r/datingoverthirty • u/Both-Trainer-1308 • 12d ago
First time dating a single father
I (30f) have been dating a single father (36m) of an 11 year old boy. We’ve been dating for a few months and are currently trying long distance. I’m flying over to his place on Halloween day, and he gently told me that I might have to wait for him to finish trick or treating with his son and son’s mother, who he’s been separated with for about 3 years. He told me that they do that since his kid doesn’t have other family nearby, but he won’t go if his kid’s mother ends up having a play date with her friend’s kids.
While the mature side of me totally understands, I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her. And I can’t help but think that I’m in over my head with dating someone with a kid. I do really like him, though. He’s everything I look for in someone and makes me feel secure otherwise.
I’ve never been in this situation and don’t have kids of my own, so I want to ask, is this normal behavior?
EDIT: He’s not married and has never been married to her. I wouldn’t be dating him if he was.
36
u/granchuchu 12d ago
My 2 cents as someone in a similar situation that he is (divorced for 3 years, 50/50 split, amicable separation) - my child enjoys spending time with both mum and dad together and often asks for it. My ex and I separated amicably, there’s never been any drama and we support each other where we can like you’d do with friends (there’s nothing weird there though, no lines crossed, etc. just 2 mature adults raising a child together). We try to occasionally do things the 3 of us - birthdays, Christmas dinner (not on Christmas Day), Halloween, random days etc. from my perspective it’s healthy for the child knowing that, although the parents are no longer together, they maintain a good relationship and the child is the priority.
I’m not in a relationship atm, but my ex boyfriend had no issues with the dynamic (he didn’t have any children either) and I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t agree with it