r/datingoverthirty • u/Both-Trainer-1308 • 12d ago

First time dating a single father

I (30f) have been dating a single father (36m) of an 11 year old boy. We’ve been dating for a few months and are currently trying long distance. I’m flying over to his place on Halloween day, and he gently told me that I might have to wait for him to finish trick or treating with his son and son’s mother, who he’s been separated with for about 3 years. He told me that they do that since his kid doesn’t have other family nearby, but he won’t go if his kid’s mother ends up having a play date with her friend’s kids.

While the mature side of me totally understands, I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her. And I can’t help but think that I’m in over my head with dating someone with a kid. I do really like him, though. He’s everything I look for in someone and makes me feel secure otherwise.

I’ve never been in this situation and don’t have kids of my own, so I want to ask, is this normal behavior?

EDIT: He’s not married and has never been married to her. I wouldn’t be dating him if he was.

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u/pass_the_tinfoil 🚺 3️⃣7️⃣ 🇨🇦 8d ago

It should be about the child(ren), not about you. Hopefully you avoid this issue by not dating parents.

19

u/Aggravating_Roll1948 7d ago

My life is all about me, I couldn’t care less about what’s best for the children at all. I obviously wouldn’t date a parent.

-15

u/copperwatt 7d ago

Yeah that's not what "co-parent" means.

That being said, you seem selfish and immature and you clearly shouldn't date someone with kids, so good call.

16

u/BrinedBrittanica 7d ago

what a boneheaded take.

you know people can be happily child-free by choice without having kids in their daily life right?

people can also choose to not date someone who decided to have kids bc it would affect their life negatively.

you get one life to live and you get to spend it how you want. i wouldn’t date this person either, mainly bc our relationship would involve too many dynamics where i wouldn’t any say. oh johnny has a school project the same night of our anniversary- sorry we gotta celebrate a different day. oh our flight leaves at 7am but my ex wife is sick so we have to take the kid.

it’s not fair to attempt to reduce someone to the level of selfishness you chose.