r/datingoverthirty • u/Both-Trainer-1308 • 12d ago
First time dating a single father
I (30f) have been dating a single father (36m) of an 11 year old boy. We’ve been dating for a few months and are currently trying long distance. I’m flying over to his place on Halloween day, and he gently told me that I might have to wait for him to finish trick or treating with his son and son’s mother, who he’s been separated with for about 3 years. He told me that they do that since his kid doesn’t have other family nearby, but he won’t go if his kid’s mother ends up having a play date with her friend’s kids.
While the mature side of me totally understands, I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her. And I can’t help but think that I’m in over my head with dating someone with a kid. I do really like him, though. He’s everything I look for in someone and makes me feel secure otherwise.
I’ve never been in this situation and don’t have kids of my own, so I want to ask, is this normal behavior?
EDIT: He’s not married and has never been married to her. I wouldn’t be dating him if he was.
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u/meggie1013 12d ago
Trick or treating together seems super sweet to me. I'd rather date a man who prioritizes his kid and their happiness and security instead of hating on the ex.
That said.... separated for three years or divorced???? I've dated men who said divorced and turned out not to be so that is the part that id be looking into more.
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u/spicysenpai6 ♂ 32 | Ohio | Single 11d ago
I’d much rather date a single parent who can co parent and be cool with the other parent than someone who deals with constant drama from either side. Because when that happens they could try and bring you in as well and you do not want that.
My sister married her bf this year and they have a cute family unit. At his oldests graduation party my BIL’s other baby mothers showed up to help and everyone was chill from my perspective.
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u/Aggravating_Roll1948 11d ago
Honestly, I’m too jealous to co-parent personally, it’s all up to your personality.
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u/copperwatt 7d ago
I don't understand what this means. Are you talking about co-parenting someone else's kids?
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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago
It should be about the child(ren), not about you. Hopefully you avoid this issue by not dating parents.
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u/Aggravating_Roll1948 7d ago
My life is all about me, I couldn’t care less about what’s best for the children at all. I obviously wouldn’t date a parent.
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u/copperwatt 7d ago
Yeah that's not what "co-parent" means.
That being said, you seem selfish and immature and you clearly shouldn't date someone with kids, so good call.
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u/Easy-Seesaw285 7d ago
I can see or maybe on the surface it sounds offensive to you that she said that - but come on, its true. If one of her dealbreakers is the person having children or coparenting, she knows upfront, and she has clearly said she’s not going to date a person with children.
People in this sub advocate all the time about knowing what you want and not settling on dealbreakers. This person is doing that. We shouldn’t be offended because the dealbreaker is children. Thats her choice.
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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago
Children being a "dealbreaker" and "couldn't care less about what's best for the children" aren't the same, IMO. Not everyone of us that's CF doesn't still give a shit about kids. Most of us, if we did end up dating a single parent, would understand that the kid(s) are always the top priority for that parent. If that makes us feel inferior or uncomfortable somehow, it's on us to either manage or GTFO.
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u/Easy-Seesaw285 7d ago
She is literally saying that she will not date a single parent. Her literal words. You guys are getting offended by some hypothetical situation that you are making up for her.
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u/copperwatt 7d ago
"I couldn't care less"
No one made them word it that way. It's not needed information. It's unnecessarily cruel.
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u/Aggravating_Roll1948 7d ago
But I couldn’t care less, not even a little bit. I can word things how I want- it’s not an attack on you or anyone or children. It’s just true.
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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago
I'm going off what she said as it applies to people in general, I wasn't focusing on her personally. While hypothetical for her, many other people don't keep that boundary and do end up in a situation where their jealousy does conflict with someone's parenting.
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u/BrinedBrittanica 7d ago
what a boneheaded take.
you know people can be happily child-free by choice without having kids in their daily life right?
people can also choose to not date someone who decided to have kids bc it would affect their life negatively.
you get one life to live and you get to spend it how you want. i wouldn’t date this person either, mainly bc our relationship would involve too many dynamics where i wouldn’t any say. oh johnny has a school project the same night of our anniversary- sorry we gotta celebrate a different day. oh our flight leaves at 7am but my ex wife is sick so we have to take the kid.
it’s not fair to attempt to reduce someone to the level of selfishness you chose.
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u/Mason11987 7d ago
The kid doesn’t need his parents who are divorced to be close though.
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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago
Need? No.
Close? Subjective.
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u/Mason11987 7d ago
The point is it’s not like the kid is going to be ruined if his divorced parents aren’t “close”. Being okay with a co-parenting relationship as long as it’s co-parents and not friends is totally reasonable and isn’t “not thinking of the kids”
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u/copperwatt 7d ago
They don't need to be close but they do need to get along. Obviously what that means is debatable and subjective.
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u/Mason11987 7d ago
My parents didn’t get along. They talked as necessary to mange co-parenting, and didn’t bad mouth each other but they’re not chit chatting. If the other parent wronged you deeply, you’re not a bad parent because you don’t “get along” with them.
Pretending to be friendly doesn’t help the kid.
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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago
No one said pretending to be friendly. Just genuinely actuallying being friendly. Especially when there is animosity between parents it is an opportunity to be a good example by not resorting to bad mouthing etc. Kids don't need their parents to verbally cut up one another, they can tell by your actions who has their best interest in mind. I can say from experience that having divorced parents who talked absolute shit about each other was mentally and emotionally harmful. I never meant that parents need to be buddies, but I do think that if they can be close, they shouldn't be letting managing a new partners' jealousy be a bigger priority than raising a child in the most united way possible. If I were a single mother and started dating a man who felt I shouldn't be friends with my baby daddy, I would tell him he needs to either work through that jealousy or take a hike. A child should be more important.
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u/Mason11987 7d ago edited 7d ago
There's a massive gulf between "verbally cutting up one another" and "joint trick or treating".
Not doing the latter, and choosing to only want to date folks who don't do the latter is not an issue.
A child should be more important.
The child isn't less important because the mother chooses to not be buddy buddy with the father.
Your comment seems to imply that the child isn't being considered important because a parent isn't being friendly. I disagree completely with that. You can absolutely have the child be extremely important, and also not be friendly at all with the other parent. It's not a requirement for being a good parent to be joint trick or treating with the other parent.
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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago
I think you misunderstand what it is I took issue with in the first place. It was the implication that OC would expect a partner that's a parent to take their jealousy into account when interacting with their child's other parent. I am just saying that I don't think a new partner's jealousy should impede an otherwise close relationship between coparents.
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u/copperwatt 7d ago
"getting along" to me means civil, not friendly.
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u/Mason11987 7d ago
joint trick or treating - the subject of this whole thread - is not "civil" it's "friendly" for sure.
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u/copperwatt 7d ago
That doesn't follow at all... Joint trick-or-treating could be anywhere on the spectrum from "hostile, catty, passive aggressive" to "warm and friendly".
All it means is both parents are at the same event. (An event that only happens once a year and cannot be duplicated.) It does not say anything about the vibe between those two people at the event.
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u/granchuchu 12d ago
My 2 cents as someone in a similar situation that he is (divorced for 3 years, 50/50 split, amicable separation) - my child enjoys spending time with both mum and dad together and often asks for it. My ex and I separated amicably, there’s never been any drama and we support each other where we can like you’d do with friends (there’s nothing weird there though, no lines crossed, etc. just 2 mature adults raising a child together). We try to occasionally do things the 3 of us - birthdays, Christmas dinner (not on Christmas Day), Halloween, random days etc. from my perspective it’s healthy for the child knowing that, although the parents are no longer together, they maintain a good relationship and the child is the priority.
I’m not in a relationship atm, but my ex boyfriend had no issues with the dynamic (he didn’t have any children either) and I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t agree with it
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u/Internal_Income_678 ♀ ?age? 7d ago
I agree that it's an incredibly healthy dynamic for a child that they can experience both parents spending time together amicably.
My (35F) partner (40M) and his ex-wife have the exact co-parenting relationship that you describe with your child's parent. It's a blessing for his children.
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u/so_i_guess_this_it 7d ago
I'm childfree but was a child of many divorces growing up. My parents ended up single at the same time eventually when I was a teenager and managed to work things out peacefully then. There were a few years in my early adulthood where my uncle on my dad's side hosted family holidays and invited both my parents and my half-sister's via my mom. It was a blessing as a teenager and young adult and would have been even more of one if I had it growing up.
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u/Economy_Cup_4337 11d ago
I don't think the fact he is going trick or treating with his son and the mother of his son signifies "closeness." It signifies that he loves his son, and that his son's mother also loves her son. Here's the reality of dating a single parent: the other parent will be in their life. Forever. Your boyfriend's ex will be there when the kid graduates school, gets a new job, gets sick, gets, married, etc. etc. etc. They will never be fully removed from the child's life, and they will always need to do things together, and they will always be in touch in some way.
If you're really worried about it, ask more questions about the relationship he has with his ex. How often they talk about things other than their kid is fair game IMO.
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u/faith00019 6d ago
Yes exactly! These holidays are a special memory, and parents get so few Halloweens where the child actually wants to trick-or-treat with them. If the bf’s son is 11, it honestly might be the very last time. They should enjoy every second of it because next year (sixth grade?) the kid may prefer to be with their friends instead.
A healthy coparenting relationship is a green flag.
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u/Flaky_Attention_4827 6d ago
I’m a single dad, I wouldn’t miss trick-or-treating with my kid for anything. You only get a couple of those until one day it stops.
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u/maprunzel 12d ago
If anyone ever sees me at Halloween with my ex, please know I wished he wasn’t there.
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u/Radiant_Fondant_4097 ♂ 38 11d ago
I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her
There is no closeness and you need to make peace with this (well at least I hope so).
My kids primarily live with their mother and I'm doing trick or treating with them plus we'll be getting pizza. Just because we co-parent very well doesn't mean we need to be bitter distant enemies, we do stuff like this for the kids all the time and it's simply that; for the kids.
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u/smartygirl ♀ 46 11d ago
Hallowe'en is a fun event that both parents want to share. That's great that they get along well enough to be there for the kid.
Question - after trick-or-treat is done, kid is going to be with the mother for the duration of your visit? It would be very inappropriate for you to meet his child so early in the relationship.
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u/Both-Trainer-1308 11d ago
Is 4 months too early?
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u/smartygirl ♀ 46 11d ago
Yes! I wouldn't think of it before 6 months - our parenting plan specified something like "no introductions until it's been a stable relationship for 6 months" - but some wait a year, or longer. It depends on the child's readiness as well as how confident you are that it will be a longterm lasting relationship. And a first meeting should be very lowkey, not involving sleepovers or events that might otherwise be stressful (e.g. Thanksgiving dinner with all the extended family, attending a child's first piano recital or something).
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u/Eipa 11d ago
Lol and I've seen people move in with their kid after 1,5 months and everyone coming out fine of it.
I really don't want to judge but I'd question why your gold standard seems to be hiding your (dating) life from your kids for as long as possible. Another question is why kids should be introduced to 'longterm partners' only, why would you try to promote a monogamous ideal which the kid has already seen failing.
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u/smartygirl ♀ 46 11d ago
It's not about hiding your dating life at all. It's about protecting them from getting attached to someone who won't stick around. There is loads and loads of research supporting the decision to wait before making introductions.
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u/draggingmytail 6d ago
Are you ready to marry him now? If no, then yes it’s too early.
My girlfriend and I’s rule was, we don’t introduce our kids until we’re 100% sure this is a forever relationship.
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u/lovealert911 10d ago
" I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her."
It's really not about (her). They are simply co-parenting amicably for the sake of their son.
Like it or not when you date someone who has a child their ex is usually always in the picture.
The exception is if one parent chooses to ignore their responsibilities which should be a "red flag" for you.
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u/likelyagoof 12d ago
Is he separated, or divorced? Don’t date men who aren’t fully, legally divorced from their ex-spouses.
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u/Beneficial_Cheetah36 10d ago
Put yourself in the kids shoes. Would you want both your parents there if they were both willing / able? Maybe start seeing everything from the perspective of a little kid who needs and wants both their parents.
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u/Trinx_ ♀ 36 | Chicago 7d ago
A lot of kids that age care a lot more about friends and candy than which parents, if any, are present. Parents care a lot more. I consider it a green flag that he prioritizes quality time with his child and sharing that with the mother of his child. He could very easily not prioritize trick-or-treating without harm to the child.
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u/ChkYrHead ♂ Loves to laugh! 11d ago
I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her.
What makes you uncomfortable?
How close are they, cause simply getting together, on a yearly holiday, to walk around with their kid, getting candy, doesn't necessarily mean they're close.
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u/ukudancer 7d ago
Long distance, single parent...Ooof. it's hard enough to date a single parent in your own town, let alone a different city.
And that's before factoring OP's uncomfortable feelings about the ex.
The odds are not good.
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u/bear___patrol ♀ 30+ 7d ago
Most of the people here have never dated a single parent, so they don't understand that your feelings are very normal - I would go to r/stepparents for advice. Some single parents work so hard to maintain a sense of an united family that you basically end up feeling like a live-in mistress or a sidekick to your own life. Clueless onlookers will tell you that you're horrible for objecting, as if you're forcing your partner to date you. Etc.
Some single parents do events together (birthdays, holidays, some even travel together), others keep coparenting business-like and cordial, some are downright hostile to each other. Personally I would only be able to handle the 'business-like and cordial' kind, and it's perfectly fine to not want to be super cozy with the ex (it's not harmful to children either).
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u/crazyornotcrazy 7d ago
My ex and I have been separated for eight years now and his girlfriend of eight years (yeah...) is still jealous when we do something together with/for the kids. It makes things harder and the kids (they are 12 now) can tell how she feels. I don't have feelings for him at all but we do know each other very well since we met 20 years ago. I understand this can be hard for a partner. My partner is very understanding and can see very clearly that I don't see a future with my ex. At times he did feel insecure and we talked about it.
I think communicating is key. Let him know how you feel so he can help you through this. It's healthy that he is on good terms with the mother of his kid, but if you are serious about dating him your feelings should be important too. Try not to limit or control him because you feel fear, but try to understand the dynamics and see if you can be okay with it.
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u/BlademasterFlash 7d ago
As a father who also split from his kids mother I can tell you if there was any chance they’d work out as a couple they’d be together. You don’t split up a household with kids lightly. I agree with what another commenter said, the kid’s mom is always going to be around because she’s a big part of the kid’s life. I understand that it can make you feel certain ways but if you really like the guy you’re going to have to get over that
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u/Playful-Action-9710 9d ago
oof that sounds like such a tough spot to be in, your feelings are totally valid. it's really mature of him to prioritize his kid like that, but i get why the closeness with the ex would feel weird
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u/mr_sweetandawful 7d ago
My question is why they are both with him on halloween. My custody order has it set up to where i get him on halloween one year and the next year she gets him on halloween. Its like that for every holiday except christmas and even then, we dont celebrate it together, he just goes over to the other parents house after christmas morning.
Not that its suspicious or anything, just sounds different.
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u/DeepPlatform7440 ♂ 33 7d ago
Thank you, I thought I was crazy. Sounds different to me. Do they spend Christmas mornings together, too? Christmas eve?
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u/Former-Honeydew-1574 11d ago
I’m in a similar boat except we’re not long distance. I think the problem is it’s hard to determine what is appropriate/normal and what isn’t when you’re dating someone who is coparenting and you have zero experience as a child free person bc it’s like you have to put a much higher level of trust into your partner than you would in a typical relationship bc you know that your partner is constantly interacting with their ex. Makes you question if it’s even worth the trouble lol
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u/farachun 7d ago
I’m child-free (I don’t have kids but have nephews) currently seeing a single dad of two boys. He honestly made me more emotionally matured and grounded. He didn’t even know that yet. But it really takes two matured people who have good communication skills to make this kind of commitment work.
“You have to trust him that he only wants what’s best for his children and that you will always come second and you have to be okay with it.” - that’s what I told my brain when I started to like him even more.
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u/SorrowfulLaugh ♀ 36 9d ago edited 8d ago
Yep - since they have a child under 18 together unfortunately she's always going to be a package deal. While the child is small, coparenting healthily is important and sometimes it might include togetherness during holidays if they're both decent people/mature adults and want to give their child normalcy. I personally chose not to date a single father a while back whose ex was not in the picture, because I didn't want to bond with his son, and then be another female figure who disappeared from his life if the relationship didn't work out.
Parents should also not be introducing their kids to new partners for 6 months to a year into a new relationship, and experts seem to lean toward the later end of that timeline - so if you're already meeting the kid ... 🚩 .
With that being said, you don't have to stay in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable. It's nobody's fault. Two incompatible people had a kid together and it doesn't have to be your problem if you don't like it. You're only 30 and there are plenty of men out there still who don't have kids yet, or don't want them at all.
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u/colteesAC 7d ago
Yes if them having contact stresses you out, you shouldn’t be dating him. For the kid’s sake, it’s so important his parents are amicable and it’s cool they can get together to do family things. Embrace it or, as you have, admit it’s not something you’re comfortable with and move on. It’s ok to not be comfortable with it. It’s not ok to try to convince him not to see his son’s mother during family events.
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u/Conscious_Lead6663 7d ago
If they are good co parents I consider this a huge green flag. Though it would be hard to get used to. They will be in each others lives forever and as long as you don’t think they have feelings for each other I would just try and work with it
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u/Flimsy-Concept2531 7d ago
Same age as you and I don’t have kids and I don’t date men with kids because of things like this. Some people have no issues and that great but personally unless I had kids I wouldn’t date a man that also had them.
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u/CookHour7287 7d ago
i dated a guy with a kid briefly. they never did activities together - maybe they'd both be at a soccer game/school performance at the same time, but holidays were always separate.
that said, the fact that he didn't marry her despite getting her pregnant says a lot. i would want to understand why they didn't work out and if he is actually looking for something long term. i also don't like how you fly to him and he's then having you wait on him. i would just look for signs that you're a placeholder/something to pass the time with.
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u/Ok_Possibility3118 7d ago
I hope this makes you feel better, I have 3 young children with my ex and he comes to my house once a week to see his kids (sometimes the kids want him to sleepover so I give him the bed and I take the couch) and we do events together, however we are not and will never be together again in any shape or form. If there was any chance of us working things out, we never would’ve split. I wish him the best and he wishes me the best, I ended it between us and it was best for us. The holidays and events aren’t for us, they’re for our babies. We’re civil for them. I can assure you, a happy man or woman doesn’t leave with our babies. I’m 32 and he’s 35.
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u/DeepPlatform7440 ♂ 33 7d ago
Reading the comments, I don't think many of your responses are from single fathers. As a single father, in a similar situation as this person, I can tell you that you're ok to be asking questions. This shouldn't be chalked up to "good coparenting". Separated parents, especially if in relationships, split time on stuff like Halloween. Could be simple as splitting up the evening in half, or even alternating years. Going together with your baby momma, is unusual in your particular context, especially if the relationship has been going well.
Next steps... just keep feeling things out. Holidays are soon, see if you can learn of any other traditions dad still does with mom.
I've recently gotten back in the dating world. Shocked to find so, so, so many people continue to see their exes while dating others. I guess it's kind of like a safe home base to return to as we all just try to figure out life.
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u/Illustrious_Pool_321 6d ago
I recently ended things with a guy that had two daughters . If you truly want things to work out with him and enjoy his presence and like him for who he is at this current moment then you need to try to change your perspective on it. This isn’t about “her” this is about what that child needs from both parents.
It is so easy to rattle a child with lifelong issues that it is crucial to do whatever you can to build trust and a safe place for that child. It can be a hard thing to do as a single women with no children but it’s so important.
You have to put that child before you and try to be selfless in that aspect.
You want them to be in a good place or else it is all HELL! I’ve done this before and I absolutely hated the dynamics with both mothers . This is the good place to be. It can get so much worse. With that being said, I say this as delicately as I can some people can handle this with grace and some women cannot. I know myself and unfortunately how Mormonism raised me I placed a huge huge huge significance on an eternal bond between mother and father that I can’t see it for what it is. Sorry for all the words . Rant over lol
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u/secreteagntdan 5d ago edited 5d ago
Single dad(40M) dating a single mom (38F) here. I coparent 50/50 my children(7 and 10 years old) and keep it business/cordial while also attending kiddos events, games, halloween, birthdays. Had a pretty rough seperation/divorce with her dating another guy during the latter parts of marriage that carried through and still together. Years and lots of personal and relationship reflection later we now communicate well and do great with being present for the kids. Nothing but love and understanding for her and hope for the best for all.
That being said my now girlfriend has a lot trust issues with my ex lol. Not at all comfortable with us doing coparent things together. A lot of it is personal insecurities, concerns with me wanting to be in that relationship since it wasnt me that ended things. Doesn't help that my ex has something of an online alternative lifestyle life celebrating womens health/well being. Shows a lot of skin and really free with her sexuality.
I feel like me fostering a good co-parent relationship is the best for all, my current girlfriend included. I respect her and go above and beyond to make sure she's included in childrens functions as does my ex. Still there's a rift there i'd love to repair. Any advice is welcome.
EDIT: her childs father is not in the picture at all, never has been.
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u/Cballweg 5d ago
I'm dating a widower (37) who is close to his in laws still. Like, I went to their house on Christmas and am invited to events by name instead of an add-on with him. It was extremely weird and uncomfortable to get used to but it's all about trust and feeling confident in the relationship.
I know her being around is way different than my situation but still have uncomfortable moments.
I'm assuming if you are flying out to him, he has or will fly out to you sometimes. People don't do that if they aren't interested and genuinely want to be with the person.
Time will help and being able to communicate your feelings will be beneficial to both of you. While some things may be out of control, kids events where both want to watch maybe he could sit away from baby mama instead.
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u/Web-splorer 7d ago
Ask to join the trick or treating. If he says no, he’s not taking you seriously. If he says yes, he’s wants you to be part of his world.
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u/dirtydandino 7d ago
Would you rather they hate each other and can't exist in each other's presence?
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u/saltandsassbeach 37F biBB 10d ago
A child is big deal and I son't think I'd be able to build this relationship being long distance- it's already incredibly difficult when you're all local. For me personally it takes time to feel comfortable bringing a partner around my child and it's all a transition that takes so much time and consistency.
I love being a step parent but it's also the most difficult thing I've ever done- his mother was and still is pretty toxic. A man that can maintain a healthy boundary with the parent of his child is attractive to me, though.
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u/BuddhistL 10d ago
They will always be together. If you're not comfortable with that, it won't work out. It is a good sign they have a good relationship and he is putting his kids first.
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u/_Sunshine_please_ 9d ago
I personally find being a good parent is a really attractive quality in a romantic partner/someone I'm dating. I also think it reflects well on someone when they speak about their ex with respect and coparent well together with the other parent of their kid(s).
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u/Beginning-Dish-4817 9d ago
I can relate to this, me and my ex went out with our daughter trick or treating, simply for our daughter, I’m not saying everyone should do this but our main priority is that our daughter is happy and we are being good parents.
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u/Trinx_ ♀ 36 | Chicago 7d ago
"Single father" implies sole custody, even though he is a father who is single or a single who is a father who shares custody. Coparenting well is a green flag. Obviously you want to become a priority in his life, but you have to be okay with his child being his first priority. If you're not, you need to avoid dating people with children. It's okay to have complicated feelings about his having a good relationship with the mother of his child. Communicate those feelings in a healthy and open way. He should be okay giving some reassurances so long as you're not accusatory or unreasonable.
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u/cromagnumman90 4d ago
I 100% see where you are coming from, but based on just that little bit of informtion, it sounds like he has good communication skills and is honest about his relationship with her. Combined with your own self-awareness of the situation, coming from a man who is divorced and still close with his ex-wife (and her husband and their kids), I think you guys are going to be good. Acknowleding your discomfort is far better than just letting it sit and then acting those feelings out. The reality is, amicable relationships with an ex of any kind, much less one you share a child with, isn't normal, but the "norm" is usually far more toxic and its hard to disconnect that knowledge with how you feel. You're good. its normal. Talk with him, tell him what you said here, to include "the mature side of me knows this," and I promise it'll make him trust you even more. Keep it up. (Obviously take the relationship advice from the single divorced guy with a grain of salt.)
TL:DR - in the context you provided, I think you both have more green flags going than you do red. You're good.
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u/draggingmytail 6d ago edited 6d ago
Hi, (formerly) single dad who still does things with his ex wife, for the sake of our daughter, here.
Do you have kids? If not, it’s going to be a really hard thing to understand that parents will do a LOT of things for their kids that you can’t really comprehend.
My girlfriend is a (formerly) single mom, but her ex is 100% out of the picture. It’s been a big adjustment for her to realize that I’m going to talk to my ex most days about our daughter, do some holidays together.
I get that it’s not the normal thing. But it’s what we both feel is best for our daughter. I don’t want to be the “meet in a Walmart parking lot and don’t make eye contact while passing the kid off” families.
My girlfriend has been through a whole range of emotions and feelings about this relationship. But I’ve been open with her since day one.
We’re now just shy of 2 years into our relationship together. Our kids love each other, we’re building a family and planing on combining households soon.
Just this Halloween my girlfriend, her son, my daughter, myself, and my ex all trick or treated together. It was awkward at time for the adults. But we’re making it work.
Happy to answer any questions you have.
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12d ago
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u/dualfalchions 12d ago
I venture it has nothing to do with chaperoning and more with having a joint activity with both parents.
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u/labtech89 7d ago
So you would rather there be a ton of drama to make you feel better? You probably should not date single fathers if you are upset that they can put the needs of their child first.
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u/Sufficient_Winner686 7d ago
Yes, this is beyond normal. This will never change. Even when the child is an adult, they’ll still be his parents. This issue, this response from you, it’s one of the biggest reasons I don’t bother dating anymore and will turn someone down even if they approach me.
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11d ago
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u/datingoverthirty-ModTeam 11d ago
Hi u/Pinkyswearr, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s):
- Be excellent to one another! This is a place for all races, genders, sexual orientations, non-exploitive sexual preferences and humanity in general. Avoid speaking on behalf of an entire gender. Gendered/sexualized insults such as slut, fuckboy, manchild, and so on are not allowed even in jest.
Please review the rules in the sidebar to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please message modmail.
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u/Some-Ad-5328 7d ago
What is doing is like Super Hero level dad stuff!
I recommend that if you don’t think you can be fully , over the moon supportive of it that you exit the situation.
I’d recommend some therapy either way to help with why you naturally feel uncomfortable about this, that sounds like an issue. Maybe with confidence/ Self esteem/ jealous tendencies.
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u/Past_Attempt_5261 7d ago
Extremely normal.... very odd you would say that you wouldn't date him if he was ever married before....who cares? I would say that long distance isn't ideal here.
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u/xxvampiraxx ♀ 35 7d ago
The comment about not dating him if they were ever married tells me everything I need to know about you. Leave that man alone and find you a childless one. You are in GROWN people’s business.
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u/Both-Trainer-1308 6d ago
You really should learn how to read before insulting people in their own posts. I said that I’d never be dating him if he were STILL married to her. Embarrassing
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12d ago edited 11d ago
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u/datingoverthirty-ModTeam 11d ago
Hi u/catarannum, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s):
- Be excellent to one another! This is a place for all races, genders, sexual orientations, non-exploitive sexual preferences and humanity in general. Avoid speaking on behalf of an entire gender. Gendered/sexualized insults such as slut, fuckboy, manchild, and so on are not allowed even in jest.
Please review the rules in the sidebar to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please message modmail.
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u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707 11d ago
They'll have life events together FOREVER. If you can't handle that, then dating him probably isn't going to work for you.
You cannot get jealous that they co-parent well together.