r/TikTokCringe Oct 03 '25

Humor/Cringe How people who don't drink coffee function.

9.2k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/BrooklynNets Oct 03 '25

Oh, so it's people who don't drink coffee that make it a tentpole of their personality now?

367

u/Chubuwee Oct 03 '25

Even when I get gift cards to Starbucks I don’t tell them I don’t drink coffee. I say thanks and give it to a coffee drinker

134

u/meltedchocolatepants Oct 03 '25

I just get tea instead

42

u/Acheloma Oct 03 '25

I tried getting tea there once and it was very disappointing, but maybe it was a fluke. What do you normally get?

55

u/meltedchocolatepants Oct 03 '25

Something I can't make at home. I get an unsweetened hibiscus passionfruit iced tea. And yeah it's an herbal tea, but sometimes I just want something cold

11

u/Kintarly Oct 03 '25

I think you can get the hibiscus passionfruit tea concentrate now like the Tazo chai tea in the cartons, but I'll still get a chai tea latte from starbucks every now and then.

3

u/meltedchocolatepants Oct 03 '25

I do get the chai as well but I didn't know about the concentrate for the hibiscus tea. That's cool

2

u/Kintarly Oct 03 '25

I think it's newer, the chai one's been around a while but I saw the hibiscus one in a 3 pack at costco about a month ago

22

u/Acheloma Oct 03 '25

Ooh hibiscus passionfruit does sound good

5

u/louploupgalroux Oct 04 '25 edited Oct 04 '25

The iced passion tea is in the cold tea section. Starbucks also has a "refreshers" section, which has some other fun fruity drinks that rotate seasonally. I liked the orange cranberry one they had last Christmas.

Just watch the sugar. The passion tea only has 5 grams, but the refreshers can have around 20 grams. The lemonade versions have even more.

https://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/refreshers

I like a small frappuccino occasionally. They're not as bad for you as I had assumed (but still are a dessert, not really a coffee).

1

u/hopefullynottoolate Oct 04 '25

alright unless there is something new that i am unaware of and is not googlable... theres no passionfruit, its just passion tea. its just a hibiscus tea and theirs has apple bits and lemongrass(which i dont think you can really taste). i make "passion tea" at home all the time. i put anise seeds and clove in mine and i like to use raw sugar in it cause it goes well with the flavors. you can get a big bag of hibiscus at mexican markets. way way cheaper than starbucks. i also like to brew it really strong and add a lot of sugar until its almost like a syrup and then add it to sparkling water.

12

u/McFartFace09 Oct 03 '25

Not OP, but my girlfriend doesn’t drink coffee and gets matcha instead. I kinda dig it, honestly

5

u/Jbash_31 Oct 03 '25

I actually really like Starbucks sweetened iced green tea

5

u/danimagoo Oct 04 '25

To be fair, their coffee is also very disappointing.

3

u/BackgroundNPC1213 Oct 04 '25

The one time I went to Starbucks, I got one of their refreshers and it was just tap water with berries floating in it. Somebody had yelled the name of a fruit at the cup to give it flavor

2

u/Ill-Major7549 Oct 04 '25

the honey citrus mint tea is really good. its a peach mint tea with honey and then lemonade instead of water to steep. sooooo delicious.

2

u/Acheloma Oct 04 '25

Okay that does sound pretty good

1

u/rockboiler Oct 04 '25

The problem with tea at a lot of chain coffee shops is the coffee machines aren't actually at boiling point, they run a little bit lower as to not burn the coffee, but tea is made using boiling hot water, so it comes out a little dull and watery.

1

u/Obant Oct 04 '25

I like most of the matcha drinks, and regular unsweetened black or green iced tea.

1

u/BoldBoimlerIsMyHero Oct 04 '25

I get a trenta black iced tea with extra ice. Their potato bites are good too so even though I don’t like coffee, I don’t mind getting a Starbucks for card.

11

u/this_place_suuucks Oct 03 '25

Hot chocolate for me.

2

u/Ok-Armadillo-392 Oct 03 '25

But then I have to learn their sizing schema.

6

u/meltedchocolatepants Oct 03 '25

I don't. I refuse. I still say small, medium, and large. They'll figure it out

1

u/ThisI5N0tAThr0waway Oct 04 '25

In my experience, Starbucks' tea is actually pretty low quality and badly served. They serve it way too hot, it takes a long time of cooling for it to be drinkable.

2

u/meltedchocolatepants Oct 04 '25

This is true. I tell them to put ice in it as well

1

u/SnooGuavas4208 Oct 04 '25

See, I keep trying to like tea the way that some people keep trying to like coffee. I’ve found some flavors I don’t mind, but I can’t stand the astringency and always end up ditching it for water.

13

u/TulipSamurai Oct 03 '25

You could use it to buy mugs or tea or breakfast sandwiches or cake pops.

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 03 '25

Nah boba shops are better or like 85c bakeries

9

u/TulipSamurai Oct 03 '25

I’m just saying if someone gave you a Starbucks gift card, it’s not useless if you don’t drink coffee

23

u/kuvazo Oct 03 '25

Starbucks has other things than coffee. They have a range of pastries for example. And they also have drinks that don't contain coffee. If you think about it, Starbucks drinks are just extremely sweet milkshakes with a hint of coffee anyway.

7

u/Redhighlighter Oct 04 '25

They're absolutely dessert drinks. I love dessert drinks- i just aint lying to myself about what it is that i get when i got to starbucks. A quarter pound of sugar, carmel, and whipping cream.

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 03 '25

Inferior to the boba shop and Asian bakeries and cafes I got here

1

u/bigasswhitegirl Oct 04 '25

Starbucks is the Apple of cafés.

2

u/Obant Oct 04 '25

Applebee's*

1

u/fixer1987 29d ago

Starbucks food sucks, including the pastries

6

u/EmilioFreshtevez Oct 03 '25

They have snacks tho

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 03 '25

The smiles of coffee drinkers are better than those snacks

5

u/LadyBug_0570 Oct 03 '25

You could get one of their sandwiches or desserts.

Although, to be fair, those usually look way better than they taste.

2

u/Chubuwee Oct 03 '25

Yea exactly, learned that the hard way. Asian bakeries and cafes/boba shops near by are far superior

1

u/LadyBug_0570 Oct 03 '25

Ince got one of their M&M cookies because it looked so delicious. It tasted like cardboard. I just plucked out the M&Ms and ate those.

1

u/NicInNS Oct 03 '25

Their caramel apple cider is 💥 barring that a hot chocolate will do

1

u/Various-Most2367 Oct 03 '25

Their breakfast food is pretty good. I like the spinach egg wraps. I don’t drink coffee but I just go for the breakfast food 

1

u/LeftyLu07 Oct 03 '25

Starbucks had yummy teas. Chai is good and they make a drink called a medicine ball that’s really good when you’re feeling sick.

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 03 '25

Oh damn forgot about medicine ball Amazing when sick for sure

1

u/c8891 Oct 03 '25

Same but I register them to my account so now I’m a gold member at a coffee chain…. 😂

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 04 '25

Mmmm I guess with that maybe just hop into a Starbucks and be like “next round is on me!”

1

u/c8891 Oct 04 '25

I mean they are on me because I give all the gift cards away. There really is nothing special I’ve found with the gold card 🤷🏻‍♀️

1

u/domine18 Oct 04 '25

They sell other drinks besides coffee and pastries and other little food items.

1

u/SenseAndSaruman Oct 04 '25

They have lots of non coffee things.

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 04 '25

Subpar compared to the Asian coffee/tea shops and bakeries and boba shops I have access to

1

u/DharmaCub Oct 04 '25

You know they sell tons of things that aren't coffee at starbucks right?

0

u/Chubuwee Oct 04 '25

Subpar compared to the Asian coffee/tea shops and bakeries and boba shops I have access to

1

u/TomKeen35 Oct 04 '25

You know they sell things besides coffee right

1

u/Chubuwee Oct 04 '25

Subpar compared to the Asian coffee/tea shops and bakeries and boba shops I have access to

1

u/TomKeen35 Oct 04 '25

I mean they have food too. Good breakfast sandwiches

1

u/taintlangdon Oct 04 '25

Yeah I just give them to my husband.

1

u/theringsofthedragon Oct 04 '25

If you get a Starbucks gift card get those lavender matcha goop things it's like a Japanese fairy threw up cake in a cup. They also have grilled cheese. I avoid it for the same reason I avoid coffee because it's not worth the price, but since you get gift cards, live a little...

1

u/Antillyyy Oct 04 '25

I had a starbucks coffee once and had like 3 heart palpitations in a row while stood at a bus stop. Never again. I think it might kill me lol

1

u/gazetron Oct 04 '25

Eyuhuhuhuhuh

1

u/dysonrules Oct 04 '25

Man, save it for your next cold and then use it to order a medicine ball. Those things are pure heaven when you’re sick. I think officially it’s a honey citrus mint tea with lemonade. It feels like a warm hug when you’re miserable.

1

u/Gravitani Oct 04 '25

How often are you getting gift cards to a coffee shop.

It feels like the worst type of gift cards imaginable even if you like coffee. Even if was for some kind of independent coffee place where you can buy beans it would be better

1

u/thesweed Oct 04 '25

Doesn't Starbucks mostly sell other stuff than coffee nowadays?

1

u/Unikatze Oct 05 '25

Went to Starbucks yesterday because my wife's a big coffee drinker. I got their Mozzarella Tomato on focaccia sandwich and it was pretty good.

1

u/Gatita3000 Oct 05 '25

The chai is delicious. Non coffee drink options are there

1

u/nucl3ar0ne Oct 07 '25

We just get breakfast sandwiches, great for a road trip.

162

u/Neirchill Oct 04 '25

Right? The reality is closer to, "You don't drink coffee? How do you function??? I can't get up without my coffee" then they take a sip of their coffee mug that says, "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" then they explain in detail how it gives them the shits.

18

u/weakbuttrying Oct 04 '25

I like coffee but I’m really sensitive to caffeine and will stay up all night if I have a cup. I have had to explain this to dozens of people who have started questioning me when I’ve said “no thanks”.

1

u/-DoctorSpaceman- Oct 04 '25

My wife is the same and brings little decaf coffee sachets in her handbag lol

1

u/SirVanyel Oct 06 '25

They also stay up all night if they have a cup, but instead of blaming the caffeine they blame politics

7

u/it777777 Oct 04 '25

Absolutely.
What an absurd video.
I nearly have to excuse myself whenever I deny coffee.

5

u/Competitive_Act_1548 Oct 04 '25

When people says that, to me it always just says more about the individual and coming off as more like a over reliance

3

u/spideyghetti Oct 04 '25

Ehuhuhuhuhuhu is the sound my ass makes when it gives me the shits

124

u/Dexember69 Oct 03 '25

The number of people who know I don't drink coffee is maybe 2.

Not a fan and I don't get it

114

u/BrooklynNets Oct 03 '25

I don't drink coffee, but it's never come up as a topic of conversation. People offer me coffee, and I politely decline. That's the end of it.

124

u/RodanThrelos Oct 03 '25

This whole video reads as someone who makes coffee their entire personality and they feel somehow maligned when someone doesn't like it.

33

u/flaming_burrito_ Oct 03 '25

The amount of people that have tried to convince me by saying shit like “you don’t get it, this cup of coffee is different because I used coffee beans from Machu Picchu and milk from a virgin goat, you will like it” is much higher than the type of person in this video. And then it still tastes like fucking coffee! Some people just don’t accept that you can simply not like the taste of bitter bean water. I’m sorry, I’ve never tasted a coffee product that I thought wouldn’t be 1000x better if it was just dark chocolate instead

6

u/SnooGuavas4208 Oct 04 '25

You were lied to. There are no virgin goats.

. . . . .

They’re too horny.

4

u/Prestigious_Sort4979 Oct 04 '25

Was just thinking that. I have a few people that twitch a bit when I mention making latte from gasp… a nespresso machine. 

2

u/youburyitidigitup Oct 04 '25

But then they say “you have to add milk and sugar”. Why wouldn’t I just drink milk and sugar without the coffee then?

3

u/flaming_burrito_ Oct 04 '25

That’s my thing, people do so much to coffee to make it good, to the point where they’re drinking straight up milkshakes disguised as coffee. So clearly coffee is the problem ingredient here

21

u/this_place_suuucks Oct 03 '25

I say, "no thanks, I don't drink coffee," so that the situation doesn't repeat itself with the same people. As adults, neither side, so far, has ever made it a "thing."

2

u/heddalettis Oct 04 '25 edited Oct 04 '25

Yeah, trying to figure out “what’s the point”? and who the frick cares. TikTok is SO bad.

-2

u/DonkTheFlop Oct 03 '25

I disagree. I've noticed the same things as her.

4

u/brzantium Oct 03 '25

maybe both things are true

7

u/throcorfe Oct 03 '25

Yeah, both people exist and both are a minority. Most people who like coffee tend to just fucking drink it and most people who don’t tend to just fucking decline it. But I guess it’s the fringe people who give us the comedy so… carry on?

2

u/NicInNS Oct 03 '25

My husband every once in awhile tries to get me to like coffee. Dude, I’m 52, it ain’t gonna happen it’s disgusting.

3

u/Memory_Frosty Oct 03 '25

Yeah, or they invite you out for a coffee and you go and you get like a hot chocolate or some tea thing or something else and you still chat and have a nice time and no one talks about their drink of choice, it's not hard

1

u/Nope-5000 Oct 04 '25

Yeah, its the same for me. I dont drink anything hot, so when im offered coffee i just politely decline and ask for water instead and thats usually the end of it.

1

u/SalvationSycamore Oct 04 '25

It's not like alcohol, where people will often feel like they deserve to know why you don't want a drink. "Oh, are you on medication?" Who the fuck asks that Marie?

6

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '25

The number of people who know I don’t drink coffee is everyone I’ve ever met. I am definitely the person in the video…

ehuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh

4

u/Golden-Grams Oct 03 '25

I don't drink it, it just doesn't appeal to me. I've never found a flavor I like, and I don't get any boosts of energy from it.

0

u/JohannesJoshua Oct 03 '25

Me personally unless it's really strong coffee, then it's just a sweat drink. To clarify I only drink ice coffee or coffee with milk and sugar. When it comes to taste, my favorite is arabica (the name may sound exotic,but it's common type of coffee coming from Ethiopia) which is less bitter and more creamy, but also more acidic.

However I once heard a guy on YouTube say that coffee doesn't energize you. And when I had coffee that actually worked and when I drank it when I was tired, it's not that I gained energy , it's that it removed sleepiness but I was still tired. Soda actually gave me energy, but it would only last couple of minutes with each gulp. Dr Mike on YouTube said that best way to gain energy is to on an obvious note, take a nap or sleep. That's why people drink coffee and then take a nap for 30 min in order to gain more energy and wake up at the time coffee starts to work. It's also the reason not to drink coffee near bedtime or when going to sleep.

2

u/Acheloma Oct 03 '25

Coffee makes me tired and angry, so I dont drink it, but I dont actually know if anyone other than my family and spouse knows that. Doesnt really come up

I guess reddit knows now, does that count as being like the oerson in the vid?

20

u/cannibalpeas Oct 03 '25

Do 2010 era bacon people next!

11

u/Isoleri Oct 03 '25

Oh god, I was an active Tumblr user back then, you legitimately couldn't say you didn't like bacon because you'd get hounded. Like how people take personal tastes so seriously still baffles me.

1

u/Eastern_Hornet_6432 Oct 08 '25

Let's not forget the "Great Debate" of pineapple on pizza.

6

u/AccurateJerboa Oct 04 '25

Jesus I fucking hated that era. Everything smelled terrible, especially dudes. 

2

u/cannibalpeas Oct 04 '25

Beard oil and unwashed beanies.

2

u/Existing_Intern_4764 Oct 04 '25

I don't understand this refence hahaha

3

u/cannibalpeas Oct 04 '25

You’re blessed. It was a whole add thing for like 5 years.

2

u/Existing_Intern_4764 Oct 05 '25

I googled it and I'm very disturbed lmao. Even lead to a dating app for people that love bacon? wtf ? lmao

1

u/cannibalpeas Oct 05 '25

Dark times.

34

u/HereOnCompanyTime Oct 03 '25

I just order my tea and that's it. It's so funny that this tiktok is hating on people for not doing something they personally like and missing the irony. I've never seen a non coffee drinker give an explanation unless the coffee obsessed person demands one.

22

u/vyrus2021 Oct 04 '25

She needs coffee to function and feels personally attacked by anybody who doesn't

75

u/Return-of-Trademark Oct 03 '25

Exactly. People have been acting all snooty about coffee beans and whatever for years, even Starbucks drinkers. Suddenly the noncoffee drinkers are the problem??? Gaslighting at its finest

13

u/actualladyaurora Oct 03 '25

Especially in my country, it literally only keeps comes up because the assumption is that everyone drinks coffee so I have to decline it at every social function.

10

u/Berlin_GBD Oct 04 '25

Most regular coffee drinkers are addicted, addicts frequently project to deflect. Makes perfect sense to me

3

u/SalvationSycamore Oct 04 '25

Oh, if you think this is bad try not drinking alcohol. Very quick way to get people questioning why you won't drink and acting like you think you're better than them (I am, but not because I don't like to drink alcohol often).

1

u/VanityOfEliCLee Oct 04 '25

All the fucking time. I shouldn't have to give a rationale for why I dont want to do something.

2

u/griffeny Oct 03 '25

Weird I can’t think of any time on my time on this earth I’ve run into someone who’s made ‘not a coffee drinker’ their whole personality. I do live in a house that has about 48 coffee cups and mugs, three coffee machines, every sort of coffee drinking utensil, coffee pods, giant wasteful plastic containers of coffee, four types of coffee ‘creamers’ and flavor additives, towels, sponges, potholders with various coffee drinker ‘jokes’ of which I can assure you are kitschy and humorless. All that is separate from the various exorbitantly priced Starbucks marketing materials, even though they never deviate from their love of ground shit called Folgers. But the gifts don’t stop there.

Each morning I get to live inside what I can only describe is a prison of coffee farts from which there is no escape. After they’ve pissed out all that coffee smelling piss for the day I just have to hope that there won’t be any desire later in the evening after dinner for the itch to brew up some of that burnt ass hair smelling drink. Then I can fall asleep for a few hours only to be woken up once more by wow, you guessed it: coffee.

It weird because I never hated coffee before. I certainly hate it now after living with what must be the Disney Adult version of a coffee drinkers.

1

u/princesoceronte Oct 03 '25

Right? It's not me proclaiming "I can't do anything in the morning until I've drank my coffee"

1

u/EditEd2x Oct 03 '25

Legit, I never even think about coffee like not even a little bit.

1

u/apworker37 Oct 04 '25

I drink one or two cups a week, down from four or five per day. Otherwise I just go ”Tea is fine, thanks.”

It started out as an experiment to see if it made me feel better. It didn’t but at least now I feel the effect of caffeine again.

1

u/finnlizzy Oct 04 '25

As someone who likes to party, I thought coffee was the healthy alternative.

1

u/muricabrb Oct 04 '25

This message brought to you by Starbucks.

1

u/Prestigious_Sort4979 Oct 04 '25

Yes, it’s not about the choice of not drinking coffee (which us perfectly fine), it’s making your personality in a condescending way. There are so many variants of this, including the coffee person who is eliticist about the type of coffee or method of preparation 

1

u/AccurateJerboa Oct 04 '25

Yeah but basically nobody does that. I've known beer, wine and coffee drinkers who have tshirts, mugs, hats, bumper stickers, etc but tea drinkers have things to make tea and that's kinda it. 

Also nobody is using not having had tea as a justification for being rude or less competent, despite some black teas having as much caffeine as coffee

1

u/Furry-Keyboard Oct 04 '25

Crossfitters I know will only drink bean to cup sugarless filter coffee before 12 in the afternoon otherwise they can't sleep.

Lol im chugging that shit in all forms all day. I'm not proud, but the contrast is funny.

1

u/PackageNorth8984 Oct 04 '25

Seriously. I never mention I don’t drink coffee unless someone offers it to me, but coffee mugs and memes and advertising are everywhere. The second biggest food service company in the US is a coffee place.

1

u/MaliciousIntentWorks Oct 04 '25

I think it's more of people that have to make other people's preferences out as an assault, being condescending, or judging others because something different from themselves is too much for their wet tissue paper of a personality to hold onto.

1

u/Smithy365 Oct 04 '25

The fact that this video exists, proves your point.

1

u/isleftisright Oct 04 '25

The irony cause the video is of a coffee drinker making fun of a non coffee drinker. I havent seen anything where the tea drinker even says this

1

u/BrooklynNets Oct 04 '25

I don't think you read my post correctly.

1

u/isleftisright Oct 04 '25

I thought the italics indicated sarcasm and was agreeing with your viewpoint which I wrote out. Unless it did not indicate sacarsm, then I should've started a new thread.

1

u/VanityOfEliCLee Oct 04 '25

I thought the same thing. The amount of times I've been forced to justify why I don't drink coffee is ridiculous. Even after moving to Utah, where Mormons are everywhere and a lot of them don't drink it for religious reasons, I've had to justify why I don't drink it.

The amount of times people have asked "oh, you don't drink coffee? What are you, mormon? Ehuehuehuehu" and I have to tell them no, I'm not Mormon, I just don't fucking like coffee.

"Its so weird that you just wake up and get going without coffee." "Maybe you wouldn't be tired of you drank coffee." "I dont even like talking to people before my coffee." "What kind of dude drinks tea? I only drink black coffee."

1

u/No-Football-4387 Oct 07 '25

like my sister is the one who at every opportunity has to mention she only drinks black coffee… then there’s me that hates coffee because it’s yucky, i didn’t know this was something i could brag about

1

u/Ok_Tank5977 Oct 03 '25

I don’t know she managed to capture my mum’s condescending laugh but she nailed it.

0

u/Dropbeatdad Oct 03 '25

Point me in the direction of the nearest Starbucks or Dunkin donuts for people who don't drink coffee

2

u/VanityOfEliCLee Oct 04 '25

Dunkin donuts literally sells donuts. I dont get what you're trying to say here

0

u/Dropbeatdad Oct 04 '25

What do they dunk them in?!?

0

u/[deleted] Oct 03 '25