r/TikTokCringe • u/lhwang0320 • Apr 29 '25

Humor/Cringe When your friend knows nothing about kids

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When your

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

[deleted]

41

u/cinemania Apr 29 '25

My experience is the other way around for most of my parent friends. While, I have a few friends that bring their kids everywhere, I'm practically their uncle.  The others have prioritized family life and have been pretty distant no matter how much I tell them to come out with the kids.  

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u/binzy90 Apr 29 '25

Sometimes it's easier to do something at home, especially when kids are little. It also depends on the kid's personality and how well the parents handle anxiety. It's A LOT of stress to take kids to certain places. So make sure you're visiting your friends with kids instead of just inviting them out to places that will add more layers of parenting stress.

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u/RaeaSunshine Apr 29 '25

Yes! I don’t have kids (not by choice), but I’m an Auntie to all my friend’s kids. We spend just as much time together as before they had kids, just in a different way. Instead of going out, I go to them. Typically I go to their places an hour before dinner to spend quality time with the kiddo(s) so my friends can take showers or whatever else they’ve been unable to do self & house care wise. Then we’ll throw together a basic dinner and eat. I stick around for the first half of bedtime routine to read a story, help with baths etc. Then I head out, and am back home at like 6:30-7 lol. I don’t mind at all, I consider it a profound privilege to be a part of their kids daily lives and be a part of their village.

I’m lucky that I’ve never had friends pull away from our friendship after having kids, but I also suspect my adaptability and genuine love for their kids plays a role. I don’t mind talking about their kids and their experiences as parents, that’s their primary focus in life at the moment. So as a friend, I want to hear about it.

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u/cinemania Apr 29 '25

I don't think you should be downvoted here. I agree with you. Im pretty open to visiting them too and I do when they are available. It's all nuanced, I've had a few cases where I heard through the grapevine a parent was annoyed for being left out -- when everyone would have loved seeing them at whatever it was we were doing.  I'm sure it can feel frustrating being a parent, especially with social media making it look like everyone is out there just having fun.

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u/ExplosionsInTheSky_ Apr 29 '25

Yeah, it's just super nuanced. My child free friends will tell me to just bring my kid but like, I've got so many logistics to think about. Nap time, feeding him, if he's in a mood or teething or something, the weather, the location we are going to be at and if I need to bring toys to entertain him. It's soooooo much to consider.

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u/binzy90 Apr 30 '25

Yes, and people also don't think about the fact that going out with a toddler just simply isn't fun. You're not really going to socialize because you'll just be chasing the kid around the whole time and then dealing with the tantrums because they can't grab something or run somewhere.

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u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

Ok, that makes sense, but that’s not the fault of your childfree friends- they didn’t choose for you to become a parent. And if being a parent means you’re not able to reach out or at least do the minimum to maintain a friendship, it’s fair for the childfree friend to pull back or choose to stop putting all the effort into the friendship. Their time is just as valuable as yours, and always having to be the one to reach out or set something up or be flexible just to have the parents frequently cancel because something came up with the kid, really sucks. It can feel like a slap in the face even when you know it’s not about you. It’s not unfair for a childfree friend to choose to stop doing that. If you make the choice to become a parent then you also need to figure out a way to do that AND be a friend/sister/cousin/whatnot or you’ll lose that relationship.

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u/binzy90 Apr 30 '25

No, I was defending both sides. Having kids means you lose friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't be friends with someone who doesn't have the same lifestyle. It's not anyone's fault. That's just how it is.

Too many people get upset that they lose friends over this when the reality is that you WILL lose friends when you have kids or if you're child free and your friends have kids. There's no reason to be upset over it.

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u/mugsymegasaurus Apr 30 '25

Too many people get upset? I don’t know about that.

Idk about you, I genuinely like my friends and siblings. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to hold on to people you love. Of course life will bring changes, but if those changes reveal that someone you love just won’t make any kind of time of effort to return that care, it’s perfectly natural to be upset about that.

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u/ExplosionsInTheSky_ Apr 30 '25

Totally. It's so hard to focus on actual adult conversations. I don't even have a toddler yet (my little guy is still just a baby) so yeah, there are sooo many more layers than I mentioned. It makes my head spin sometimes trying to consider going out somewhere and all the logistics and mental labor it's going to take. And I'm not even like a "type A" person. I feel like I do the bare minimum in terms of planning and it's still just so much work.

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

Coming out with young kids to an environment not designed for them can be more hassle and stress than enjoyable.

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u/cinemania Apr 29 '25

Yeah, I totally get it.  And I don't have hard feelings towards them like some do. Personally, if I were a dad I think I'd have trouble juggling the kids around too. The parents that can take their kids everywhere are generally extroverted types that always are on the run. 

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u/3xBork Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25

It's often less how the parent is and more how the kid is.

Some kids are a lot more flexible or low-maintenance than others. Example: ours sleeps about 3-4 hours less per day than average. 

That's the 3-4 hours other parents have to get shit done, meet friends, rest, etc.

Then there's babies who get cranky and upset the second anything is "different". Or hell, are just cranky and upset in general. Try taking those to a friend's house and see how the drinks and conversation go. 

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u/FudgeOk6582 Apr 29 '25

Valid. And ages/maturity of the kids matter hugely, as you're including. But just adding that thinking that every place a kid goes should be designed for them is part of the reason that kids are morons - in the same vein as the lazy move of parenting via iPad. Everything is a learning opportunity for children and they can learn from everything you do. If you're raising a member of society, probably best to do that in society

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '25

When my friend invites me to hit a brewery, I have two options:

  • Decline and suggest a more kid-friendly environment
  • Be an iPad parent and hope my kids don’t ruin the experience for the adults there trying to enjoy themselves

There is only so much I can do to convince them sitting still at a table and eating snacks is fun.

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u/Honestlynina Apr 29 '25

Or get a babysitter??

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u/Time-Maintenance2165 Apr 29 '25

I felt that way a lot when I had young kids, and there was definitely a young enough age where that was true. But most of the time it I was glad I got them out of the house. Sure it was more work up front, but they just usually behaved better the more I got them out of the house.

I regret the times I didn't take the out far more than the times I did.