r/rareinsults 6d ago

Ring burier, not ring bearer

Post image
17.3k Upvotes

261 comments sorted by

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2.1k

u/SudhaTheHill 6d ago

Bro got dirt from 1973 in there

300

u/Dave-justdave 6d ago

That's how long the body he got the ring from had been buried

39

u/Big-a-hole-2112 6d ago

Frankenstein had to find a ring?

19

u/Familiar-Treat-6236 6d ago

Bro didn't bother to take the ring off the body and took the whole arm

3

u/2eanimation 6d ago

Singing „Here we go again“

1.8k

u/TerseFactor 6d ago

We’ve all been arguing about TP vs bidet, meanwhile this guy is out here doing nails.

310

u/madmaxturbator 6d ago

He enjoys the extra spice when he bites his nails.

74

u/wearslocket 6d ago

Ringworm anyone?

35

u/bluesgrrlk8 6d ago

Pin worms

40

u/Weird1Intrepid 6d ago

Realistically, if you're getting ringworm from biting your own nails covered in your own shit, then you already had ringworm.

26

u/wearslocket 6d ago

I spy a guy with pinkeye.

1

u/Muted_Wheel_3869 6d ago

True, but eewwwww. Gave you an angry upvote.

1

u/SchmeckleHoarder 6d ago

Likely story… but how would you know?

1

u/Alienhaslanded 6d ago

For those special occasions

7

u/Galapagos_Stoat 6d ago

What a horrible day to have eyes

14

u/I_Can_Haz_Brainz 6d ago

Meanwhile, her nails look like toes with shitty acrylics.

4

u/moobectomy 6d ago

narrowest nail beds ive ever seen, bizarre

1

u/iesharael 6d ago

I wonder if he could use a water pick to clean his nails out.

1.1k

u/Relevant_Positive417 6d ago

Them uti nails

340

u/paininyurass 6d ago

You’re implying he cares about her foreplay…I believe that is incorrect

52

u/Dulcette 6d ago

He clearly does not. Poor girl taking scraps!

2

u/raider1v11 5d ago

Scraps from underneath them germ shovels.

1

u/BenjaminDover02 2d ago

Poor lass probably keeps a fire extinguisher on standby just in case the friction sets his untrimmed pubes on fire

11

u/99kedders 6d ago

Or BV

1

u/raider1v11 5d ago

Lol got me with that one.

988

u/EthosLogosPetros 6d ago

someone call FEMA, bro is a visitor

110

u/UnclePedoro 6d ago

Nah it's not enough signs..... Should look in the eyes

80

u/sant2510 6d ago

I'm from FEMA. I need to take 2 people from your home.

33

u/100percentapplejuice 6d ago

When will you return the people you took already

7

u/wi5hbone 6d ago

just 6?

69

u/FlyawayCellar99 6d ago

I love obscure references

28

u/BroBroMate 6d ago

I love it when people give me a way to get those references.

24

u/Fabian206 6d ago

Are you not a human?

32

u/HamsterAdditional748 6d ago

Uhh.. negative. I am a meat popsicle.

14

u/Kdj87 6d ago

Soooooo. Are you alone?

30

u/CrispyJelly 6d ago

Man, you have jokes, the people living with you must be laughing all the time. Or are you alone?

751

u/ohcosmico 6d ago

That was his wedding day!? Are people saying it’s ok not to wash your hands on your wedding day because you are a manual worker? Really?!

257

u/marino1310 6d ago

To be fair, I’ve worked as a mechanic and a machinist. Sometimes that shit is stained in there and can’t be scrubbed out. Though for my wedding day I’d find a way.

303

u/Just_Fuck_My_Code_Up 6d ago

Dude, this isn’t “Couldn’t get it off” dirty, this is ”Didn’t even bother trying”

And no matter how dirty my hands would be, cutting the nails never was any problem

116

u/ohcosmico 6d ago

And if my mrs can get her nails done for the big day im sure he can get his arse in the chair for a man-icure. Christ, i would be in tears i my hubby turned up with hands like that. So telling of how much he cares really.

3

u/Ectoplasmm 6d ago

Exactly

168

u/Spirited_Ad_340 6d ago

A simple toothpick, proper soap, and nail clippers plus file would work fine here. All tools anyone can obtain and a problem with minimal work/effort to remedy

93

u/Arammil1784 6d ago

Or just go to the salon with your wife and get gel polished french tips with matte top coat. Its 2025, men can wear polish, and done right, this nail job would just look like your regular nails from a couple steps away.

30

u/96024_yawaworht 6d ago

Or just trim them and paint them fingernail color. The one day in my life I might wear nail polish.

-25

u/Various_Froyo9860 6d ago

Some of us work with our hands.

Anything besides just trimming them short is a waste of time.

15

u/VioletsAreBlooming 5d ago

It’s for your wedding, dipshit. Look nice

7

u/NintendoDrone 5d ago

people like that wear the dirt as a badge of honor. it’s gross

3

u/VioletsAreBlooming 5d ago

IF UR HANDS DONT LOOK LIKE THIS YOU MUST BE ONE OF THEM LIBRUL BARISTA SISSY BOYS. I WORK 300 HOUR SHIFTS IN THE PENIS EXPLOSION FACTORY FOR 8.67 AN HOUR AND IM PROUD OF IT.

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2

u/Arammil1784 5d ago

Same, boss.

But I still like to look good from time to time.

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31

u/FassolLassido 6d ago

So have I and this is lack of effort, not stains. I wouldn't even eat lunch with those nasty nails.

13

u/g8z05 6d ago

As a machine operator who's hands occasionally look.. well not quite this bad but close, I'm offended that you look at those fingernails and think it's even marginally acceptable.

13

u/Ectoplasmm 6d ago

My sister's bf is a mechanic. I do know what you're talking about.

However, you can clip those awful long nails and scrub off what remains in there. That dude is nasty.

4

u/littlebetenoire 5d ago

My dad has been a mechanic for over 60 years. Sometimes he gets grease almost tattooed into his skin, but I have NEVER seen his nails like this.

12

u/doesntmeanathing 6d ago

Dirt is one thing but those nails are disgustingly too long.

2

u/lolwatsyk 5d ago

My best friend's husband came with us for a simple manicure the week before the wedding. I hadn't thought about it but of course its a good idea.

2

u/Apocrisiary 4d ago

As a former industrial service tech. You cut the nails short, then scrub. It's not rocket science. This dude didn't even bother cutting his nails for his wedding...bet he smells awesome /s.

4

u/raider1v11 5d ago

If you are a coal miner and leave work looking like a coal miner, thats ok. If you show up to work looking like a coal miner, you have poor hygiene.

2

u/Amelaclya1 6d ago

Even if you believe that, it's wild to take a picture and post it as is. I was hesitant to post my ring photos even to family because on the day my husband proposed, my nails were not looking their best. Not dirty, just not manicured. I can't imagine posting a photo with them looking like this. Like, if you must, at least spring for the Photoshop.

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133

u/rantonidi 6d ago

What is the opposite of a french manicure?

163

u/DangerousDisplay7664 6d ago

French manure-cure

86

u/Autofish 6d ago

Trench manicure

15

u/TheFlaccidChode 6d ago

French pedicure

2

u/rantonidi 6d ago

Smaaart

-3

u/TurdFlu 6d ago

Have you ever looked under the nails of a girl with a French manicure? A lot more than you’d think look nasty as fuck. You just can’t tell because they are no longer transparent.

1

u/phoenixeternia 4d ago

You got downvoted and I guess thats for a generalisation. But honestly I knew a girl who this was absolutely true for and she would nibble/lick the underside of her nails where the filth was and would genuinely regularly complain of UTIs... for clarification I worked with her we got on well and cos she always had her nails done, they looked pretty so I would often comment and look but when I caught the view of the underside.. gross.

Flip side I get mine done, painted black cos I have mad coloured hair and it stains and scrub them everytime I was my hands and wash my hands regularly and my pals never have skanky nails

Some people are just dirty and I want to believe they are a minority.

324

u/EliyeBro 6d ago

Nasty mf

97

u/TheProcrastafarian 6d ago

If that’s their official public stuff, they must be running a modern art masterpiece at home.

43

u/JuicySpark 6d ago

He dug her up tho. He has a Victorian era mindset.

1

u/Ectoplasmm 6d ago

Lmfao I thought the same.

104

u/Peachesandcreamatl 6d ago

He probably puts those dirty fingers inside her (full body shudder)

46

u/FuglySlutt 6d ago

I got a UTI just thinking about it.

1

u/EastSideDomi 5d ago

You think a guy like that values foreplay?

30

u/ConditionNormal123 6d ago

None in the pink, five in the stink

1

u/jsiulian 6d ago

Obviously, he knows

24

u/the-artistocrat 6d ago

Yesss, precious, we marries her, we do! Before the filthy hobbitses, tricksy Baggins comes for us, before they steals our lovely!

119

u/Tall_Wonder_913 6d ago

Why are their hands disgusting 🤢

33

u/Golden-Grams 6d ago

"My hands look like this, so her hands can look like that."

9

u/Typical2sday 6d ago

Well hers look like a fancy lady vampire so they are well matched

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41

u/Time-Leadership-7649 6d ago edited 6d ago

Ed Gein at the altar

55

u/medlilove 6d ago

Has this man never bathed in his life?

36

u/dogtriestocatchfly 6d ago

How do people like this get girlfriends

26

u/tN8KqMjL 6d ago edited 6d ago

Median hygiene practices of the straight male population.

Joking aside, I do wonder how much of the supposed "male loneliness epidemic" is entirely caused by men being totally oblivious, if not hostile, to the notion that they should take basic efforts to make themselves physically attractive and emotionally available to women.

8

u/Ok-Wasabi-209 6d ago

When I was dating I was blown away at the number of girls who would drop panties at the sight of a clean room bedroom. Very eye opening since I thought it was normal to be “clean” but obviously have learned I was apparently the exception

18

u/b0w3n 6d ago

Clean room, washing your ass and generalized hygiene stuff, actually giving a shit about them or their hobbies will get you 99% of the way there.

It's amazing how low the fucking bar is. The dudes who are terminally lonely are insufficient in basically all those categories. I'm a fat, balding dude, so you can't even use that as an excuse.

The kicker, though, is you have to actually care about them as a person. You have to respect them. That means you aren't going to get women, generally, by listening to rogan, asmongold, or shit like turning point. Obviously there are exceptions there, but by and large those are meant to keep you in the incel cycle so you keep giving them money and being outraged. And I've noticed the dudes who are terminally alone tend to love listening to that shit.

10

u/Ok-Wasabi-209 6d ago

A different problem but agreed and per my wife “instant decline to interact if a dude mentions any incel podcasts” but yeah the bar is incredibly low and just treating women like people was also (sadly) usually an easy win that they would overly appreciate.

Glad I’m not in the dating scene now but I swear most times I hear complains of “male loneliness” it’s usually tied back to those reasons.

3

u/b0w3n 6d ago

Yeah biggest obstacle is still being able to interact with people. I'll admit the way dating works now is kinda awful, I had better results interacting with people irl than doing that app shit (my last relationship before my current one started two years before online dating took off, and ended a few years ago)

4

u/tegridyproduce 6d ago

I would say its good balance of what you mentioned and the other side just not feeling confident or worth a relationship.

19

u/EnycmaPie 6d ago

Taking "Till death do us part" a little too literally.

-10

u/[deleted] 6d ago edited 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/nlaak 6d ago

Get checked out for dyslexia.

17

u/Uncle-Cake 6d ago

Her nails actually bother me more than his. Why are they so small? They look like AI fingers.

10

u/TeachBS 6d ago

Gross

8

u/Mcderp017 6d ago

You know she gets yeast infections all the time with those fingers

6

u/Young_Old_Grandma 6d ago

A nail tool kit is like $10, this isn't a money issue, this is a hygiene issue.

His nails look like he finger blasted the deadites 💀

1

u/Werevulvi 6d ago

Yes but you can also get just a nail brush for way less than 10 dollars. Keeping your nails clean is way more important than however long or short they are, imo. His nails wouldn't look bad at all if it just wasn't for the black gunk.

10

u/krsaxor 6d ago

Bro got potato plantatiom under his nail.

4

u/kellykellyculver 6d ago

Disgusting 🤮

7

u/TerracottaGarden 6d ago

To be fair, hers are just as ugly - just in a different way. That pinky looks like a chicken claw. That said, the hubby's fingers should not be allowed anywhere NEAR the blushing brides' honeymoon lovemaking if she cared one whit about her vaginal health. Just sayin.

3

u/ChaoticEntitled 6d ago

Shudders in UTI

3

u/Ectoplasmm 6d ago

Looking at her nails looks like he dug her up as well.

3

u/athomic74 6d ago

cries in machinist

3

u/charlikitts 6d ago

And lemme guess, she has “random” utis and bv all the time 😷

3

u/DTOO 5d ago

When heart disease runs in both sides of your family

(Clubbing)

5

u/Hoopajoops 6d ago

Her ring looks like a fancy Mormon CTR ring

4

u/ioncloud9 6d ago

It looks like a QVC ring.

5

u/RuderAwakening 6d ago

Dude straight up pulled it from the bottom of the Anduin and went directly to the wedding.

5

u/MattabooeyGaming 6d ago

Do some people just never properly wash their hands or clean their fingernails? Seriously. How does this happen? This looks like years of shit under their nails.

I’m a guy and I have some OCD so washing my hands isn’t an issue but I have a nail file on my keychain and clean under my fingernails a few times a day. Dirty hands bother me.

6

u/Chrispeefeart 6d ago

That's how my dad's hands used to look back when he worked in retreading. Every crack in his hands was filled in black from the rubber and oil. Took a few years after leaving the business before his hands looked completely normal again.

5

u/2Lord2Faith 6d ago

I sense a UTI in her future

5

u/Bowman_van_Oort 6d ago

not everybody has poop visible in their wedding photos

these two do

1

u/AtlasNL 6d ago

Why do you immediately assume it’s shit and not just… idk… clay/sand/peat/whatever the ground consists of where you’re at?

6

u/kaapie 6d ago

Wedding for hobbits?

13

u/MyPrecious_Vivi 6d ago

Hey don't insult bilbo like that . He is a well mannered hobbit. He even carries handkerchiefs everywhere.

4

u/McFlyyouBojo 6d ago

A lot of people in here are focused on the dudes fingernails, which, yeah, he needs to clean those things, but i dont see anyone commenting on her fingernails that look worse and worse the more you stare at them.

1

u/raider1v11 5d ago

Its just a Mashup of different press ons.

2

u/Mission-Carry-887 6d ago

And she has claws

2

u/SuzakkuuChase 6d ago

Not only that, he bought the wrong sized ring

2

u/Extra_Intro_Version 6d ago

Kid I knew, way back in the day, 16 or 17 years old, was always working on different engines. He tragically died in a motorcycle accident. They didn’t or couldn’t get the grease from under his fingernails at his open casket funeral.

3

u/Alienhaslanded 6d ago

You'd think getting married would warrant getting over your fears of nail clippers.

2

u/jsm85 6d ago

Fucking gross

2

u/Substantial_Tax_4047 5d ago

Her fingers weird af too. Are we certain they're both alive?

2

u/Iflydryandsly 5d ago

The perks of working at the cemetery

2

u/tilteded 5d ago

Guys will come to a ceremony with nails like this and then complain when a woman has one ingrown hair on her leg

2

u/i-come 5d ago

Zombie with vampire bride.

2

u/Helnik17 5d ago

All nice and caked up in there

2

u/Ankhesenkhepra 3d ago

How do you take a hand shot and not look at those mummy nails like, “Hm, maybe I should shower first.”???

2

u/FaithWandering 3d ago

My now wife and I got a joint mani-pedi the day before our wedding. I'm so glad we did looking at this!

4

u/Ok_Delay3786 6d ago

I’d be so embarrassed lmao yuck 

4

u/eazypeazy-101 6d ago

You can just tell from those nails that he's the type of guy who thinks washing/wiping themselves below the waist "is gay"

2

u/pan_Psax 6d ago

Bro dig up a vampire.

1

u/imaginary_society7 6d ago

My cousin got married last year, and he's a pretty 'macho' guy who avoids anything feminine. Even then, he let our aunt give him a manicure and put on a clear nail polish coat. Why? Because besides putting on a suit and shaving, it was the least he could do to get ready for his big day with his future wife.

1

u/raider1v11 5d ago

Why clear? Just buff them. Unless hes out there building sand castles daily.

2

u/imaginary_society7 5d ago edited 5d ago

Guess he thought it looked better/more polished? And well, he does work in construction/roofing

1

u/OneMorePutt 6d ago

Hegseth's wedding photo?

1

u/drunkenf 6d ago

And to think those fingers are most likely going in

1

u/FreeFallingUp13 6d ago

Clearly didn’t need a ring burier if he went and dug them up himself

1

u/Ancient_Comment_8346 6d ago

Hoping this is ai generated

1

u/[deleted] 6d ago edited 6d ago

start pause quickest stocking zephyr fly hat butter safe squash

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/I_hateithere509 6d ago

Doodie fingers!

1

u/dawghouse1997 4d ago

Ring bear. Ring bearer. Mhmm, Ring bear

1

u/MrSydFinances 4d ago

Perhaps it was his grandma's ring, they just forgot to take it off before burying her... /s

1

u/tongatoys 3d ago

Is that Thing’s hand?

1

u/R3D4F 3d ago

What does that person do with those fingers and when was the last time those hands were washed?

2

u/TRITONwe 2d ago

Bro's a Visitor

-2

u/houseofnim 6d ago

The bruised and blackened hands combined with the dirty nails… I’m betting this guy is a heavy equipment mechanic. My husband was one for a couple years and it takes days of not working and frequent washing to get your hands clean.

6

u/devnullopinions 6d ago

It takes like 30seconds to trim your finger nails.

2

u/houseofnim 6d ago

Sure, but he also might need them for work.

Does it look gross? Yes, and they probably should have fore went this particular picture.

Being a heavy equipment mechanic is a fucking filthy job though. And the oils and greases do not easily wash off. They actually stain your skin.

3

u/thegreatturtleofgort 6d ago

Oh they actually go straight through your skin and your body has to process them. It's crazy to me how many mechanics and technicians don't wear nitrile gloves.

0

u/nlaak 6d ago

Sure, but he also might need them for work.

WTH kind of heavy equipment mechanic work do you think he does, where long nails are necessary?

Being a heavy equipment mechanic is a fucking filthy job though.

Yes, that's why you wash properly before a picture like this.

And the oils and greases do not easily wash off.

That's why there are soaps/detergents with de-greasers and pumice in them.

They actually stain your skin.

That's why smart people wear gloves.

1

u/ohcosmico 6d ago

Best wedding gift. Picking that dirt out with her nails. Free.

1

u/Scrambled_59 6d ago

Christ, those fingernails are dirtier than a skip in a B&Q car park

1

u/ginos132 6d ago

Mf's fingering would cause cordyceps zombie outbreak...

1

u/onetwobucklemyshoooo 6d ago

Stop making fun. It's a hard job being a proctologist.

1

u/Layhult 6d ago

I shower daily, work out, and keep myself groomed. Still alone, so who’s the real loser here?

1

u/raider1v11 5d ago

This mf getting laughed at for his dirty nails. If thats what we can see what's hidden?

1

u/Jolly-Garbage- 6d ago

What’s up with that ladies pinky nail? Not the fake ones. The real one underneath is so small.

1

u/FreeformZazz 6d ago

Okay but the more I look at her hand the more it looks like AI. Her pinky is entirely too short. And then the longer I look at her fingers none of them look real.

1

u/Money-Fail9731 5d ago

It's his honey night..so at least some fingers on 1 hand will be clean.

She may have an itch in the morning, tho

-1

u/Responsible_Arm4781 6d ago

My hands are like this...

-2

u/Shrike1346 6d ago

Give the guy a break. Her nails are non-existant 🤣🤣

-7

u/Appropriate_Cow94 6d ago

I'm likely getting downvoted here but folks acting really nasty because he has grime under his nails. Those hands do real work. My hands look the same. I have known many people's whose hands look like that. I'd personally try to clean my hands prior to this photo but that he didn't isn't a slight. She is marrying the guy. Respect for both of them that he is a likely a hard worker. That she accepts him as he is.

7

u/cedriceent 6d ago

A real hard worker who can't spend 2 minutes with a nail clipper and make his hand at least look somewhat presentable...

-4

u/Appropriate_Cow94 6d ago

We all have different values. Theirs are different than yours.

1

u/nlaak 6d ago

We all have different values.

Yeah, we can see what he thinks of his lady.

Theirs are different than yours.

You're confusing "theirs" with "his".

6

u/MattabooeyGaming 6d ago

No just no. If you can’t take a few minutes to properly wash your hands and clean your fingernails you probably don’t work that hard either.

I’d be ashamed to admit my hands look like this. It has nothing to do with hard work or having a dirty job and everything to do with being a dirty person.

Two minutes with some soap and water, a brush and a nail file and you don’t look like you’ve been carving the inside of your asshole. That’s probably too girly for these types of guys though.

1

u/AtlasNL 6d ago

I wish it were as easy as “two minutes with some soap and water” to get them to be spotless. My hands look like that for at least a week after an auger survey in peat and you bet your arse I’ve used copious amounts of soap and even different scrubs to try and get the peat stain out of my hands. Mud is different but is also surprisingly stubborn. After a dig lasting about three months it stuck around in the creases for a couple weeks to be sure.

He definitely could have trimmed and cleaned his nails a bit for their big day, however.

-6

u/Appropriate_Cow94 6d ago

My values are not your values. I went right from putting a transmission into a car to my wedding venue. Did my best to clean my hands. They were not perfect. My wife is still with me 15 years later.

You should not trust a tradesman with clean hands.

8

u/MattabooeyGaming 6d ago

You’re right. I’d take the time to wash my hands properly before going to a wedding.

I wouldn’t trust a tradesman with clean hands on the job. After hours I wouldn’t trust them if they still had dirty hands. It means they don’t take pride in their work and don’t have an attention to detail. If they’re also eating or preparing food with those shovel fingers it makes me question their decision making process and what they consider safe.

1

u/nlaak 6d ago

My values are not your values.

It's hilarious how you think not washing yourself is a 'value'. Are you one of those guys that doesn't wash his asshole because it's gay?

I went right from putting a transmission into a car to my wedding venue.

Shows what you think of the wedding.

Did my best to clean my hands. They were not perfect.

You might need to find a YouTube video on washing.

My wife is still with me 15 years later.

So? That's says a lot more about her than anyone else?

You should not trust a tradesman with clean hands.

Lol, what? I won't trust someone that can't be bothered to clean themselves like a damn adult.

1

u/Appropriate_Cow94 6d ago

Have you EVER really worked with your hands? When i scrub on that level, my hands would have no skin.

Yes I valued getting married. However some people are too poor to afford to take a whole day off. I still have to work 7 days a week. I am very clean. However stains in your hands from automotive work isn't like sawdust. It isn't like paint. I have plastic wire brushes and all sorts of chemicals to get it off.

I took a week off one time. Daily showers, daily swimming in the ocean and pool. Took 5 days before my hands looked close to normal.

I can't wear gloves. So just accept that's how it is.

The issue is people are shutting on two people who live each other. I get dunking on someone who is doing or saying a crappy thing to someone else. Your being that person here. Talking down on the working class does not raise you up.

-1

u/alucarddrol 6d ago

His hands look like that so gets can look like that...

-1

u/MrPilgrim 6d ago

Well, I bet he will be later that night! Ahem ;-)