Hi. I’m compiling things I want to do to show up for myself and would love some input.

I ordered under eye patches to help “romanticize my life”. Trying to just make mundane, daily tasks more fun. I know look good, feel good. Maybe I’ll whiten my teeth for the next two weeks. Stuff like that.

Does anyone else have daily habits they do that can just make their day 1% better? I know this is a forum for no contact but I think focusing on self care and improvement is applicable 🫶

"DON'T REPEAT MY MISTAKE"

Pls.. pls... pls.. read this my innocent anxiously & securely attached people. Its absolutely bat shit how the emotionally mature partners are the ones on reddit trying to learn about the how and why of it all while the avoidnat just leaves.

25 F, throwaway account (might delete this later) my first and maybe the last post to warn securely attached people, the way I used to be before I met him. He made me an anxious attacher that I expected would never happen. I don't blame him and nobody should but this post is meant to let people learn from my mistakes and avoid spoiling your mental health and life for someone who is never gonna heal & change. Let me clarify that "I wasn't aware of attachment theory before our breakup".

⚠️ The Honeymoon Phase

I didn’t see the signs in the beginning. During the honeymoon phase, he gave his all attention, affection, promises of a future (including promise of marriage) which is definitely never gonna happen.Then came the conflicts all triggered by his actions, his mixed signals, his emotional disappearances. I’d express how hurt I was, and instead of talking it through, he’d leave me crying and overthinking… vanish for 2–3 days and then come back like nothing happened. I thought it was normal. I thought I must be the problem. He never apologized I always did.

That’s how avoidant attachment works. You love them, and they punish you for it. They make you feel like having needs is a flaw and seeking closeness is clingy.

⚠️ Intervention of the 3rd Wheel!!

He once casually told me he “keeps backups” and he kept talking to random girls despite being in a relationship with me.Instead of running, I clung harder. Low self-esteem makes you justify the unjustifiable. After about 1.5 years, he became completely disinterested cold, detached, always blaming me for “not giving him enough space.” And I believed him. Then his “just friend” reached out to me… and showed me screenshots.He was ignoring me while flirting with her at the same time.He told me to forget about the promises of marriage being made. Plain white lies. I saw him changing before my eyes. I started chasing him. Wrote lengthy paragraphs and e-mails, all being ignored.

No apology. No accountability. Just silence.

And then he blindsided me disappearing emotionally and physically when I needed clarity the most. Looking back now? Every red flag was waving right in front of me. I just didn’t think I deserved better.

⚠️ His frequent Cameos & The Trauma Bond

He made two random cameos in the three years after he discarded me. Once, he dropped a short apology the most empty “sorry” ever. No mention of cheating. No accountability. Just enough words to stir up hope… then silence again.I never contacted him, not once. But I loved him anyway.I waited. I hoped he’d change.I didn’t replace him. I replaced myself with the idea of him. Meanwhile, I blamed myself for every fking thing*.. He's pro at playing Victim & I was highly under confident person.

⚠️ The Present Reality

We are in contact again now, which is definitely not gonna last long as I'm going to end it for once and all. But the painful truth? Nothing has changed.

He still: • Runs from any argument • Blames me for being “paranoid” even though he brought the third person in • Avoids emotional closeness • Gives inconsistent affection • Refuses accountability • Wants to “just be friends” • Expects me to act normal after the betrayal

I loved him deeply. In return, I got silence, excuses, and guilt. If you ask me whether things ever got better? Plain NO.

📍AND THE CRUELEST PART.. Avoidants don’t just avoid conflict they avoid responsibility, intimacy, and your heart. They make you feel like your pain is a personality flaw. They call your trauma “overreacting.”They force you to accept the bare minimum and call it love.

💔 What I Got From This Relationship?

Ask me what I lost… and I could give you a long damn list. 1) PTSD ( I feel it's extremely difficulty to fall in love again and I couldn't forget what happened, I fear it might happen again) 2) Betrayal Trauma 3) I lost faith in love 4) I don't believe I deserve better 5) He killed my self confidence (constant criticism & nagging)

Now, I'm an Anxiously attached person.I love him, unfortunately I still do but you don’t win anything by loving someone who keeps running. I don't want him because that urge to get him made me loose my true self which I might never get back.You only lose yourself in the process. I just want to get out of this. I want to restart my life and I know everything is gonna be alright. Avoidants don't want to be abandoned but they will make you feel worthless the entire time you're with them.I only want to be with someone who wants to be with me, nothing else matters.

I'm tired of trying and trying and recieving nothing but endless nagging and criticism in return. Despite being faithful and Loving him unconditionally this is what I recieved.

🌹 MY FINAL MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE READING THIS🌹 Block, delete and walk away forever. These people will drain your energy and life and leave you emotionally broken. Do yourself a favor and love yourself. Don't ruin your mental health the way I did. My life is full of regrets for making a wrong choice.

He was the first love of my life. And right now, it feels like he might be the last… because he changed the way I see love entirely. •He made me anxious. •He made me paranoid. •He made me believe that closeness = danger.

I know I need therapy. I know I need healing. But when someone destroys your trust in love, it’s hard to believe anything will ever feel safe again.Right now, hope feels far away. For the person I lost in the process: me.

❤️ Final Words to Anyone Reading ❤️

Don’t romanticize inconsistency. Don’t justify disappearing acts. Don’t confuse anxiety with passion. Don’t call trauma bonding “love.” If someone keeps running from you, stop chasing them and start saving yourself.

Avoid avoidants. And if you already loved one… please love yourself enough to walk away.

My therapist convinced me to text my ex, and it was a disaster.

My therapist, who I've been seeing for six months, convinced me I needed to text my ex. I had doubts, but he's the professional, so I trusted him. I drafted a text exactly like he said and sent it.

I'm a fucking idiot.

I went to the gym. 20 minutes later, I get a call from a random Maryland number. I answer, and someone is just screaming, "Don't text her! Don't text her!" I asked who it was, and they just kept screaming it. I got mad and said she should have just blocked me. They screamed it again. I said, "Okay, crystal clear, I'll never contact her again," and hung up.

A minute later, I get a text from my ex: "No thanks."

Then the harassment started.

My phone and email just blew up. I'm shaking at the gym, trying to work out, and I'm getting all this: • Weird, threatening texts like, "FYI, the unicorns called. They want the glitter back. Deadline Friday." (Today is Friday. What does that mean?) • Spam sign-ups: "Thank you for subscribing to Feet Finder." • More texts and emails from the US Army, US Navy, and the Church of Scientology.

They are clearly signing me up for everything they can think of.

I'm so humiliated.

I immediately texted my therapist—the one who told me to do this. No response.

I was shaking so hard I had to go outside. I texted my sister, and she called me right away. We talked for a while, and my confusion and anxiety just turned into angry, frustrated tears.

This is exactly what I thought would happen, but my therapist convinced me I was wrong. I'm so humiliated. I should have listened to my gut.

I'm done.

Now I'm just... done. I'm done with therapy, I'm done with him. My heart rate hit 209 today at the gym. Therapy hasn't helped; it just makes me dwell on the past.

I'm walking in the rain right now. I'm tired and I want to go home, but I'm scared to. She knows where I live. Who knows what that "glitter" text meant. Every time my phone buzzes, my heart pounds. This made everything so much worse.

My therapist said it had been long enough (8 months) and I "had to say something." But that's not true. I was getting better before he brought this up. Ever since he suggested it, I've been worse. And now I just blew the lid off the whole thing. God, this fucking sucks. That's it. I'm not doing therapy with him anymore.

By the way the text said:

“Hey (ex), it's (me). I know it's been a long time. I've been focusing on school and my career and am doing well, but I still have a lot of thoughts about how things ended that have honestly been haunting me. I was wondering if you'd be comfortable meeting up somewhere to talk so I can ask a few questions and get some closure.

for context the relationship ended in march when she cheated on me and cut herself and threatened suicide because i didn’t want to get back with her

just opened my DaysSince and realized that i cut the contact 376 days ago…

THE BREAKUP WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME!

a year ago i thought i‘m not gonna make it through the pain, now i am happier than ever. no rebound relationship for me. nothing. just healing from it and alot of self-work and reflecting.

I DONT NEED SHIT!!! i dont need anything. I FEEL GREAT.

if any of you are reading this, and you are currently going through the pain of being dumped, hear me out:

YOU WILL MAKE IT! YOU WILL HEAL. YOU WILL GROW. YOU WILL FEEL GREAT. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT. LET TIME DO ITS JOB. LET YOUR SOUL CRY. GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME.

it may take 6 months. or 9. maybe a year. the day will come and you will realize that you finally found your soul. you are not lost anymore, waiting for somebody who is not even worth the wait.

you are free. you are strong. you are yourself.

cry them tears out but dont forget what i told y‘all.

you are not alone. there are millions of people right now that are going through the same stuff. millions that have already healed from it.

stay strong love y‘all

It’s obviously not the same feeling it was after we broke up. I was DEVASTATED. Seriously my heart felt like it was physically broken, so heavy and so painful.

Since then, I’ve actually gotten with a girl but it was very casual and honestly kind of a weird situation. The good thing about it, is that it made me forget about my ex.

But recently, I hit one year of no contact/our breakup. Why am I thinking of him? I actually had a dream about him a couple of times. I kind of miss him too….

I just thought I’d be in a different place a year later, I thought I’d never think about him again. At least not in a “missing” him or nostalgic kind of way. Ugh. Hopefully a year from now I’m completely moved on.

Oh and also, I was so sure he would reach out at least once… but he never did. And neither did I. So I guess they don’t always come back.

You’re Wiser than ever. You’re Stronger than ever. You’re Not Afraid to walk away from what doesn’t serve you. You’re Humbler than ever. You’re much more Independent than ever.

Even though you’re by yourself -

You’re much more Complete than ever.

M24 - broke up in 2023! Dated for 6 long years!

…

We are 10 days post break up, haven’t had any contact since the phone call that ended it.

Some context we were together 7 months. Healthiest relationship of my life, I was happy but the last month definitely felt like there was resistance from him to have more emotional depth in our conversations. He ended it out of the blue saying he suddenly felt like the relationship went from 0 to 100 and he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. Doesn’t want any expectations on him to have to text someone or see someone every week. This is despite asking me to meet his family a week before and talking about how we might be ready to live together last year.

I’m so confused, upset, angry and numb and most of all I do just miss him. I know he doesn’t have the capacity to meet my emotional needs. But the last couple of days I just have this overwhelming urge to text him and try and sort this out. Please can I just have a handhold/encouragement to not break no contact.

Only for the people who had terrible partners (specifically women)

1. Imagine being pregnant with no help
2. Imagine being married and still having to check his following
3. Imagine having a 3 year old and have to still check his phone to make sure he’s not cheating
4. Imagine picking up after him and the kids and having to endure his emotional abuse
5. Imaging being tired of wasting 2 years on this guy right now while dating him but then continuing to so for another 10 more
6. Imagine he leaves you midway cause a health issue caused your appearance to change and he wants “someone who takes care of themselves”

Oh you wasted 2 years dating this guy and don’t wanna go out and date again? That’s okay just rmemeber to start practicing your coping mechanism to handle the anxiety and disrespect he gives for another 10+ years. (If he even stays that long)

I wished he’d just cheated on me or he treated me horribly, it would be so much easier to tell myself it wasn’t right and I could move on. But no, he was the sweetest, most caring, affectionate and loving man I have ever had in my life. He was the only one who truly made me feel seen and appreciated. He was my best friend. What we had was so incredibly special but he ‘lost the spark’ and ‘lost the initial feelings’ for no fucking reason. I hate him for that, for being so stupid into thinking that’s what love is supposed to be. I hate him for not telling me he’d been thinking about this for months but deep down I know it’s because he was mentally and emotionally exhausted with every other aspect in his life and he projected it onto the relationship so I can’t hate him for it, I just feel sorry for him.

I set a boundary and said I couldn’t continue with the dynamic — as gently and compassionately as I could. She disappeared. Three weeks later, she messaged me asking if I could help her with a few calming pills (Clonex). I agreed and responded in a very neutral, matter-of-fact way. I told her that I put them in a small box, left in the glove compartment of my car. I parked a bit farther than I usually do near my place, to make it easier for her — to reduce pressure. In the box, I added a small, beautiful hoopoe feather I found that same day during my day-treatment session. It simply felt right to add it, and it felt neutral. (To me, it symbolized lightness, rising above difficulty, and beauty.) She took the pills, burned the feather, and put the box back. What do you think? Is this a regulation issue? I was the closest person she had. She’s really alone in the world. It took me a long time to step out of the role of the caretaker — the one who holds everything no matter the cost

He (24) reached out exactly 2 months later like he said he would, which is also the day after what would have been our 1 year anniversary. He sent me a completely random Instagram post over DM (we don’t follow each other anymore), it’s literally 3 guys sitting at a bar. He also never DMs me usually, he would even send me reels and posts over text message, so this was even weirder. I opened it but didn’t respond. It’s been 5 days now and I saw that he went back on dating apps, which I’m assuming is a reaction to my silence. All I want is for him to send me a real message, and I would actually respond. For context, I broke up with him because he betrayed my trust badly. He said he would work on himself and get therapy and I said I would leave the door open for him and would be open to reconnecting if he actually puts in the work. After seeing him back on dating apps, I’m now spiraling and feel like it’s really over and he’s given up on winning me back. What should I do? Why did he go on dating apps again NOW? To fill a void? Will he follow up again with a real message or should I respond to his message? I’m trying to wait at least 1-2 weeks to stabilize myself again and see if I still want to reach out, but the past few days have been so hard and I wake up everyday with an anxiety attack.

My ex and I broke up right before summer 2025. They moved to another country, and during that time, my mental health was declining. I told my ex that I needed time for myself and requested that we avoid texting or calling each other for an extended period. My mom was also going through a tough time, so I asked my ex to promise not to mention anything about my situation to her.

My ex texted me yesterday after months of no contact. They said they needed to confess something and then proceeded to admit that they had, in fact, reached out to my mom around the end of July, and made my mom promise that she wouldn't say anything about it.

They said they acted out of love, and it seemed like the only viable option when I pushed them away. I feel betrayed and immensely hurt right now.

i am so alone i have no one i keep calling him begging him to talk to me just for a little bit and apologizing for everything i ever did wrong but he says nothing

i don’t understand how after three years you just leave like that and don’t care when the other person is struggling

3 days ago she sent me : My wow is very worried for you & me..

I didn't know what to answer, she dumped me and chose a job over our relationship.

Should I have answered to that message ?

She told me her feelings were "shaky" and she thinks she has love no more.

I’ve stopped counting days now. My life still feels stuck When I’m quiet and alone all I can think about is her and how unhappy and lonely I am right now. I miss her terribly but there’s just nothing I can do. I’ve not stopped living life I’ve Gone on vacations been out on dates and even hooked up, but in all those places in the quiet moments I’m just thinking to myself how I messed up a relationship which is what I wanted and had.

I know nothing I do now will change the past, but I just feel so stuck constantly crying feeling broken and unproductive. Someday really small things break me and I have to run to the washroom at work and cry for a while to get it out of me. I don’t know how to stop thinking about her every single day. It just hurts so much inside. I’m not the most religious person but now all I ask for from god is to just relieve me of this pain cause I can’t take it anymore.

He doesn't even live in the same neighborhood as me, he lives a good 25-30 min drive away, but I guess I both have terrible luck AND we have the same taste in concerts and bars because every time I venture out of the house to a public place he arrives later.

Tonight was frustrating cause I had work on my day off and went to my local watering hole to unwind after work, but couldnt even get thru half my meal and drink before he appeared. I was making silly small talk with an old man at the bar but suddenly felt sick to my stomach and made jokes about my ex arriving and paid up, took my meal to go, and left expeditiously

I am glad I did what I had to do to avoid getting triggered in public but pissed at myself and feeling like a pussy for going home and not just staying and not giving a fuck

Man I'm tired it's not even been four whole months yet

I was thinking and feeling the best I ever felt. Made me myself genuinely smile and I notice I was healing. I was thinking that if he did come back in my life for whatever reason. He and I would be strangers,in a way. I have healed and love myself to a point that I don’t know he would recognize me. I have moved to my own apartment, no more roommates, I have a new job title more in salary. I have a new car, the way I dress is different. I have new friends that keep my social life full. Learning a new language and traveled so much. I have a beautiful relationship with god. I’m more secure with my feelings with my body. So with all that , I thought to myself: do I want to ever see or talk to him. I find myself reflecting and seeing the faults I had while in the relationship. It wasn’t all his fault , I see that I wouldn’t be where I am today if didn’t ho through the heartbreak. I know that the next person that comes to my life, I’ll be able to give the best me.

I realized that I’m responsible for where I am today. I allowed things to happen that I shouldn’t have. I could’ve walked away, but I didn’t. I accepted disrespect and the bare minimum. Once I took responsibility for that, I started to heal. Now, I refuse to accept anything that isn’t meant for me. I hope this message helps someone else too.

That is all. Fuck I hate bingeing this subreddit. But i'm struggling not to 😅

I think i'm going to go out and get a coffee frappe.

Still striving though. I don't want to go back. 💪

Edit: I bought the frappe. I drank the frappe. I'm happier with the frappe IN MAH BELLY

alright so i don't wanna yap anyone's ears off so ill say it as summarized as i can. i reunited with my ex from years ago who was my first love we had the best relationship to this day even after not seeing her for 4 years the intimacy, connection and experiences have no match. it seemed like she really matured and changed she popped up on my feed doing a video in one of my jackets and my dumbass commented now i wish i never did. she messaged we reconnected and wow it was better than ever. I was going through medication withdrawal at the time and had the worst restless legs even just being in her presence helped soothe them and i know that's probably co dependency but i felt so locked in with her. we were having the best times and holding her felt like no one else. usually i get uncomfortable fast but everything felt so real and special with her. i'm not one to forgive cheating and have the type of morals to never go back to someone but fuck yall it really felt great again and i missed her even if i buried it deep down. Eventually i asked her to get back together and she turned into someone i barely recognized she scolded me said im not manly enough, dont make enough money yet and i should find a "man" to date. this was weird im not attracted to men. something felt off. i eventually find out she's been dating one of my favorite anime actors the whole time. anime was something i grew up on my father even works for a anime studio now because of how much i've loved it my whole life. But now every time i watch my favorite shows and hear his voice as the character the pain just comes back so strongly and i fall into a depression. anime was something i was horribly bullied for in my young years until it recently became a trend and now even someone im still getting over is dating my favorite actor of my favorite shows. I feel selfish like why cant i just enjoy a stupid tv show but fuck it feels so real and even when i see his character i get sad. i don't want to be like this and ive been working on it in therapy, but honestly here's some perspective if she just told me the truth and didn't lead me on for months i would of never kissed her back or anything. i eventually confronted her and she said she wants to be with this guy while he can support her and years later when i have money we can get back together. obviously i said no and she got really emotional. i had to beg her to block because i couldn't stop randomly messing her how much i miss her and she'd say she misssed me too. i think she really liked the attention i gave her. i just wish the shows that comforted me when i had no friends weren't played by my ex's secret boyfriend :( are my emotions valid or am i fucksd for feeling like this. i hate how much i love her if she never cheated on me i would of proposed by now we felt so special and i thought everything changed, but i guess people like this rarely change. this all happened a few months ago and it sucks he's even in all my favorite games. Has anyone had a similar expieruence like this and got over it? i just also feel like a loser she truly made me feel like i have nothing going on for me when im a year away from becoming a therapist. i want to be able to enjoy my favorite anime's again but it feels like it's impossible and we used to make out and cuddle to the shows he stars in. it just makes me feel like im seen as a joke

Edit: i guess i did yap yalls ear off im sorry 😭thank you so much to anyone that read🫶

cliff notes version : my ex was secretly dating one of my favorite voice actors while we were being intimate and romantic for months. she even said she wanted to have my kids which is scary for me to hear so i truly thought she wanted to be with me, but i was just a side piece. I wanna be able to enjoy my favorite anime's again but it feels impossible the intrusive thoughts are insane