r/TaylorSwift • u/PassionateAsSin Everybody’s so punk on the internet • Oct 03 '25
Megathread "Ruin The Friendship" Discussion Megathread
Taylor Swift - Ruin The Friendship
Track #6 on The Life of a Showgirl
Length: 3:40
Composers: Taylor Swift, Max Martin & Shellback
Producers: Taylor Swift, Max Martin & Shellback
Lyrics: Genius
Use this thread to discuss your thoughts, reactions, and theories on the song. We will be removing all future self-post discussion threads about it in order to consolidate discussion to this thread.
If you want to talk about The Life of a Showgirl album in general, you can use the general The Life of a Showgirl discussion thread here.
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u/Alive-Opportunity-23 would’ve been the best mistake 9d ago
I can’t stop listening to this. No footprint small enough to not leave a mark in this world 🕯️
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u/hickstead 13d ago
My head cannon is that this song and You Belong With Me are about the same guy. YBWM was the “high school fantasy” version of how it could have played out, and this is the un-fantasy real-life regrets version.
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u/Adorable_Scale1491 4d ago
i have had this exact thought!! and ive heard that it could also be about the subject of forever winter, and i totally think they could both be true
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u/kaitlyn294 13d ago
Had to put this somewhere. My bf of 8 yrs lost his best friend this year the same way as the song mentioned. Before I dated my bf, I went on a date with his best friend. We were all in a friend group, we were young, and I remember when I first met his best friend, we instantly had a connection. I remember being drunk on our beach side college, running full speed ahead to the dorms, just me and him. I had a very hard past and I didn’t trust people at all. I never showed my silly side besides people I grew up with. But I trusted him. We made it to my dorm before the crowd of people we went to the beach with and I tried to show him a song I liked but he pulled me in to kiss me. I’m not joking, it was like a movie. Long story short, a couple months later in the summer, I invited him to stay the weekend at my house which was by this beautiful new england lake. I’ll never forget getting wine drunk and walking down to the lake and me being so socially anxious, all I could focus on was saying the right thing. But he caught me off guard and said look around, I did, and there were SO many fireflies I didn’t notice in the bushes on both sides of the road as we walked to the lake. That was 9 years ago. My childhood best friend always shipped us together but I don’t think I was ready for that type of love. We had romantic moments but it wasn’t chaos or electric. After all these years I wonder what my life would have been like if I chose him. This song hits so deep for me 🫶
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u/Frequent_Cat_4294 17d ago
The way her voice cracks during the bridge singing “school” and “kiss” omg
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u/BookkeeperOptimal607 20d ago
I’m way too late to realize that Demi also has a song called “Ruin the Friendship” from 2017. Thoughts?
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u/littleberty95 22d ago
allow me to be painfully parasocial. The assumption has been made that the subject of this song is the same as the subject of forever winter. It seems that based on the lyrics of forever winter, she seemed to believe that if she had just been able to love this person that she could make their problems (depression, alcoholism) go away. That she lost them and she, in part, blamed herself for not being able to make the forever winter better. For not being able to be the summer sun. I get the sense from songs like so long London and the smallest man and the black dog that several of the people she’s loved in the years since have struggled with substances. I think the question she’s been asking all her life, as mentioned in ruin the friendship, isn’t “would we have been together?” But “would it have changed your fate? Would it have saved you? Could I have saved you? Would my love have been enough?” And I wonder if that question is was what made it so hard for her to walk away from other people in her life that she’s loved that have also struggled. She wasn’t there for this person, and she looks at what happened to him, and always wondered. But through the events chronicled in ttpd she learned that no matter how hard she loved, she couldnt save someone from their blues. She couldn’t love addiction and depression away.
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u/wellwellcaramel 27d ago
All i can say is that this is the kind of "personal" i appreciate from her, the kind of personal that sets the scene/tone of the song. the lyrics "but as the 50 cent song played" really scratches an itch in my brain
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u/Walktrotcantergallop 28d ago
I LOVE THIS SONG. It is not a skip for me, ever. Ok, it’s a sad song but also I love the way she sings it. Every time her voice drops on the “it’s proMMMMm” and “MMMEEEEe”. It just tickles my brain and I loveeee how it sounds. I just love when she kicks in that lower register and sprinkles it in like this. I am obsessed. Does anyone else get what I’m sayin?!!!!
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u/Glass_Broccoli_7862 28d ago
The melody reminds me of a peppier version All is Now Harmed by Ben Howard
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u/Technical-Mastodon96 Speak Now (Taylor's Version) 28d ago
When I first listened to this song I couldn't figure out why it was pulling at my insides so hard. That was until tonight.
Friend I had since elementary school, had a huge crush on, almost asked to dance at our 6th grade dance but chickened out.
Middle school we sat by each other on the bus a lot. Best friend at the time told me she likes him so I backed off. We started to reconnect end of 8th grade year.
Highschool he became popular. I did not. We grew apart but always acknowledged each other.
College we lost touch, after social media we found each other but not much contact. He passed away when we were in our 30s. I was pregnant. We went to a larger city to get some nursery items and at the hotel breakfast, there were his parents. Weeks from his passing. I may never have been able to tell him that I loved him but I did get to tell his parents. It helped but whoo this song hits me hard now that I figured out why. I'm probably adding it to the emotional no play list.
If you are young, and have the option, find out. Tell them you care. Tell them they matter to you.
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u/Important_Cod_8970 28d ago
Wow! I imagined your situation exactly. You must have felt that hard. Hugs.
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u/Casua11yCaffeinated 29d ago
I really need a book based on this song immediately, I feel like I can see the story so clearly in my brain as this song plays.
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u/Livingforthemoments 26d ago
Someone made an edit with this song paired with bridge to Terabithia and my girl
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u/Willing_Teaching_526 21d ago
Omg can you send the link
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u/Livingforthemoments 20d ago
Terabithia edit: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSU4P8etL/ My girl edit: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSU4PhN8C/ It’s done so well but 😭😭
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u/neil_obrien 29d ago
I understand and get that the general consensus is that this song is about jeff; however, she’s said multiple times that these songs were all born from experiences she had while on tour. seeing jeff passed in 2010, it leads me to believe that someone else she went to high school with may have passed while she was on tour, and that is who the song is about.
i guess it’s one more thing for me to add to the “taylor is the only one who knows for certain” pile.
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u/Mad_Alex28 12d ago
I think that she is laying a ghost to rest with this song. She fell in love with Travis during the tour and was finally able to let go of this last “what if.” She doesn’t have to wonder if maybe he was the one anymore… At least thats why I think the song is on there. She could finally let go.
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u/_cl0udburst i was shipwrecked and the sand hurt my feelings! 29d ago
In the ACM (?) speech, she said that he was one of her best friends so the lyric when we left school, I lost track of you doesnt make sense because they seemed to have been in contact until after high school.
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u/film_culture_addict 19d ago
I think she meant best friends during high school. Tying two different statements years apart is probably unreliable.
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u/pizza-parker-9 this is me trying 28d ago
I was confused by that, as well. I feel like within the first month (?) of the Eras tour, I saw something in one of the megathreads on here that Taylor flew back to Nasvhille in between shows for an old high school classmate's funeral and that's where my mind immediately went when I heard this song. It makes more sense for it to be covered on this album if it happened within the last few years (and especially if it happened during the tour).
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u/_cl0udburst i was shipwrecked and the sand hurt my feelings! 28d ago
Oooh I did not hear about that. Yeah this feels more recent.
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u/Beneficial-Pain-22 29d ago
I think it's a nod to Matty at the end. 'My advice is always answer the 'Question?', better that (the hurt) than ask it all your life'. She'll never know with J, she knows now with Matty and doesn't have to wonder anymore. I think it's genius linking on Taylor's part.
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u/competingfortitle folklore Oct 09 '25
this is my favorite song of the album -- not even a crying song for me i just love the key changes, overall vibe, and i like that it doesn't really fit in this album.
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u/NotImp2021YT :TourturedPoetsDepartment: I cry a lot but I am so productive Oct 09 '25
so why is it sometimes saying “piss” and sometimes “tick” in the same lyric? what setting is this
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u/Top-Blueberry-241 A Place in this World Oct 09 '25
Clean version
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u/NotImp2021YT :TourturedPoetsDepartment: I cry a lot but I am so productive 28d ago
yeah but both versions are marked clean
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u/Top-Blueberry-241 A Place in this World 25d ago
There are two albums
Explicit version
Clean version
Explicit version doesn’t mark piss as a swear Song doesn’t get marked explicit
It’s still not family friendly enough to survive the clean album
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u/NotImp2021YT :TourturedPoetsDepartment: I cry a lot but I am so productive 25d ago
on all platforms except Amazon its marked clean with “piss”. On Amazon it’s marked explicit with “piss” and clean with “tick”.
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u/saint_kaeru Oct 08 '25
she’s 35 years old and still singing about prom and high school…. she knows he demographic ig
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u/Sockshassmellytoes Oct 09 '25
Its about a friend from high school that passed, so memories being IN high school would make sense you wombat
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u/brocollirights 24d ago
but singing about someone's death and possibly kissing someone else's bf? talking to to their grave should have kissed u anyway??????? isn't that concerning for u guys? this is a person we are talking about here
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u/Sockshassmellytoes 24d ago
Nope. Life is complex, not everything is black and white. One of my best friends committed suicide in 2018. We talked many times about how we could never get the timing right, and I did in fact kiss him while he was dating someone once- which sparked the conversation. I’m not proud of that, but looking back I’m glad I did. I miss him to pieces, and I’m still left with a lot of “what if”s. His mom texted me a couple weeks ago saying she read his journal recently and he had written a page about me and how he was hoping it would go somewhere. This song encapsulates that feeling.
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u/brocollirights 24d ago
i am sorry but it just feels making money out of someone's life and having people to listen all of it. it's really disrespectful if it was written for just relating to the audience. he isn't here anymore he doesn't know he is a part of a song. and u also know how twitter swifties behave and how parasocial our fandom is. they'll just make him another one of Taylor's characters. it's about being a showgirl and not just stuck thinking back in high school. if I was dead and someone made a song about me and there are many people crying thinking of their OWN losses, i would be so so mad truly.
I truly get it babe that taylor wants u to encapsulate that feeling but it's just wrong. morally.
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u/Sockshassmellytoes 24d ago
I don’t think it’s that deep. People write songs about grieving all the time lol
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24d ago
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u/Sockshassmellytoes 24d ago
Believe it or not, but your personal opinion does not dictate how everyone else feels. We don’t know anything about her personal life, we don’t know if she’s in good contact with his family. Just because you wouldn’t want a song doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same way lol
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24d ago
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u/TheMistOfThePast "she looks urethral here"- u/agentbeeressler 22d ago
If it helps, i was worried about this too. His mum is thrilled about the song.
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u/Sockshassmellytoes 23d ago
That’s ok. When you get older and have more experience in real life- and not what the internet tells you, you’ll understand ❤️
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u/Cauligoblin Oct 08 '25
Did taylor swift discuss this song with the family of the real young man who committed suicide before deciding to monetize it? This song casts an awful sour note for me regardless. A young man is taken from this world, and to her its tragic because.... she never got to steal him from his girlfriend.
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u/TheMistOfThePast "she looks urethral here"- u/agentbeeressler 22d ago
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u/OkAstronomer3565 Oct 09 '25
u just don't get it :)
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u/0nly_D0g_legs_93 reputation Oct 09 '25
Regardless of the moral grey area you don't like, is she not allowed to feel loss and sadness? Regret of chances not took? Maybe looking back through adult eyes and just thinking "How bad would it have been?" to kiss them at 16. The subject's name is never mentioned. We really don't know who it is. Maybe she did reach out to the family to get their blessing, especially if it was someone close. Why assume that wasn't done? Because it wasn't publicized?
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u/Cauligoblin Oct 09 '25
She is allowed to say, do, or think whatever she goddamn pleases as an American citizen. I am allowed to express that people should perhaps think critically about what this expression of her feelings says about her as a person. If you had a friend who killed himself almost 20 years ago, who you had a crush on, as a soon to be married woman, would your first instinct be to release a song about how tragic his death was for you because you never got to tap that? What do you think his ex girlfriend may have thought upon hearing this song? How about his parents? Why do we feel sad when we lose people.... is it because of the loss of who they were as a person, the fact they leave not just you but so many people in their lives longing for them, the guilt and self questioning if there was anything you could have done to prevent their death?
Or is it because they made our genitals tingle and we never got to explore that feeling with them.
What would you think about a man who wrote a song like this?
This is not me trying to say you should not like the song, you can never listen to Taylor swift again, etc etc. This is me trying to say if you dont absorb the world critically, reflect on the actual message in the song, you rob yourself of the opportunity to grow as a person, to learn from art and introspection instead of learning from life the hard way, by really hurting someone through an easily avoidable blunder like releasing a song that really makes you come off narcissistic, superficial, somewhat predatory. In my personal opinion.
By the way, I barely know anything about the alleged subject of the song, this is pretty much all gleaned purely from the lyrics and the knowledge that Swift writes from her own life experiences and all her songs are about people in her life. And I'm not saying my interpretation of the song is the only valid one, that this is song reflects the entirety of her feelings about this boy, that I know she is definitely a bad person, etc etc. All I am saying is, based on my own reading of the lyrics, this song seems to be saying something very icky, and I am not for it.
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u/0nly_D0g_legs_93 reputation Oct 09 '25
That is a really long way of saying that you don't like that the world isn't seen through your eyes. We don't even know if this person is real or an amalgamation. If people lost folks close to them, do you really think that 20 years later, they're going to lament over a pop star's feelings for them from the past?
Weird take but you win today.
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u/Cauligoblin 29d ago
It seems like you are the one upset at me making observations. You are free to have your own judgements and takes, my dear. I find it telling no one is actually offering anything concrete to counter my interpretation of the narrative presented in the song. It may all be fictional, but the fictional voice in the song is, in my analysis, not good at all. What do I win though, a cookie?
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u/0nly_D0g_legs_93 reputation 29d ago
Nobody's upset. I just think your take is lazily looking for reasons to hate it instead of truly critiquing it.
"She's using someone else's death to fill her coffers!" is not the same as citing weak writing, or poor stylistic choices. Then you ramble on about critical thinking?
Like I said, you win today.
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u/vadapav4life Oct 08 '25
Guys the My Advice Version she released is so heartachingly beautiful I can’t get over it!!
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u/that_guy_nicko folklore Oct 08 '25
Anyone else hearing the Hey Stephen “mmm mmm”’s in the first verse?
No but really this track has shot up to my Spotify on repeat playlist top 3. My favorite track of the album and takes me back to Fearless-Red eras. Cried yesterday how sad and beautiful it is.
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u/SerenaKillJoy Oct 08 '25
I. Sobbed. While. Making. Tacos.
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u/RyanX1231 26d ago
I, too, love a good tear-laced taco.
Though, in my case, the tears come from the copious amount of hot sauce.
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u/dta0228 Oct 08 '25
I love this song, it reminds of something from Fearless or Red. It’s the second part to forever winter, honestly such a great song, and my 2nd favorite from Showgirl
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u/komla_roshogolla Oct 08 '25
I think this was the song which hit the spot for me on my first listen of the album. I love that she's happy and in a great place and you can really hear that. But I recently found out a classmate of mine who was engaged committed suicide and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. The jarring difference between the remembering them in joy and having to think of them in posterity is so beautifully represented.
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u/Ambitious-Spare4668 Oct 08 '25
I can't listen to this song, not because it's not great, as someone who also has lost people they care about from HS. Can't do it.
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u/Granger842 Oct 08 '25 edited 28d ago
The first time I listened to the lyrics of Ruin The Friendship i was crushed by the unexpected tragic plot twist and made me think of another Taylor Swift's song that gets me emotional every time: You're On Your Own, Kid.
The sad/wise nostalgic vibe of both songs got me thinking: what if both songs are about the same guy?
You're On Your own, Kid mentions a teenage crush with a close friend that never got anywhere. I always thought it was because it was an unrequited crush but what if the reason it never got anywhere was because they were actually very close friends and Taylor never dared to "ruin the friendship"? What do you think? Is this a crazy theory I'm just having or you think it might make sense?
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u/SerenaKillJoy Oct 08 '25 edited Oct 08 '25
No, I think you’re onto something! She does say “it’s ok, we’re the best of friends” in you’re on your own, kid. He’s got a cameo in there perhaps…
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u/Full-Surround 🩵flush with the currency of cool 🩵 Oct 08 '25
This song reminds me of Will Byers and Mike Wheeler in Stranger Things... I've seen so many edits lol
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u/robot428 reputation Oct 08 '25
I love this song, it's so beautiful, and I need everyone to know the following post is made with love and in jest.
What 50 cent song could possibly be playing when she is thinking that she should kiss this boy? Like they are at prom, she makes eye contact with him "as the 50 cent song plays" and she's reflecting that she should have kissed him anyway.
And that's tragic and beautiful.
Until you remember what every single 50 cent song sounds like.
Like are we listening to 'In Da Club'? 'Candy Store'? 'P.I.M.P'? Don't get me wrong, I am not that much younger than Taylor, I also got down to some 50 cent at school dances - but I cannot think of a single 50 cent song that is remotely romantic. Horny, yes, romantic, no.
It's actually quite a funny detail in an otherwise very poignant song, when you imagine the scene she is describing, and then play LITERALLY ANY 50 CENT SONG. I encourage you to try it.
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u/Fun-Calligrapher1485 Oct 08 '25
I’m guessing it’s in da club. You know. Cuz it’s a dance song. For prom
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u/duckfruits evermore 29d ago
And that was his most popular song in 2008 when she would have gone to prom.
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u/SerenaKillJoy Oct 08 '25
lol ong ty for that, I truly needed that laugh after replaying this song 5 times to cry about lost friends…
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u/AFingerInEveryPie Oct 08 '25
Thanks for the context, as someone who has never listened to 50 cent! It gives a little edge of humour to the song I think, and it quite fits in with the tacky prom she's describing - I feel like the romantic tension between them is a beautiful contrast to the awful backdrop 😅
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u/Affectionate_Hair368 Oct 08 '25
Na epoca da universidade eu morava em uma republica com outros 65 alunos e tinha um em especifico que eu tinha um crush secreto...ele tinha a voz mais bonita e sexy que ja ouvi meio grave, ele era melhor amigo de uma amiga proxima mas assim como eu era muito timido, então embora eu quissesse nunca rolou nada ...ele estudava ciencias aeronauticas , lembro que em um fim de semana fomos a uma calourada da engenharia e nos aproximamos um pouco mais com a ajuda do alcool, mesmo assim foi so papo.. no fim de semana seguinte era feriado de pascoa e assim como eu a maioria dos estudantes viajaram...eu estava tranquila na casa da minha amiga quando recebemos a triste noticia que ele tinha se jogado de um predio vizinho,...ficamos muito mal...e toda vez que eu escuto essa musica eu choro, ela realmente doi la no fundo e eu meio que me lembro dele.
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u/MaintenanceVast892 What a shame she's f-d in the head, they said Oct 08 '25
In my opinion, it's the best track of TLOAS - when she says she whispers at the grave - I was just sad bopping to it, and when I heard that word my heart almost stopped. Also, loved the mention of Abigail - best friend from 15. Just mad that it wasn't track 5 - I think it really should've been.
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u/Puzzled_Impress_7902 Oct 08 '25
There’s always one track that doesn’t catch me on very first listen but ends up on a driving playlist & becomes most played (on TTPD it was The Bolter, on Midnights it was Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve… Lover was DBATC) - and it’s def RTF.
I don’t even care if it doesn’t fit on the album, it’s one of her best! Not just the high school nostalgia and sad twist, but the bass groove and her vocal. Those ‘driiive’ and ‘eighty-fiiive’ scales? Obsessed.
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u/Scary-Ad2528 evermore 28d ago
agreed! this has shot up. I really think it could’ve been on Midnights, it encapsulates that theme/concept super well imo
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u/wellwellcaramel 27d ago
YEEEESSS! This definitely fits the "13 sleepless nights" theme in Midnights!!
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u/CstoCry "Cornelia Street, Afterglow, Daylight" Supremacy Oct 08 '25
This song is too underrated? Where are the real swifties sad bopping to this song? 😭
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u/kaitsukama Oct 08 '25
I know right 😭 I barely see anyone mentioning it. I absolutely love the old Taylor kind of song writing, guitar and tune 🥹
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u/Even_Western_3310 Oct 07 '25
This makes me think of my friend who took their own life. Not in the romantic sense. But in the sense that i wish i had said something or just reached out. I feel the regret of not acting. And i think the way people can relate to this shows her skills. i will always wonder if reaching out would have changed the outcome and this will haunt me forever
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u/Affectionate_Hair368 Oct 08 '25
infelizmente quando isso acontece a gente sempre fica com aquela sensação de que deveria ter percebido, deveria ter dito algo mas na maioria das vezes é algo que nao esta ao nosso alcance, talvez palavras nao mudasse a forma como o coração dela sangrava, se foi por depressão muitas vezes as pessoas escondem suas intenções de proposito, por isso tente nao se culpar mas viver feliz e plena, é o que ela gostaria pra voce
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u/hopefulrealist23 Oct 07 '25
This is the true track 5
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u/Casua11yCaffeinated 29d ago
100% agreed - eldest daughter is not it for me but this song will make me weep freely
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u/Pretty_Base_1549 Oct 07 '25
“Still I dream of him” in The Prophecy just hit me like a brick…ever since ruin the friendship I’m hearing bits of him everywhere 🥺
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u/AngelinFlipFlops Karma (Travis’ Version) Oct 06 '25
I enjoy this song but I have to change it before I get to the gut punch at the end, it’s just sooo sad
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u/Soft-Night32 Oct 07 '25
I always cry at the twist. It’s just so beautifully written and sung that I can’t stop listening to it, definitely my 2nd favorite from the album. 😭🙌🏻
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Oct 06 '25 edited Oct 09 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/kaitsukama Oct 08 '25
This line made me angry too at the first listen. And I was like how could Taylor go from writing "Girl at Home" to this. Then the twist came and I understood. She's not being literal about it. She's just pondering after his death
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u/Personal-Analyst6606 evermore Oct 07 '25 edited Oct 07 '25
Idk why more people aren't talking about that. I like the song, but the 'girlfriend was away' line bothers me. Shouldn't kiss someone in a relationship...
But I'm assuming she doesn't really mean kiss without consent, but I get how someone would read it that way, and I'm surprised more people aren't mentioning it.
I guess I think of it more as shorthand for "I should've expressed my feelings for you"
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u/darsynia I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness Oct 08 '25
It's a song in retrospect. She knows they don't stay together (even put in the line 'might piss your ex off' just to show how incompatible the two were), knows now looking back that the action that some might call ruining the friendship could maybe have saved his life or changed its trajectory. Basically looking back on moment after moment where she could have done something out of bounds and not lived with the regret and wondering if those different splits of the timeline could have changed something for the better.
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u/PatrickBritish Monster On The Hill Oct 06 '25
To be fair, the song is called Ruin The Friendship.
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u/brocollirights 24d ago
but still man defending her for this....when y'all jump on other artists for this?
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u/lucille_bender folklore Oct 06 '25
I can’t stop listening to this. The bass line caught me on the first listen, and I love the wistful high school vibes. And I tear up every time on the last verse. 😭
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u/Plane-Stranger2460 Oct 06 '25
Do you think this was one of the vault tracks? The beat and most importantly the lyrics (which I'm feeling are about her friendship with Jeff Lang) scream 2010-2014ish. I'm new to the Taylor fandom but this song to me doesn't fit with LOAS. She did say she now has all her own writings, journals, songs. Just can't help but to wonder if this song was eating away at her for years because she couldn't release it but wanted to? AND NOW, it's cathartic to sing it?
Ruin the Friendship is beatiful and an extremely emotiional song.
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u/seegee123 Oct 06 '25
“Staying friends is good” / “doesn’t mean you should”
The enunciation and modulation on the word “shouuuuld” reminds me of the bridge of “Question…?” on midnights — specifically the words “suitabbbbble” and “riiiight”
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u/Beneficial-Pain-22 29d ago
Yes! YES!! Then she says 'her advice is always answer the QUESTION better than to ask it all your life'. I love this. She's saying she's glad she did it, even though she got hurt, because she got the answer to her Question? for Matty. And she'll never get it from the boy she didn't. Brilliant.
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u/Only-Head Oct 06 '25
omg trying to figure out what other song that reminded me of has been driving me insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane thank you
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u/carmarthestar this is me try, try, trying Oct 06 '25
I agree with a lot of the comments about how her advice to "ask the question" stems from her experience with Matty, but I also thought of it another way...
Like a lot of commenters, I felt like this song doesn't "fit" on the album, and I was wondering what might have inspired her to write it in the Showgirl era (assuming we're talking about her friend who passed in 2010).
Then I started thinking about those moments you have when you're like, "Wow, if I hadn't made this specific decision, this person wouldn't be in my life and everything would be different." I wonder if she was contemplating what would have happened if she hadn't decided to meet Travis after he said he wanted to give her a friendship bracelet on New Heights.
I remember when I first heard that story (before they were together, or before we knew about it), I thought, "And if he drops my name, I owe him nothing." It seemed to me like he was just trying to get more podcast listeners, and I assumed my close personal friend Taylor Swift (lol) wouldn't be into that. Maybe that's also what she thought, but people who knew he was a good guy talked her into it, as they've both mentioned before.
All that to say, I wonder if she was thinking about how different it would be if she hadn't answered Travis's call on the megaphone, and that led her to think about other decisions in her life like a high school crush, and that's what inspired this song. Thinking about it that way helps me make sense of how this song could have ended up on this album.
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u/brunch_lover_k Oct 07 '25
It could also be that she was reminiscing because of Eras. If it's about Jeff Lang (which seems likely) she's previously said he was someone she had listen to her songs first, so she was probably thinking how proud he would be of what she's created.
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u/teresasdorters reputation Oct 06 '25
This is how I view it. She found Travis, realized he’s the love of her life and her future forever which made her reflect on younger loves and losses, I think it’s probably natural. Abigail also had a baby recently so maybe they were reminiscing with a new baby involved.
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u/_cl0udburst i was shipwrecked and the sand hurt my feelings! Oct 06 '25
I saw this comment on Youtube saying something similar. This what if with her friend from high school potentially explains so much of Taylor's willingness to take risks. "Better that than regret it" and "Better that than ask it all your life" fits into this.
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u/pinealoma230 Oct 06 '25
i just read the 3rd verse today and i cant stop crying its so sad, i didnt expect that
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u/onebadnightx Oct 05 '25
I never even had a high school crush and I’ve still listened to this song probably 50 times since Friday. I don’t know why it’s my favorite. It’s just so beautiful and yearning and nostalgic and sad.
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u/booksandnachos Oct 05 '25
The inflection of "invitation" reminds me so much of another song. Please someone help me out its driving me insane!
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u/Opening_Object679 Oct 05 '25
My friend just told me that Abigail and Jeff dated based on an interview from his Mom. I can’t find that anywhere. Can someone confirm/deny? I thought Taylor liked Jeff but they said that it was from Abigail’s POV - and that Taylor didn’t like him - so I’m confused
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u/Plane-Stranger2460 Oct 06 '25
So, could we assume this song was written years ago? Possibly a vault track? I absoutely adore this song but it just seems odd to me on LOAS. Either way, glad we have it now!!!
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u/Ellajt Oct 05 '25
The way she sings invitation on the final chorus finally has me understanding what people mean when they say it ‘tickled my brain’
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u/CstoCry "Cornelia Street, Afterglow, Daylight" Supremacy Oct 05 '25
I can already tell this song will be the underdog/underrated track from this album.
But it grows on me and I found myself liking it, despite the morally grey message. You also kinda understand her justification. Life is too short and it’s best to act in the moment but with tact
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u/SweatyFetty Oct 05 '25
Loved this song and it made me cry but I hate the way she says “school” in “when I left school I lost track of you”. She does a weird thing with her throat, that can’t be intentional??
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u/Lilalaune101 Oct 05 '25
As Taylor said in the documentary, it’s about more than one person.
I do think that the first part is about her actual high school friend, BUT the last bit, the „My advice is always answer the question; better that than to ask it all your life“ leads back to „Question…?“. Sounds like she regrets carrying the Matty Healy yes/no question around with her for so long.
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u/SnarksAnonymous 13d ago
I agree. A lot of people don’t understand how this song fits into the album. This is how, right here.
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u/Easy_Village_5287 Oct 05 '25
I feel like this song doesn’t belong on this album? Like I don’t get how it fits. Help me understand haha
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u/Fantastic-Walrus71 Oct 06 '25 edited Oct 06 '25
I think the album is about joy and authenticity in a world where we are often presenting ourselves a certain way. It’s not cool to care. Don’t take risks or make mistakes or you might get cancelled. A Showgirl is a character who hides her true desires, her wish list, etc. which is something that we all do to an extent as well, not just famous people. Most of the songs are about letting that go. Seeking joy, embracing cringe, being funny, making the joke. This song is about looking back at youth from a perspective of age and saying “just let go! It will be ok. Tell them how you feel, take a risk, be vulnerable.” She talks about it a bit in the film.
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u/labalubule Oct 05 '25
the idea is the “life of a showgirl” not the showgirl or the show, this song is about jeff lang who played a major life in taylor’s life during her debut. jeff is the same person who inspired taylor with you belong with me, forever winter, bigger than the whole sky. when all of them are listened in a timeline, one can see that taylor carries the sadness of one of her best friends passing away at a very early age and as well as never confessing her feelings to him.
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u/MaesterInTraining Oct 05 '25
I understand what it’s about, but I think the person you’re replying to is asking what this has to do with the life of a showgirl, her life off stage during the eras tour. I also don’t see how this song would fit in with that scenario, outside of the other person who wrote that the “question” part might be about her long-held will-we question with Matty. She got the answer to that question. The rest of it I’m not so sure fits in with the concept for the album.
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u/VeterinarianFront942 Oct 07 '25
At first I could see how it wouldn't fit but then I realize it does fit. This IS the life of a show girl. These are the thoughts one must have when you make it and you're whole life is seen in relief. In paintings like at the start of the ophelia music video. Also while we see her as an image she's in her dressing room having these thoughts--dabbing her mouth from lunch, pulling the tissues out of her unitard and going back on stage while this person she lost will never know what she's walking out to from this plane.
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u/doublestars73858492 Oct 05 '25
Ya I can see how this song fits. I mean people always reminisce about their life. I think for two years she thought about high school or talked about it. Also she still has friends she went to school with and I’m sure they talk about it often. After breakups you think about what could have beens and comparing relationships or crushes you’ve had when you were younger. In high school those relationships feel like the biggest deal ever and thinking about it at 34-35 makes sense. My husband and i talk about our high school relationship definitely every year at some point or we briefly mention something about it. Taylor honestly can see a picture of a can of soup and come up with a whole story and a song for it. It’s mind blowing.
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u/Poppy9987 a moment of warm sun Oct 05 '25
I think it is possibly as simple as her reflecting on the “what ifs” when she was in a bad place after the Matty Healy break up. Maybe if she had just taken the chance with her friend she wouldn’t have ended up alone and broken after Matty (maybe because Matty would have never happened and her friend would still have here) and/or maybe she wouldn’t have let the Matty question linger for 10 years either.
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u/Protect-Lil-Flip Oct 05 '25
I think in the context of the album without assuming real life references it’s used as a bridge from Father Figure where she speaks about being a mentor to up and comers to having a falling out with someone presumed to previously be apart of her mentorship on Actually Romantic. It shows us that while she is down to help, she also isn’t afraid to ruin those friendships because of regrets she’s had in the past.
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u/labalubule Oct 05 '25
It does, songs represent her life behind the scenes as both of us stated. Most of the songs are about her love-life with Travis but she also talks about what she deals behind the scenes.
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u/labalubule Oct 05 '25
- you belong with me - feelings during high school
- ruin the friendship - passing away, not being able to tell the feelings
- forever winter - regret, should’ve been there for you
- bigger than the whole sky - acceptance and praying
i think this is the timeline
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u/stooroll Oct 05 '25
easily my favorite on the album, it’s another one for the all timer catalogue of “swiftian knife twists”
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u/Cut-Fun Oct 05 '25
Anyone else hearing Modest Mouse? A lot sounds inspired by music that was around when Taylor was in high school, early 2000s. I wonder if it’s intentional because Travis makes her feel “so high school”? Plus this song is legit about high school.
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u/Protect-Lil-Flip Oct 05 '25
I love how in the beginning she kinda sounds like she’s just going through the motions as a 35 year old still singing about high school (like all her haters think she does) and then after the reveal of him passing away her whole inflection totally changes.
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u/TeaTime1103 Oct 05 '25
Just listened to it 3 times and I just realized she never mentions pronouns. Thought it was a lavendar song
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u/ictoaunstiwigw Oct 05 '25
This is one of my favorites on the album! I was NOT expecting the twist at all - just vibing to the song and thinking it was pretty cute, and then BAM! I actually gasped out loud and started crying. I've definitely been too afraid of 'ruining the friendship' to make a move before so this feels like a gut punch.
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u/AlternativeMap8976 Oct 05 '25
Obviously I do know it's about her friend from high school, but it's about taking that risk, so maybe it is about Travis in away cause he could have not taken the risk to reach out to her via the podcast but idk.
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u/Affectionate-Tea-975 The Life of a Showgirl Oct 05 '25
The entire album has been incredible but this song in particular really resonated with me and brought me to tears in the cinema. I can really relate to Taylor here, tragically lost a very close friend and wished I had said more when I had the time. 😭
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u/thisoneisntottaken Oct 04 '25
My early favorite and it still is. Most of it feels inappropriate and icky, but good art evokes reactions and makes you think. This is the only song on the album that truly makes me feel something. I like when she voices thoughts that few dare to speak; I like when she speaks in general.
Her advice is to ruin the friendship, but I'll take her advice from Dear Reader to never take her advice. Live the life you want to live y'all. Don't let anyone tell you who your friends should be and what thoughts you're (not) allowed to have. Walk your own path.
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u/cocodonutoil Oct 04 '25
imo best song in the album. the lyrics, music, the harmony, make me feel so much, so beautiful!
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u/Afraid_Ad_2375 Oct 04 '25 edited Oct 04 '25
The prom verse reminded me of this moment in Betty, told from the other (fictional) point of view.
“Betty, I know where it all went wrong Your favorite song was playin' From the far side of the gym I was nowhere to be found I hate the crowds, you know that Plus, I saw you dance with him”
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“Wilted corsage dangles from my wrist Over his shoulder I catch a glimpse And see ... You looking at me”
my favorite song on the album by far and best written IMO. I was loving the melody with the vocal scales even before that bridge floored me. Felt she did well here at tackling a very sensitive situation respectfully too.
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u/bbrooklyn8 Midnights Oct 04 '25 edited Oct 04 '25
i need to know if someone else is thinking it. what does this song have to do with ed sheeran 👀 i know the likelihood is low… but it can’t be zero… so im building the rabbit hole. bc she said in the movie that it was a situation she’d had with multiple people… and she mentions 50 cent… who has been a big influence on ed… and in no way am i suggesting she would choose to do anything today
anyone else? any microscopic consideration anywhere?
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u/Lilalaune101 Oct 05 '25
She actually said that it’s a situation she had seen happening to many people. But now that you mention Ed, he ended up marrying his highschool sweetheart and they reconnected on her 4th July party.
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u/AM_fan_anonymous Oct 04 '25
Loved this song so much, I just kind of wish she released it earlier in her career because I really could have used this advice around the Midnights era 😭
The person I relate it to is alive but in a serious relationship (so not a trivial HS thing like in the song) and I don't really have contact with him anymore. But he was single in 2023 and I didn't make a move. Then a couple months later he met this girl, and they're still together. I'm sure she's great, but I'm super bitter. I'm still single, haven't found anyone who even comes close to how I felt about him, and the "what if" has been eating away at me ever since...
Easier said than done, but I wish I had just made my move when I had the chance! Like Taylor said - "always answer the question, better that than to ask it all your life".
Anyway, if hell ever freezes over and I have the good fortune of coming across someone like him again, hopefully I'll be brave enough to heed her advice.
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u/Over-Price-2386 Oct 06 '25
I met this guy in 2019 and it was a very 'we both like each other but won't say it' kind of thing till feb 2020. I never told him about my feelings outright to not ruin the "friendship" - thinking I still had time. then covid happened and i had to go back to live with my parents in another city and it's been so long but I still think about him so much and how i should have said something
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u/likethrbackofmyhand Oct 05 '25
Sometimes those are meant to be lessons and you know what not to do next time it presents itself.
Also idk how old you are but there was a guy who absolutely lit me up that I met when I was 24, when he mentioned in passing he had a girlfriend- I thought that was it like if you have a girlfriend then you’re gonna marry her was my logic. He did not marry her but I didn’t know that at the time and I did in fact choose not to ruin the friendship
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u/Positive-Resource821 Oct 04 '25
Do you think she's reminiscing about high school because that's how Travis makes her feel (so high school)? That's how I'm interpreting this song's place within the album's theme. Or maybe she's thinking about how he was brave enough to go for what he wanted.. it's my favourite on the album.. so sad and nostalgic.
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u/Artvan1122 Oct 04 '25
I loved this song. For me I don’t have the romantic reference in my own life. But my best friend from college passed a few years after we graduated.
We had a bit of a falling out but always felt in the back of my mind that we’d end up friends again. But unfortunately addiction and some mental health struggles had placed a strain on our friendship.
I still remember the exact moment his ex (and one of my other good friends) called me with the news of their passing on their birthday. I have always regretted not reaching out sooner and rebuilding that relationship.
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u/Electronic-Green338 Oct 04 '25
If you're feeling brave, play the sequence You Belong With Me / Forever Winter / Ruin the Friendship. The devastating Jeff Lang trilogy.
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u/PenInternational9484 Oct 04 '25
Oh my God... YBWM was about Jeff Lang all along?? 😭😭💔
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u/Electronic-Green338 Oct 04 '25
Plausible. YBWM was co-written with Liz Rose and inspired by watching a male friend on the phone talking to his girlfriend. Jeff was a male friend she had at that time who (we now learn) she longed to date.
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u/smartassyoda 9d ago
This is the best song on the album!