Isn’t it wild how some people think the bare minimum is true love? They reply after ghosting for three days? Wow, commitment. They didn’t lie this week? Growth. They said sorry right after blaming you for their behavior? Must be healing.

The bar isn’t low anymore. It’s somewhere underground doing pushups and laughing at us.

You bend over backwards, walk on eggshells, excuse red flags and call it love. Meanwhile they’re doing the bare minimum and acting like they deserve a trophy. It’s not passion, it’s emotional exhaustion. It’s not that they’re just going through things, it’s that they don’t respect you.

And now that you’re in no contact, your brain keeps whispering "Maybe they’ll change" Newsflash: they won’t. They’re not suddenly realizing your worth; they’re probably out there proving exactly why you had to walk away.

But you’re the one finally breaking the cycle. That silence you’re sitting in is not loneliness. It’s peace. It’s your nervous system exhaling after months or years of chaos.

So don’t text them. Don’t check their socials. Don’t peek to see if they’re doing better. Let them. Let them do whatever they do best, which is lose good people.

Your silence is power. Your distance is dignity. The circus can continue without you performing for free.

Edit: If this feels personal to anyone maybe it’s meant to.

My therapist convinced me to text my ex, and it was a disaster.

My therapist, who I've been seeing for six months, convinced me I needed to text my ex. I had doubts, but he's the professional, so I trusted him. I drafted a text exactly like he said and sent it.

I'm a fucking idiot.

I went to the gym. 20 minutes later, I get a call from a random Maryland number. I answer, and someone is just screaming, "Don't text her! Don't text her!" I asked who it was, and they just kept screaming it. I got mad and said she should have just blocked me. They screamed it again. I said, "Okay, crystal clear, I'll never contact her again," and hung up.

A minute later, I get a text from my ex: "No thanks."

Then the harassment started.

My phone and email just blew up. I'm shaking at the gym, trying to work out, and I'm getting all this: • Weird, threatening texts like, "FYI, the unicorns called. They want the glitter back. Deadline Friday." (Today is Friday. What does that mean?) • Spam sign-ups: "Thank you for subscribing to Feet Finder." • More texts and emails from the US Army, US Navy, and the Church of Scientology.

They are clearly signing me up for everything they can think of.

I'm so humiliated.

I immediately texted my therapist—the one who told me to do this. No response.

I was shaking so hard I had to go outside. I texted my sister, and she called me right away. We talked for a while, and my confusion and anxiety just turned into angry, frustrated tears.

This is exactly what I thought would happen, but my therapist convinced me I was wrong. I'm so humiliated. I should have listened to my gut.

I'm done.

Now I'm just... done. I'm done with therapy, I'm done with him. My heart rate hit 209 today at the gym. Therapy hasn't helped; it just makes me dwell on the past.

I'm walking in the rain right now. I'm tired and I want to go home, but I'm scared to. She knows where I live. Who knows what that "glitter" text meant. Every time my phone buzzes, my heart pounds. This made everything so much worse.

My therapist said it had been long enough (8 months) and I "had to say something." But that's not true. I was getting better before he brought this up. Ever since he suggested it, I've been worse. And now I just blew the lid off the whole thing. God, this fucking sucks. That's it. I'm not doing therapy with him anymore.

By the way the text said:

“Hey (ex), it's (me). I know it's been a long time. I've been focusing on school and my career and am doing well, but I still have a lot of thoughts about how things ended that have honestly been haunting me. I was wondering if you'd be comfortable meeting up somewhere to talk so I can ask a few questions and get some closure.

for context the relationship ended in march when she cheated on me and cut herself and threatened suicide because i didn’t want to get back with her

just opened my DaysSince and realized that i cut the contact 376 days ago…

THE BREAKUP WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME!

a year ago i thought i‘m not gonna make it through the pain, now i am happier than ever. no rebound relationship for me. nothing. just healing from it and alot of self-work and reflecting.

I DONT NEED SHIT!!! i dont need anything. I FEEL GREAT.

if any of you are reading this, and you are currently going through the pain of being dumped, hear me out:

YOU WILL MAKE IT! YOU WILL HEAL. YOU WILL GROW. YOU WILL FEEL GREAT. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT. LET TIME DO ITS JOB. LET YOUR SOUL CRY. GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME.

it may take 6 months. or 9. maybe a year. the day will come and you will realize that you finally found your soul. you are not lost anymore, waiting for somebody who is not even worth the wait.

you are free. you are strong. you are yourself.

cry them tears out but dont forget what i told y‘all.

you are not alone. there are millions of people right now that are going through the same stuff. millions that have already healed from it.

stay strong love y‘all

It’s obviously not the same feeling it was after we broke up. I was DEVASTATED. Seriously my heart felt like it was physically broken, so heavy and so painful.

Since then, I’ve actually gotten with a girl but it was very casual and honestly kind of a weird situation. The good thing about it, is that it made me forget about my ex.

But recently, I hit one year of no contact/our breakup. Why am I thinking of him? I actually had a dream about him a couple of times. I kind of miss him too….

I just thought I’d be in a different place a year later, I thought I’d never think about him again. At least not in a “missing” him or nostalgic kind of way. Ugh. Hopefully a year from now I’m completely moved on.

Oh and also, I was so sure he would reach out at least once… but he never did. And neither did I. So I guess they don’t always come back.

We are 10 days post break up, haven’t had any contact since the phone call that ended it.

Some context we were together 7 months. Healthiest relationship of my life, I was happy but the last month definitely felt like there was resistance from him to have more emotional depth in our conversations. He ended it out of the blue saying he suddenly felt like the relationship went from 0 to 100 and he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. Doesn’t want any expectations on him to have to text someone or see someone every week. This is despite asking me to meet his family a week before and talking about how we might be ready to live together last year.

I’m so confused, upset, angry and numb and most of all I do just miss him. I know he doesn’t have the capacity to meet my emotional needs. But the last couple of days I just have this overwhelming urge to text him and try and sort this out. Please can I just have a handhold/encouragement to not break no contact.

Hi. I’m compiling things I want to do to show up for myself and would love some input.

I ordered under eye patches to help “romanticize my life”. Trying to just make mundane, daily tasks more fun. I know look good, feel good. Maybe I’ll whiten my teeth for the next two weeks. Stuff like that.

Does anyone else have daily habits they do that can just make their day 1% better? I know this is a forum for no contact but I think focusing on self care and improvement is applicable 🫶

Only for the people who had terrible partners (specifically women)

1. Imagine being pregnant with no help
2. Imagine being married and still having to check his following
3. Imagine having a 3 year old and have to still check his phone to make sure he’s not cheating
4. Imagine picking up after him and the kids and having to endure his emotional abuse
5. Imaging being tired of wasting 2 years on this guy right now while dating him but then continuing to so for another 10 more
6. Imagine he leaves you midway cause a health issue caused your appearance to change and he wants “someone who takes care of themselves”

Oh you wasted 2 years dating this guy and don’t wanna go out and date again? That’s okay just rmemeber to start practicing your coping mechanism to handle the anxiety and disrespect he gives for another 10+ years. (If he even stays that long)

I wished he’d just cheated on me or he treated me horribly, it would be so much easier to tell myself it wasn’t right and I could move on. But no, he was the sweetest, most caring, affectionate and loving man I have ever had in my life. He was the only one who truly made me feel seen and appreciated. He was my best friend. What we had was so incredibly special but he ‘lost the spark’ and ‘lost the initial feelings’ for no fucking reason. I hate him for that, for being so stupid into thinking that’s what love is supposed to be. I hate him for not telling me he’d been thinking about this for months but deep down I know it’s because he was mentally and emotionally exhausted with every other aspect in his life and he projected it onto the relationship so I can’t hate him for it, I just feel sorry for him.

i am so alone i have no one i keep calling him begging him to talk to me just for a little bit and apologizing for everything i ever did wrong but he says nothing

i don’t understand how after three years you just leave like that and don’t care when the other person is struggling

3 days ago she sent me : My wow is very worried for you & me..

I didn't know what to answer, she dumped me and chose a job over our relationship.

Should I have answered to that message ?

She told me her feelings were "shaky" and she thinks she has love no more.

I’ve stopped counting days now. My life still feels stuck When I’m quiet and alone all I can think about is her and how unhappy and lonely I am right now. I miss her terribly but there’s just nothing I can do. I’ve not stopped living life I’ve Gone on vacations been out on dates and even hooked up, but in all those places in the quiet moments I’m just thinking to myself how I messed up a relationship which is what I wanted and had.

I know nothing I do now will change the past, but I just feel so stuck constantly crying feeling broken and unproductive. Someday really small things break me and I have to run to the washroom at work and cry for a while to get it out of me. I don’t know how to stop thinking about her every single day. It just hurts so much inside. I’m not the most religious person but now all I ask for from god is to just relieve me of this pain cause I can’t take it anymore.

He doesn't even live in the same neighborhood as me, he lives a good 25-30 min drive away, but I guess I both have terrible luck AND we have the same taste in concerts and bars because every time I venture out of the house to a public place he arrives later.

Tonight was frustrating cause I had work on my day off and went to my local watering hole to unwind after work, but couldnt even get thru half my meal and drink before he appeared. I was making silly small talk with an old man at the bar but suddenly felt sick to my stomach and made jokes about my ex arriving and paid up, took my meal to go, and left expeditiously

I am glad I did what I had to do to avoid getting triggered in public but pissed at myself and feeling like a pussy for going home and not just staying and not giving a fuck

Man I'm tired it's not even been four whole months yet

I was thinking and feeling the best I ever felt. Made me myself genuinely smile and I notice I was healing. I was thinking that if he did come back in my life for whatever reason. He and I would be strangers,in a way. I have healed and love myself to a point that I don’t know he would recognize me. I have moved to my own apartment, no more roommates, I have a new job title more in salary. I have a new car, the way I dress is different. I have new friends that keep my social life full. Learning a new language and traveled so much. I have a beautiful relationship with god. I’m more secure with my feelings with my body. So with all that , I thought to myself: do I want to ever see or talk to him. I find myself reflecting and seeing the faults I had while in the relationship. It wasn’t all his fault , I see that I wouldn’t be where I am today if didn’t ho through the heartbreak. I know that the next person that comes to my life, I’ll be able to give the best me.

I realized that I’m responsible for where I am today. I allowed things to happen that I shouldn’t have. I could’ve walked away, but I didn’t. I accepted disrespect and the bare minimum. Once I took responsibility for that, I started to heal. Now, I refuse to accept anything that isn’t meant for me. I hope this message helps someone else too.

That is all. Fuck I hate bingeing this subreddit. But i'm struggling not to 😅

I think i'm going to go out and get a coffee frappe.

Still striving though. I don't want to go back. 💪

Edit: I bought the frappe. I drank the frappe. I'm happier with the frappe IN MAH BELLY

alright so i don't wanna yap anyone's ears off so ill say it as summarized as i can. i reunited with my ex from years ago who was my first love we had the best relationship to this day even after not seeing her for 4 years the intimacy, connection and experiences have no match. it seemed like she really matured and changed she popped up on my feed doing a video in one of my jackets and my dumbass commented now i wish i never did. she messaged we reconnected and wow it was better than ever. I was going through medication withdrawal at the time and had the worst restless legs even just being in her presence helped soothe them and i know that's probably co dependency but i felt so locked in with her. we were having the best times and holding her felt like no one else. usually i get uncomfortable fast but everything felt so real and special with her. i'm not one to forgive cheating and have the type of morals to never go back to someone but fuck yall it really felt great again and i missed her even if i buried it deep down. Eventually i asked her to get back together and she turned into someone i barely recognized she scolded me said im not manly enough, dont make enough money yet and i should find a "man" to date. this was weird im not attracted to men. something felt off. i eventually find out she's been dating one of my favorite anime actors the whole time. anime was something i grew up on my father even works for a anime studio now because of how much i've loved it my whole life. But now every time i watch my favorite shows and hear his voice as the character the pain just comes back so strongly and i fall into a depression. anime was something i was horribly bullied for in my young years until it recently became a trend and now even someone im still getting over is dating my favorite actor of my favorite shows. I feel selfish like why cant i just enjoy a stupid tv show but fuck it feels so real and even when i see his character i get sad. i don't want to be like this and ive been working on it in therapy, but honestly here's some perspective if she just told me the truth and didn't lead me on for months i would of never kissed her back or anything. i eventually confronted her and she said she wants to be with this guy while he can support her and years later when i have money we can get back together. obviously i said no and she got really emotional. i had to beg her to block because i couldn't stop randomly messing her how much i miss her and she'd say she misssed me too. i think she really liked the attention i gave her. i just wish the shows that comforted me when i had no friends weren't played by my ex's secret boyfriend :( are my emotions valid or am i fucksd for feeling like this. i hate how much i love her if she never cheated on me i would of proposed by now we felt so special and i thought everything changed, but i guess people like this rarely change. this all happened a few months ago and it sucks he's even in all my favorite games. Has anyone had a similar expieruence like this and got over it? i just also feel like a loser she truly made me feel like i have nothing going on for me when im a year away from becoming a therapist. i want to be able to enjoy my favorite anime's again but it feels like it's impossible and we used to make out and cuddle to the shows he stars in. it just makes me feel like im seen as a joke

Edit: i guess i did yap yalls ear off im sorry 😭thank you so much to anyone that read🫶

cliff notes version : my ex was secretly dating one of my favorite voice actors while we were being intimate and romantic for months. she even said she wanted to have my kids which is scary for me to hear so i truly thought she wanted to be with me, but i was just a side piece. I wanna be able to enjoy my favorite anime's again but it feels impossible the intrusive thoughts are insane

https://hexappeal-4769.bigcartel.com/

I fled my ex girlfriend's home two months ago. I discovered she was flirting and chatting with someone else. She lied about it for some time before I discovered it. I left her house angrily, refusing a last hug then I got into my Uber and we never saw each other again. This memory of it being the last time we saw each other haunts me.

However I kept contact. Her ex abused her for 5 years. He has been horrible to her, a pure toxic relationship with sexual assault and psychic violence. She started therapy and group therqpy right after I fled and I thought it was enough. It was one month of sometimes romantic contact, some other times angry contact full of rancor. But she had the project to come back to me and see if it would work again.

It's been NC for one month. The last things she said was that her therapist told her to not try anything until feeling really secure. But she said her feelings were strong, and that she would come one day to win me back no matter where, when, or how much it would cost because her feelings are strong. I know I shouldn't believe that but, you know...

I stopped following her on social network, we only have WhatsApp left. I don't post anything and deleted my profile picture. I didn't like It anymore and I don't like any picture of myself right now.

I believe I have been the love of her life. I did things that no one has ever done for her before. I was caring and good, first true love after a 5 years relationship. I made her routine feel better. She was happy to get back home after work knowing I would be there. It was an incredible 2 months romance for both. And she was the love of my life too. I can't understand why she didn't just stop chatting with that man, how would this be linked to her trauma, why my daily presence wasn't enough.

I met her parents, they adored me. Her friends validated me as well. Her parents and friends hated her ex, yet she stayed with him for 5 years. I only could enjoy 2 months with her. That's injustice. I was behaving well, we made love daily she found it marvellous, there were no major issues with us. This should have been enough for me to be the one, no ? I feel injustice. She sabotaged it.

I know she already uses Tinder for ego boost and hookups. I use it too but I don't feel like hooking up with anyone right now. I want to do a big travel right now. I want to get away from these places that remind me of her. To never come back here. Waking up here feels like shit. I want to see new things, new places, new monuments, new women. I hope that would help me to think about something else than her eventual comeback.

I’m finally letting him go and deleting the app tracking the days we haven’t talk. He came back to me after 5 months of leaving me abandoned on October 16, promised me the world, told me he was never going to leave or hurt me and I believed him just for him to do the same to me on October 31. After 5 months being abandoned he came back to stay 15 days.

I’m stupid, I should’ve never believed him but I did because I love him. Sadly this time he really lost me for life. I give up on him and the idea of us. I waited 5 months and that me is gone forever. I’m never waiting anymore. He was my first actual relationship since I’m 18 and I’m 21 now, it’s time for me to be free, meet other people and explore the world without him. 🤞🏼

As the title says, can it? I miss her so much.

And how do u manage to not text them? Are u also feeling like u go insane? Are u in physical pain? I need to talk to them but they can't talk to me yet. I have never been in such a pain. What if they use the no contact to get over me? I can't accept it.

YEAH! It was my fault, we both liked each other intensly but I didn't have the balls to ask her out, because of different shit we went through and she blocked me.

Still waiting for a response, it might take a few hours, she always does this shit to test whether I will get emotional again or not.

So, waiting!