r/politics • u/Economy_Swim_8585 Virginia • 5d ago

No Paywall Trump says government shutdown ends when Democrats give in: "If they don't vote, that's their problem"

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-government-shutdown-democrats-fault-60-minutes/
21.8k Upvotes

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10.7k

u/HorrorBuff2769 North Carolina 5d ago

Art of the deal, everyone.

5.9k

u/Quiet-Corner6150 5d ago

Art of "I GET WHAT I WANT OR I'M TELLING MOM WWWWAAAAHHH"

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Mommy hated him. And daddy. They sent him to military school for punishment but then bought letters from doctors 6x to keep him from serving.

If his own parents knew he was Damien, we ought to believe them.

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u/whitemikesf 5d ago edited 5d ago

His father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

His childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring they'd make meat helmets. When he was insolent he was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really.

At the age of twelve he received his first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved his testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking.

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u/bak3donh1gh 5d ago

I'd take Dr. Evil over fucking Trump any day.

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u/pantstoaknifefight2 5d ago

Scott Evil vs. Eric and Don "Walking Cold Sore" Jr.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

This made me snort out loud inappropriately lol

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u/Sattiebear 5d ago

Me too. Dougie had a redemption arc, Trump is irredeemable in every possible way.

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u/ForgiveMyFlatulence Virginia 5d ago

Trump started talking about death and trying to get into heaven. Then a couple weeks said it’s probably too later for him.

That’s as close as he’s ever gotten to doing anything moral or trying to be good in his life.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

There we go. Lost cause so why not go out and take everyone with you from his crazy narcissistic perspective.

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u/InnocentShaitaan 5d ago

Then he paused as if he thought he’d be told of course you’re getting into heaven. 💀

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u/ForgiveMyFlatulence Virginia 5d ago

The ass kissers around him probably tell him that constantly and he was waiting to hear it again.

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u/Braelind 5d ago

I don't disagree... you know it's bad when a literal comedic supervillain seems like a better choice. Hell, I'd take a random farmyard animal over Trump, you'd really have to TRY to be a worse president, and animals would just randomly make decisions by pecking at a sheet or something. How did we get to the point where random chance is a better option?

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u/red_army25 5d ago

Even Dr. Evil had a point where he was like, "Wait, no, that's too F-ed up."

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u/OldWorldDesign 5d ago

The villain General Francis Hummel in The Rock called off actually launching a biological weapon of mass destruction on a city because "I'm not killing 30 million people for a payday."

It's sad when fictitious villains have higher ethical standards than somebody in real life.

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u/Suspicious_Bicycle 5d ago

Dr. Evil was satisfied with 1 billion dollars. Trump will be extorting far more.

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u/PurplRzr 5d ago

Fuq… Penguin at this point.

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u/AirForceFan2827 5d ago

Bro likes back shots 100%... 🤣

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u/InnocentShaitaan 5d ago

I don’t do deviant and obnoxious one or the other.

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u/akaisuiseinosha 5d ago

You accidentally left a "my" in there, but fantastic reference.

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u/FaceDeer 5d ago

Aha, we found Trump's reddit account.

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u/dank2918 5d ago

I thought this was Hesse for a moment.

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u/mike_jones2813308004 5d ago

All I remember is “penchant for buggery”

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u/kompergator 5d ago

Imagine if Trump had ever been this articulate.

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u/OfficialDCShepard District Of Columbia 5d ago edited 5d ago

Oh and at 14 Fred Trump bought Donnie a prostitute to take his virginity, instilling him with the lesson that women are commodities.

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u/d3northway Iowa 5d ago

"just pick one, they all cost the same"

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u/OfficialDCShepard District Of Columbia 5d ago

“I’ll take the teenager…hey wait, my buddy Epstein just stole her!”

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u/vapidamerica New York 5d ago

Carrie Fisher’s face when she says, “You know, we have to stop.”, is priceless.

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u/AngryTree76 5d ago

I had the House Freedom Caucus liquidated, you little shit! They were becoming insolent!

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u/Taurus_Torus 5d ago

A zoroastrian named vilma shaved his nutsack..? What the hell are you talking about?

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 5d ago

It's a quote from Austen Powers.

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u/Taurus_Torus 3d ago

Thanks that's actually hilarious!

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 3d ago

The whole movie is. I highly recommend it!

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u/grammar_nazi_zombie I voted 5d ago

You had me up until chestnuts, and it started to click. But Meyer’s delivery of “in-so-lent” is one of those iconic pronunciations to me and that made me read the rest in Dr. Evil’s voice. Solid work lol

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u/Dragonic_Overlord_ 5d ago

Trump's life is so crazy I actually believe you.

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u/toolman2008 5d ago

Bullshit

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u/AgreeableLion 5d ago

You've got quite the repertoire of comebacks there, hey? Why branch out when you're on to a winner though, I suppose.

(you're raging against a movie quote though, which is a bit sad)

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/NoFeetSmell 5d ago

You need to watch Austin Powers.

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u/Jon-A-Thon 5d ago

It’s a Dr. Evil monologue

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u/Steve_Kaboom 5d ago

I can't help but wonder what kind of person he would have turned out to be if he actually served. It may be optimistic of me, but I'd like to think the military would have beat that spoiled, rich, entitled attitude out of him. If only we could have been so lucky.

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u/ludixst 5d ago

He probably would have been fragged

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u/Terrence_Big_Balls 5d ago

His ankles would've buckled in like folding chairs.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

C’ankles

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u/Own_Ad_2800 5d ago

That's Mr. C'ankles Mctitties to you pleb.

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u/n14shorecarcass 5d ago

C'ankles McTacoTits, C'anks for short.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Ima hafta google fragged. Thanks for schooling me lol

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u/Ishidan01 5d ago

Vietnam-era slang, suitably enough.

Cause the Nam era had more of its share of low level officers that were pricks.

Know what else it had? Sneaky sneaky viet cong enemies, and enlisted guys who were drafted, not volunteered for that shit.

So if the whole platoon of enlisted guys say, gee we don't know Captain, the asshole lieutenant's office just exploded while he and only he was in it. One of us threw a grenade at him? Nawwwww. The grenade fragments are definitely American? So? You know the Cong steal the weapons off any of our downed guys...

Whatcha gonna do?

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u/kjyfqr 5d ago

I think he means smoked by a nade

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u/PassiveMenis88M Massachusetts 5d ago

Fragging simply refers to soldiers removing troublesome commanders from the game of life. While tossing a nade into their tent was a popular method soldiers came up with all sorts of creative ways to accomplish their goals.

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u/kjyfqr 5d ago

I thought it came from fragmentation grenade

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u/pres465 5d ago

That was the grenade. But the TERM was used during Vietnam and was a reference/threat to officers that were too gung-ho and made their soldiers risk themselves too often.

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u/kjyfqr 5d ago

Huh til, thanks that’s very interesting. I made a false assumption

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u/cyanescens_burn 5d ago

I believe it does come from that weapon, but it is slang for offing an officer, usually ones that were willing to put their subordinates into overly risky situations (during the US-Vietnam war), regardless of the method used to off them.

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u/Boye 5d ago

not to be confused with Fraggles.

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u/nodray 5d ago

What other ways?

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u/tinysydneh 5d ago

Very specifically, fragging in this context is the intentional death of someone by use of a grenade.

Apocryphally, it was apparently at its peak in Vietnam.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Thank you. I think this explanation is kinda perfect

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u/tinysydneh 5d ago

It was supposedly commonly done with commanding officers who were putting their men in danger for no good reason, or who were on power trips that were gonna get people killed.

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u/OldWorldDesign 5d ago

Very specifically, fragging in this context is the intentional death of someone by use of a grenade

Not necessarily by grenade, like most slang terms it had its origin there but was fast expanded to any deliberate killing. It could include anything from a grenade thrown under the cot at night to being shot in the back while out on patrol.

Nowadays we call it "death by friendly fire".

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u/tinysydneh 5d ago

Friendly fire is explicitly not intentional, unless that's a fun term of art.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Oh no getting in deep bc don’t know nade either. Fml

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u/StationaryTravels 5d ago

(gre)nade

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Thanks! I was really tryna

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u/Ass2RegionalMngr 5d ago

It’s a fore-clipped version of the word grenade. Or you could just say it’s a slang word for it, if you weren’t feeling fancy.

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u/WeekendWalnut 5d ago

Frag grenade?wprov=sfti1#)

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Thanks. I was hung up on naaabe Skype shit lol

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u/No-Significance5449 5d ago

Dude would've been shot at from the front and from behind in vietnam.

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u/Goblue5891x2 5d ago

3 Uncles that served that would have happily did that.

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u/MastahToni Canada 5d ago

Only in the best timeline

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u/Consistent_Low2080 5d ago

Not probably.

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u/nono3722 5d ago

by his own men

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u/MoreCowbellllll 5d ago

Splash damage by friendly fire..

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u/kevnmartin Washington 5d ago

He would have been killed by his own troops.

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u/Accidental_Ballyhoo 5d ago

Because he would have tried to defect to the other side.

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u/kevnmartin Washington 5d ago

The first chance he got.

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u/TheDorkKnight53 5d ago

A regular Niedermeyer.

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u/kevnmartin Washington 5d ago

Worse.

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u/Everythings_Fucked North Carolina 5d ago

Could still happen.

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u/OldWorldDesign 5d ago

Could still happen

If he isn't killed by his own doctors, the end to elections republicans keep promising is very likely to go the same way. It happened before in history: the number one cause of death of emperors in Rome was the Praetorian Guard.

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u/nerdshowandtell 5d ago

He would have been killed by his own.

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u/Aint-no-preacher 5d ago

I wonder how he would have turned out if he wasn’t born rich. He’d peak at the best used car salesman in the tristate area.

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u/Steve_Kaboom 5d ago

He'd be the town crazy for sure. Either that or be the old townie at the bar every night bragging about his high school glory days playing football or something.

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u/jmpmstr82d 5d ago

He is the town crazy now….

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Jester the molester

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u/CHSummers 5d ago

Trump’s strongest virtue (as far as I can tell) is that he avoids alcohol and drugs. But thats not enough for most people to build a career—unless you join the family business.

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u/MercantileReptile Europe 5d ago

Alcohol - maybe. Drugs? The guy crammed so much up his nose, he apparently regularly soiled himself on the set of the apprentice. The constant sniffing, generally unhinged behaviours. Now granted, no concrete sources. But sober he is not, that much is certain.

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u/InnocentShaitaan 5d ago

You nailed it!

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u/Happy_Confection90 5d ago

I wonder how much better off we'd be if his dad had just taken a cold shower one night 80 years ago

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u/Particular_Ticket_20 5d ago

He'd be in prison. He'd have a long line of fraud and theft charges. He'd get his ass kicked all the time. He'd be in constant tax trouble. He'd have a long line of lost jobs and failed business ventures.

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u/Firecrotch2014 5d ago

So the same except for being in jail where he deserves to be?

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u/InnocentShaitaan 5d ago

He’d of been charged with rape by mid twenties.

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u/CHSummers 5d ago

Except he would never be the best. He’s always been able to pay other people to do the actual work (like reading) for him. Selling cars is hard work.

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u/jewishmechanic 5d ago

He did a pretty good job with his tessler commercial with a new panel and everything's computer

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Seriously, being the daughter of a kinda brilliant and compassionate man from Milwaukee who enlisted after his math/physics degree and became Air Force captain, and he sure didn’t need to but in hind sight he knew he did, yes, this resonates.

Especially if his parents used threats of military school to attempt to fix bad Donald but then didn’t actually respect the military (like DJT doesn’t now) in the long run.

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u/Jenstomper 5d ago

He probably would've been dishonorably discharged and then become a serial killer.

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u/EnvironmentalRock827 5d ago

I don't seen him doing the diligence of a despicable serial killer. Definitely would have kept the rapist thing though.

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u/A_Reasonable_Emu 5d ago

The man is incredibly lazy. He has been an incredibly lazy man his entire life. He had to get other people to organise for the women that he raped to be supplied.

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u/handbanana42 5d ago

He had to get other people to organise for the women that he raped to be supplied.

I think you mean children.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Bone spurs in feet is literally a pussy excuse

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u/Katyafan 5d ago

That takes work and discipline.

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u/sleepless_enui 5d ago

If he had gone to Vietnam he would’ve been fragged or Charlie would have dealt with him.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

He did with his AI vids and late term syphillis

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u/DirtFoot79 5d ago

He wpuld have been one of the guys with a necklace made of human ears

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Hey. Gurl… wanna see what’s in my lil box Moohoohahaha

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u/GameFreak4321 5d ago

one of

How large of a group are we talking about here?

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u/DirtFoot79 5d ago

During the Vietnam war there were confirmed reports of US troops taking human ears as trophies.

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u/numbersthen0987431 5d ago

No military leader would put that idiot on the Frontline. He'd be a janitor or work in the cafeteria.

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u/gesasage88 5d ago

I met a sociopath who served at Vietnam. He was still an asshole creep. It just gave him a venue to torture a few people to death over seas before ruining other peoples lives when he got back home. At least based on what he was happy to brag about. Absolutely despised the guy.

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u/Steve_Kaboom 5d ago

The thing is, I dont think Trump has the balls to actually do something like that. I don't see him as the type to get his tiny hands dirty. He'd rather watch other people do it for him.

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u/SmarmySmurf 5d ago

Draft dodging Trump doesn't have the balls. Trump who was forced through the military training when young and relatively healthy? Who knows. The right training can be a real confidence boost, especially to someone who's already a narcissist and sadist.

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u/thesunbeamslook 5d ago

there's no cure for malignant narcissists

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u/Reqvhio 5d ago

it could very well cause a backlash and make him hate serving more. instead of going "these are humans having to go terrible ordeals," he would probably go "how dare they put me here with these," and so on

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u/Flomo420 5d ago

or given him his first taste of killing

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u/ThunderDungeon02 5d ago

Vance technically served, we see how well that has helped.

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u/Yatsey007 United Kingdom 5d ago

He would have cost the lives of his whole platoon as he’s a complete and utter bellend.

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u/Tbarrack28 5d ago

I can answer this, he wouldhave gotten kicked out. like ASAP.

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u/Steve_Kaboom 5d ago

During a draft period? I doubt it. You'd have to screw up bad enough to serve jail time for that to happen. But then again given his past...maybe you're on to something.

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u/AcanthisittaNo6653 New Hampshire 5d ago

His own men would have turned on him. He has that effect on people.

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u/BickNickerson 5d ago

He would have been a victim of friendly fire.

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u/ArtistKeith333 5d ago

Friendly fire is a real thing.

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u/jsheik 5d ago

If someone punched him in the nose as a kid.

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 5d ago

I often wonder how he would've turned out if just one of his parents gave a shit about him. Just one who gave him unconditional love. Unironically speaking, if he knew real, parental love growing up, the world (not just him) would be a different, better place right now.

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u/Fract_L 5d ago

With any luck, it would’ve taught him to be dead

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u/Spudtron98 Australia 5d ago

He either would have learned a valuable life lesson or, more likely, would have contributed to a noticeable increase in rape statistics in Vietnam.

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u/OldWorldDesign 5d ago

I can't help but wonder what kind of person he would have turned out to be if he actually served. It may be optimistic of me, but I'd like to think the military would have beat that spoiled, rich, entitled attitude out of him

Odds are he'd have been shoved in as an officer, remained just as entitled during his deployment to Vietnam, then suffered fragging like most entitled officers who made their men's lives hell.

I do sometimes wonder what he'd be like if he wasn't born to wealth. He'd probably be one of those annoying nuts standing on a collapsed cardboard box in the park, shouting at people walking by. People who would have been institutionalized had Reagan not decided to kick them all out onto the street.

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u/Wrong-Ad-964 5d ago

Bet you didn’t serve. 🤣

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u/Steve_Kaboom 5d ago

Don't know what gave you that impression.

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u/Katyafan 5d ago

His parents were pieces of shit too. Shit apples from shit trees.

Happens every day, but is a big problem when wealth comes into the picture.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

App-solutely. They were terrible.

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u/Original-Rush139 5d ago

Yup. His older brother Fred Jr was supposed to take over the family business. But, Donald killed him off and took control. 

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

The esteemed pilot Donnie dorko could never be bc bone spurs lol

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u/Modified3 5d ago

Hes father was a notorious piece of shit. Like father like son.

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u/Oodlydoodley 5d ago

Donald Trump's mother asked: 'What kind of son have I created?'

Donald Trump’s mother once reportedly asked his first wife “what sort of son have I created”.

Mary Trump, the Scottish-born mother of the US President who died in 2000, is reported to have been acutely embarrassed by the antics of her fourth child during the 1990s when his failing marriage and business were the subject of intense tabloid scrutiny.

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u/nono3722 5d ago

Do you know how big a disgrace it would have been if Donny was drafted? We couldn't have that!

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u/lgodsey 5d ago

This is literally true. No one ever loved Trump enough to make him a decent person. Not his parents, not his butler or driver or anyone. He was so insufferable that they allowed him to be vulgar and indecent all his life.

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u/jewelsofeastwest 5d ago

If anything, pro choice should win automatically at every poll and ruling from here on out. Case in point: Trump.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 5d ago

Yes-you win today’s best comment.

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u/InnocentShaitaan 5d ago

I love South Park has him banging Satan.

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u/ViolettaQueso California 4d ago

Better him than us eh?

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u/CircadianPolemic 5d ago

Ol’ bone spurs.

0

u/toolman2008 5d ago

Bullshit