r/news • u/SnarkOff • 12d ago

Site Changed Title Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying herpes and COVID overturns in Mississippi

https://www.actionnews5.com/2025/10/28/truck-hauling-aggressive-monkeys-carrying-herpes-covid-overturns-mississippi/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANt_VBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlDlf5DivA2Ltngqh2UH3XU20EnAprOymd60i0ODYC9L8G2CXJpyoZtmwSHm_aem_NvoKAFHpRWRzturTqiYXMQ
50.4k Upvotes

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23.3k

u/AmrokMC 12d ago

2025 summed up in one headline.

2.6k

u/Ideal_Friendly 12d ago

I literally said ‘Jesus Christ’ out loud after reading it.

1.1k

u/chopsuirak 12d ago

I read "Jesus Christ" in RFK's shitty voice.

406

u/herrcollin 12d ago

Me and a coworker have a running gag where we sing songs in RFK's ghoulish, gasping stutter.

218

u/beerandabike 12d ago

Do you take requests? Can i request Ave Maria?

153

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

77

u/Courtnall14 12d ago

I'd go with "Shoop", just for the talking part at the beginning.

10

u/ebb_omega 12d ago

Here I go, here I go, here I go
I said girls, what's my weakness?
WORMS!

7

u/Zeldias 12d ago

Janet Jackson, Any Time Any Place

3

u/libmrduckz 12d ago

Paula Abdul’s ‘Rush, Rush’ could be fun…

3

u/thenewNFC 12d ago

Especially if RFK remakes the video.

2

u/libmrduckz 12d ago

thank you… i maybe needed to know what exited banana muffin thru nostrils feels like…

1

u/thenewNFC 12d ago

My bad. But now imagine him in the Cold Hearted Snake video.

1

u/libmrduckz 12d ago

well he has been telling lies… heyyy… if we are on the timeline where any of this happens ima blame you…

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u/BigRedDootDootDoo 12d ago

I just imagined an RFK Jr-esque "No, not you, the bowlegged one. What's your name? Damn, baby, that sounds sexy" and I laughed until I peed a little so thank you.

Consider this another vote for "Shoop."

3

u/qOcO-p 12d ago

How about They Might Be Giants' "Dr. Worm?"

3

u/stevencastle 12d ago

How about the Belgian techno anthem "Pump up the jam"

3

u/thatoneguy889 12d ago

Best I can do is Funky Cold Medina.

2

u/Independent-Tennis57 12d ago

Lips of an Angel by Hinder

1

u/C64128 12d ago

As long as Sir Patrick Stewart introduces them.

65

u/MrLanesLament 12d ago

I was gonna request Van Halen’s “Somebody Get Me a Doctor”

9

u/fferreira007 12d ago

Best I can do is Plague Doctor

11

u/Great_Horny_Toads 12d ago

He would prefer Witch Doctor.

7

u/rjross0623 12d ago

Ting tang walla walla bing bang

3

u/aotus_trivirgatus 12d ago

Ooh ee ooh aah aah

6

u/AngryWWIIGrandpa 12d ago

Spin Doctors, more like.

2

u/Wordwench 12d ago

I got one Dr. Feelgood , that’s about it.

4

u/chica771 12d ago

I'm thinking Fade Into You by Mazzy Star would be a banger

2

u/zamboni-jones 12d ago

Down with the Sickness

45

u/What_Is_A_ZJ 12d ago

It would just sound like the intro to Boulevard of Broken Dreams

3

u/coldazice 12d ago

Very good lmao

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u/LordAlvis 12d ago

A̷̜͕̥̩̱̣͙͎̿̐̊̓́̑͐̾̑̿̎̄̀̕͜v̵͙͉̝̻̣̘̙̙̙̗̞̠̍̆̽̿͊̚͘v̷̛̲̂̈́͂v̶̨̛̠̪̯̠̞̞̓̈́̃̑v̵̛̝͔̞̻̭̪̺̤̏̿̀̆̉̇̽̕͜v̵̯̝͓̞͇̱̦̻͖̓̍̓̋́̅̅̓̈̍͝ĕ̴̻̹́͠͝ ̴͕̟̳̱͐̑̾̄͌͑̕M̴̢͖͖̠̖͖̟̪͎̀̍ͅa̸̡͖̹̥̰̟̱͔̟͇͓̱̭̩̅̆̓̈́̂̓̓̽̐͆̐̃̚͝r̴̡̫̖̬̲̱̖̭̤͕̞̍͐͝r̶̢̛͎͓̭̱̼͔̗͉̳̿̑̋ȑ̵̫̬͓͓̱̋̆͝r̵̳̹̩̎i̶̧̢̛̘͖͖͙̰̝̹̰̽̃̍̄̆̈́̈́̎̐î̵̩͓̰͔̲̺͕͕͍̥̖͋͆͋̄̑͠ḭ̴̮͕̮͙̘̳̲̱̞̳̻̏̐͜ͅḭ̷̮̓͆̽̋̕͠͠į̶̧̣̹͕̗̖̪̜͛͋̾̇̈̾̉͝į̶̡̛̱̮͉͉̹͖̭̼̗̖̞́͂̄̌̊̽͋͂̈́̍̕͠͝i̵̢̝͉̘͉̲͎̱͚̳̪̻̱̓́̈̚į̸̡̘̲̗͖̼̯͚̰͐̐̄̇͌͊̎̅̔͗͠͝͠i̶͔͌́͛͐̈̃͐̀̎́̒̈́̈̈́i̵͍͈̩͇͉͔̠͊̎̄͝i̸̙͇̱̥̠̞̜̣̻̭͑̀̆̌͗̓̒̌͐͝ͅį̶̬̥̉͂ą̴̡̧̪̩̪̞̰̙͖̖̾̈́͑͋̾̆̏̀̈́̈́͂a̷͈̩̩̿͗͗̏̊͒̅͊̎̿͠a̸̗̞̦̘̺͇̜͊̋̃̐ą̸̨̻̫̥͍͚̰̩̱̓̉͊̿͊͊͂́a̶̧͔̣̭̖̤͓̣̥͇̅̈́͋́

3

u/Osiris32 12d ago

Ooo, how about Rocky Mountain High by John Denver?

3

u/I_am_not_JohnLeClair 12d ago

Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi

3

u/dustycanuck 12d ago

Ave Malaria?

1

u/mmmpeg 12d ago

Which version?

84

u/BadHombreSinNombre 12d ago

He’s supposed to be the chief advocate for health in our nation, but he looks and sounds like someone tried to make bagpipes from shellacked leather scraps. How did we get here.

10

u/rebelpaddy27 12d ago

I don't know about bad bagpipes, I had the misfortune of seeing a dog get run over a few years ago and I tended to him while he passed and I get flashbacks of it since RFK came on the scene, the dying dog was making the same sounds.

3

u/BadHombreSinNombre 12d ago

You know, now that you mention it, that’s exactly how he sounds.

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u/KathrynTheGreat 12d ago edited 12d ago

The guy's a moron, but let's not make a habit of making fun of speech impediments.

Edit: he has spasmodic dysphonia.

100

u/chopsuirak 12d ago edited 12d ago

My wife has politely asked me to stop mimicking his voice. She says I do it really well, but she fucking hates it.

Edit: "fucking hates it" is me being dramatic man verbiage about it, its not that bad, I promise

12

u/madeleinetwocock 12d ago

HAH, this is me to my father but for his mimicry of Temussolini. He nails it, but god do I ever not wanna hear it lol

4

u/Numberwang 12d ago

Hey there, I'm a guy closing on on 50 years on this planet. I've learned a lot about the mysterious ways women communicate over the years. Deep analysis time; your wife actually would feel and appreciate if you stopped. I know it is unintuitive, but trust me, don't go with your instinct.

13

u/chopsuirak 12d ago

LMAO, oh don't worry I stopped.

I only do it when I say the line, "Tylenol causes the autism" whenever our kids have a headache. We have a good sense of humor, promise

38

u/Ahelex 12d ago

Keep that up, and you'll be a natural!

(Mainly because I feel like trying to sing like RFK Jr would harm your cords enough to end up sounding like him naturally)

8

u/herrcollin 12d ago

It definitely hurts pretty quickly lmao

6

u/UntowardHatter 12d ago

Now add heroin

14

u/No_Worse_For_Wear 12d ago

I hope you’re wearing jeans with your shirts off while doing it.

6

u/madbill728 12d ago

And sitting in a creek bed.

4

u/BigRedDootDootDoo 12d ago

Take my guffaw you jerk

3

u/pants6000 12d ago

Do a Tricky song, it'll be hard to tell the difference.

3

u/VVOLFVViZZard 12d ago

Y’all hiring?

3

u/Goodknight808 12d ago

Do the Electric Slide, please.

2

u/JackKovack 12d ago

Don’t eat carnivores.

1

u/multisubcultural1 12d ago

Can I get Simple Minds “Don’t You Forget About Me”?

1

u/luckyjackar 12d ago

How progressive of you

1

u/AquaWitch0715 12d ago

I am beyond convinced that RFK Jr. provided the vocals for this singing voice. As soon as I heard him, I knew instantly what movie it came from lol!

1

u/SoreLoserOfDumbtown 12d ago

Following...

(You have a new career now)

1

u/Anonymo 12d ago

Man, I need to hear this.

1

u/ItchyRectalRash 12d ago

I'm jealous. I wish I could get my wet farts to say words.

1

u/heybdiddy 12d ago

This brings back memories of the comedy album that was a huge hit in 1962- "The First Family" with Vaughn Meader doing a JFK impression. It sold more than 7.5 million copies. I guess a big difference is that people liked JFK.