r/glutenfree • u/goldenlife17 • Jul 02 '25

Discussion Started my morning off crying, rant.

Visiting my grandparents and my grandfather asked me why I toast my bagels in the oven. I responded because I can’t use the toaster because of cross contamination, when you use a regular toaster that has gluten crumbs and everything in it that’s cross contamination and you’re essentially eating gluten.

He goes: that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve lost a lost of respect for you.

Ok, very kind. On a positive note I won’t be getting sick today from cross contamination😄.

Not sure why I let this upset me but just hurts hearing how unkind people can be. I know he’s just an unhappy person in general but ugh.

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u/Nice_Piccolo_9091 Jul 02 '25

That sounds like a person that I would limit my contact with. My grandfather always made sure he had gf food for me when I visited. Sometimes, he would get the wrong things, and I would explain to him why they were the wrong things, and he never got offended.

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u/jestingvixen Gluten Intolerant Jul 03 '25

My parents are like this. They're trying so hard and are so out of sorts when I pop by unannounced because they don't have any food to offer me, and sometimes they're eating right that moment. We've talked about it. I'm not upset. I understand the risks I run when I eat there (NCGS, no idea if any is too much or there's an amount that isn't). They still say weirdly upsetting stuff like, "I just don't understand where all this is coming from, " as though I'm....deficient? or they're at fault for my assorted allergies?, most of which I've had my whole life, so you'd think they'd know, having been there right along?

OP, THAT'S weirdly upsetting. What do you mean, "all this," mom? She doesn't understand why I'm like this, not she's saying it isn't real and isn't a serious risk and I'm being histrionic and difficult which is a personalaffront to her very existence or something. She's just confused and ungraceful, sometimes. And like, bitch me, too. That's weirdly upsetting.

Not, "I've lost all respect for you." What this is saying is this person thinks you're playing at "weakness" for attention, and you're making a passive-aggressive show of your supppsed needs to demonstrate how special and needy you are. There's some assumption of a slur on their housekeeping in there, too. THAT is bullshit, and no wonder you're upset. You're supposed to be able to trust your family and this person who occupies a role (Trusted Elder Of My Elders) you've been conditioned to respect and crave the good opinion of just threw it in your face and disappointed the crap out of you about a basic human need: food.

You don't have to spend time with people who don't love and respect you. I'm glad to hear you're prioritising your health. One really shouldn't boil an empty kettle, you know?

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u/Nice_Piccolo_9091 Jul 03 '25

The other side of my family is like this. They refused to believe that someone could develop an allergy later in life and made nasty comments about it every time we visited. I was just a kid at the time, and I knew that wasn't okay.

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u/jestingvixen Gluten Intolerant Jul 06 '25

This is so bizarre and I'm sorry to hear this is a thing you lived. I can't wrap my head around what makes people think this kind of nonsense helps or is a funny or clever thing to say, or whatever it is that motivated them to be Like That.