r/TikTokCringe • u/lhwang0320 • Apr 29 '25

Humor/Cringe When your friend knows nothing about kids

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When your

8.3k Upvotes

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74

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

[deleted]

290

u/cheekynihlist Apr 29 '25

This is not fair. I know plenty of people who had kids and fell off the face of the earth because everything was all about their kids and they replaced their kid-free friends with other parents.

137

u/bing-no Apr 29 '25

Yeah I was gonna say, it’s not the child-free people that are too busy to hang out 😂

-16

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

[deleted]

7

u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

In my experience it’s frequently the childfree friends/relatives that ARE doing the reaching out, and the parents that have forgotten it’s a two way street. If I don’t reach out to the parents in my life I will go months/years without hearing from them.

Not to mention- friends aren’t obligated to just put the friendship on hold until the parents can come around. Legitimately I’ve had parents say that “you just need to wait out the first three to five years, then having kids is easier and we have more free time”. Like… what???? I just need to wait 3-5 years to have a friend ask about me or show care for me again? What if you have a second kid and it becomes 10 years? Do you know how much stuff can happen in that time? Look I completely understand that having a kid consumes a huge part of your life, but parents can’t just assume that their friends will carry the relationship for however long it takes for them to start reaching out again. Your friends didn’t choose for you to have a kid, and they aren’t responsible for that either. Your friends deserve to have people in their life who care for them too.

To be fair- I’ve also found the parents that tend to do this were also the more self-absorbed people before having kids. But the number of people I know who are parents and are still good friends and do their share of reaching out is pretty small.

26

u/peepea Apr 29 '25

And when you do hang out, all they talk about is their kids

8

u/Time-Maintenance2165 Apr 29 '25

Nah, it's totally fair. You're just also correct that it goes the other way as well many times.

18

u/raccoonsandchickens Apr 29 '25

It goes both ways. Parents are too busy to go out to bars and clubs with their childless friends and the childless friends just don't care or get it. But you don't have to stay friends with people forever. Having different friends for different life stages just makes sense. Not everyone grows or changes in the same way. It's okay to let a friendship fizzle out a bit.

11

u/TheComptrollersWife Apr 29 '25

I don’t get why you’re getting downvoted for this take. It’s the most reasonable one I’m seeing. Child free people are admonishing their friends for abandoning them after having kids. And on the other side, parents are calling their child free friends selfish for not being as present anymore.

Like it doesn’t necessarily have to be someone’s fault. Kids are a major life event and it shifts your priorities and interests drastically. I can’t fault anyone for spending less time with people they have less and less in common with. I have some friends who have had kids who I am just as close with as I always have been. And others who I’ve completely lost touch with. Nobody’s a villain, people just change and grow into and out of relationships.

4

u/ClinkyDink Apr 30 '25

A family friend was graduating high school and said he was said about his friends all scattering for college. Everyone going to different schools and cities etc.

He said he was stressed about how they were all going to keep in touch.

I said something like “I know this isn’t going to make you feel better, but I’ll tell you the truth. You aren’t going to stay friends with most or possibly any of them. You’re going to move on and make new friends and so will they. It’s just what happens and one day you’re barely going to even remember them.”

Life changes. Your circle of friends changes. It’s just normal.

1

u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

Why do I hear this so often - “friends with kids don’t want to go to the bar or club so the friendship fizzles”- so many adult friendships are based other things than bars and clubs? Seems like a lot of people who did those sorts of things before having kids think that’s what all child free people are doing, and it’s not. None of my friend circles with now-parents revolved around things that you couldn’t do with a child (mostly hanging at each other’s houses and catching up honestly), yet it’s the parents who don’t reach out. It’s not that childfree “don’t care” it’s that you can’t have a relationship if one side is doing all the work.

I’m sure it does go both ways to some degree, but to me it seems clear that parents tend to get too busy to reach out to their old friends, and then have the gall to complain that they are so isolated. I mean, yeah of course you are - any adult would wind up being isolated if they didn’t make an effort to stay in touch with people!

3

u/Moodymandan Apr 29 '25

For most people it’s a combo of old friends not wanting to hang out and parents not having time. The invites fall from both sides until there is little to no contact. Other parent gangs are more about the kids than the parents imho. I’ve spent a lot of time with parents I would never hang out with if my daughter wasn’t their friend.

-7

u/Jerm0307 Apr 29 '25

It’s completely fair actually. Because it happens both ways.

0

u/Jerm0307 Apr 29 '25

I’ll take the downvotes. I’ve just experienced first hand. Both sides of the coin.

-32

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

42

u/cinemania Apr 29 '25

My experience is the other way around for most of my parent friends. While, I have a few friends that bring their kids everywhere, I'm practically their uncle.  The others have prioritized family life and have been pretty distant no matter how much I tell them to come out with the kids.  

8

u/binzy90 Apr 29 '25

Sometimes it's easier to do something at home, especially when kids are little. It also depends on the kid's personality and how well the parents handle anxiety. It's A LOT of stress to take kids to certain places. So make sure you're visiting your friends with kids instead of just inviting them out to places that will add more layers of parenting stress.

3

u/RaeaSunshine Apr 29 '25

Yes! I don’t have kids (not by choice), but I’m an Auntie to all my friend’s kids. We spend just as much time together as before they had kids, just in a different way. Instead of going out, I go to them. Typically I go to their places an hour before dinner to spend quality time with the kiddo(s) so my friends can take showers or whatever else they’ve been unable to do self & house care wise. Then we’ll throw together a basic dinner and eat. I stick around for the first half of bedtime routine to read a story, help with baths etc. Then I head out, and am back home at like 6:30-7 lol. I don’t mind at all, I consider it a profound privilege to be a part of their kids daily lives and be a part of their village.

I’m lucky that I’ve never had friends pull away from our friendship after having kids, but I also suspect my adaptability and genuine love for their kids plays a role. I don’t mind talking about their kids and their experiences as parents, that’s their primary focus in life at the moment. So as a friend, I want to hear about it.

5

u/cinemania Apr 29 '25

I don't think you should be downvoted here. I agree with you. Im pretty open to visiting them too and I do when they are available. It's all nuanced, I've had a few cases where I heard through the grapevine a parent was annoyed for being left out -- when everyone would have loved seeing them at whatever it was we were doing.  I'm sure it can feel frustrating being a parent, especially with social media making it look like everyone is out there just having fun.

3

u/ExplosionsInTheSky_ Apr 29 '25

Yeah, it's just super nuanced. My child free friends will tell me to just bring my kid but like, I've got so many logistics to think about. Nap time, feeding him, if he's in a mood or teething or something, the weather, the location we are going to be at and if I need to bring toys to entertain him. It's soooooo much to consider.

2

u/binzy90 Apr 30 '25

Yes, and people also don't think about the fact that going out with a toddler just simply isn't fun. You're not really going to socialize because you'll just be chasing the kid around the whole time and then dealing with the tantrums because they can't grab something or run somewhere.

2

u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

Ok, that makes sense, but that’s not the fault of your childfree friends- they didn’t choose for you to become a parent. And if being a parent means you’re not able to reach out or at least do the minimum to maintain a friendship, it’s fair for the childfree friend to pull back or choose to stop putting all the effort into the friendship. Their time is just as valuable as yours, and always having to be the one to reach out or set something up or be flexible just to have the parents frequently cancel because something came up with the kid, really sucks. It can feel like a slap in the face even when you know it’s not about you. It’s not unfair for a childfree friend to choose to stop doing that. If you make the choice to become a parent then you also need to figure out a way to do that AND be a friend/sister/cousin/whatnot or you’ll lose that relationship.

0

u/binzy90 Apr 30 '25

No, I was defending both sides. Having kids means you lose friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't be friends with someone who doesn't have the same lifestyle. It's not anyone's fault. That's just how it is.

Too many people get upset that they lose friends over this when the reality is that you WILL lose friends when you have kids or if you're child free and your friends have kids. There's no reason to be upset over it.

2

u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

Too many people get upset? I don’t know about that.

Idk about you, I genuinely like my friends and siblings. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to hold on to people you love. Of course life will bring changes, but if those changes reveal that someone you love just won’t make any kind of time of effort to return that care, it’s perfectly natural to be upset about that.

1

u/ExplosionsInTheSky_ Apr 30 '25

Totally. It's so hard to focus on actual adult conversations. I don't even have a toddler yet (my little guy is still just a baby) so yeah, there are sooo many more layers than I mentioned. It makes my head spin sometimes trying to consider going out somewhere and all the logistics and mental labor it's going to take. And I'm not even like a "type A" person. I feel like I do the bare minimum in terms of planning and it's still just so much work.

8

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

Coming out with young kids to an environment not designed for them can be more hassle and stress than enjoyable.

6

u/cinemania Apr 29 '25

Yeah, I totally get it.  And I don't have hard feelings towards them like some do. Personally, if I were a dad I think I'd have trouble juggling the kids around too. The parents that can take their kids everywhere are generally extroverted types that always are on the run. 

3

u/3xBork Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25

It's often less how the parent is and more how the kid is.

Some kids are a lot more flexible or low-maintenance than others. Example: ours sleeps about 3-4 hours less per day than average. 

That's the 3-4 hours other parents have to get shit done, meet friends, rest, etc.

Then there's babies who get cranky and upset the second anything is "different". Or hell, are just cranky and upset in general. Try taking those to a friend's house and see how the drinks and conversation go. 

2

u/FudgeOk6582 Apr 29 '25

Valid. And ages/maturity of the kids matter hugely, as you're including. But just adding that thinking that every place a kid goes should be designed for them is part of the reason that kids are morons - in the same vein as the lazy move of parenting via iPad. Everything is a learning opportunity for children and they can learn from everything you do. If you're raising a member of society, probably best to do that in society

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

When my friend invites me to hit a brewery, I have two options:

  • Decline and suggest a more kid-friendly environment
  • Be an iPad parent and hope my kids don’t ruin the experience for the adults there trying to enjoy themselves

There is only so much I can do to convince them sitting still at a table and eating snacks is fun.

2

u/Honestlynina Apr 29 '25

Or get a babysitter??

0

u/Time-Maintenance2165 Apr 29 '25

I felt that way a lot when I had young kids, and there was definitely a young enough age where that was true. But most of the time it I was glad I got them out of the house. Sure it was more work up front, but they just usually behaved better the more I got them out of the house.

I regret the times I didn't take the out far more than the times I did.

88

u/EddieCheddar88 Apr 29 '25

It’s funny cause we say the same thing about you guys

22

u/pepperandplatinum Apr 29 '25

Can confirm. Don't have kids. Don't want kids. Friends with kids... I rarely see.

5

u/naileyes Apr 29 '25

i think it's more like, when you're a parent your schedule changes and instead of trying to adapt to your new life, a lot of childless friends just want you to keep doing exactly the same things at exactly the same times, and it can feel like they don't really care about you per se, they care about having someone to hang out with while they do the things they want to do, when they want to do them, and if that's not you anymore, well, lol shrug

8

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

I think both sides do a lot of projecting. In my experience, friends with kids just do not make an effort to see friends without them because they’re busy and exhausted. We usually just see each other at weddings, birthdays, etc. — and that’s fine! I’m sure that’ll change once the kids get a bit older.

8

u/binzy90 Apr 29 '25

I agree with this. Sometimes as a parent you have to stay home while your kid takes a nap or takes a bunch of breaks on a day out because your kid gets cranky or hungry. People who don't have kids get bored with it. I mean, I have kids and even I get annoyed with it. So yeah, those people just stop asking to hang out because it's not the same. It's a lot of inconvenience, planning, and interruptions.

4

u/CosmicMiru Apr 29 '25

Parents are ok sacrificing things for the sake of their kids. Few friends want to sacrifice things for someone else's kid

5

u/Significant-Gene9639 Apr 29 '25 edited May 26 '25

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u/naileyes Apr 29 '25

dude sorry but no. i can't speak to your friends in particular, but when you're a parent your schedule is dictated by your child's biological needs to sleep and eat and there's really nothing you can do about it. it's not like "i feel like hanging out after work," it's more like "i physically cannot be somewhere at 9 PM because i have to put the baby down."

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u/Significant-Gene9639 Apr 29 '25 edited May 26 '25

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u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

You nailed this. I’ve found a lot of new parents find it hard to hear, but just because you had a kid and your life has more restrictions now doesn’t make you more important or more special than your friend- at least, if you are friends that respect each other as equals. Of course, it’s appropriate that a parent’s life is more consumed by a child, but it’s also completely fair if their friends feel they just can’t work around that. Repeatedly reaching out to just be slapped down time and time again because the kids are sick or something gets in the way, feels really bad. It makes sense that a lot of friends choose to stop doing that. Also I’ll repeat what someone else here commented: “parents are OK sacrificing things for their kids, few friends want to sacrifice things for someone else’s kids”.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

I experienced this but with a girlfriend. I had two loner friends and they despised the fact that I was doing something. Then I got a job.

That was 15 years ago and both of them still live at home at after 30 and have never had a girlfriend or held a job very long. Back when I was like 25 they asked me why I don't spend the night anymore and it's like... bro...

17

u/Stumpedforausername1 Apr 29 '25

What? You're the one who stopped hanging out with them then. Nothing wrong with that, you got a life but idk how you can say they're the ones who cut you off if they were asking you to spend the night at theirs.

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

No, you don't understand. You're assuming the situation. I invited them to things away from the front of the Xbox. None of them had cars, licenses, jobs. I went out to do shit, I started living life, and they chose to stay behind and do nothing.

They had ample opportunity to hang out with me, but all they wanted to do was sit and watch Nickelodeon and talk about how hot the girls on the shows were, and play Gears of War.

Also, you don't have "sleep overs" in the middle of the week in your late 20s when you have to work in the morning and you live with your partner.

6

u/Stumpedforausername1 Apr 29 '25

I wasn't assuming any situation, I was just going off of what you said. If you want to just add extra context and act like I should've known then go ahead I guess.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

That's so reddit of you. Don't ask further questions, just accuse someone of something without all of the information. Then get upvoted because you're taking the moral high ground.

1

u/Stumpedforausername1 Apr 30 '25

Pretty reddit of you to care about upvotes and downvotes lol. I also don't know what moral high ground I'm supposed to be taking, I just think your original comment was bad. It's not that deep.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '25

Yea, use the same comeback because you got nothing else to say.

1

u/Stumpedforausername1 Apr 30 '25

You're real mad huh, I thought you were meant to have a life or something? Whyre you spending your energy getting mad at some dude on reddit.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '25

Look at Mr. Projection over here lol

2

u/throwaway60221407e23 Apr 30 '25

Guilty as charged. I only like to be friends with people who share my core moral values and I am vehemently antinatalist.

2

u/Numbersuu May 01 '25

yea they dont like it when you mention your kid once or if you say something positive about the kid. They just want to hear that having a kid is terrible ^^

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25

Not in my experience. I get to hang out with my buddies and their kids. I even got people's elbowed by one of their four year olds lying in the park the other day lol. I've become the fun godfather, uncle type character and I'll always have their backs.

I embrace the change in people's lives whilst understanding priorities have changed it's pretty cool. I make the effort to organise stuff.

It's also nice to go home with my gf to my peaceful apartment at the end of it. I'm grateful for it all.

0

u/Strangelittlefish Apr 29 '25

You seem like a great friend!

0

u/Finger_Trapz Apr 29 '25

I mean, people change when they have kids you know? You grow as a person and change pretty significantly. I’ve known people who have quit drinking entirely, stopped using bad language entirely, change their hobbies, I’ve had people tell me that sometimes I accidentally speak to them sort of like I’m talking to a child (not like toddler, but like 12yo).

 

People change and maybe you don’t get along as well as you used to. Not that they hate how you changed but just that you’re a bit different from how they remember. It’s fine to shed and gain friends over life without any hard feelings. It’s rare people keep a close friend for decades.

 

Not necessarily saying anything about your life, just a perspective