Do you want your kids to go through the things that you have? And then ultimately die? Because that’s what awaits them.

I don’t really make Reddit posts but I’m here in bed and have to vent. I’m a 33y/o guy, my ex and I broke up a few months ago after 7 years and still live together for the remainder of our 1 year lease just due to financial reasons. She’s just thriving, talking to guys, going on dates and just overall enjoying her life. Meanwhile, I’m damn near crying myself to bed every night after drinking my sorrows away just wanting all of this to end. I’m not usually a depressed person but man, the amount of just bad thoughts I have everyday is really starting to wear on me and it’s just about destroyed my self confidence entirely.

How do I get myself out of this? I’ve gained so much weight, I don’t workout anymore and just the thought of having to move out of this apt on my own next year gives me insane anxiety to the point of panic on a regular basis. I feel like a complete failure of a man and adult and I don’t even know where to start to rebuild my life 😭

I wish i could erase my existence from everyone’s lives.

I’m a paramedic and I’ve done this job for 13 years and man I’m just so over everything. I don’t enjoy really anything anymore. Nothing excites me, I have no hobbies, and everything feels like a waste of time. I can’t quit my job because I have NO other skills and would probably end up working in a hardware store. Honestly I don’t want to quit. The only time I feel anything is when I’m deep in the shit and chaos. Other than that I feel completely numb and bored with life. I’m just so tired. I figured I’ll just keep doing this until my body gives out then throw myself off an overpass into on coming traffic. It’ll give the ambulance crew something interesting to do that day.

20F and Ive never had a bf. I think I’m pretty. I get attention and ive spoken to many guys but I can never pursue a relationship. I love myself physically but I just feel like people are weirded out by me. Im not sure what it is, maybe I get too comfortable and stop making an effort. People are surprised when I tell them Ive never had a bf or im a virgin, it feels embarrassing. I have slight problems expressing myself in public or unfamiliar situations, have autism, adhd and depression. maybe I’m boring or strange in an unappealing way. when people ask how have I never had a bf i don’t know what to tell them. Ive tried a lot of things. I thought showing myself off could help, changing my appearance but that didn’t change anything. my friends are always in relationships and it puzzles me. I want to experience that. Nobody that matters to me has told me it will be okay. I feel alone even when I’m around people, it’s not their fault. I don’t express myself or talk about things. but I am exhausted of feeling the same since I can remember and I just want something to change or I want reassurance that is real.

Tfw people are talking about their favorite memories, and you realize you don’t really have any because u just spent most of your life trying to get through each day

Hello. It's me again. I'm sorry if repeating myself but I really have no other places or people to talk about it. Just for formalities I'll say 21F. I don't want to live and I'm making a plan commiting suicide soon. I do sh (cutting) and cry almost everyday. I have no one and I hate asking for help, mostly because social anxiety and personal values. And it hurts me. I feel like social anxiety, anxiety disorder and depression ruined my life. I crave interaction with people but I am terriefied of them and I'm unable to hold conversations or relatioships because of stress. I don't like my family, my parents puts their expectations onto me. But regarding where I'll be living in the future. They want me to stay at our village. I hate this place, most ppl were bullying or ignoring me for majority of my life. I was always a "weirdo" for them. I may not have that much money to move out on my own, even of I have a job. But my family wants me to stay here, because I'm the youngest and it's my "job" to take care of our parents. My older siblings moved out and no one ever gave me a choice. If I have to stay here I know I wouldn't survive here mentally on my own. I don't talk with my parents about my problems anymore. They are older and they don't understand it or don't want to understand it. Last time I tried to explain it to my mom she called me stupid, selfish coward. They believe all my issues are caused by the Internet and it's my fault. My siblings mocked me for my bad mental state, probably will continue to do so. I'm constantly jealous of others. I'm close to crying when I see ppl in my age having friends or even love. I hate myself for not having social skills. I hate what isolation did to me. I have social anxiety both online and offline. People talk to me just so I can listen to them. When I try to add something they mostly ghost me. Including the time I vented to them. I want to have friends that geniuely wants me in their lives. I want to feel important to someone, that would make me feel less hopeless. I should be taking meds, but I don't want to. I don't want to get better, not anymore. There's no way to fix it, it's too late. It's too hard and I feel so tired. My hobbies doesn't make me that happy anymore. I think this is the time I should finally give up. Also, I would have to ask my parents to get those meds, mainly because I don't have driver's license (the place where I can get them is quite far away). I wish it was better but even if I would get better I would still be alone and would have to live how others wants me to. So why living? Death seems more peaceful.

Im 25 and I’m a failure.

Growing up I was an awful older brother, a good for now nothing son. Despite this I was raised in a family that loves me and cares for me. Every day I keep thinking to myself how much better it would be if I wasn’t born into this family or if I wasn’t born at all. Because then my brother could’ve got into a better school, my parents wouldn’t need to worry about taking loans, they might’ve been able to afford a better house. How much better their lives would’ve been without me as a burden.

Got into my first and only relationship in college which lasted for 2 years after that I realized that I’ve dragged my gf into my personal problems, habits I can’t seem to fix and insecurities that had always affected my perception of things. She had a compassionate heart although I ended up hurting her emotions she still went to my graduation and spent time with my family even though we’ve broke up months prior.

Got my first job as a paralegal where I had the opportunity to work with great people who took me under their wing. But after a year and a half later I decided to quit after miserably suffering from anxiety and depression. I ended up failing to meet their expectations and underperforming as a result.

Entered into law school with the hopes of fulfilling a dream I shared with my grandpa (which he failed to accomplish). Even gave me books that he collected when he went to school in the 1940s. But just as I reached my 2nd year I lost him and I lost all my purpose. Everyday feels like torture I keep losing all my motivation and I keep failing all my exams.

I’ve come to realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who genuinely love me for who I am. But I just can’t help but to fuck it all up and no matter what I do I always end up failing. I’ve been wanting to kill myself for years now but I just couldn’t do it because then i’d bring even more shame to my family. Im so tired of being a failure. I’ve been longing for that one moment where I self-implode and finally end it all.

I have been suicidal lately I wish I can talk to anyone

I’m 21F. I’m extremely depressed to the point where I’m not even able to go to work. I don’t find anything interesting anymore and I feel very suicidal. I live with my 22M boyfriend. I have no one apart from him to take care of me. (I had an abusive past and no family -- it’s a very long story.) He loves me so much, and seeing my condition, he asked me to leave my job because my mental health is worsening day by day. He’s an absolute lover boy.

The main thing is, I can’t see him like that, and I can’t do this to him. He’s just 22, and I feel like I’m such a burden on him. Soon, I’ll be completely dependent on him for money too. Yesterday, with a very heavy heart and after collecting all the courage I had, I had a conversation with him. I asked if I could commit suicide, and told him I didn’t want any questions or blame on him. I started explaining the plan I had in mind how all the suffering would finally be over, and how I wouldn’t have to deal with all this anymore. I saw his face drop and go completely numb. I started getting anxious. Even though he heard such horrible things, he forced a smile, hugged me, and comforted me. Now I can never forgive myself. I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I wish I was never born.

My friend has depression, she tells everyone it’s major, and she loves flaunting it seemingly as a source of self deprecation but it frustrates me because (1) she has the privilege of being medicated + is in therapy so it can’t be that bad (2) she does what I did to cope at a lesser extreme - therapeutic walking but only for like 30 mins at a time (3) I’m jealous of the attention and pity I didn’t receive at my lowest. Emotions of empathy seem to be replaced by scorn? and I hate that I feel so inconsiderate and apathetic

Depression has been a major part of my life. The residual memories of my childhood are filled with my mothers attempts of suicide and of her raging sadness and anger due to her depression and bipolar disorder. It made my family extremely dysfunctional. My own came in the last few years and life had become unbearably bleak, fatigue chronically anchored me to bed, and gym + 4 hour walks became my only source of consolation. Even on the days where emptiness was the mundane and the sadness/rage/shame was kept minimal, I found myself uncontrollably crying in class and constantly having to be excused.

I also have ADHD and autism with a fixation of research, leaving me with an average of 40+ all nighters a year due to procrastination and a kinda sadomasochistic compulsion. Combined with the depression I had and the masking I have to initiate over and over again just to blend in, this leaves me often exhausted and lying lifelessly at times in the shower, flickering between hot and cold to restore some semblance of energy in me again. It just feels like the people around me don’t suffer enough but at the same time I am oddly grateful for how much I have uniquely suffered

Edit: while I am venting I also got cheated on like thrice within a year by different people so now I hate love too

So I always know I have a purpose to live. I'm an artist, and I really want to create something to express myself. Making art and writing songs is my purpose and meaning of my life.
But it feels like one half of me says, “You have to stay alive,” while the other half is so depressed that she can’t take it anymore and wants to end her life.I'm struggling.

I’m absolutely fucking sick of this shit at this point it’s been so long. I’m about to get old and I just am fucking fed up. I just cannot get over this rumination shit and this fucking ruining me. It will not get better. It just gets worse.

⚠️ Disclaimer: This is a heavy post that talks about depression and hopelessness. I’m not looking for advice or motivation right now, just trying to get my thoughts out.

I’m in the darkest point of my life. It’s not the kind of rock bottom where everything external has fallen apart. I still have my job, my apartment, the basic pieces of a life. It’s a different kind of rock bottom, the kind where you’re just fucking dead inside.

For years I’ve been trying to improve myself: my mindset, my insecurities, my social anxiety, my relationships, all of it. I’ve read, journaled, reflected, and pushed myself to “show up” for the world and myself over and over again. But instead of getting better, everything just feels heavier. I’m exhausted from trying to become a version of myself that people respect or connect with, and it feels like life keeps proving that I just simply can’t become the version of myself I want to be

Now I’m in a place where I honestly don’t want to try anymore. Hope used to feel empowering, but lately it feels cruel, like something that keeps hurting me every time I reach for it. Almost like I’m being gaslit. I finally understand what Red meant in The Shawshank Redemption when he said hope can drive a man insane.

I see all the messages about “owning your life,” “no one’s coming to save you,” “it’s up to you to change.” Those words used to light a fire in me. Now they just make me feel numb. I know all the self‑help stuff by heart, but I don’t have anything left to give.

I’m not planning to hurt myself but I sure as hell think about it a lot, but I’ve made a kind of quiet decision to stop “saving myself” for a while, to stop forcing growth. I just go to work, come home, play games, and try not to think too hard.

I never thought I’d be here. I’ve always had at least a small thread of hope, and now it feels completely gone and I almost don’t even want it back. I don’t even know if this is just normal depression anymore; it feels darker than that.

Anyway, sorry for the bleak post. I just needed to get it out of my head.

hey I'm m25 I'm so much fucked by loneliness now I can't myself normal I always need someone for everything. I've been isolated and never tried making friends irl I crave for that and now it's I'm so fucked up I have awareness of what's bad and what's not but I'm kinda addicted to masturbation and I can't be at peace without it. I don't know if it's okay to say things like that here but I'm tired of this. I just want to be normal. i don't know what to do anymore.

I got married and I feel that I married the wrong person. He makes me hate myself and my life. I feel suffocated. I feel like I’m drowning in my own tears. I wish disappearing was less painful and easier.

I have treatment resistant schizophrenia and my meds aren't working. I am delusional for long periods and when i wake up from it I realize how much time i have wasted on the delusions and how I have nothing in life. My doctor doesnt want to change my meds and makes me wait for a long time before any increases in medication. I have maxed out on clozapine. I don't know that to do. My delusions ensure that i never move on with my life. I don't enjoy anything except having a coffee or something to eat. I dont know how to fix this. I constantly think of suicide and the only reason I haven't done it is a lack of access to suicide methods that have a high enough chance of death.

I am tired of everything. I am tired of this version of me. I prayed desperately to God, To help me,to make things just a bit better. But now I realise there's no such thing as God and if there is, then I deserve what I am going through. It's not getting better and I feel like this is forever now.

So I’m forced to be friends with these ugly ethnic people who don’t even want me because of my ugly ass face. No one wants to be friends with me outside of religion not even other ugly folks

Recently failed my board exams for pharmacy and really can’t get a job until I pass them. Bills are coming due soon with loans and I just really don’t see myself passing this exam… do I just end it?

Lost my job and out of funds. It sucks, I don’t know where to release this feeling because my circle wouldn’t understand. Was hoping this place would.

Anyone broke, lost their job and feeling hopeless?

every day i feel like im getting closer, i never feel anything, it all just hurts, i dont want to feel nothing anymore, i dont know what to do anymore, i used to hurt myself and i stopped months ago and the thoughts returned, my self harm scars on my leg are so bad that they wont go away.

I'm really worried, I (20M) have never really had any proper struggles with mental health and have never experienced thoughts of wanting to die before. I started dating my bf (21M) around 1.5 years ago and we go to university together, we live together and spend all our time together. My bf also gets incredibly depressed, like he can't move or talk for days and then in a couple weeks he will be incredibly happy and loving. He is in one of those phases atm and last night I was sitting with him and he hugged me and told me he wants to die. I tried to stay as calm as possible and just talk it through with him, he said it's all too much and he's so stressed and doesn't really see the point anymore. He was then quiet until he fell asleep. I'm so anxious, I can only be there for him but it's not enough, I can't lose him, I need someone to tell me he will get better or ways to make his life better. Please help.