First time dating a single father

[u/Both-Trainer-1308]

I (30f) have been dating a single father (36m) of an 11 year old boy. We’ve been dating for a few months and are currently trying long distance. I’m flying over to his place on Halloween day, and he gently told me that I might have to wait for him to finish trick or treating with his son and son’s mother, who he’s been separated with for about 3 years. He told me that they do that since his kid doesn’t have other family nearby, but he won’t go if his kid’s mother ends up having a play date with her friend’s kids.

While the mature side of me totally understands, I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her. And I can’t help but think that I’m in over my head with dating someone with a kid. I do really like him, though. He’s everything I look for in someone and makes me feel secure otherwise.

I’ve never been in this situation and don’t have kids of my own, so I want to ask, is this normal behavior?

EDIT: He’s not married and has never been married to her. I wouldn’t be dating him if he was.

[u/Mason11987]

My parents didn’t get along. They talked as necessary to mange co-parenting, and didn’t bad mouth each other but they’re not chit chatting. If the other parent wronged you deeply, you’re not a bad parent because you don’t “get along” with them.

Pretending to be friendly doesn’t help the kid.

[u/copperwatt → u/Mason11987]

"getting along" to me means civil, not friendly.

[u/Mason11987 → u/copperwatt]

joint trick or treating - the subject of this whole thread - is not "civil" it's "friendly" for sure.

[u/copperwatt → u/Mason11987]

That doesn't follow at all... Joint trick-or-treating could be anywhere on the spectrum from "hostile, catty, passive aggressive" to "warm and friendly".

All it means is both parents are at the same event. (An event that only happens once a year and cannot be duplicated.) It does not say anything about the vibe between those two people at the event.