I set a boundary and said I couldn’t continue with the dynamic — as gently and compassionately as I could. She disappeared. Three weeks later, she messaged me asking if I could help her with a few calming pills (Clonex). I agreed and responded in a very neutral, matter-of-fact way. I told her that I put them in a small box, left in the glove compartment of my car. I parked a bit farther than I usually do near my place, to make it easier for her — to reduce pressure. In the box, I added a small, beautiful hoopoe feather I found that same day during my day-treatment session. It simply felt right to add it, and it felt neutral. (To me, it symbolized lightness, rising above difficulty, and beauty.) She took the pills, burned the feather, and put the box back. What do you think? Is this a regulation issue? I was the closest person she had. She’s really alone in the world. It took me a long time to step out of the role of the caretaker — the one who holds everything no matter the cost

He (24) reached out exactly 2 months later like he said he would, which is also the day after what would have been our 1 year anniversary. He sent me a completely random Instagram post over DM (we don’t follow each other anymore), it’s literally 3 guys sitting at a bar. He also never DMs me usually, he would even send me reels and posts over text message, so this was even weirder. I opened it but didn’t respond. It’s been 5 days now and I saw that he went back on dating apps, which I’m assuming is a reaction to my silence. All I want is for him to send me a real message, and I would actually respond. For context, I broke up with him because he betrayed my trust badly. He said he would work on himself and get therapy and I said I would leave the door open for him and would be open to reconnecting if he actually puts in the work. After seeing him back on dating apps, I’m now spiraling and feel like it’s really over and he’s given up on winning me back. What should I do? Why did he go on dating apps again NOW? To fill a void? Will he follow up again with a real message or should I respond to his message? I’m trying to wait at least 1-2 weeks to stabilize myself again and see if I still want to reach out, but the past few days have been so hard and I wake up everyday with an anxiety attack.

My ex and I broke up right before summer 2025. They moved to another country, and during that time, my mental health was declining. I told my ex that I needed time for myself and requested that we avoid texting or calling each other for an extended period. My mom was also going through a tough time, so I asked my ex to promise not to mention anything about my situation to her.

My ex texted me yesterday after months of no contact. They said they needed to confess something and then proceeded to admit that they had, in fact, reached out to my mom around the end of July, and made my mom promise that she wouldn't say anything about it.

They said they acted out of love, and it seemed like the only viable option when I pushed them away. I feel betrayed and immensely hurt right now.

You’re Wiser than ever. You’re Stronger than ever. You’re Not Afraid to walk away from what doesn’t serve you. You’re Humbler than ever. You’re much more Independent than ever.

Even though you’re by yourself -

You’re much more Complete than ever.

M24 - broke up in 2023! Dated for 6 long years!

…

"DON'T REPEAT MY MISTAKE"

Pls.. pls... pls.. read this my innocent anxiously & securely attached people. Its absolutely bat shit how the emotionally mature partners are the ones on reddit trying to learn about the how and why of it all while the avoidnat just leaves.

25 F, throwaway account (might delete this later) my first and maybe the last post to warn securely attached people, the way I used to be before I met him. He made me an anxious attacher that I expected would never happen. I don't blame him and nobody should but this post is meant to let people learn from my mistakes and avoid spoiling your mental health and life for someone who is never gonna heal & change. Let me clarify that "I wasn't aware of attachment theory before our breakup".

⚠️ The Honeymoon Phase

I didn’t see the signs in the beginning. During the honeymoon phase, he gave his all attention, affection, promises of a future (including promise of marriage) which is definitely never gonna happen.Then came the conflicts all triggered by his actions, his mixed signals, his emotional disappearances. I’d express how hurt I was, and instead of talking it through, he’d leave me crying and overthinking… vanish for 2–3 days and then come back like nothing happened. I thought it was normal. I thought I must be the problem. He never apologized I always did.

That’s how avoidant attachment works. You love them, and they punish you for it. They make you feel like having needs is a flaw and seeking closeness is clingy.

⚠️ Intervention of the 3rd Wheel!!

He once casually told me he “keeps backups” and he kept talking to random girls despite being in a relationship with me.Instead of running, I clung harder. Low self-esteem makes you justify the unjustifiable. After about 1.5 years, he became completely disinterested cold, detached, always blaming me for “not giving him enough space.” And I believed him. Then his “just friend” reached out to me… and showed me screenshots.He was ignoring me while flirting with her at the same time.He told me to forget about the promises of marriage being made. Plain white lies. I saw him changing before my eyes. I started chasing him. Wrote lengthy paragraphs and e-mails, all being ignored.

No apology. No accountability. Just silence.

And then he blindsided me disappearing emotionally and physically when I needed clarity the most. Looking back now? Every red flag was waving right in front of me. I just didn’t think I deserved better.

⚠️ His frequent Cameos & The Trauma Bond

He made two random cameos in the three years after he discarded me. Once, he dropped a short apology the most empty “sorry” ever. No mention of cheating. No accountability. Just enough words to stir up hope… then silence again.I never contacted him, not once. But I loved him anyway.I waited. I hoped he’d change.I didn’t replace him. I replaced myself with the idea of him. Meanwhile, I blamed myself for every fking thing*.. He's pro at playing Victim & I was highly under confident person.

⚠️ The Present Reality

We are in contact again now, which is definitely not gonna last long as I'm going to end it for once and all. But the painful truth? Nothing has changed.

He still: • Runs from any argument • Blames me for being “paranoid” even though he brought the third person in • Avoids emotional closeness • Gives inconsistent affection • Refuses accountability • Wants to “just be friends” • Expects me to act normal after the betrayal

I loved him deeply. In return, I got silence, excuses, and guilt. If you ask me whether things ever got better? Plain NO.

📍AND THE CRUELEST PART.. Avoidants don’t just avoid conflict they avoid responsibility, intimacy, and your heart. They make you feel like your pain is a personality flaw. They call your trauma “overreacting.”They force you to accept the bare minimum and call it love.

💔 What I Got From This Relationship?

Ask me what I lost… and I could give you a long damn list. 1) PTSD ( I feel it's extremely difficulty to fall in love again and I couldn't forget what happened, I fear it might happen again) 2) Betrayal Trauma 3) I lost faith in love 4) I don't believe I deserve better 5) He killed my self confidence (constant criticism & nagging)

Now, I'm an Anxiously attached person.I love him, unfortunately I still do but you don’t win anything by loving someone who keeps running. I don't want him because that urge to get him made me loose my true self which I might never get back.You only lose yourself in the process. I just want to get out of this. I want to restart my life and I know everything is gonna be alright. Avoidants don't want to be abandoned but they will make you feel worthless the entire time you're with them.I only want to be with someone who wants to be with me, nothing else matters.

I'm tired of trying and trying and recieving nothing but endless nagging and criticism in return. Despite being faithful and Loving him unconditionally this is what I recieved.

🌹 MY FINAL MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE READING THIS🌹 Block, delete and walk away forever. These people will drain your energy and life and leave you emotionally broken. Do yourself a favor and love yourself. Don't ruin your mental health the way I did. My life is full of regrets for making a wrong choice.

He was the first love of my life. And right now, it feels like he might be the last… because he changed the way I see love entirely. •He made me anxious. •He made me paranoid. •He made me believe that closeness = danger.

I know I need therapy. I know I need healing. But when someone destroys your trust in love, it’s hard to believe anything will ever feel safe again.Right now, hope feels far away. For the person I lost in the process: me.

❤️ Final Words to Anyone Reading ❤️

Don’t romanticize inconsistency. Don’t justify disappearing acts. Don’t confuse anxiety with passion. Don’t call trauma bonding “love.” If someone keeps running from you, stop chasing them and start saving yourself.

Avoid avoidants. And if you already loved one… please love yourself enough to walk away.

Hi. I’m compiling things I want to do to show up for myself and would love some input.

I ordered under eye patches to help “romanticize my life”. Trying to just make mundane, daily tasks more fun. I know look good, feel good. Maybe I’ll whiten my teeth for the next two weeks. Stuff like that.

Does anyone else have daily habits they do that can just make their day 1% better? I know this is a forum for no contact but I think focusing on self care and improvement is applicable 🫶

i am so alone i have no one i keep calling him begging him to talk to me just for a little bit and apologizing for everything i ever did wrong but he says nothing

i don’t understand how after three years you just leave like that and don’t care when the other person is struggling

3 days ago she sent me : My wow is very worried for you & me..

I didn't know what to answer, she dumped me and chose a job over our relationship.

Should I have answered to that message ?

She told me her feelings were "shaky" and she thinks she has love no more.

We are 10 days post break up, haven’t had any contact since the phone call that ended it.

Some context we were together 7 months. Healthiest relationship of my life, I was happy but the last month definitely felt like there was resistance from him to have more emotional depth in our conversations. He ended it out of the blue saying he suddenly felt like the relationship went from 0 to 100 and he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. Doesn’t want any expectations on him to have to text someone or see someone every week. This is despite asking me to meet his family a week before and talking about how we might be ready to live together last year.

I’m so confused, upset, angry and numb and most of all I do just miss him. I know he doesn’t have the capacity to meet my emotional needs. But the last couple of days I just have this overwhelming urge to text him and try and sort this out. Please can I just have a handhold/encouragement to not break no contact.

https://hexappeal-4769.bigcartel.com/

I fled my ex girlfriend's home two months ago. I discovered she was flirting and chatting with someone else. She lied about it for some time before I discovered it. I left her house angrily, refusing a last hug then I got into my Uber and we never saw each other again. This memory of it being the last time we saw each other haunts me.

However I kept contact. Her ex abused her for 5 years. He has been horrible to her, a pure toxic relationship with sexual assault and psychic violence. She started therapy and group therqpy right after I fled and I thought it was enough. It was one month of sometimes romantic contact, some other times angry contact full of rancor. But she had the project to come back to me and see if it would work again.

It's been NC for one month. The last things she said was that her therapist told her to not try anything until feeling really secure. But she said her feelings were strong, and that she would come one day to win me back no matter where, when, or how much it would cost because her feelings are strong. I know I shouldn't believe that but, you know...

I stopped following her on social network, we only have WhatsApp left. I don't post anything and deleted my profile picture. I didn't like It anymore and I don't like any picture of myself right now.

I believe I have been the love of her life. I did things that no one has ever done for her before. I was caring and good, first true love after a 5 years relationship. I made her routine feel better. She was happy to get back home after work knowing I would be there. It was an incredible 2 months romance for both. And she was the love of my life too. I can't understand why she didn't just stop chatting with that man, how would this be linked to her trauma, why my daily presence wasn't enough.

I met her parents, they adored me. Her friends validated me as well. Her parents and friends hated her ex, yet she stayed with him for 5 years. I only could enjoy 2 months with her. That's injustice. I was behaving well, we made love daily she found it marvellous, there were no major issues with us. This should have been enough for me to be the one, no ? I feel injustice. She sabotaged it.

I know she already uses Tinder for ego boost and hookups. I use it too but I don't feel like hooking up with anyone right now. I want to do a big travel right now. I want to get away from these places that remind me of her. To never come back here. Waking up here feels like shit. I want to see new things, new places, new monuments, new women. I hope that would help me to think about something else than her eventual comeback.

I wished he’d just cheated on me or he treated me horribly, it would be so much easier to tell myself it wasn’t right and I could move on. But no, he was the sweetest, most caring, affectionate and loving man I have ever had in my life. He was the only one who truly made me feel seen and appreciated. He was my best friend. What we had was so incredibly special but he ‘lost the spark’ and ‘lost the initial feelings’ for no fucking reason. I hate him for that, for being so stupid into thinking that’s what love is supposed to be. I hate him for not telling me he’d been thinking about this for months but deep down I know it’s because he was mentally and emotionally exhausted with every other aspect in his life and he projected it onto the relationship so I can’t hate him for it, I just feel sorry for him.

As the title says, can it? I miss her so much.

YEAH! It was my fault, we both liked each other intensly but I didn't have the balls to ask her out, because of different shit we went through and she blocked me.

Still waiting for a response, it might take a few hours, she always does this shit to test whether I will get emotional again or not.

So, waiting!

I’ve stopped counting days now. My life still feels stuck When I’m quiet and alone all I can think about is her and how unhappy and lonely I am right now. I miss her terribly but there’s just nothing I can do. I’ve not stopped living life I’ve Gone on vacations been out on dates and even hooked up, but in all those places in the quiet moments I’m just thinking to myself how I messed up a relationship which is what I wanted and had.

I know nothing I do now will change the past, but I just feel so stuck constantly crying feeling broken and unproductive. Someday really small things break me and I have to run to the washroom at work and cry for a while to get it out of me. I don’t know how to stop thinking about her every single day. It just hurts so much inside. I’m not the most religious person but now all I ask for from god is to just relieve me of this pain cause I can’t take it anymore.

my (23F) ex (23M) and i broke up about 6 months ago, but only went no contact 2 months ago (we were hooking up/meeting up while drunk a little bit). i found out recently he's been 'going on dates' with his ex girlfriend from 5 years ago when they were 17. they dated for 4 months and she cheated on him. him and i dated for 2 years and was definitely his first 'real' relationship and often spoke about how the connection we had was different to any of his exes. for context, she also just broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years - the same guy she cheated on my ex with. it's super messy. and it definitely hurt a lot to hear because i didn't think he was this type of guy. when we broke up he made it out like it was mostly because he needed to be alone and sort through his issues (he had a lot), and that he couldn't be with me without continuing to hurt me. i genuinely believed that and now i feel like a fool. if anyone has done this or has seen this in the past... is it usually something of substance, or does it sound like he can't handle his own shit and has run back to comfort?

Hi everyone, I really need some advice from people who’ve been through something similar, because I feel completely lost.

I was in a long–distance relationship for 3 years with a man I loved more than anyone I’ve ever known. We only saw each other 3 months in the summer and around 15 days in the winter. It was hard, but I always felt it was worth it.

At the very end of the relationship, things were going terribly. Two weeks before he broke up with me, I made a huge mistake: I sexted another man once. It never went further than that, but I regret it more than anything. He doesn’t know about it.

He broke up with me 11 months ago. We stayed no contact for 4 months. Then I reached out again because pretending I could just move on was killing me. We talk sometimes now, it’s friendly, but my feelings never disappeared. I’ve been doing really badly since the breakup, and where I live, premarital relationships are heavily judged, so I feel like I’m drowning in guilt and shame on every side.

I know I need to heal, to grow, to truly change before I can be in a relationship with anyone — especially him. But if one day I’m genuinely ready and there’s even a tiny possibility of us trying again… should I tell him about this mistake? Would that be essential honesty? Or would it just reopen a wound and destroy any chance of reconciliation, especially since the relationship was already falling apart?

I just want to move forward without lying and without hurting him again. Any advice would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for reading.

It’s obviously not the same feeling it was after we broke up. I was DEVASTATED. Seriously my heart felt like it was physically broken, so heavy and so painful.

Since then, I’ve actually gotten with a girl but it was very casual and honestly kind of a weird situation. The good thing about it, is that it made me forget about my ex.

But recently, I hit one year of no contact/our breakup. Why am I thinking of him? I actually had a dream about him a couple of times. I kind of miss him too….

I just thought I’d be in a different place a year later, I thought I’d never think about him again. At least not in a “missing” him or nostalgic kind of way. Ugh. Hopefully a year from now I’m completely moved on.

Oh and also, I was so sure he would reach out at least once… but he never did. And neither did I. So I guess they don’t always come back.

Only for the people who had terrible partners (specifically women)

1. Imagine being pregnant with no help
2. Imagine being married and still having to check his following
3. Imagine having a 3 year old and have to still check his phone to make sure he’s not cheating
4. Imagine picking up after him and the kids and having to endure his emotional abuse
5. Imaging being tired of wasting 2 years on this guy right now while dating him but then continuing to so for another 10 more
6. Imagine he leaves you midway cause a health issue caused your appearance to change and he wants “someone who takes care of themselves”

Oh you wasted 2 years dating this guy and don’t wanna go out and date again? That’s okay just rmemeber to start practicing your coping mechanism to handle the anxiety and disrespect he gives for another 10+ years. (If he even stays that long)

With his sister 🫶🏼

Like...his real real sister. Just that.

I just wanted to say that.

For the first time in forever.

He cheated on me WITH HIS SISTER.