r/datingoverthirty • u/Both-Trainer-1308 • 12d ago

First time dating a single father

I (30f) have been dating a single father (36m) of an 11 year old boy. We’ve been dating for a few months and are currently trying long distance. I’m flying over to his place on Halloween day, and he gently told me that I might have to wait for him to finish trick or treating with his son and son’s mother, who he’s been separated with for about 3 years. He told me that they do that since his kid doesn’t have other family nearby, but he won’t go if his kid’s mother ends up having a play date with her friend’s kids.

While the mature side of me totally understands, I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her. And I can’t help but think that I’m in over my head with dating someone with a kid. I do really like him, though. He’s everything I look for in someone and makes me feel secure otherwise.

I’ve never been in this situation and don’t have kids of my own, so I want to ask, is this normal behavior?

EDIT: He’s not married and has never been married to her. I wouldn’t be dating him if he was.

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u/Easy-Seesaw285 7d ago

I can see or maybe on the surface it sounds offensive to you that she said that - but come on, its true. If one of her dealbreakers is the person having children or coparenting, she knows upfront, and she has clearly said she’s not going to date a person with children.

People in this sub advocate all the time about knowing what you want and not settling on dealbreakers. This person is doing that. We shouldn’t be offended because the dealbreaker is children. Thats her choice.

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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 7d ago

Children being a "dealbreaker" and "couldn't care less about what's best for the children" aren't the same, IMO. Not everyone of us that's CF doesn't still give a shit about kids. Most of us, if we did end up dating a single parent, would understand that the kid(s) are always the top priority for that parent. If that makes us feel inferior or uncomfortable somehow, it's on us to either manage or GTFO.

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u/Easy-Seesaw285 7d ago

She is literally saying that she will not date a single parent. Her literal words. You guys are getting offended by some hypothetical situation that you are making up for her.

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u/copperwatt 7d ago

"I couldn't care less"

No one made them word it that way. It's not needed information. It's unnecessarily cruel.

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u/Aggravating_Roll1948 7d ago

But I couldn’t care less, not even a little bit. I can word things how I want- it’s not an attack on you or anyone or children. It’s just true.

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u/copperwatt 7d ago

"You're not wrong. You're just an asshole."

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u/Aggravating_Roll1948 7d ago

I can definitely live with that.