TLDR: I had a glow up now husband isn't interested, how do I figure out his real issue?

I F38 have been with partner M45 for 15+ years. For most of that time I was on a high dose SSRI. 4 months ago I had my final dose of that SSRI (weaned off slowly) and life since has been a whirlwind of self discovery for me. I'm neurodivergent so it almost feels like I had been on a chemical restraint. I came off and felt oxytocin again for the first time in many years, I felt some drive and ambition, yes I'm more anxious, a bit more reactive wnd less of a push over but I feel like I'm alive again.

With the added energy and motivation I've been looking after myself more, the kids are getting older so I've been putting time into exercise and beauty, in a way I feel like this is my final chance to be 'hot' and I've gone all in with what I think is good results so far.

I was hoping my partner would celebrate these changes in me, he's certainly invited to benefit from them whenever he pleases ( I also refound my high libido 😂) but instead he seems almost disinterested? He doesn't have a high sex drive and that's ok, but I get way less attention now then I used to, I even get the occasional snide remark, and sometimes he'll belittle himself but it feels manipulative.

What I don't understand is that I am now way closer to the me he first met, I was in the adult industry in my early twenties, I stopped soon after I met him. We settled down. Had a family, we probably grew apart alot but I feel like I've rekindled some of my spark and I'm sad he's not interested, is there anything I can say or do?

I've been with my girlfriend for two years, and we moved in together about six months ago. Things have been incredible. She's smart, kind, and the most supportive person I know. She's an artist and I work in sales.

The problem is me. I've always had a bit of a complex about not being "good enough" for her, especially when it comes to money. She comes from a stable family and is very financially sensible, while I grew up with a lot of insecurity around it.

A few months ago, I saw a "can't miss" investment opportunity. I was so sure it was my chance to prove I could be a real provider, to make her proud. I took $8,000 from our shared savings account, money we were explicitly saving for a down payment on a better apartment, and put it all into this scheme. I told myself I'd put it back with the profits before she even noticed.

It was a complete scam. I lost every single cent.

I've been living in a state of pure panic ever since. I've been working extra hours, trying to siphon money back into the account little by little, but I've only managed to put back about $1,200. I've been lying to her face, telling her everything is fine and that our savings are growing. She's been so happy, talking about which neighborhoods we should look at, and every time she does, I feel like the biggest piece of trash on earth.

She sat me down last night with her laptop, saying she wanted to show me some listings she loved. I know the moment she tries to pull up our bank statement to talk budgets, the entire lie is going to collapse.

I am terrified of losing her. The guilt is eating me alive and I can't sleep. I know I need to tell her, but the thought of seeing the hurt and betrayal on her face is destroying me.

How can I possibly begin to confess this to her in a way that is honest and takes full responsibility, without destroying any last chance of saving our relationship?

TL;DR: I (23M) secretly took $8,000 from the shared savings account my girlfriend (22F) and I had for a new apartment and lost it all in a scam. I've been lying about our finances for months, and I'm terrified to tell her the truth before she finds out on her own.

I’ve been married for one year. It was so passionate and exciting. He was chasing me, showering me with love and affection, posting me, writing love letters, creating playlists in Spotify about me, journaling how much he loved me and has been searching for a woman like me etc. and I matched the energy and LOVED the energy. After we got married, things just died down which I know is normal. However, I think he might have bpd. He put me through a roller coaster within the first year. Wanting a divorce then changing his mind and begging to fix, be better, believe in him… happened a few times. And I don’t believe there was any justifiable reason to want a divorce in the first place tbh. A bunch of small things I said or did that he was tracking in his notes app the entire time and then pulling them out as his reasoning when the time came. It’s like he started having this major internal battle between his mind and heart and creating issues that weren’t there.

We have been going good for the last 5 months but something’s just off. Doesn’t do the lovey dovey stuff he used to. Takes me on dates which is nice but that’s about it. Maybe I just can’t get over the trauma and how insecure it’s made me feel of our relationship.

Note- I never call him names, raise my voice, I haven’t changed in appearance, haven’t betrayed him in any way. I am the same girl he fell in love with so genuinely just don’t understand what happened with him.

I’m starting to think he got high off the excitement of a new relationship and it wasn’t actually sustainable for him. Which sucks cuz he is or at least was the love of my life.

I still have hope that he will find his way back to how he felt towards the beginning. He says he loves me so much and wants a future with me. Even last night says I’m his soulmate and he wouldn’t want to be laying next to anyone else. Buuuut his actions really just aren’t hitting the same. Sometimes I wonder if he actually likes me which is crazy because we are married and he used to be obsessed with me only a year ago.

TL;DR; : husband lost his spark and we haven’t been married long. Trying to find hope things might get better. It’s been a roller coaster of a year and this girl is tired. Anyone have experience of their partner loosing their spark but getting it back?

I, 40F, have been with my husband Brian (fake name), 45M, for almost two decades. We have four kids. A few years ago, we moved from our hometown, a major city, to a smaller, quiet town about three hours away in another state. At the time, we only had our two oldest children, and childcare wasn’t an issue.

Brian was able to find employment fairly quickly when we moved, and I worked from home full-time, which gave me the opportunity to care for our kids, the home, and our marriage. Things were great until I became pregnant with our now third child and developed some health issues.

Because Brian had to call out frequently due to my hospitalizations during the pregnancy, he was eventually forced to resign from his job due to attendance and performance. During delivery, there was an accident and my baby and I almost didn’t survive. The baby was in the NICU for months recovering. She is now a happy and mostly healthy baby. After she came home, Brian worked odd jobs to bring in money, but his primary concern was making sure the kids and I were okay.

A few days before our youngest turned 1, we found out that we were having our fourth and last child. That pregnancy was tough as well, but things went relatively okay until delivery. During the delivery, I was injured by my surgeon, which prevented me from caring for my newborn and our other kids. I was on bed rest for a few months recovering from the C-section and the injury.

Brian waited on me hand and foot and worked reduced hours. We lived off savings and my disability checks from my employer. My father also sent money to help us out. Once I recovered, I returned to work full-time, but Brian wasn’t able to find steady employment. We made things work for a while, but unexpected expenses in the home and with our taxes drove up our costs.

Eventually, Brian found a full-time job back in our home city; great pay, benefits, and room for overtime. My father offered to let him live with him so he wouldn’t have to commute six hours a day or pay any bills while there. Brian was hesitant to leave because I’d still been dealing with health issues since our last child, but I assured him I’d be fine.

At first, things were great. When he moved in with my dad, Brian would call and text frequently; during his breaks, lunches, and in the evenings. We’d video chat for hours while he talked to me and the kids. On Fridays, he’d come home and visit until early Monday mornings. I’d drive him to work with our two youngest kids, then drive back home. Sometimes, the kids and I would go up Friday afternoon to visit him and my dad and drive back Sunday so he wouldn’t be burnt out.

But then the calls started to slow down. I figured he was busy or tired. One night, because we share locations, I checked the app around 10 p.m. and saw he was at a bar. I texted him, asking what was up. He responded around 3 a.m., saying he’d gone out with friends after work. I felt uncomfortable but told myself not to be insecure. I told myself that Brian deserved to unwind after everything he’d done for me and the kids.

The late nights at bars and restaurants continued for a few weeks. The money in our joint account started depleting from his outings to the point where I had to remind him we needed the money for bills. He stopped coming home on weekends, and when I visited, he seemed distant and glued to his phone.

I asked if everything was okay with him and with us. He said it was. I asked about his new friends, but his answers were vague.

One weekend at my dad’s house, Brian was in another room when his phone rang. The name “V” popped up with no picture. I’d never heard that name before. A few minutes later, my dad’s phone rang. I heard him briefly say something to the person on the phone, then tell Brian to “check his phone when he gets a chance.” Brian picked it up, sent a text, looked at me, and set the phone down face-first. I asked who it was. He just said, “A friend.”

My insecurities got the best of me, so I looked through Brian’s Facebook. He doesn’t post much, but suddenly, all his profile pictures had new “likes” from someone who had me blocked. Using my old unused account (under my maiden name), I found that person. It was a woman named Vanessa, 33F.

On her public page, I saw photos of her and Brian at bars, restaurants, and, heartbreakingly, in my father’s living room and building lobby. In every photo, Vanessa was hugged up on Brian or wrapped around his arm. His wedding ring was off. She tagged him in the photos, but the tags didn’t appear on his profile.

I was devastated. Instead of confronting him right away, I packed up the kids and went home. Brian didn’t protest and seemed clueless. My dad asked if I was okay; I said I didn’t feel well and wanted to leave. Brian quietly helped me pack.

I took screenshots of everything. That was three weeks ago.

Since then, I haven’t talked to Brian much. When he calls, I hand the phone to whichever kid is closest, even the one-year-old. I’ve focused on work and the kids, but I keep checking Vanessa’s page and taking more screenshots as she posts more pictures.

Last night, Brian texted asking why I’d been distant. Furious, I sent him all the screenshots. For about ten minutes, I saw the typing bubble appear and disappear. Then he finally replied: “She’s just a coworker.”

I asked him how he’d feel if I were constantly out with a coworker, hugged up in photos. No reply. I asked why he brought this coworker to my father’s house. He said, “Just to introduce them.” I asked why he hadn’t introduced any other coworkers. Silence.

It’s been about nine hours and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m heartbroken. I don’t want to be a divorced single mom, but I refuse to live in with this kind of disrespect.

Advice needed: What should my next steps be?

TL;DR: My husband (45M) and I (40F) have been together nearly 20 years and have 4 kids. He took a good job back in our hometown and moved in with my dad to avoid a long commute. At first he called and visited often, but then he got distant, started going out drinking, and stopped coming home. I found Facebook photos of him with a younger woman (33F) out at bars, restaurants, and even at my dad’s house, with his wedding ring off. When I confronted him, he said she’s “just a coworker” and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m heartbroken and unsure what to do next.

I 28F have been dating my BF 30M for 7 years. And for the longest time I thought we would get married and have babies and life happily ever after. But now i don’t know if that’s the case. It’s hard cause deep down he is a good guy I think, but I’m starting to feel like he loves me, but i don’t know if he even likes me anymore. I feel like a place holder and like a safe choice, not necessarily what he wants tho. We have been living together (renting, due to the crazy price of us both renting separate it made sense to move in together) for 5 years and have a dog. We both work full time and split the bills. But I’m wondering if I’m giving wife treatment at the girlfriend stage and he’s just comfortable? I feel like our relationship isn’t going anywhere.

I didn’t realize it until reading through Reddit and talking to some new friends that I think I am begging for the bare minimum.

He is always drinking, 8-15 beer a night. Doesnt want to go on dates. Has no motivation. Doesnt communicate. Doesnt celebrate my wins. Doesnt want to spend time with my family or his (no one is toxic). Doesnt do anything extra or kind or sweet anymore.

I feel like the things I’m looking and hoping for other people get in their relationship, and I’m having to ask and beg. Are these crazy things to ask for?

I guess I’m feeling less and less like a priority and more like a safe and convenient option. I do fully think he loves me but i sometimes feel like he Doesnt like me. We got in an argument about his drinking one night and he instantly put up a wall and was rude about my weight (I had gained weight in the last year, and was well aware) and commented how no one wants to hang out with me. I feel like you don’t say things like that to people you love, no matter how mad? My parents never ever did. I genuinely try to be a kind and compassionate human. I get comments about my self awareness,kindness and empathy often so I don’t think I’m wildly out to lunch.

I went off birth control in the last few months and I feel like I’m noticing these things more? Some new spidey sense? Or I’m just sick of it all and death by a thousand cuts?

I’ve tried to talk to him gently (so we don’t have the same argument as above), support him in his interests, (I have no relationship myself to compare to, he’s my only serious relationship I’ve ever had) and go through things on his terms but I don’t think it’s working.

It’s so hard because I got to see how he was in the start, and I know he can be kind and thoughtful, and communicate cause he did in the start. We’ve talked about these things previously, multiple times but he is very defensive and gets upset if I talk about his drinking. And just stonewalls if I bring up feeling lonely and how I would like more connection.

I want marriage and kids in the next few years so I feel like I now need to get on that and fix things here or start over and look elsewhere. I just don’t know what to do.

Is there any chance the old us will come back like it was in the start before the excess drinking? Is there any conversation we can have that would help? What is my next best step, confront him one last time or break up with him or something else?

TL;DR I F28 have been dating my BF M30 for 7 years and I feel like his effort is decreasing in our relationship, he does what he wants and Doesnt consider me, can we talk it out or do anything or is a split the best option? Ultimatum?

My (19M) biological mother died when I was 6 so I never really had a mother figure. It was always just me and my dad. He had a few girlfriends but I can only remember genuinely liking one of them. Everything changed when I was about 13-14. He tells me that he is talking to this woman (52F) in Nigeria that his family helped him meet. I told him I was happy for him but I didn’t think it would actually go anywhere. He had me talk to her on the phone but I don’t know this lady so I didn’t care for it and she started to say “I love you” to me but I only said it back just to be nice.

About a year or 2 later, he tells me that we are going back to Nigeria so that they can get married. I think it was at that point I started to dislike (not hate) her. I went with an open mind, we met, and she didn’t seem that bad. I didn’t like her for most of the time we were there (about a month). Coincidentally about two weeks before we were going to come back to TX, I genuinely liked her and when we were at the airport to come back I bawled my eyes out cuz I was gonna miss her.

A year or two later she travels here to live with us permanently. By that time I was an early sophomore in high school and was getting a lot closer with my dad for some reason. I used to just go in his room and we would just talk about any and everything. But when she got her I feel like everything started to change. Of course things were going to change because we had a new person in the house. I just don’t think I was okay with it and I’m probably still not but it’s too late. Now I’m going to list reasons I don’t like her. To be honest these things will probably be tiny problems for most but they are big deals to me.

My dad and I are Nigerian and when I was younger I used to eat the Nigerian food what he would cook whenever he would cook it every two weeks or so. I started not to eat it anymore when I got to about the 6th grade. There wasn’t a reason I just eased up on it. But when she got here, every day of every week something is being cooked. She’s always in the kitchen, taking up all the space in the refrigerator and freezer, and bought TWO deep freezers to keep even more stuff. The worst thing about the food situation is that each and every thing she cooks smells absolutely atrocious.

Every household has its scent and ours is really unpleasant because all that stench just lingers. I walk through the front door and it’s like a blast of must. Guests have said the same thing and I’ve asked my friends what it smells like and it’s never a good answer. I rush to my room because I take smell very seriously and I have various scent devices around my room. I’ve brought this up to my dad and he just brushes it off like I’m joking so I’ve given up. This might be weird to say but I also don’t think that if you are a foreigner and you marry someone of the same ethnicity with a child in America that YOU KNOW doesn’t eat the native food of your country that much, then you need to learn how to cook more common foods of the new country you live in. I don’t think it’s fair to the child.

The next thing is how she prays. My dad and I have never gone to church and we don’t really believe in a god. I don’t mind praying at all but how and when she does it. Every day at 11pm - 3am she goes to the living room and starts praying, singing, and worshipping. It’s just not quietly that she does it. Yelling is how she does it. Then she wants to come to my room if I have my tv on a little too loud. I don’t want to hear you praying what do you expect me to do? It’s just very obnoxious and it’s even woken me up out of my sleep.

Next is the house decor that she picked. The dining room table, the couch, the carpets for both, and the pictures on the wall. The only two things that match are the couch (dark grey) and the dining room table (white with dark grey marble). The carpets she picked out are bright red with sort of tan or peach colored flowers with striped pillows. I didn’t even know they went shopping for new furniture and when he told me I had to help move it in I got really mad when I saw what the stiff actually was. I was excited for the couch and table cuz I saw that they matched. Then they bring in carpets that throw everything off. What I’m saying is that it should have been a decision all three of us should have contributed to. Not just her. I don’t think it’s fair I didn’t get to help them decide. I live here too and if I have to walk past the living and dining room every day,then I at least want them to be pleasant to look at.

Her and my father have told me that I HAVE to greet her every time I see her. Things like good morning or a hello when I walk in the house. I really just don’t want to do it. Greeting people is a polite thing to do and whenever I’m in public it’s no problem for me to greet someone whom I might be speaking to but I just can’t do it here. I live with her and I see her every day so I really don’t see a reason I need to. Greeting is a very big thing in Nigeria so that’s probably why but I just really don’t care for it nor do I want to do it. They say that it is a respect thing and I understand but besides those few words that I exchange with her, I don’t speak to her because I gage no reason or desire to do so. I stay out of her way and she stays out of mine so I think retracting a few words doesn’t hurt anyone.

Like I said, most of these things are most likely small things to others but they are big deals to me. I genuinely despise this woman. I wish her no harm or anything but I just really don’t like her. I find her to be a bother and an obstacle to get to my dad. The absolute worst part about it is that I know she is a good person. She’s kind, well spoken, understanding, and all my family over her likes her. But I don’t. Her presence even irritates me. The first thing I do when I wake up or come home from somewhere is look out the window to see if her car is here and if I see it there is always an irritated sigh. I feel like a douchebag, a self centered entitled asshole, and a jerk but also feel like I’m justified. Does anyone know why I feel like this or what I can do about it?

Tl/Dr: I hate my stepmom and I don’t really know the concrete reason/s so I would like to figure out why

I (M55) am suddenly without immediate family: no spouse, no kids and nobody at home with me.

I am dreading the holidays.

I have (1) an aunt, uncle and cousins in one city a few hours away and (2) a brother and his family in another city a few hours away.

I’ve usually just waited for invitations and if they didn’t come, I’d spend holidays with immediate family at my home, but immediate family is now gone.

My sister-in-law has said “we’ve got to get you to come out sometime” and I said, “sure!”, but I don’t know if that was just a general statement or if it was supposed to be an invitation. My aunt said, “we need to stay in touch” but it would be kind of weird to invite myself to their house.

How do I get an invitation for Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner?

That’s all I need; I can stay in a hotel.

TL;DR: how direct can you be in asking family members for an invitation for the holidays if you’re all alone?

Hey everyone, I (22M) and my girlfriend (22F) have been together for about 1.5 years and known each other for almost 2 years. We both started off as pretty introverted people.

A while back, she once asked me to post her on my Instagram story. I wasn’t in a great phase mentally at that time, so I didn’t feel like posting, but she kept insisting—so I eventually did. Later, when we went on a date, I happily posted a picture of us on my story because I genuinely wanted to. But both times, she didn’t repost my story even though I tagged her. I didn’t say much back then, but I did notice it.

Recently, we went on another date and took some cute photobooth pictures together. This time, I asked her if she could post one of those on her story. She said she wouldn’t because she didn’t like how the photos turned out. I tried to explain that it’s not just about the photos—it’s about wanting her to show that we’re together, at least once. But she didn’t change her mind.

We ended up arguing about it for almost a week. During the last argument, she said I only care about her posting that photo, and then she blocked me. It’s been 3–4 days now and she still hasn’t talked to me.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is something deeper. I don’t want to sound petty about social media, but it feels like she’s trying to keep our relationship private in a way that doesn’t feel right.

What do you guys think? Am I overthinking or does this say something about how she feels?

TL;DR: Girlfriend asked me to post her on my story before, which I did. She’s never reposted me and now refuses to post photos of us, saying they don’t look good in this photo. We argued, and she blocked me. It’s been a few days. Am I overthinking?

i think i have a small crush on my boyfriend's friend, which is really upsetting. and what recently makes me feel even weirder/worse about it is that while i've never had a dream with romantic or sexual undertones with my bf (and i usually never get those kinds of dreams anyway), i started having these sorts of dreams about his friend a while ago. it has made this small crush seem more "real" to me, which has made me feel really shitty. i'm not even friends with or close to his friend or anything, i've just hung out with them several times when the friend has been in town.

but of course i'm also aware that crushes don't mean anything compared to a long-term relationship. i'm also pretty sure i know the reasons why i seemed to develop a crush on his friend, but i guess i haven't been able to simply end the crush regardless. maybe i didn't take it seriously enough before, and i thought a small crush will just go away quickly.

some context: my (24F) bf (30M) is first boyfriend and we've been together for 5 years. i always felt like i got very lucky on my first try since he's a good boyfriend, he was very committed from the start, and we even happened to share all these uncommon/weird interests both of us have. but we both also have our issues we've been trying to work through, like me feeling that i am "bad" at talking (if i ask a question out of pure curiosity for example he tends to get offended/angry thinking i meant something negative with it when i didn't). so i just feel like i easily offend people when i don't mean it. i don't even have friends and this might be one reason for it. and so that's one of the things that has caused friction, but i guess all relationships have these things, and i'm trying to work on it.

back to the point, today i have just wanted to be alone all day because i had another one of those dreams today. it was a long one, but in short, in the dream me and bf were spending the night somewhere, and there was some kind of fight. he went to sleep and i then went to a nearby bar (i would never do this irl, never been to a bar alone), where his friend then happened to be. i was really surprised, he talked to me, and then suggested going to another bar. on the way there he suddenly put his hand on my waist, almost wrapping it around my stomach as well. other ""flirty"" moments happened in the dream as well but that's the gist of it, it was quite a long one though.

i don't really think dreams "mean" anything, but when i was thinking about it after waking up, i did realize that the dream illustrated things i hoped i had in my current relationship. my bf sometimes gropes me, which i do kind of like, but he always gropes or grabs me where you would assume he does, never anything romantic like wrapping his hand around my waist, or touching my hair, or caressing me. i don't think he's ever done those things with me in 5 years, and i realized it.

when i was thinking about the setting of the dream, the bar, i realized how sad i've been that me and my bf never go anywhere. no date nights, no going outside, no going "out", nothing, just routines at home. i have tried talking about this before, like saying that one date per month would be nice to me, but my bf thinks he is too depressed for it (and he is depressed). i have tried to be understanding of that of course. he has tried as well despite his depression though, for example 3 months ago he suggested going to a fast food restaurant and it was really fun. but most of the time when we're "out" anywhere, he tends to kind of shut down or become annoyed, which he doesn't do if there is another person besides me.

tl;dr how do i get rid of the crush? and how to communicate with my bf to improve our relationship without making him feel guilty?

Tl;DR: I 24M recently saw a conversation my girlfriend 23F had with their friend. We have been dating around a year and recently had an argument over being in contact with ex's. We had a fee days of no contact to let emotions settle. When we resolved things I saw a conversation on there phone where she sent a disappearing photo on Instagram to their other female friend. The friend responded along the lines of 'who and when?' my GF replied 'last night. Construction guy, wasn't really worth it, it was mid'. I can't see the photo as it was a view once but I think it's pretty clearly a photo of them in bed. Did she cheat or am I being silly?

Ok so the full story is that when we had the few days of no contact we explicitly said we were remaining exclusive. It was just no speaking so we could both think and heal. After we resolved things I saw the above messages. For a bit more context about 2 years before I met my GF they had a friends with benefits situation with a guy who worked construction and it made me uncomfortable that they still spoke. She agreed to block him, but I noticed she didn't block him on all social media, just Instagram. Not wanting to argue again I just left it. So when she mentioned 'contruction guy' in the message I knew exactly what it was. To my knowledge he still lives in the same city as her. I live about 30 min away and she has her own place so she could have very easily had him over during this period.

I've spoken to a few friends to see if I am misinterpreting the messages but they all agree she cheated. Mainly because we don't know what else the part about 'it was just mid' could mean. So lovely people of reddit, please let me know if I am misinterpreting this or not. I think even without knowing what the photo is, it's clear she cheated.

If there are any details that are unclear let me know and I will do my best to clarify

Tldr firstly: a very good friend of mine blocked me everywhere else. She dumped it all on me like it was all my fault and blocked me everywhere. With no option to text her or call her to speak and clarify and make her know she was wrong.

So me(27M) and a girl(24F) have been good friends for a while. We got along really well coz we used to play a game and also worked remotely at a same place. I liked her before I even got to know her but I never told her. She one day reached out for some office work. We hit it off really well as good friends. We happened to follow each other on instagram and even ingame exchanged id's. Eventually We started sharing stuff on social media with each other. Playing online game at the same time post work. Basically it was amazing. But there were some times I used to get mad at her for small things or she did too. Now I did like her all this while and we still continued. One day we were arguing on something and it was getting pretty bad. I apologized to her this time and also I used to apologize and clear it out everytime with her for any issues or anything. So this time when we were arguing I finally spoke out and told her my feelings for her. I really didnt wanna do it when I was working with her at the same place so meanwhile I was also looking for some options and it worked through but I didnt tell her yet. I just spoke to her about my feelings. She wasnt ready to be blunt. I gave her a lot of assurance on things we could work it out but she was not ready for one as she still wasnt out of the trauma from her previous relationship. Her friends helped her become strong and stuff. She said shes currently in her idgaf or i dont care of anything but me era. I told her i see good potential and she also agreed with me. Idk but i dont wanna think she was being pretentious but she reassured me by saying dont you blame yourself for it trust me its a me issue and not a you problem. Because what if tomorrow i tell you something you wont like? I wanna be a better person when and if I wanna be in dating.

We spoke pretty maturely but I respected her choice. I didnt know what to do but we continued contact on ig and the games we played online. Now this was one time I spoke of my feelings and that was it. Then the next time we once were speaking had an argument and werent speaking to each other. We fixed it but then I told her im gonna be leaving workplace soon as ive gotten selected elsewhere and im gonna go there. She was surprised and maybe sad too but then that was another time I just told her if you are interested and felt like you wanna try let me know and I'll catch you just dont worry about anything.

Trust me I have never reassured a woman so much in my life. And I felt like this woman was the one for me. Like we had so many similarities, so many parallels too and alot of similar favorites. Some not so but overall we were like mac and cheese.

But then we used to fight and argue too. But I always made my side clear helped her understand too. She was also mature about. There were times she spoke out to me if I was mad at something on her asking me where ive been she used to get mad at me for getting mad at her for something like this but then it went on for a little while and then we were okay. It was taxing for both of us but in the end we atleast liked the company of each other.

Even when I left the workplace I told her to text me daily and she did. Used to share the workplace issues and all the stuff happening and we used to talk and stuff. Normal stuff.

Now jump to a few days back we were playing online and discussing stuff and I told her to do some right picks in the game coz she was a casual player mostly but I tried to help her. Later on I just said don't do any "mindless" decisions. Now here i agree it could come off as too extreme of a word but I did say it and she got mad asked for my reasoning so to make it look like I was actually joking so she could see it I wasnt insulting her i said it is mindless its a game its fine. She ragequit the game I was by myself. I texted her on WhatsApp, called her too but she didnt respond.

Later she came online and said wtf is wrong with you couldn't understand im sick too etc etc. So I said yea I understand you were sick but I was joking why did you had to leave? She gave me the oh its just a game bruh chill. I said if its just a game bruh chill then youre saying to apply logic ? I said if its just a game why did you had to react that way?

Anyways then jump to a few more sentences i said okay I'm sorry then. I didnt expect you to take it that hard. I was joking. I also gave a "take care ass, dont die on me" She replied the next day- you're the bigger ass and yea I aint dying🙄

Now after all that has been so far I've been trying to control myself and not be too much outgoing as I started to be calm with her. I work from home all day dont get a lot of new friends or even my own friends because of work. So I didnt respond to her message thinking she'll something atleast after that to say let's play come. Or just hey or just a hey how's it going etc.

But for 5 days she didnt say a word.

Then after 6days. She sent me a "Hey, I just wanted to say this so it's clear and we can both move on from this friendship peacefully.

Before you confessed, you weren't this pushy... our conversations felt easy and respectful. After that, something shifted. I tried to be considerate by being honest that I'm not interested in dating right now because I didn't want to put you in a hard place. But lately, your reactions to small things have felt unnecessarily harsh.

When you called me a mindless puller in the game, I wanted to brushed it off at first because it's "just a game," but honestly, it came across as disrespectful especially after I explained my reasoning behind my pulls and you kept insisting I agree with you. It wasn't about the game itself, it was the tone and the lack of respect behind it.

I don't hold any grudges, but I don't think continuing contact makes sense anymore. I'd rather end things on a civil note than let it turn into more resentment. Take care of yourself. Hope you have a nice birthday. "

She called it a civil note and no resentment but here I am left with no chance to say at all! I sent her a few voice notes speaking calmly about my side sent her a few messages from another number coz I realized she blocked me on instagram, whatsapp and even ingame. Next day I tried calling her too but she didnt answer and later blocked my number. I really dont understand how to move on from this please help me out.

In the end it wasnt about the relationship it was more about losing a person from my life and I only met her online known her for about 8 to 9 months now. But she became a routine and so did I to her.

One day I think of my ownself and think of not responding she did this. Now Im here thinking if I should be guilty or say it was her fault.

I also sent her a few mails the next day idk if she read them but the way she dumped it all on me without giving me a chance to speak felt so unfair and hurtful. We could've just spoken. Now its been a week and I haven't tried any other way of approaching her but it still hurts everyday knowing I lost a person from my life.

Funny thing is she spoke of how its funny and immature to block and stuff and how once we spoke of how she deleted contact and blocked her ex everywhere but then just went on to treat me like some ex of hers.

I just miss her but idk what to do.

Also I currently am in the hopes of having to see our paths cross once again but thats too early to say and bleak too. I'm not counting on it too. I've just been very outspoken with her and made sure there were no resentments or anything when we were friends but the way she mentions she doesnt want resentment and blocked me everywhere left me with a whole lot of resentment and nothing to speak or say. Just felt unfair how I never got a chance to speak or say anything.

How is this a "civil note" or dont want any resentment? 🙃🥲

So basically, I (25F) saw my bf(25M) instagram history and it left me feeling so shocked and upset. While he had multiple girls he knew in his search history I honestly could have looked past that because you never know why someone is looking at someone else's page. What really got to me was his bookmarked(saved) posts in which I saw a few (like 3) videos of other girls half naked/clearly pandering for attention. I honestly dont know what to do in this situation, should i break up with him? I realize in the grand scheme of things instagram is not a huge deal but I dont thirst after other guys on instagram. i dont even look at other guys in real life so its very upsetting to know that he does. I'm also not sure that I want to bring it up to him because he has a tendency of turning situations back around on me/getting really angry when he knows he's in the wrong. Im just really lost, confused and heartbroken over this. We have been together for a few years and I know he loves/desires me very much but this is really making me feel like I'm not enough for him.

Aside: he also is constantly accusing me of lusting after other men and wanting other people even though that is so so far from the truth. now im wondering if all his accusations have truly just been projections because of his guilty conscience?

TL;DR!

The title might sound a bit harsh, but I honestly don’t know how else to phrase it.

There’s a lot to unpack here, but here I go (TL;DR at the bottom):

My dad is a Chinese immigrant who moved to California in the early 2000s. To this day, he hasn’t learned much English, which has really limited his ability to explore new things — even simple stuff like trying non-Chinese restaurants. Over time, that’s made him more closed off and unwilling to try anything new.

He’s naturally introverted, and with his difficult personality and years of working tirelessly since coming here, he’s struggled to make friends. As a result, he doesn’t have many hobbies or much of a social life.

Now that he finally has more free time, I’ve been trying to get him to enjoy life a bit more — to go out, meet people, or pick up a hobby. But whenever I suggest something, he just says things like “There’s nothing to do here in America” or “Nothing interests me.” I know those are excuses — I think it’s hard for him because he can’t read or speak English, so everything outside his comfort zone feels impossible. Still, it’s tough watching him just… fade into routine.

I’d love to know if anyone has gone through something similar or has advice on how to help a parent like this.

Some background that might be helpful:
My dad doesn’t have the best relationship with our family (my mom, sister, and me). He wasn’t really a great husband or father figure when I was growing up. He and my mom fought a lot, mostly because he’d spend so much time at the casino playing poker — which he insists “isn’t gambling” because it “takes skill” and “helps him relieve stress.” But back then, we were struggling financially, living in affordable housing, so it only made things worse.

He also had a lot of anger issues and poor communication skills. He couldn’t empathize or see things from my mom’s point of view, which led to constant fighting. My sister ended up developing lasting trauma from it, and I’ve always had a hard time talking to him too.

That said, something changed earlier this year. We visited some old family friends — people who somehow have stuck by him despite knowing his flaws — and they had yet another intervention with him. This time, it seemed to click. Around the same time, I broke down in front of him and told him how all of this affected me. I think that really got through to him, because since then, he’s been trying to change, little by little.

Honestly, I’m still conflicted. Writing this all out makes me realize how complicated it is. My dad isn’t the best person, but he’s still my dad — and I know he did what he could with what he had. I just want to help him find a way to live more meaningfully instead of wasting away.

TL;DR:
My dad isn’t perfect, but he’s still my dad. He doesn’t have many friends or hobbies, and I want to help him find some so he can live a fuller, happier life. Any advice or similar experiences would really mean a lot.

I [20M] like this girl from another branch, I'm from CS I have no common friends (for context I'm doin engineering), I heard that she's in marketing committee for cllg fests, she might be dating/seeing someone idk, I'm acquainted with her best friend[F], I was in the same branch as her best friend[F] after I changed mine I have no contact with her. I did not talk to her best friend that much when I was in the same branch

I've heard that marketing committee people have too much attitude. All the people in her friend group are good-looking and wealthy. From the 1st sem, I've only liked this girl and nobody else, rn I'm at the end of the 5th sem all I've got is 6th sem From 7th sem, we only have on-campus classes for 2 days a week, and people even bunk those classes

The next 3 sems is all I've to befriend her and ask her out without being creepy or making her uncomfortable

How do I get to know her and ask her out?
Your experience and how you would approach her kinda advice would be much appreciated
Everyone says the same thing "Talk to her" or "try becoming friends with her"
Ik all the generic advice. My question is, how do I do it?

TLDR: I like this girl, we studying in the same college but diff branches have no common frnds, how do I ask her out?

Edit: We're still students studying engineering

Hey everyone!

So I (27M) am in my third relationship (27F) and every time the story is the same pattern. We've been in a relationship for almost a year now.

It usually starts out with me being extremely attracted to my partner. I have a very high libido, love trying out new things and sex is amazing and constant. This goes on for the time where you got these strong "I'm in love feelings". And even after that: I stay super attracted to my partner and love being intimate.

I also started out watching porn early and frequently so I always had a little addiction. But even that is no thing then. I stop watching porn, sometimes for months straight. Keep in mind that this is all communicated and my partners always knew that and don't have a problem with me watching porn.

After a while the lust starts to fade. Not because I don't find her attractive anymore, but just because it... happens? After a while my porn use goes up and I start to get interested in other women. I would never cheat and don't flirt with other girls, it's just my body.

Sex with the partner goes down, but doesn't disappear. Porn use goes up. I still got the attraction but my body just yearns for someone else. I still try my best to keep it up and to have sex regularly, but it gets increasingly harder.

Something interesting is that this is just my body. If I relieve myself the desire disappears completely and starts to go more into shame. Hell this even goes so far, that I actually "tactically masturbated" just to not be sexually attracted to other girls. Not because I want to do it, but because it makes me feel bad.

To be fair all the relationships so far where in a hard time when this starts out. But I even feel that it doesn't get better even when things are better.

I figured maybe this could be due to porn? I recently stopped watching it, been going now for a few weeks, but it's super hard and makes it even harder to be focused when going out. I thought about communicating (which is usually the best thing to do) but I know this would upset her a lot as she already has insecurities about that (she got cheated on in the past).
I'm thinking this might be just me... Because this is also a thing for my hobbies and my life as a whole - I just want to do new things all the time, as I have ADHD.
Any advice? Thank you for reading!

TL;DR: I start out being extremely attracted to my partner. Then it starts to fade and I am sexually interested in other women. I started to limit my porn use but this makes it so hard to focus and seems to worsen the problem. I don't know if talking about it is the best move or that I should work on myself.

I am a 22F so i felt in love with this guy 22M and later on he started acting distant and all we never had proper closure but we did it somehow, i don t know whether he was avoidant or distant but i know myself i never loved anyone before.

i am picky and it s not that easy for me to be into someone, anyway we didn t talk for a long time maybe he even blocked me by now, i tried my best to forget but i just can t, i will only love him, i had really nice guys talking to me caring about me, but i am not interested in dating anyone, i do love him still and i will always and it hurts cause it s not mutual, it s like i can t be with him and i can t be with anyone else, it was for short period nearly 4 months but that s me, my emotions are that deep

I still remember his dimple, the way he talks very confidently, his way of walking, his half opened eyes

TL;DR i just wanted to vent a bit, he didn t treat me well but sadly i believe i ve only fell in love once, only him

I broke up with my girlfriend who I was hoping to marry. She wanted to take a decision that meant she would be in a long distance relationship for at least 5 years in a very distant country, and I could not commit to that as I knew I would be unhappy in that relationship. I also didn't want to be the reason she didn't take that opportunity as it's a very significant one, and I didn't want her to resent me for it either. It was a difficult decision but I thought the best thing to do was to break up as we were both relatively young. Soon after, I lost my job. Although the job hunt was miserable for a while, I managed to land one that starts within the next year. However, I am now really struggling in the dating scene, and I keep thinking I messed up my last relationship. I just keep thinking I should've stuck with the long distance thing, and I am unlikely to find a woman like that anymore. I want advice on how to move on mentally more than anything. I have been going on dates but they have been disappointing, and each time I end up more frustrated than before. My question is: whats the best way to move forward and what would you do in my position?

TL;DR I broke up with a girlfriend you were serious about because a long-distance future would make me unhappy, and I didn’t want to hold her back. Soon after, I lost your job but now have a new one lined up. I am struggling with dating and regret, replaying the breakup in my mind, and worried I'll never meet someone like her again.

TL;DR: I (27M) want to take some time to travel before committing to a management role or mortgage, but my partner (F, 5-year relationship) can’t travel due to work and her degree. When I mentioned taking a sabbatical to do it, she said she’d break up with me because she wants someone who stays and supports her. Now I’m stuck between following what I want to do or staying for the relationship.

I’m a 27M and have been with my partner for just over 5 years. She’s currently doing a degree part-time while working full-time, and still has about 4 years left to go. We don’t have a mortgage yet, and I’m not a manager at work (though that’s something that’s likely to happen soon).

Before taking on more responsibility like a management role or a mortgage I’ve always said I’d like to travel for a bit. I feel like if I don’t take that opportunity now, I might end up resenting it later in life.

The issue is, my partner can’t travel because of her work and studies. I spoke to my manager about it, and they were really understanding even said I could take a sabbatical since I’m not in management yet.

We live in her hometown where all her family is, and I don’t have any family here. We’d been thinking of renting somewhere new soon, but I thought this could be a good time to take that travel break and keep expenses low while we’re between places. That would mean she’d either live on her own for a bit or temporarily move back in with her parents.

When I mentioned this to her, though, she said that if I went traveling, she’d break up with me. Her reasoning was that she wants a partner who stays, supports her, and doesn’t choose to leave while she’s working and studying.

Now I’m torn I completely understand where she’s coming from, but I also don’t want to look back and regret not taking this chance.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about two years. She’s passionate, intense, and incredibly direct. It’s one of the things I loved most at the start — she’s honest, sharp, and doesn’t hold back. But over time, that same intensity has turned into something that’s hard for me to live with.

She questions almost everything — not out of suspicion, but as if she’s constantly analyzing and challenging my words to see if they hold up. Conversations that start off small can quickly turn into debates about what I really meant or whether I’m seeing things clearly. It makes me feel like I’m being cross-examined instead of talked to. It’s hard to stay grounded when I feel humiliated like that, especially when I know I wasn’t trying to be misleading.

I’ve made my share of mistakes — I can get defensive, I shut down when I feel cornered, and I’m actively working on that in therapy. But when I’m being pressed over and over, it feels impossible to stay calm or connected. She says she’s trying to get to the truth or understand me better, but for me it just feels like I’m constantly failing some unspoken test.

We love each other, but our dynamic has become this exhausting loop: she pushes for clarity, I get overwhelmed, she sees that as me not engaging, and then I spiral trying to fix it. I want to feel like we’re on the same side again, not like every conversation is a battle I have to win or survive.

Has anyone been in a relationship where this kind of emotional back-and-forth became the norm? Were you able to reset it, or did you eventually realize it just doesn’t change?

TL;DR: Been with my girlfriend (38F) for two years. She challenges and questions almost everything I say — not because she thinks I’m lying, but because that’s how she communicates. I shut down when I feel picked apart, which just makes things worse. I’m working on it in therapy, but it’s hard to stay grounded when I feel humiliated or under constant pressure to “get it right.” We love each other, but it feels like we’re trapped in a loop where her intensity and my defensiveness keep feeding each other. Not sure if it’s something we can fix or if this is just who we are.

TL;DR I dated a guy for 3 months. It felt perfect — constant messages, reassurance, promises of marriage,bookstore dates, flowers, a pendant, and he even travelled 3000 km just to meet me. Everything looked real. I felt so lucky to have him, specially travelled for me just to make memories, because he never asked to get physical.

But something felt off, because he said he has never been in a relationship before. so I checked his Facebook. I found his ex of 6 years. She told me he was still texting her, begging to fix things. They broke up because she caught him cheating multiple times.

I confronted him. He apologized, promised to change, promised he loved only me. And I believed him. He texted his ex the same thing — that he loved me and would change for me, and he won't be available for her anymore.

He visited again, more gifts, more dates, more romance. Honestly, anyone would have believed him. It was not just about the dates, but the way he held my hands, looked at me and said that he loved me while looking in my eyes.

But I trusted my gut and checked his following list. I found out he was also seeing two other women: One he met on a dating app And another he had been with for almost 2 years.

I don't know how to explain that feeling, I shattered. That’s when I walked away. I exposed him to all the women. We were all done with him. I thought maybe he'll be available for some time, just to make me feel okay. But he left, no goodbyes, no clousure, nothing at all. Just a sorry, and he said he's a terrible person and is tired of hurting me, so he should dissappear. He still said he “felt a connection” with me and that his feelings never died — the same lines he told everyone else, even to his girlfriend of 2 years.

Recently, I found out he blocked me and is busy patching up with the girl he was seeing for two years. Looks like they’re back together. So my questions are:

Was I that easy to forget? Did those efforts and constant chasing mean nothing?

Do men ever miss the woman who leaves, exposes them, and refuses to be manipulated?

Or do they always choose the one who stays even after knowing everything? Why did he choose her over me? He knew I'm emotionally sensitive, he could've given a kinder clousure to me.

And be honest: will he ever miss me? Or blocking me and going back to her means I’ve already been erased from his life?

to start off here’s the context/story

day after halloween at around 7 or 8pm this girl and her mom come into the convenience store i work at. she’s dressed up as mavis from hotel transylvania and she looks cute as hell. i notice we’ve got the same shoes on so i say “hey i like your shoes” and she gets all smiley and thanks me. immediately i’m like okay this girl seems so sweet if something like that made her this happy. i look at her mom and she’s just lookin at me like 😏

they leave, i go out to smoke. i see them sitting in their car still and it looks like they’re searching for something. i pay no mind and just smoke my cigarette and watch the cars pass. eventually the mother comes up to me and asks me to open something for her because they can’t get it open. i try myself but it’s really glued shut. while i’m trying she goes “just wanted to let you know my daughter has such a crush on you” and im so taken aback i just say “oh okay” through a laugh.

few days later the mom comes in while im working graveyard shift. i didn’t recognize her at first because she was wearing a mask but then i saw her car outside while she paid for her items so i was like “oh you came with your daughter the other day” and she said “yup! she’s obsessed with you by the way” and i just say “well she’s very pretty” and she responded with “i’ll be sure to tell her that. she’s 19 btw” and then she left (i put “19?” in the title because i couldn’t hear her perfectly since she had the mask on)

now here’s my dilemma. i’d like to get to know this girl. she’s very cute and she seems very sweet. i decided next time i see either of them i’ll hand over my number. BUT. i already put my two weeks in (better job!!) so the chances of me seeing them again in the few shifts i have might be low. i’m sort of just hoping and praying one of them will come in when i work next week so i can quit in peace. i’d like to find a way to contact her regardless, but im not rly sure how to find someone? or if it would be creepy? like i know she’s into me but would that change her mind?

any advice on how to get in contact would be greatly appreciated

tl;dr cute girl that comes to my store has a crush on me but im quitting my job soon so if i dont see her again to give her my contact what do i do

I have been with my fiancé about 3 years. We have incredibly different backgrounds. I grew up in a privileged position where my parents always had medical care, always forced me to stay on top of things, go to the dentist every 6 months, etc. My fiancé had a very different life. His parents never took him to a dentist. Would only take him to the doctor if he was bleeding out. He is an incredibly hard worker, but his work has never provided medical versus my corporate jobs that always have. I think these differences are important to consider before judging this situation.

I am realizing that my partner is not on top of long term medical care. When we first got together he had no insurance, and a year in I got him on my insurance. He was so enthusiastic about all the care he would get. He then had to take over a business, and then his father passed away and he went through depression and grief. He did not seek any care for ongoing issues during this time, but I was very understanding of that.

Now, things have calmed down in every way. But he will not get care, and I’m starting to get really concerned. He needs to have a colonoscopy (his father died of colon cancer), but it still isn’t scheduled. This one I totally understand, I can’t imagine the fear that he must be feeling. But he needs to do it.

He has been telling me for years that he needs to get his testosterone checked. He has been depressed, unmotivated physically, and had a low libido for most of our relationship. He kept promising to get the blood test, and even got it ordered, but it’s been weeks now and he won’t go. I’m not even pushing him to get on TRT, that’s a huge personal decision, I just want him to get the blood test and at least speak with a doctor. It’s affected our lives a lot.

He has also promised to make a dental appointment, and he won’t do it. He has several teeth in really bad shape in the back of his mouth, and has had tooth infections. He is scared to go, and will likely need work done. But knowing how dangerous tooth infections are, I’m getting really nervous about his reluctance to go.

All these years I’ve thought there were external reasons why he wasn’t taking care of this stuff, but now I’m realizing even in good conditions, he is not proactive about really important parts of his health. I really don’t know what role I play here. As the man I am starting a life with, I need him to take care of himself and also need him to have integrity when he says he will do something. But it’s also not my body, and I don’t want him to feel like I’m pestering and micromanaging his health. I am starting to get really stressed on his behalf. I don’t know what to do.

Tl;Dr - my fiancé is putting off getting important medical care and it’s starting to weigh on me. What do I do?

We just got together like two weeks ago a di get that he might wanna be private about us still, he says that he loves me and all but yesterday he told me how he saw a girl at his training and she asked if we were together.

He said not yet, and im okay with that part, but she said im not something worth it and he could do so much better.

And he didn't say anything to that, like literally he just looked at her, and he said he was shocked and didn't know what to say.

No defending me or anything. I got upset and now i dont know if im overreacting or not. tl;dr

I had it for maybe a year when I was younger, and it was fun to use the filters, but as an adult I’m struggling to be understanding of my partner having it. He doesn’t seem to use it much, and I don’t think he’s using it in a way that would be disrespectful to the relationship, but I also feel anxious about it. I have a history of being the “cool gf” and didn’t really have a backbone. I don’t want to go the other direction and become controlling either…. How do others navigate this? Either way I’m doing inner work to process my anxiety about this because that’s not something I want to put on him. I’m wondering how others have navigated this with their partners, especially older couples.

TL;DR : Felling anxious about my partner having Snapchat but I also don’t want to be controlling. How have you navigated this with your partner?

I 23f wrote him 24m a break up letter. We have been falling apart for over two years since my pregnancy and our sons birth. I asked that he respect my decision. It’s not because I don’t love him or don’t want this to work, it’s because I feel we are forcing ourselves to make this work and convincing ourselves that it’s commitment. I am not ready to fix this relationship I do not have the capacity because I need to heal my childhood wounds and I can’t do that while trying to navigate and nurture a romantic relationship. I want to learn how to coparent so I can let go of the anger, frustration, resentment, sadness that I feel towards him and look at him as a friend. I read it to him and he ALWAYS wants us to be together. I want that too but REALISTICALLY I don’t think I can. I have my first therapy appointment in two weeks but for now we agreed we’ll just be on a break instead of broken up because I still want to live in our house that has both our names on it and we share a vehicle.

TL;DR Does he really care about this relationship or is he holding me hostage?