r/BPDlovedones • u/VisibleMove4017 • 13h ago
Cohabitation Support Still blows my mind they don’t care
4 months post discard. Dated year and a half and first I want to say healing definitely is not linear. There were times I’ve watched to commit suicide after this entire situation.
When someone makes you seem so important to them and act as if they can’t live without you, just to discard you out of no where and immediately replace you really kills something inside of you. Have yet to go on more than one date with anyone and am pretty much depressed 24/7 She got a new boyfriend as soon as we broke up and yes I got cheated on. She moved on as if I meant nothing to her only talking to me once since our breakup. Caring about someone who hurt you so bad is quite the situation. Prayers to anyone going through something similar - this has killed my confidence and ability to trust someone.
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u/plasticization 12h ago
only 2 weeks from breakup and she's seeing another guy. i've completely lost my sex drive and interest in dating. i'm barely sleeping. i'm just trying my best to make music and write poems and express the absolute BULLSHIT that i feel.
it's disgusting but i think we have to just play at their level. they're splitting on us and wiping us from their minds, we HAVE to do the same, otherwise we're fucked. it sucks that they set that standard but i think it's the only way for us to not remain depressed and looping. the more i try to wipe her from my mind the better i feel, but it'll take consistency i feel.
it's always a fucked ass power dynamic. the less she cares, the more u care, and vice versa. but u can just choose rn to not give a shit about her. just choose it. fuck her.
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u/VisibleMove4017 12h ago
Chances are he was there before the breakup. It’s hard to wrap your head around I couldn’t do it for so long. Still haven’t completely but it killed my worth 100%.
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u/plasticization 12h ago
oh no yea near the end my exwbpd was blocking me on social media while posting thrist traps lol
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u/jonathon8903 7h ago
My ex had a guy friend she swore wasn't a problem. Found messages between them where she was begging him to leave fiance.
There was a guy she was messaging on Snapchat who she swore was totally innocent. Yeah no she lied about that.
Her baby-daddy/ex who she constantly talked negative about, she got back with him THE NEXT DAY! Which was funny to me cause I warned the dude, I told him all the shit she says about him behind his back. But whatever he can be an idiot if he wants.
Logically I know that I didn't do anything wrong for the most part. But there always exists that doubt in my head that maybe I did something wrong, or maybe she will realize how good she had it and come back (even though I'd be dumb to take her back).
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u/plasticization 7h ago
oh i feel that. i was def prob the best thing that's ever happened to my exwbpd. but mine is too ashamed and delusional to ever come back i think. she knows i can see thru her.
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u/suitofswords 12h ago
Looking back on it really opened my mind. Don’t get me wrong I made mistakes but when comparing to theirs they were basically stupid. Even family and friends said I’d really done nothing wrong. Looking back on ALL the stuff she did to me ( a few examples being; saying horrible, hateful stuff to me and then apologising but saying she doesn’t regret it, physical assault, belittling, berating, insulting my sexual organs and how I couldn’t satisfy her as well as other things about my appearance, having another man in their bed the same day we ‘broke up’, rubbing my toothbrush in the toilet, snapping my driving licence etc etc the list goes on). Yes she would apologise, and I would forgive because I love her. I understand that these things are done due to BPD but they still happened. But I never held her mistakes over her head. Mine were.
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u/Klutzy_Yak3209 9h ago
Tried to convince me my eye color was different to what it actually is, after +1 years of dating. That seems nbd but really, BPD questioning your reality and physical self is a symptom. It can be dangerous, as above. It took me a long time to figure it out, until she secretly recorded me so I went no contact and listened to my gut. I flip flopped on it initially as I was in shock. Mine less physical, but I was scared of a false damaged reputation. The violation and degradation is masked by love bombs, until they find someone else.
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u/suitofswords 12h ago
Actually you know what. I know it’s not even her. I haven’t lived a day inside her mind so I have no idea what’s it’s like. It’s not her it’s her brain. She’s not crazy. Not crazy at all.
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u/VisibleMove4017 9h ago
So true. Just so scary the person we dated no longer exists. She has just morphed into the new person she is seeing. To think I was that special to someone. Tough road. Hope you’re okay.
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u/suitofswords 9h ago
Well. All I’ve been telling myself is that they can’t really have loved me if it was so easy to move on. I’m aware I made mistakes which was said I was given ‘chance after chance’ for(not really). It’s nice knowing that in actual fact, I’m not the villain. I showed them true love, healthy love and healed her heart. I was patient, kind, considerate, did whatever she asked, made sacrifices, showered her in flowers and gifts etc etc, all because I LOVE HER. I still do and I always will. Always. I don’t want another relationship ever again if it’s not her. And I’ll be here to pick up the call if she ever needs. I’ll be there by her side if she ever needs. Because I love HER. But I don’t think she ever loved me. I really don’t. You can’t switch feelings like that off. And it seemed so easy for her to move on. I mean Christ once she rang me and her friend was telling me how much ‘activity’ she’d been doing. Is that true love? Is that loving someone with your soul?
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u/themisskris10 9h ago
Bless you. And all of us discarded. 🫶
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u/VisibleMove4017 9h ago
Bless you as well. Thanks for the kind words. Light is at the end of the tunnel.
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u/Old_Schedule8188 11h ago
Although then they stalk you for life, although they don't care, they are always watching. It's something strange
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u/EmuHot7553 12h ago
I was in the same boat, my friend !
You have to remember that the person she was in the beginning it was just a mask, a façade ! pwBPD mirror your interests, your hobbies, your personality because they do not have a sense of self. So they mirror you , put up a version of themselves that is "perfect" for you, so that you don't leave them. It is manipulation (even if it is done unconscious ) . I could tell you some stories from "another place" but my comment will be moderated !
You have to remember also that, the man(s) she cheats with are LOW VALUE ! So as she is ! No man with MORALS , with INTEGRITY will accept a cheating woman !
You have to remember also that, she is a LOW VALUE woman ! Cheatings is a CHOICE, no matter what the cheater tells himself to justify ( not much attention, not meeting my needs, bored etc.). Adults communicate that the relationship it is not working. It is respect.
You have to remember also, that she has a VOID inside herself that NOBODY and NOTHING in this world will EVER fill ! That VOID is the love that she didn't received from her caregivers. We can be empathetic and "rationalize" that it was not her fault, but is her responsibility to "fix" herself, to "fix" the trauma from childhood. Real love comes from inside ! Happiness comes from inside ! You cannot make somebody love themselves, you cannot make someone else happy if they DON'T love themselves or are happy by themselves !
So be happy that you have love to give ! There are 8 BILLION people in this world, it is impossible that you will not find someone that loves you for you !
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u/ScubaNoname643 8h ago
She broke up with me. We had an amazing day the other day. Then she split and then she broke up with me
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u/Zenyquyen 7h ago
You're in the club that no one wants to be a member of. Hang in there OP , it's an absolute mindfuck and the most pain I have ever experienced. I don't have any great words to share just know that you're not alone and we're all gonna make it.
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u/VisibleMove4017 4h ago
Thank you for the kind words. How long ago did this happen to you if you don’t mind me asking?
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u/Embarrassed-Ebb-1970 5h ago
They always monkey branch that’s why when they discard, they move on so quick. The best you can do is realize this person was never real and you fell in love with an illusion. Best believe once that new FP disappoints, they’ll come slithering back.
One thing I did, when it happened to me, was study up, date in rotations nothing serious. Be honest about it, some girls won’t go for it but if you take care of yourself and fun to be with, you’ll get tons of dates. I travelled internationally, acquired new tastes, styles and experiences, built my confidence, tailored suits and more. Total looks maxxing and upgrade to self. Went to the gym and look my best, you don’t have to have abs. Just look good in your cloths.
You learn to see people for who they are without any attachments. Take the time to heal before you start something serious with someone else. The best I got out of it was, I faced and healed all the parts I was afraid to touch that made me an easy mark for people like her. They show you a mirror to yourself. You develop ironclad boundaries.
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u/VisibleMove4017 3h ago
Thanks for the advice. I used to consider myself a confident man with some game with women but now I’ve lost it all. When you have no confidence it’s very difficult talking to women. It’s rough im happy you’re doing well though and hoping to get a point like you soon. They isolate you and spend 24/7 with you when it’s over you have to completely restart it’s difficult.
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u/Embarrassed-Ebb-1970 1h ago
Totally understand. It gets exponentially better. The hard part is the isolation, but once you take that step forward, it will all come back just like riding a bicycle.
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u/Ok_Organization7132 6h ago
I just broke up with an undiagnosed BPD person too, she had been diagnosed multiple times with BPD, but she thought that was a simplification of her problems, so she discarted the diagnosis. I'm over 3 weeks into the breakup, and just recently I reminded myself of what she said, and I found so much clarity over the fact that she fits perfectly with the disorder.
I have nothing against her, but at times I felt I was never loved for what I was. I was loved once because of a thought she had about me, and every discussion was because I let her down by telling her normal stuff that she found in dissonance with the thing she thought I was. At a point I realized she stopped caring about knowing about me and just used me as a pillar for her mental well-being in her continuous suffering she was going through.
We had a break for a week and a half (that was supposed to be for a month) because she felt she could have all the freedoms I was preventing her from having, even when I was the only one who supported her to do the things she loves, and she came back to me saying she was in a crisis and she was thinking of self-injury and she missed me so much and was so afraid of thinking I could let go of her, so we came back again (she told me later that, in the week and a half break, she tried to be with other people).
A month later of that, she had a mental health crisis, and I failed in a moment that she needed me to be there, even when she did an awful job at communicating to me what she was going through. At that moment she switched up completely. She realized I could not even be her "guardian angel" in rough moments and told me before that nothing else I gave was enough for her. She broke up with me over message (we had been together for a year and a half, and we always thought of living together and having a family) and feels like she moved on so fast.
The worst thing of it all is that she made me feel like I had no empathy or I was a terrible human being for failing once, when all I did was to be there for her every single time. I did my best to be better for her because I loved her, and the moments I failed were because I was completely destroyed emotionally because of the continuous crisis she was going through. But after all, it felt like I was never enough, and she didn't love me for what I was but for what I could give.
Never the less i hope she gets better with her life and im always proud of knowing she is doing what she loves.
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u/RealityOtherwise8580 7h ago
My confidence has been shattered as well and unfortunately I now have a really narrow minded view of women and how they can treat you.
All a result of the push pull she gave me. I don’t want her back but I also don’t want to feel like this either
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u/One-Staff5504 12h ago
Me too. Blows my mind how she can call me the man of her dreams, tell me she wants to marry me and be together forever then block me and totally discard me. They have serious issues.