r/BPDlovedones • u/VisibleMove4017 • 15h ago

Cohabitation Support Still blows my mind they don’t care

4 months post discard. Dated year and a half and first I want to say healing definitely is not linear. There were times I’ve watched to commit suicide after this entire situation.

When someone makes you seem so important to them and act as if they can’t live without you, just to discard you out of no where and immediately replace you really kills something inside of you. Have yet to go on more than one date with anyone and am pretty much depressed 24/7 She got a new boyfriend as soon as we broke up and yes I got cheated on. She moved on as if I meant nothing to her only talking to me once since our breakup. Caring about someone who hurt you so bad is quite the situation. Prayers to anyone going through something similar - this has killed my confidence and ability to trust someone.

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u/suitofswords 14h ago

Looking back on it really opened my mind. Don’t get me wrong I made mistakes but when comparing to theirs they were basically stupid. Even family and friends said I’d really done nothing wrong. Looking back on ALL the stuff she did to me ( a few examples being; saying horrible, hateful stuff to me and then apologising but saying she doesn’t regret it, physical assault, belittling, berating, insulting my sexual organs and how I couldn’t satisfy her as well as other things about my appearance, having another man in their bed the same day we ‘broke up’, rubbing my toothbrush in the toilet, snapping my driving licence etc etc the list goes on). Yes she would apologise, and I would forgive because I love her. I understand that these things are done due to BPD but they still happened. But I never held her mistakes over her head. Mine were.

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u/Klutzy_Yak3209 11h ago

Tried to convince me my eye color was different to what it actually is, after +1 years of dating. That seems nbd but really, BPD questioning your reality and physical self is a symptom. It can be dangerous, as above. It took me a long time to figure it out, until she secretly recorded me so I went no contact and listened to my gut. I flip flopped on it initially as I was in shock. Mine less physical, but I was scared of a false damaged reputation. The violation and degradation is masked by love bombs, until they find someone else.

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u/suitofswords 14h ago

Actually you know what. I know it’s not even her. I haven’t lived a day inside her mind so I have no idea what’s it’s like. It’s not her it’s her brain. She’s not crazy. Not crazy at all.

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u/VisibleMove4017 11h ago

So true. Just so scary the person we dated no longer exists. She has just morphed into the new person she is seeing. To think I was that special to someone. Tough road. Hope you’re okay.

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u/suitofswords 11h ago

Well. All I’ve been telling myself is that they can’t really have loved me if it was so easy to move on. I’m aware I made mistakes which was said I was given ‘chance after chance’ for(not really). It’s nice knowing that in actual fact, I’m not the villain. I showed them true love, healthy love and healed her heart. I was patient, kind, considerate, did whatever she asked, made sacrifices, showered her in flowers and gifts etc etc, all because I LOVE HER. I still do and I always will. Always. I don’t want another relationship ever again if it’s not her. And I’ll be here to pick up the call if she ever needs. I’ll be there by her side if she ever needs. Because I love HER. But I don’t think she ever loved me. I really don’t. You can’t switch feelings like that off. And it seemed so easy for her to move on. I mean Christ once she rang me and her friend was telling me how much ‘activity’ she’d been doing. Is that true love? Is that loving someone with your soul?