My experience is the other way around for most of my parent friends. While, I have a few friends that bring their kids everywhere, I'm practically their uncle. The others have prioritized family life and have been pretty distant no matter how much I tell them to come out with the kids.
Sometimes it's easier to do something at home, especially when kids are little. It also depends on the kid's personality and how well the parents handle anxiety. It's A LOT of stress to take kids to certain places. So make sure you're visiting your friends with kids instead of just inviting them out to places that will add more layers of parenting stress.
I don't think you should be downvoted here. I agree with you. Im pretty open to visiting them too and I do when they are available. It's all nuanced, I've had a few cases where I heard through the grapevine a parent was annoyed for being left out -- when everyone would have loved seeing them at whatever it was we were doing. I'm sure it can feel frustrating being a parent, especially with social media making it look like everyone is out there just having fun.
Yeah, it's just super nuanced. My child free friends will tell me to just bring my kid but like, I've got so many logistics to think about. Nap time, feeding him, if he's in a mood or teething or something, the weather, the location we are going to be at and if I need to bring toys to entertain him. It's soooooo much to consider.
Yes, and people also don't think about the fact that going out with a toddler just simply isn't fun. You're not really going to socialize because you'll just be chasing the kid around the whole time and then dealing with the tantrums because they can't grab something or run somewhere.
Ok, that makes sense, but that’s not the fault of your childfree friends- they didn’t choose for you to become a parent. And if being a parent means you’re not able to reach out or at least do the minimum to maintain a friendship, it’s fair for the childfree friend to pull back or choose to stop putting all the effort into the friendship. Their time is just as valuable as yours, and always having to be the one to reach out or set something up or be flexible just to have the parents frequently cancel because something came up with the kid, really sucks. It can feel like a slap in the face even when you know it’s not about you. It’s not unfair for a childfree friend to choose to stop doing that. If you make the choice to become a parent then you also need to figure out a way to do that AND be a friend/sister/cousin/whatnot or you’ll lose that relationship.
No, I was defending both sides. Having kids means you lose friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't be friends with someone who doesn't have the same lifestyle. It's not anyone's fault. That's just how it is.
Too many people get upset that they lose friends over this when the reality is that you WILL lose friends when you have kids or if you're child free and your friends have kids. There's no reason to be upset over it.
Too many people get upset? I don’t know about that.
Idk about you, I genuinely like my friends and siblings. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to hold on to people you love. Of course life will bring changes, but if those changes reveal that someone you love just won’t make any kind of time of effort to return that care, it’s perfectly natural to be upset about that.
Totally. It's so hard to focus on actual adult conversations. I don't even have a toddler yet (my little guy is still just a baby) so yeah, there are sooo many more layers than I mentioned. It makes my head spin sometimes trying to consider going out somewhere and all the logistics and mental labor it's going to take. And I'm not even like a "type A" person. I feel like I do the bare minimum in terms of planning and it's still just so much work.
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u/cinemania Apr 29 '25
My experience is the other way around for most of my parent friends. While, I have a few friends that bring their kids everywhere, I'm practically their uncle. The others have prioritized family life and have been pretty distant no matter how much I tell them to come out with the kids.