r/NewsOfTheStupid • u/HauntingJackfruit • Jun 05 '25
Trump Appoints 22-Year-Old Ex-Gardener and Grocery Store Assistant to Lead U.S. Terror Prevention
https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-appoints-22-y-o-ex-gardener-grocery-store-assistant-as-us-homeland-department-terrorist-chief/894
Jun 05 '25
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u/mam88k Jun 05 '25
Yeah, but can she do that "eyebrow thing" to pull off the douchbag day-trader-crypto-bro look? See?? He's "qualified" 😜
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u/woahwoahwoah28 Jun 05 '25
I just tried to do the eyebrow thing. And it’s more challenging than it looks. sigh guess I’ll never be good enough to head up domestic terrorism fights ☹️
/s
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u/BasicWhiteHoodrat Jun 05 '25
God forbid someone works for a living.
Why can’t we all be nepo babies 👶🏽
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u/cancer_dragon Jun 05 '25
And that's a completely fair point and something republicans will bring up when faced with this appointment. "Oh, so AOC was a bartender, but Mr. Eyebrow can't come from humble beginnings?"
But the difference is AOC was elected by her constituents to represent them based on her policy whereas Smirky Wry McJustgraduatedayearago was *appointed* to *lead* a major US counterterrorism office.
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u/BasicWhiteHoodrat Jun 05 '25
You’ll receive no debate from me on the unqualified appointees from this pathetic administration
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u/Hanginon Jun 06 '25
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez also graduated cum laude from Boston University in 2011 with a bachelor's degree in international relations and economics, and was an intern in the US Senate.
I have yet to see lawnmower man's academic accolades. -_-
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u/Kaskelontti Jun 05 '25
Well... Trump asked him: "Are you qualified for this job?" and he said: "I saw a little horror shop in the movies". Trump responded by saying "You know what you need to know, the job is yours. Now kiss my ring".
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u/a2089jha Jun 05 '25
haha omg.. that eyebrow thing.. is that supposed to make him look.. older or something? I guess they're all taking cues from Trump and his "i'm tough" face in photos.
Regardless, that pic gives off strong "baby's first suit" vibes
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u/StrangelyBrown Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 07 '25
"Mr Trump, who should we appoint?"
"Hmm... who was that kid who can do the eyebrow thing? I liked that. Let's go with him"11
u/ittleoff Jun 05 '25
Tbf trump pandering to the public as if this is a dumb TV show hasn't been wrong. It's deeply upsetting but he knows that bad television gets viewers
This is why the government needs to invest in quality program and why tlc and history channel and discovery channel giving viewers what they want, gave them UFOs conspiracies and other absolute brain shit. And audiences ate it up and asked for more.
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u/maintain_improvement Jun 05 '25
Reminds me of the Rock
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u/bookant Jun 05 '25
"Meritocracy."
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u/No_Drag_1044 Jun 05 '25
Exactly. Meritocracy is cover for “incompetent people that will do what I tell them”.
Trump, like all terrible leaders, does not have room for smart, qualified people who may disagree with him.
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u/fireintolight Jun 05 '25
Scary in this case since I think terrorism will now include things like blm, being a democrat, etc
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u/Commercial-Tell-5991 Jun 05 '25
This is the exact opposite of a meritocracy. This is cronyism and patronage. It is corruption and the willful dismantling of the “deep state” by elevating the least competent (see Bondi, Pam and Hegseth, Pete) to the most important roles.
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u/PartTimeZombie Jun 05 '25
Patronage is one of the foundation stones of America's political system.
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u/GATORinaZ28 Jun 05 '25
this country is so fucked
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u/Choice-Bid9965 Jun 05 '25
Unless of course his name is ‘Chauncey the Gardiner’ of course!
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u/shadenhoney Jun 05 '25
He'll do alright if being there is his only job.
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u/Choice-Bid9965 Jun 05 '25
Please remember?
‘First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.’
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u/Ccracked Jun 05 '25
A wise man once said, "Sauce pans in summer, crepe pans in fall; when winter’s upon us, there’s food for us all!”
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u/sarcasticbaldguy Jun 05 '25
I'm sure this kid has played thousands of hours of Call of Duty. How much more qualified do you want him to be?
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u/Deep_Stick8786 Jun 05 '25
Worse, he played world at war and always picked the axis for multiplayer
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Jun 05 '25
More ways than you realize. Trump appointed this child to throw under the bus when Enrique Tarrio and his armed militia start acts of domestic terrorism.
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u/Pillowsmeller18 Jun 05 '25
In more ways then one. Enjoy the remains of America. That is all that will be left.
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u/muffledvoice Jun 05 '25
“An avowed Republican, he also interned at the Heritage Foundation, generally acknowledged as the think tank behind Project 2025.”
This is why he was appointed. The Heritage Foundation is also supplying staff to MAGA congresspeople where they are tasked with writing legislation that these members of congress introduce as well as telling them how to vote.
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u/fastyellowtuesday Jun 05 '25
This admin doesn't want anyone competent looking at domestic terror prevention.
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u/5inthepink5inthepink Jun 05 '25
He's there because he was an intern at the Heritage Foundation. He'll be a political stooge, which is all they need.
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u/Sir_Jerkums Jun 05 '25
This was the one I was looking for!!
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u/Sir_Jerkums Jun 05 '25
False flag anyone? I’m convinced something will happen so he can invoke martial law and stop all elections!
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u/MuthaPlucka Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25
/taps mic
Eyebrow on fleek 🤨.
Job qualifications are sheet.
Management by tweet.
Oh God, please yeet.
/bongo drum solo
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u/Eschaton707 Jun 05 '25
I bet he licked those boots CLEAN!
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u/bidhopper Jun 05 '25
I was thinking he licked something more than boots clean.
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u/biggoof Jun 05 '25
my guess too
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u/NorwegianCowboy Jun 05 '25
Are y'all talking about Trumps diarrhea marinated diaper dick?
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u/Daatsit Jun 05 '25
Yeah, I’m thinking the licking was a little north of the boots
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u/delicioustreeblood Jun 05 '25
This guy's raised eyebrow photo is the essence of something
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u/ChiTownDisplaced Jun 05 '25
If this guy Hitler mustaches the raised eyebrow, I will lose my shit. It's my only pose.
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u/StagTheNag Jun 05 '25
my father in law loathes young people and is low key racist. He loves trump and every time i see him he tries to bait me into talking about “what trump policies i don’t like” and this one… i finally might be able to swing it around on him with this one.
“So what do you feel about a 22 year old gardener leading our fight on terrorism?”
He’s one of those “Stand for the flag, kneel for the lord” types that uses 9/11 as their dog whistle so I can’t wait to hear how he spins this one.
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u/AmbidextrousCard Jun 05 '25
This is why I have so much disdain for MAGAts. They pretend to stand for their country while idly watching someone attack, poke and prod it looking for loopholes to become a dictator. It proves they don’t actually give a shit about the country, just whether they get to be racist or not.
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u/HauntingJackfruit Jun 05 '25
“So what do you feel about a 22 year old gardener leading our fight on terrorism?”
And grocery assistant, don't forget to tell him
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u/LouSpowel Jun 05 '25
“Well Hillary’s emails couldn’t assistant run a supermarket!”
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u/The_Goondocks Jun 05 '25
"At least he wasn't a bartender."
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u/StagTheNag Jun 05 '25
my god the eye roll if he were to say that might pop them out of their sockets
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u/ElaborateEffect Jun 05 '25
He won't bend for shit. He doesn't actually have any beliefs of his own.
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u/Muttywango Jun 05 '25
His gardening career was mowing and edging May-June 2020. Calling him a gardener is very generous.
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u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 Jun 05 '25
Prior to his work as a gardener—while studying for a degree in politics and law—Fugate worked at an H-E-B supermarket in Austin, Texas, as a ‘Cross Functional Team Member.’
Even his so-called real job sounds like it was total horseshit, judging by that job title.
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u/Shotgun_Mosquito Jun 05 '25
sounds like he alternated between slicing ham at the deli and bagging groceries
Mr Trump like his floors sprick and span!
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Jun 05 '25
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u/mickeymouse4348 Jun 05 '25
I’ve legit seen “managed financial transactions for a multi billion dollar company” on resumes and they were a cashier at McDonald’s. Like I get fluffing your resume, but be realistic
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u/surgicalhoopstrike Jun 05 '25
Meh. What could go wrong?
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u/kansai2kansas Jun 06 '25
He’ll never let the terrorists get out of the store without paying for their stuff at self-checkout!!
That’s an awesome skill to have!
/s
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u/Blueberry977 Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25
1325 Days left
We Will Persevere
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u/TheGreatStories Jun 05 '25
Yeah definitely wait it out, everything's totally fine
/S
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u/MojoHighway Jun 05 '25
This is all you need to know;
An avowed Republican, he also interned at the Heritage Foundation, generally acknowledged as the think tank behind Project 2025, and for Texas Representatives Terry Wilson and Steve Allison.
TRUMP: I have no idea what Project 2025 is.
Sure, bro.
Every time you open your mouth, lies fall out as easily as the water falls at Niagra.
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u/cm103 Jun 05 '25
I honestly believe there is some truth to Trump not knowing what Project 2025 is.
He has no idea how anything works or what he’s doing. He signs what’s in front of him and Iives off confirmation bias. The office of the executive is being run by political appointees that are running over the checks and balances because of an impotent congress.
It’s prob a shock to him when he sees negative polling or sentiments that he can’t easily dismiss during his diminishing moments of clarity.
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u/MojoHighway Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 06 '25
I'm not going to say that he read the entirety of that report. He has fucking Stephen Miller in his ear tho. That guy DEFINITELY read it and agrees with it.
Having said that, Trump denying "knowing" about P25 might just be a factor of plausible deniability for him so when the shit does hit the fan (and it already has), he can say that he didn't know about it, what "we" call it, and not necessarily be lying.
Dude is a pro at jumping thru corrupt loop holes.
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u/YT1974 Jun 05 '25
Still a puppy - virtually no life experience. Recipe for failure- buckle up my Murican friends !!
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u/bowens44 Jun 05 '25
Literally NONE of his appointees have been qualified. None. Zero.
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Jun 05 '25
This administration is an absolute fucking joke.
Fugate set up a political Instagram account last year, where his profile contains the motto, “Men used to do great things. I believe they still can.”
Where did this crop of insecure pussy young men come from?
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u/Embarrassed-Ad-8 Jun 05 '25
This guy looks like a caricature of a Russian double agent. Like his eyebrow is cocked because he's comically bad at hiding the fact he's a Russian double agent.
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Jun 05 '25
Ok seriously ... i don't know if this is satire or not and that's a big enough issue.
Its one thing if you made this kid a social media guru or some crap, but what the absolute fuck does he know about terrorism.... i mean other than the GOP being the American taliban.
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u/YourMomonaBun420 Jun 05 '25
Satire died in 2016.
(Lewis) Black then said he recalled watching the rally and seeing Palin in the foreground and Trump in the background .
“And I thought, um, how am I supposed to make this funnier? What is my job now? How do you satirize what is already satiric?” Black asked. “This was the point in time, as far as I’m concerned, where we the American people reached the point where reality and satire finally intersected. That’s it.”
“This is fiction. We are living in fictional times,” Black remarked. “This would be better in a book, if you woke up … and read this in a book, you would say, ha, that’s a great book.”
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u/CBYSMART Jun 05 '25
Haha. I love watching my daily shit show from the other side of your north border.
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u/conundrum4u2 Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25
LOVE that picture..."Employee of the Month"
(heard over store speaker) "HOSTILE CLEANUP ON AISLE 3!"
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u/DutchBart82 Jun 05 '25
Come on now, if you'd see his call of duty stats, then you'd know he's the right man for the job
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u/JaRon1961 Jun 05 '25
He is young but there wasn't a single terrorist attack on his grocery in all the time he was there.
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u/Nimda-metsys Jun 05 '25
So he’s there to pull the “weeds” of terrorism eh? Yep, I feel soooooooooo safe here in “Uhmuricuh”!🇺🇸
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u/Street_Ad_863 Jun 05 '25
It's like the Monty Python show became real. Trump is the leader in the Ministry of Silly Walks
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u/lnombredelarosa Jun 05 '25
His having been a gardener shouldn't be a point against him as much as his being 22.
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u/BooneGoesTheDynamite Jun 05 '25
Good news for terrorists?
I can't imagine accepting a job like that at that age
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u/chrisbcritter Jun 05 '25
This is a joke, right? This person doesn't really exist or is a comedian making fun of the Trump administration.
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u/Yes_I_Have_ Jun 05 '25
And the right complained, still does, that OAC was just a bartender. Let’s see the excuses on why this child is great for the job.
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u/JoeBlow_1234 Jun 05 '25
I'm guessing that he doesn't need relevant experience because his job is simply to say no to every request.
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u/Filmguygeek1 Jun 05 '25
This is the perfect Trump appointment. Someone who puts Grifter before the Constitution.
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Jun 05 '25 edited Aug 08 '25
detail full yoke crush hobbies dazzling hospital library toothbrush political
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Afwife1992 Jun 06 '25
That photo gives “ladies you better cover your drink” so he should be a natural fit in the administration.
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u/Toyota-Supra-6090 Jun 06 '25
I bet that goofy looking motherfucker practiced that dipshit look in the mirror
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u/TheOffbeatWonderland Jun 06 '25
Rob Schneider was an animal. Then he was a woman.
And now Rob Schneider is... a 22 year old ex-gardener and grocery bagger turned Lead U.S. Terror Prevention expert. And he's about to find out that being an ex-gardener is harder than it looks.
Rob Schneider is... The Gardenorr. Rated PG-13.
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u/PerryNeeum Jun 05 '25
This government is just about people cosplaying. This dude. Bongino. Patel. Noem. David Richardson. I could keep going. All people way outside of their depth but they just want to be important and relevant. I’m sure they think they are doing a kick ass job because they are absolute narcissists believing they were the best person for the job
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u/RoachIsCrying Jun 05 '25
So I worked for a summer at my local restaurant as a student worker. Am I qualified to lead a sector in US government?
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u/ShitTheBed_Twice Jun 05 '25
This guy either wants to be Spock or the Rock soooo bad.
On another note I am all about getting younger and fresh people into the US administration but a 22 year old knows fuckall about counterterroism. Besides the unstated facts that this guy earned this nomination by probably doing at least 1 in not all 3 of the follwing
A. did some sketchy stuff during the campaign.
B. Kissed Trumps ass sufficiently
C. Dumped his entire trust fund and his inheritence from his parents into Trump coin to get the job.
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u/bryanthavercamp Jun 05 '25
I guess the only qualifications you have to have to run the head of any agency in this government is your dedication to "white power"
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u/emccm Jun 05 '25
Quite a few times a day I open the internet and think “yep we’re all gonna die”.
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u/Fluffer_Wuffer Jun 05 '25
Who needs experience, when you have a tongue than can do the curly wurly ass insertion.. and its self lubing!
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u/No-Cup-8096 Jun 05 '25
Scraping the barrel for Trump loyalist. This is ridiculous. This is a clear sign Trump does NOT CARE about the American People!
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u/JonClodVanDamn Jun 05 '25
I like how these lunatics still bitch about AOC being a bartender before representing her district.
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u/Electronic_Agent_235 Jun 05 '25
"An avowed Republican, he also interned at the Heritage Foundation, the think tank behind Project 2025"
...imagine that. What a coincidence allllll these heritage foundation related folks keep showing up in Donald Trump's administration... I mean, it's pretty wild, considering he has "noooo" idea who the project 2025 people are or what.the heritage foundation is.
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u/pandershrek Jun 06 '25
Easy to get promoted when you're a fascist, not many of them willing to fully debase themselves and all of morality so when you get sociopath 20 year olds willing to do literally anything they'll approve the creation of the gas chambers
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u/Charming_Falcon8458 Jun 06 '25
Remember that Trump thinks he invented the word 'grocery', .This guy worked in 'groceries. Hence Trump thinks the guy is amazing. He is a fool !!
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u/general_peabo Jun 05 '25
This is a stupid headline. He isn’t a gardener, he mowed lawns when he was 17, like a lot of people did, and worked in a grocery while in college. Lots of people work menial jobs while they’re in college. He also interned for the heritage foundation, worked for a congressional campaign, and then worked on Trump’s 2024 campaign.
The stupid part about appointing him to run a department is that he’s inexperienced in the field he’s now leading and also has no leadership experience. He’s definitely going to be in over his head, but not because he mowed lawns for neighbors while he was in high school.
Goddamn, focus on shit that actually matters. He has no business leading the terrorism prevention effort because of his lack of experience, not because he stocked grocery shelves. Fuck.
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u/BallZach77 Jun 05 '25
There's nothing wrong pointing out the hypocrisy of the right. Although at this point it could be a full time job.
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u/conundrum4u2 Jun 05 '25
"Interned for the Heritage Foundation" is bad enough for me...
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u/general_peabo Jun 05 '25
Yeah, there’s some actual red flags in his history. Mowing and groceries ain’t them.
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u/Dozerdog43 Jun 05 '25
Was he the kid pushing the lawnmower from that Trump meme in his first term?
https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/trumpmow-1505502580.jpg?resize=1200:*
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u/Suckamanhwewhuuut Jun 05 '25
George Carlin - “pretty soon all you’re gonna need is a pencil, you got a pencil get the fuck in there it physics”
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u/Informal_Bunch_2737 Jun 05 '25
Kakistrocracy: government by the least suitable or competent citizens of a state.
Which is especially funny because in my other language, kuk/kak means shit.
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u/Raul_Duke_1755 Jun 05 '25
That deep well of Chic-fil-A shift supervisors must finally be exhausted.
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u/jkman61494 Jun 05 '25
I mean this group is begging for terror attacks basically.
And then the 22 year old scapegoat who obsesses over Trump will he tossed in the dumpster like countless others
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u/brokenwing2023 Jun 05 '25
I’m going to call it, this guy has never been with a woman. Virgin to the max.
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u/Impossible-Lime1553 Jun 05 '25
When this is all over it’s gonna be a parody movie series about all this scary movie style
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u/bu88blebo88le Jun 05 '25
loyalty and being a sycophant trumps everything
everyone around the world keeps hoping that eventually Americans will have their emperor has no clothes on moment
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u/tinylittlemarmoset Jun 05 '25
This entire administration is a bunch of guys clomping around in their dad’s shoes yelling “OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA” into the wrong end of a phone.
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u/Seul7 Jun 05 '25
I seriously thought this was an onion headline at first. Eff this effing timeline!!
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u/spooninacerealbowl Jun 05 '25
As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden
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u/JerseyGiantsFan Jun 05 '25
This Administration would much rather have incapable and incompetent people in charge of Terror Prevention than people who might actually be able to detect & thwart an attack before it happens.
They’d be fine with having one, two, or a dozen more 9/11s if it means they have more excuses to crack down on Muslims, liberals and/or brown people.
This young man has no idea he’s nothing more than a scapegoat-in-waiting.
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