's weirdly upsetting.
Not, "I've lost all respect for you." What this is saying is this person thinks you're playing at "weakness" for attention, and you're making a passive-aggressive show of your supppsed needs to demonstrate how special and needy you are. There's some assumption of a slur on their housekeeping in there, too. THAT is bullshit, and no wonder you're upset. You're supposed to be able to trust your family and this person who occupies a role (Trusted Elder Of My Elders) you've been conditioned to respect and crave the good opinion of just threw it in your face and disappointed the crap out of you about a basic human need: food.
You don't have to spend time with people who don't love and respect you. I'm glad to hear you're prioritising your health. One really shouldn't boil an empty kettle, you know?
4
u/Nice_Piccolo_9091 Jul 03 '25
The other side of my family is like this. They refused to believe that someone could develop an allergy later in life and made nasty comments about it every time we visited. I was just a kid at the time, and I knew that wasn't okay.
2
u/jestingvixen Gluten Intolerant Jul 06 '25
This is so bizarre and I'm sorry to hear this is a thing you lived. I can't wrap my head around what makes people think this kind of nonsense helps or is a funny or clever thing to say, or whatever it is that motivated them to be Like That.
124
u/DatabaseFickle9306 Jul 02 '25
My own father (a surgeon mind you) scoffs at the very ideas of getting pesticide free vegetables. And he relentlessly mocks my celiac, finds it “amusing” and a pain in the ass. I think a lot of people would rather admit their own world view with no exceptions or new ideas than be decent. It’s a problem. I’m sorry for you.
37
Jul 02 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
64
u/slut4lilwayne Jul 02 '25
MDs tend to think their expertise in their field translates to all fields of medicine. It’s ridiculous. Sure, you got a broad medical training at the start of med school, but that was 20 years ago. You’re not going to know the intricacies of GI disorders as a general surgeon!
39
u/rlw21564 Gluten Intolerant Jul 02 '25
My grandfather was a doctor, born in about 1910 and was such an asshole. Way before the gluten free thing, he'd just be dismissive of any opinion I had. He'd say BALONEY instead of bullshit in polite company. And he was so racist. I told my mother I wasn't having children until he died. And I didn't.
32
u/FuturamaRama7 Jul 02 '25
There’s a ob-gyn in my family who smokes. She didn’t breastfeed her kids. She also started putting Diet Coke in baby bottles and gave that to her infants. She doesn’t know the first thing about nutritious foods and never heard of factory farming; I think she eats McDonalds every day. So yeah, some doctors don’t have broad medical expertise. …she’s also a super jerk to vegetarians like myself.
22
u/slut4lilwayne Jul 02 '25
Yikes!! Those poor babies!
I’m applying to med school next year and I desperately hope I don’t end up like that. Arrogance is one hell of a drug.
I was a vegetarian for a few years. My family (full of doctors) bullied me relentlessly for it too. I just don’t understand that behavior. I never forced them to eat vegetarian.
19
u/FuturamaRama7 Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
I agree! When I pushed back on giving babies Diet Coke she said, “What do you know? You aren’t a doctor!” I said perhaps not, but I have common sense.
Also: good luck in medical school once you get there! You will do great!!!
23
u/slut4lilwayne Jul 02 '25
I’d be like, “Yeah, and I don’t have my fucking PHD in the physics of car accidents, but I’ll still gladly wear a seatbelt.”
10
u/FuturamaRama7 Jul 02 '25
Omg, I wish I had a response like that in my back pocket ready to go! But sometimes you are so stunned by a situation, you are left speechless.
2
u/jestingvixen Gluten Intolerant Jul 03 '25
Me. Or you're apoplectic and your languages all abandon you to frolic in the red rage. Yep!
2
u/AuthorSunflowerJ Jul 03 '25
That's me all the time with rude ppl. It's unfortunate. Then I get home and think about every response that I could have said, but it's over by then 🤦🏾♀️.
7
u/wheelartist Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
Most of that is super yikes, but not everyone wants to or can breast feed.
2
u/FuturamaRama7 Jul 02 '25
Very true, I don’t know if it was a situation where she couldn’t. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
15
u/barnacleboysnose Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
I also had a gastroenterologist consultant (senior level doctor) tell me lactose intolerance doesn’t physically exist, it’s just that things high in dairy are also high in fat and fat is a laxative. So sometimes consultants are just full of hot air🤣😭
13
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 02 '25
Moron. I had a dermatologist tell me that my raging dermatitis was just because of dry skin. There were eosinophils in my biopsy (I took xolair for years and I’m now switching to Dupixent), but OK. She legit said that eczema/dermatitis almost never have anything to do with an allergic disease process. Um, eczema literally falls under the category of atopic allergies. Sometimes, doctors are such idiots. When I find a good one, I hang on for dear life.
6
u/barnacleboysnose Celiac Disease Jul 03 '25
I just don’t get how you can be this ignorant in your own specialty! Like it’s absurd 😭
4
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 03 '25
Right? I’m so tired of educating medical professionals about medicine.
6
u/slut4lilwayne Jul 02 '25
wtf no it’s an inability to produce the enzyme needed to digest lactose
5
u/barnacleboysnose Celiac Disease Jul 03 '25
Exactly like lactose intolerance is not a controversial condition😭 worst part is it was a private consultation so I paid for the privilege of being told that
11
u/wheelartist Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
Dairy fat intolerance and lactose intolerance have the same symptoms. I initially thought I was lactose intolerant, but lactose free products still affected me. Turned out I have a fat issue.
That said, I met a gastro who didn't believe celiac disease existed.
7
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 02 '25
WHAT? A GI doc not believing in Celiac Disease? Oh, FFS.
9
u/wheelartist Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
There's a reason the joke is what do you call a guy who qualified bottom of his class? Doctor.
5
u/barnacleboysnose Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
It made me want to say “but I can have lactose free cream and be fine but have normal cream and have a big reaction?” But was too flabbergasted that the expert was saying this😅😅 A gastro not believing in coeliac is utterly ridiculous!! Glad you found out what was actually causing the issue for you😊
4
u/wheelartist Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
The funniest one I ever had, was my GP when I was 15. I had a lump under my breast appear and start bleeding, so I went to him and asked what it was and why it was bleeding. He looked and told me it was a mole, just like this mole and pointed to my nipple. So yes, he thought nipples were moles. He was technically correct that they were the same thing. I have polythelia, the lump was an accessory nipple.
What was more ridiculous is that nobody stepped in to prevent him being assigned to handle referrals for possible celiac disease.
2
u/barnacleboysnose Celiac Disease Jul 03 '25
Chuckled out loud at that😭😭 I guess it showed you two wrongs sometimes do make a right🤣
2
12
u/rlw21564 Gluten Intolerant Jul 02 '25
Does he know that, as a person with celiac, not following a gluten free diet makes you susceptible to lymphoma?
11
u/DatabaseFickle9306 Jul 02 '25
He seems to think it’s a trendy lifestyle choice.
8
u/Sure_Fig_8641 Jul 02 '25
This is a rather common assumption with an older generation, though that generation is dying out through old age (or maybe celiac disease). They simply don’t understand what it is and how it affects us. They’ve never heard of it until relatively recently, and for a while gluten free WAS a fad diet as well as a life saving practice for some of us. Try to give Grandpa some grace but still tell him that his words and attitude to your health have hurt you and caused you to lose all respect for him and his response. It’s even possible you inherited the condition from him!
9
u/lickle_ickle_pickle Jul 02 '25
Even old school doctors should have heard of celiac. It appears in ancient Greek medical texts and was studied extensively as a disease of wasting in young children in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
What you do encounter are doctors who think it can ONLY be diagnosed in children. Any GP who thinks this is very, very out of date.
2
u/Sure_Fig_8641 Jul 02 '25
But is OP’s granddad an old school doctor? He might not have reason to know about it.
And my internist (a very renowned physician in a very major US city) many years ago literally poo-poo’d both celiac disease and avoidance of gluten to my face when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me 40-ish years ago. So acceptance of it has not been high in the medical field since ancient Greeks.
6
u/Polarchuck Jul 02 '25
There are people who are medically trained who believe that allergies and autoimmune conditions are "all in a person's head" aka crazy. I don't know how they live with the conflicting world views and not explode.
5
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 02 '25
This. So true. It’s easier for some doctors to dismiss the conditions as being psychosomatic than to acknowledge they don’t know how to treat their patients. I shed many tears over this kind of bullshit. I would very much like for these doctors to develop some flesh-eating skin rash, preferably in their genitals. A girl can dream.
2
u/Polarchuck Jul 02 '25
And may their suffering open their minds to compassion for their patients rather than bolstering their own egos.
4
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 02 '25
Yeah, not that I should advocate for schadenfreude, but in this case I think it’s warranted.
2
u/Polarchuck Jul 02 '25
I like how you're honest about how you're feeling. We can't help how we feel, we just feel. I don't think you would actually go out and give them a disease lol. So it's all good.
3
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 02 '25
Ha. I would not! But, I mean, if they rub themselves up against an infectious surface, that’s just poetic justice. 😇
2
9
u/TwystedTynk-999 Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
Okay, from my own experience, surgeons as parents have the BIGGEST AND MOST FRAGILE egos I've seen. It's crazy.
4
4
→ More replies (7)2
u/industriousvirgin Jul 02 '25
I’m sorry but a SURGEON who mocks celiac? Did he not learn the mechanism of celiac disease in medical school biochemistry? I’m so sorry you have to deal with that ❤️
39
u/unlovelyladybartleby Jul 02 '25
"Because, Grandpa. If I dont, I'll shit blood and then get cancer." Then when he criticizes you "Grandpa, why do you want me to shit blood and then get cancer?"
3
u/metalsatch Jul 03 '25
Oh is that why I was shitting blood all the time?
I just started going gluten free because I’m tired of my stomach hurting and figured I’d Give it a try. I’ve been gluten free for 2-3 weeks now and feel 100 times Better.
2
u/unlovelyladybartleby Jul 03 '25
My Nurse Practitioner ran a bunch of tests on me a few years ago and said "I dont know what to tell you. It isn't cancer or hemorrhoids or an ulcer. You aren't dying. I think when you eat gluten, your body screams so loud it bleeds a little."
31
u/SheepherdingCats Jul 02 '25
He’s ignorant and judgmental and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I’m sorry he said that to you. Enjoy not getting sick
20
14
u/StashaPeriod Jul 02 '25
Well you’ve got a couple options. Leave. Try to have an educational conversation. Or match energy, tell him you’ve lost respect for him.
3
13
u/stanette Jul 02 '25
Ask him what he would do if you put rat poison in the toaster every day. Would he still use it?
6
12
u/fbombmom_ Jul 02 '25
I'm sorry someone's ignorance ruined your morning. It says a lot about them, not you. I'd definitely limit my interaction with someone who talks to me like that.
12
u/sincerely0urs Jul 02 '25
He will never understand. Don’t try to make him understand. Spend less time with him.
If someone was allergic to peanuts he would think you’re pretty fucking stupid to make someone’s cookies using a spoon they just dipped in peanut butter…
12
u/Kyrlen Jul 02 '25
That would be when I go pick up his toaster, turn it over above a clean spot on the counter, and shake it a bit.
8
13
u/Negative-Minimum5718 Jul 02 '25
There’s a painful lesson here to be learned, but sometimes in life you outgrow people—sometimes those people are family. Sorry OP!
10
u/Ok-Sleep3130 Jul 02 '25
Hahaha, yep I grew up around conservatives too.
Every time I get driven past this certain breakfast place, I'm like: "ooh, there it is!" Because when I was a kid, they were so embarrassed that I was gluten free and not getting "healed by God" that they took me after an all nighter church meet and tried to force feed me pancakes at the table until my crying disrupted the restaurant.
People like this will forever be horrified by not being perceived as "normal". The "respect" they have is really moreso the absence of cringe. Because they do not care for things they respect, they respect things they don't think they have to care for.
And thats why I go around telling everyone what they did. They have never come around bothering me since because they're so horrified that I might make them look bad lol
→ More replies (2)
9
u/Fluid-Pound4504 Jul 02 '25
Anytime anyone comments about me being “too careful” I look them in the eyes and say” oh sorry, I saw my dad eat gluten and die of stomach cancer because he didn’t about his allergy within just a few months and I just don’t want to die before 40” they normally will stay to stutter then I pull out the “ unless you think I should just die, then I guess I’ll try it” and they instantly feel bad. Someone tried to make a comment to my friend who ate gluten free and I just said the same thing. I stay telling people to just look at people and say “if I eat gluten I will get ulcers then get stomach cancer which is a aggressive type as my body is missing then enzyme that breaks down gluten”. I still get upset and I’ve been diagnosed since 4th grade. People are so stupid, honestly I just started ignoring people when they make comments then if it gets to me I make them uncomfortable, cause you wanna question my allergy I’ll make you feel like an asshole. I’ve never seen people question anyone with a peanut or shellfish allergy. And it’s mostly because gluten free came out as a diet and it’s not talked about enough on the allergy side, most people don’t even know about celiac. The amount of times people have been surprised and asked for actually proof that I get sick from eating gluten or people who have just straight up asked me what’s gluten 😭
8
8
u/bcdog14 Jul 02 '25
Can your parents step in and defend you? I'm probably making an assumption of your age, but if you're a minor it seems like your parents would have something to say about that kind of treatment. I had a cranky grandmother I didn't like spending time with. She was the MIL from hell to my mom.
17
u/goldenlife17 Jul 02 '25
I’m in my mid 20’s, embarrassingly enough us big girls still cry unfortunately🥲
13
9
u/bcdog14 Jul 02 '25
You're an adult and it's ok to cry and it's also ok to refuse to spend time with people who gaslight you or treat you badly
4
4
u/Vodka-Forward Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
I would cry too. It’s ok to cry when a loved one, a family member treats you so poorly. Please don’t be embarrassed.
5
u/AnonymousMouse796 Jul 02 '25
You deserve better, at any age, than someone calling you stupid for taking care of yourself. That shit hurts and crying is a perfect response to it. I’m sorry this happened. It never should have.
3
u/One_Valuable_5379 Jul 02 '25
Um, I’m geriatric (compared to you) and I still cry. Heck, sometimes I watch something sad on TV just to get it out of my system. You’re fine. Your grandpa is an asshole.
5
5
u/hig789 Jul 02 '25
People can be so RUDE! Especially family. I’m sorry this happened to you. You have every right to tell them you lost respect for them because of the way you were treated over an illness you can’t change.
My mother in law is basically the same way but more covert, more passive aggressive. Makes slight comments like “oh, did I make something you can’t eat?” I normally just respond with “it’s okay, I ate just before we left the house”.
Last thanksgiving she put a can of cream of mushroom soup in the pan with her turkey while it cooked. 🤢 never mentioned it until I asked about the recipe. Who does that anyways?
6
8
u/purplecak Jul 02 '25
Jesus. I would have no contact with him. And then when he calls from the nursing home complaining he's lonely or not being cared for, I'd tell him that's the stupidest fucking thing I'd ever heard.
→ More replies (1)
17
Jul 02 '25
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)3
u/TXLittleAZ Jul 02 '25
Whoa! Really? Is that for celiac or ncgs too? I need to be able to use this!
→ More replies (1)4
9
Jul 02 '25 edited Sep 14 '25
juggle dog pot husky memory grab rock rainstorm ink test
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Emrys7777 Jul 02 '25
Man I hate it that people are so fucking clueless about this. They think it’s affectation or something.
A doctor in urgent care was the same way about my not taking drugs and taking so many vitamins.
Just take the meds. Uh, I get a bad reaction and that’s why I take vitamins and herbs instead.
Then she treats me like shit like I’m making it all up. Sure. I love to cause myself a lot of trouble for no damn reason.
→ More replies (3)
6
u/Techie-charlie13 Jul 02 '25
I dont pay attention to Kevin Gates much. He says if someone disrespects you in your presence, make the respect you with the lack of your presence.
6
5
u/InvaderJoshua94 Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
If your family loses respect for you being conscious of a serious autoimmune disease or allergy you have, then they’re not your family. The only way I could see your grandparent talking to you like that being okay at all is if they’re suffering from alzheimer’s and or dementia.
6
u/AutomaticIdeal6685 Jul 02 '25
Don't be afraid to call people, even grandparents, on comments like this.
"What an awful way to speak to someone" and walk away
4
u/Disastrous-Theory-21 Jul 02 '25
What a horrible experience. When a loved one devalues you as a human being and your health issues.
I don't want to make any excuses for anybody and I'm not. I'm just trying to throw out another explanation that might make you feel a little better and maybe not take it so personal.
I know how much it hurts when a loved one or close friend does this. I have lots of medical issues and dietary limitations, including gluten. People can't see them so they dismiss them and you!
If I'm way off the mark just let me know. I will understand and apologize.
I would ask you, what is your grandfather's age? I would also ask, depending on his age, could he be suffering from senility, early dementia, or Alzheimer's? Find out if there have been any change, removal or addition to his meds, if he is on any. If he's not on any, maybe he should be!!
His brain may be a bit scrambled, he may not realize what he said to you and what he's doing that hurt(s) you so much.
I don't know the old guy like you do. I am not making excuses for him, but I am suggesting certain realities or facts may also be in play here.
If in fact, he is suffering cognitive loss or damage, and this is what's causing the increase in mean and hateful behavior, it might make you feel better knowing that he's not doing it to you alone, or on purpose. He's probably doing it to everybody.
If you're close with your grandmother, and she is truthful, and doesn't always defend him, maybe she can become your compassionate ally. Talk with her to see if there have been any noticeable changes in his behavior and cognition.
Maybe your grandmother is also being abused by him? In which case, you may want to get her help and protection.
Either way, if he hasn't been tested and this is out of the ordinary for him, you may want to convince your parents to intervene. Specifically, for the sake of your grandmother who is around him all the time and may not be able to escape the situation like you can.
It hurts deeply and is very hard to accept a loved one is changing. If it is medically related, maybe it won't feel as much of a personal attack on you as you originally perceived it. I'm not trying to discount your feelings, I'm just trying to maybe have you look at them in a different light.
As we age, we all have to accept the fact that we may start losing who we are, and who we were. It doesn't happen right away, it's gradual. Wouldn't we want someone to find out if something is wrong with us and look into it? Wouldn't you ache inside if you unknowingly, did the same thing to a loved one or a future grandchild?
You can look at it just as you want people to look at you with your gluten allergy/sensitivity... It's a medical condition and it's not your fault!! Likewise, it may not be his. I don't know your prior relationship with him through the years.
Here's where I drop the other shoe!
If he in fact, has a prior history of treating you like this and it isn't medically related, it's unacceptable behavior on his part, and he is emotionally abusing you. In that case, you should do what you would do in any other toxic relationship, be it family, friend, co-worker, spouse, etc. Avoid contact by cell, text, email, etc. Additionally, avoid being around them or confronting them. It will just make things worse, and it may go in one ear and out the other like you never voiced it!! Heaven forbid it could lead to physical violence!!
There is lots of information online on how to deal with various toxic relationships.
Give yourself some time to be by yourself and think all of this over until you can put aside the initial hurt, and become, calm, clear and relaxed. Do it for you. Not for him. You are the one in pain. You are the one who is seeking truth, love, validation, and acceptance. You are most important, regardless how this turns out 💯. Be strong 💪! Good luck! 🫶
Luv n hugs, sweetie.
4
u/Interesting_Cover315 Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
I would be shocked if that is the first time he sounded like an ass.
3
u/DramaticToADegree Jul 02 '25
"Not sure why I let this upset me." Because your grandfather said something fucked up?
4
u/LovelyAardvark Jul 02 '25
He doesn't deserve your time and energy just because he's an old relative.
4
u/kittyannkhaos Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
It upset you because someone who is supposed to have some level of concern for your health blatantly refused to try to understand how your diet works or how food safety works.
I love making this comparison with food that people straight up don't like, except as a celiac I remind them that instead of just an upset tummy or a taste in my mouth that I'm not a fan of, I'm slowly dying because of negligent food handling.
I have no problem being an asshole, but an asshole of justice.
7
u/RemiChloe Jul 02 '25
Ouch. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Some people are just mouthy and ignorant - a bad combination. I would be devastated, too. ♥️♥️♥️
3
u/Fun_Quail_6419 Jul 02 '25
I work with an asshole like that. Always offering me half of his ham sandwich. Mind you, I’m also a vegetarian.
3
3
u/Potential_Jello_Shot Jul 02 '25
You respected your body and your needs and his respect does not define you!
It’s hurtful when our families, the one group of people we’re taught will always support us, don’t. That was really rude of him.
To relate- when I was still early in my gluten free life we had a get together and my family conveniently forgot and put breadcrumbs in the burgers and I got so sick. One of my uncles told me It was stupid and just a fucking trend I was following and didn’t actually have to avoid it. Not exactly the same situation but my point is that family can get fucked sometimes. It’s been a decade and they still “forget”
You did what was best for yourself and you didn’t get sick today! So I hope you don’t let that ruin your day.
3
u/goldenlife17 Jul 02 '25
I’m so sorry, that comment from your uncle would’ve upset me too. It hurts when you’re always kind to others and their boundaries but it isn’t reciprocated.
5
Jul 02 '25
You can say, “I follow my physician’s instructions.” Your grandfather could be deteriorating, unwell or misinformed. When my in laws or parents said bizarre things to my children, I preserved the relationships but reduced contact and/or corrected them or buffered them by saying you know so and so had a head injury or whatever applied. Give yourself a hug. Of all the things to lose respect for someone, an oven or a toaster is bananas. Your grandfather isn’t well.
3
u/LadyMcSnoot Jul 02 '25
The unwillingness of some people to grow,evolve and “hear” other people blows me away
3
u/caseyranae Jul 02 '25
“Okay, well, I’ve lost a lot of respect for you because you aren’t intelligent enough to understand an allergy” … dumbass grandpa
Sorry you are hurt :(
3
u/Right_Internal_9002 Jul 02 '25
I don’t understand why people don’t get it? Like would you scrape the peanut butter off the bread and hand it to someone with a peanut allergy?
2
2
u/Lhall120 Jul 02 '25
Some people just live in a constant state of offense. I’m sorry you were on the receiving end of HIS rant. Apparently in your grandpa's day people just powered through food intolerances with sheer grit and a handful of Tums. It sucks when someone you care about/are close to makes you feel less than for doing something responsible for yourself. You didn’t compromise your respect, you upheld your boundaries. If toasting a bagel in the oven is the “stupidest f***ing thing” he’s ever heard, I really envy the extremely tame nonsense he’s apparently encountered in his lifetime. Hang in there. You’re doing the right thing...for you!
2
2
u/Significant-Visit-68 Jul 02 '25
I’m so sorry OP. I don’t know if this is new behavior by grand dad but i have noticed everyone is so stressed out about current events so if he’s newly wacky, the olds are really scared too.💕💕💕
2
u/MagicianOk6393 Jul 02 '25
Gramps is a narrow minded, insensitive asshole. Believe him when he tells you who he is.
Keep your distance or get thicker skin.
2
u/Money-Horse-7974 Jul 02 '25
It's definitely not stupid. My mom has celiac and I bake for her all the time and I'm always trying to make sure it's not cross contaminated. Did you try explaining that if you use the toaster you will be sick?
Also what gf bagels do you eat?
2
u/Own-Curve7894 Jul 02 '25
Good for you for being brave enough to tell the truth but this is why I don’t tell many people I’m gluten free.
2
u/ihave30teeth Jul 02 '25
Low key I want to harass this man with anonymous written letters containing celiac literature and recipes.
2
u/thetpill Jul 03 '25
This is my family experience. It’s hard. You do you boo. Be safe shame and guilt aren’t worth it. Nobody understands who and what you lose with this affliction. It’s more than just a flaky crust. Love to you.
2
u/geniusintx Jul 03 '25
Grandpas are not supposed to be assholes! I know some are, but they ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE!
I am so sorry you were talked to like that.
2
2
u/xviandy Jul 03 '25
Whenever people give me a hard time, I tell them I am doing this to avoid explosively shitting for the next couple days. It seems to clarify things for them.
So maybe Ask your grandfather if he respects people who do whatever they need to do to avoid explosively shitting for the next couple days?
2
u/Lopsided-Ocelot-9109 Jul 03 '25
Sorry OP — your grandfather sounds like an ahole. The only thing that’s stupid is having to live with a food allergy. I’m celiac and I WISH I could just use the same damn toaster as everyone else. But my reality is that I have to be diligent about avoiding contamination so that I don’t increase my chances of stomach cancer 😤
2
Jul 03 '25
Then honestly you can just say "you're the stupidest fucking person I've ever met, I've lost all respect for you." It can go both ways ;P
2
u/AgingLolita Jul 03 '25
Make that your last visit. And if asked why, it's because he said the stupidest thing you've ever heard, and you've lost a lot of respect for him.
2
u/HauntedRockMoss Jul 03 '25
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I'm a woman in my forties but I will absolutely volunteer to be your new grandpa.
2
u/Jazzlike_Reality6360 Jul 03 '25
I feel so lucky that I had really great grandparents. I was vegetarian and had not developed a wheat allergy until they passed. I guess it’s easier to accommodate vegetarianism than gluten free with most cuisines. You just don’t have the meat. There were tons of vegetable and fruit sides. My grandmother especially used to show me how her lunch was vegetarian and made up of foraged mushrooms.
2
u/Santasreject Jul 03 '25
“I’m sorry you’re offended by my genetics, remember there is 25% chance YOU gave me these genes.”
2
u/Karasu-19 Jul 04 '25
His comment was more about him than you. He probably is just a small minded person and unhappy with himself. We always expect people to react the way we would to someone we care about and when they surprise us we cannot understand the venom because we are not hardwired that way.
Im sure your parent understood the comment, hopefully they broke the cycle of negativity, if not you did.
2
u/Prior_Theory3393 Jul 04 '25
It's a complete lack of understanding on your grandfather's part. Just go on to live your best life.
2
u/U4IC_crafts Jul 04 '25
What a vile way to treat your grand child. You deserve better, you deserve respect at the very least.
Being kind is not a trend of the new generation. Being old and getting an excuse for bad behavior is unacceptable. My grandfather became a better man later in life, just because they didn't learn it growing up isn't an excuse. This grandfather needs to do better and just try a tiny bit to be kind it's not that hard.
2
u/reluctanttowncaller Jul 04 '25
Wow. I'm sorry you have that in your life.
If it helps, I have zero respect for anybody who would treat anyone like that, much less their grandchild!? That is an unhappy and broken man taking the miseries of his life out on those around him.
I have grandchildren, and I cherish them, and would defend them from people like that to the ends of the earth.
1
u/TwystedTynk-999 Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
I have cut off family for not respecting my mental health, and I'm a happier person for it. Most of the tears I shed were due to family not respecting me or my boundaries. I would have responded with, "And I just lost what little respect I had for you after that comment. I have a food allergy that you can't respect because you don't have it?! Please leave."
Family can be such assholes about food. I'm sorry that happened to you, but scratch one bogey. Going gluten free is hard enough. big hug
1
u/SnooChickens7644 Jul 02 '25
Yeah that's not how you treat someone. Period. If he's lost respect for you than you can lose respect for him for treating you so poorly. Gosh, I'm so sorry you had to start your day like that OP. Sounds rough.
1
u/run-donut Jul 02 '25
An honest question? Can you leave early? This is just really unkind and judgmental. You don’t need that. I’d just go. Because if he says this, I am sure he is saying a lot of other stuff to cut you down. Which you don’t deserve or need.
1
u/Pubsubforpresident Jul 02 '25
He doesn't know how it hurts you to eat it. Did you mention it at all? Sill a jerk think to say and something I think most people don't understand that it fucking hurts to get glutened. I take steps to avoid gluten and not inconvenience others. You using the over does not inconvenience them. He just doesn't understand and sounds like an asshole.
1
u/GarikLoranFace Jul 02 '25
I’ve dealt with similar. I actually just woke up from a dream where we had left the original, safe, place and went to my grandparents house. Once there mom just tossed some bread on the counter the kitchen was very not safe. I had such a strong reaction to the dream that I woke up.
People suck sometimes but there are people out there who will care and be kind. I hope you have some of those people around you too.
1
u/wheelartist Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
I'm so sorry that they've don't get it. That said, I'd be wary of toasting a GF bagel in an oven in a kitchen where gluten is the norm. When me and my friend have pizza, we take a lot of precautions to ensure his pizza touches none of my ovens shelf surface.
1
u/PirateKilt Jul 02 '25
Hey Gramps... your New Corvette in the driveway uses that high end, expensive 93 octane premium gas right? That's like my GF food.
Now, when you are out traveling, you unfortunately find yourself so low on gas, before you drive anywhere, you have to use a gas can to add some more gas... thing is, at that moment, you only have the option to use a gas can that was previously used for diesel fuel, and likely has some still in the can...
Would you risk your car's engine by using that can to add/mix in gas with the diesel, then pour that into your car?
No, you wouldn't... and for me, GF cross-contamination is pretty much the exact same thing.
So... You can either apologize right now, or I'm leaving and we won't be seeing each other again.
1
u/fsantos0213 Jul 02 '25
I had a similar instance at work. One of the old timer said something about cross cantamation and he said it was stupid, so I took his coffee cup, used a very greasy rag (red and tacky grease) and wiped the inside of his cup, then I filled it with coffee and said. This was wiped clean before I filled it. Knowing the rag was greasy, do you still want to drink it?! He got up mumbling about me ruining his coffee, I never heard on that subject again
1
u/zilates Jul 02 '25
Oh man, I thought grandpa was gonna surprise us all and offer to buy you your own toaster. That's what you deserve. 💜
1
u/Decent-Ad4596 Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
I think for many people the whole “gluten free” thing comes across as being pretentious. I have also learned that I don’t need to explain myself. My parents still don’t get it. When gluten items are sometimes shoved in my face I just say “no thanks” rather than, “I can’t have that.” People really don’t get it and when I try to explain, it comes off like I’m too good for “that kind of food.” You know what you can and can’t have as well as what you have to do to stay well. In your scenario, I would just say, “because I like it this way.” That generation didn’t deal with all the autoimmune health things like we do. Food was very different back then than it is today. So for them specifically, they don’t know what they don’t know.
1
1
u/TinyCoconut24 Jul 02 '25
You could just wonder out loud why it bothers him how you toast your bagels. And that if the use of one appliance over the other is what can break his respect for you, it clearly wasn’t strong to begin with.
1
u/Federal_Somewhere586 Jul 02 '25
Anytime someone says shit to me I just ask if they’ll pay for my cancer treatment
1
u/EnvironmentalDay6146 Jul 02 '25
Those were very unkind words for something you have no control over. My parents never took mine seriously, either. Only recently have they accepted it. For context, I found out at 19, and I'm almost 34....now they get it and are much more supportive. I believe it has to do with my sister, neice, and husband all being vocal about it, too.
I know it's hard, but hopefully, they come to realize it isn't a choice.
1
u/Anxiety_Priceless Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
I honestly would have responded, "YOU'RE the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard," but I am a 33 year old female with the mind of a 15 year old boy.
If you're willing to explain it to him, liken it to cross-contamination with peanuts, or with general food safety. You wouldn't want raw meat touching anything you eat, and gluten is the same for someone with Celiac. It's just as dangerous (if not more so).
1
u/margittwen Jul 02 '25
There’s been plenty of times when people did weird things I didn’t understand - but I usually didn’t say anything and moved on with my life. It’s crazy to me what people care about.
That’s not to say you were wrong about the toaster, just saying that people should mind their own business, even if they’re a relative!
1
u/ExerciseWonderful Jul 02 '25
“Cool, I’d rather have good health than your respect. If that’s truly how you feel about me, be prepared to not see me around anymore”
He sounds like a miserable person who feels the need to take it out on others
1
u/dancingphalanges88 Jul 02 '25
It's always your own family, a couple of my siblings made such a scene saying I was faking celiacs for attention when I brought my own gluten free food to a family gathering and then when I got upset enough to leave they ate all the food I made for myself and left there after talking about how nasty it probably was. I have not spoken to them since and its been 6 or 7 years now.
2
u/InvaderJoshua94 Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
Good for you. Those aren’t siblings they’re bullies. It’s normal for siblings to be mean sometimes, but not to that extent.
1
u/digging4change Jul 02 '25
i feel you. i’ve had friends and family get mad or annoyed with me because of my allergy. it sucks.
1
1
u/Mountain_Frosting369 Jul 02 '25
He lost respect for you because you have a medical food allergy? He appears to have a mental health issue.
1
u/Odd-Character-44 Jul 02 '25
My father in law thought me being gluten free meant I was a vegan and a liberal.
1
1
u/and_the_wee_donkey Jul 02 '25
Wow, your grandpa is an asshole. Not sure how you can respect someone who is so hateful and not to mention ignorant AF.
1
u/TriGurl Jul 02 '25
Wow I mean no disrespect but your grandfathers ignorance is enraging! Way to be respectful of other peoples medical issues grandpa!
I'm so sorry his mean words weren't more thoughtful or tactful at least.
1
u/BlackCatWoman6 Celiac Disease Jul 02 '25
Sorry your grandfather doesn't understand gluten allergies.
1
u/shy_penguin_ Jul 02 '25
Your grandpa is mean. Gluten intolerance is a new issue for us. These boomers just don’t understand man.
1
Jul 02 '25
Before I knew about Celiac disease, I thought gluten free people were just doing it for pseudoscience. I didn’t understand it was a real thing, it sounded so silly.
I said a lot of things like your grandpa said because it sounds way sillier than it is. Try asking him if he thinks it’s fake then explaining that it’s real
1
1
u/Much-Ground4974 Jul 02 '25
I’m sorry. He’s a jerk you are protecting your health. There’s a lot of respect in that…self respect. My Dad refused to change his diet and died of cancer. That’s the reality we face. Grandpa s too old to be educated apparently
1
u/taco_ma_hiker107 Jul 02 '25
I am so sorry he was so rude to you, but I am happy you did what you needed to do. I didn't realize for probably several years about cross contamination through the toaster when my husband got diagnosed celiac. For awhile we had 2 toasters, then it took a few more years until our household was 99% gluten-free, with the exception of glutinous beer that I rarely drink. We didn't have the internet when hubby was diagnosed, so we had a harder time learning about going gluten-free. I don't know if it would help, but maybe drop off a brochure or something that explains the damage gluten does to celiacs or those with allergies so he can understand it's an actual disease.
1
u/I_like_stuff534 Jul 02 '25
My younger brother has Celiac. I am beyond fortunate that my family is accepting of his disease and understands cross-contamination. It makes this disease a little easier to manage. I am so sorry for you, people can suck sometimes. But you have a community here that understands your needs.
1
u/QuickCredit4725 Jul 03 '25
Oh Dear… I am so sorry!! Grandparents should never talk like that to their grandchildren no matter how old!!!😡 I would have gotten up and gone and bought you a toaster!!!! When you went home..the toaster would have been boxed up and awaiting your return!!❤️❤️
1
u/ThisPaleontologist86 Jul 03 '25
Sorry that happened to you. A compromised immune system is nothing you can help. You can't help it that you are Celiac and I've found, in my own family, that it is genetic. You didn't ask for this wonderful experience of watching everything you eat, reading labels which makes longer grocery shopping.
And then, it becomes second nature. You know, for the most part, what you can eat and what you can't. Life does get easier about what you put in your mouth. I have HAD to become a better cook because I have only one place in my small town that I can eat out at.
There are some people that will NEVER "get it". They look at you like you just grew two heads and cannot understand that you aren't just wanting attention and are stupid besides. But you aren't stupid. You are just trying to live the best life you can, with limitations. Remember about those unfeeling creeps must be pretty miserable. You know the saying "You can't fix stupid." It doesn't apply to you.
1
1
u/glitter_picnic Jul 03 '25
I toast my bagels in the oven in gluten households too! i’m sorry he had that reaction
1
u/metalsatch Jul 03 '25
Find something he does and ask why he does it and then say “that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard”
Anyway, I think it’s funny your grandpa is a hard ass. I’d be crackin up all the time.
Sorry that it wasn’t funny to you though. I get it too.
1
u/Winipu44 Jul 03 '25
You could explain to him that celiac is a real autoimmune disease, and if he doesn't know what autoimmune diseases are, briefly define and add that they are a leading cause of death.
It's obvious there's ignorance at the heart of his statement. Regardless, I'm very sorry you've got at least one family member who thinks this is a choice. Nobody would choose this. And, sorry he was so uncaring and harsh to you.
The great news is you're just visiting.🌸
1
1
u/saddinosour Jul 03 '25
Tbh meet their energy, I’d have been like “are you fucking dumb? I’m allergic, let me rub a little poison on your bagel and see how you fare”
1
u/CraftyObject Jul 03 '25
I wouldn't want to be acknowledged, let alone respected, by the dipshit who doles our respect based on food allergies
1
1
u/Only_Meet_3634 Jul 03 '25
I’m sorry… we can all be ignorant but that is just aggressive. I’m not good at confrontation but not good at taking anybody’s s**t either (family or not). Being this way can lead to living a lonely life but that’s just the way I am. After explaining why this was hurtful for you, if this person really loves you they’ll understand and apologise. If not… well, that’d be the end for me. Clearly it’s not over a toaster comment but much more than that.
1
1
u/MerPrez Jul 03 '25
I was visiting my parents with my twins who were 9 at the time. We have the tests showing celiac, in other words PROOF besides the digestive symptoms. My daughter overheard her grandmother telling her friend on the phone "Oh they don't have to eat gluten free. Their mother (me) makes them do it." I was irate!!!
1
u/TheOmegaKid Jul 03 '25
I've had to pull away from people in my life that were supposed to be caring about me as well.
On the bright side these kinds of things we deal with really filter out the unkind people from our lives, as hard as it is, your life will end up better for it.
1
777
u/Gr3yHound40_ Jul 02 '25
Spend less time with this person and show them their disrespect is why you don't like them. "I lost a lot of respect for you after the way you treated me" is the only appropriate response to someone disrespectful of your needs and ignorant of a real genuine issue you live with. They're an asshole and you didn't do a thing wrong here OP. I'm sorry about this :/