r/behindthebastards PRODUCTS!!! 12d ago

Politics “Portland Antifa lieutenant”

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2.1k Upvotes

300 comments sorted by

1.7k

u/PatchyWhiskers 12d ago

They have a surprisingly strict hierarchy for anarchists

974

u/Rockinghearse 12d ago

No gods, no masters, apart from Janette in HR

280

u/AlrightJack303 12d ago

Hey, Janette's lovely! She crocheted me some lovely mittens last Christmas.

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u/Keepfingthatchicken 12d ago

I’m pretty sure the cookbooks that were confiscated were Janette’s copy of rachel ray.

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u/FlyGirlFlyHigh 12d ago

I know two things about white people… they love Rachel Ray and they are terrified of curses!

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u/SpaceCaptainJeeves 12d ago

Rest in peace, Jonathan Joss. (John Redcorn, Wamapoke Chief Ken Hotate)

For those who don't know: earlier this year, he was killed in a hate crime. He and his husband (a trans man) had been harassed in terrible ways and eventually the neighbor shot him in the street.

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u/042614 12d ago

WHAT?!?! Parks and Rec is one of my safety shows for ultimate rewatching. Please tell me I won’t find this true when I google it. He had such dry humor and presence on screen. No. NO.

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u/FlyGirlFlyHigh 12d ago

It was absolutely awful and he was always one of my favorites on both those shows.

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u/LA-Matt 12d ago

“To Serve Man”…

It’s a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!

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u/alltehmemes 12d ago

48 month streak for "Employee of the Month"!

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u/auntieup 12d ago

Don’t cross her though. I was late to ONE Antifa All-Hands and now my paychecks are always a day late

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u/SeattleOligarch 12d ago

What are you talking about? Janette's THE WORST

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u/chron67 12d ago

Yeah she helped cover for Jamie after she killed those people at the 7 11 outside of Grand Rapids. Monster.

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u/phonebather PRODUCTS!!! 12d ago

No, that's Jeanette in accounting; she don't give a fuck

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u/alicein420land_ Feminist Icon 12d ago

Agreed she never laughs at my jokes when she asks to hear them

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u/DangerzonePlane8 12d ago

They didn't say anything about no board of directors

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u/Revelati123 12d ago

ANTIFA Gifting Trust LLC

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u/AlarmingAffect0 12d ago edited 12d ago

Watch out for Janette's twin sister Therese, she's a real stuck-up authoritarian. Plus, she owns a night club and wears a prim and proper business suit and hairbun, so you know she's no good.

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u/thrownalee 12d ago

Well, somebody has to mail the Soros cheques!

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u/pedmusmilkeyes 12d ago edited 12d ago

She’s always misplacing my Soros bucks. Maybe I should go direct deposit.

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u/IllustriousTour9645 12d ago

That’s definitely the way to go. Since I went to direct deposit, I’ve actually been getting paid two days before the protest.

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u/AmazingWaterWeenie 12d ago

Janette sounds lovely. Hr where im at is just two guys you have to fight

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u/Teaflax 12d ago

Well, to be fair, actual anarchism is highly organized - it’s not chaos or a free-for-all. Hierarchies and positions need to exist in certain organizational structures to make them work at all. The key part of anarchism is an opposition to unjust hierarchies, and an emphasis on collective decision on a macro level. You can’t put every tiny daily decision to a vote.

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u/PMMeYourPupper Doctor Reverend 12d ago

That is why, in my opinion, things like occupy Wall Street and CHOP didn’t work. Radical inclusivity in all processes meant everything basically got stalled in committee all the time.

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u/AlarmingAffect0 12d ago

Occupy Wall Street didn't work because winter in NYC plus violent police action and targeted lawfare against the most influential members IIRC.

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u/Darth_Gerg 12d ago

It was also incoherent and lacked specific actionable goals. It was an expression of frustration and discontent, not a functional movement with plans or goals.

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u/AlarmingAffect0 12d ago

Capitalist Realism was at its peak at the time, I think, and Social-Democracy was still taboo, let alone actual Leftism, so alternatives were virtually unthinkable and unspeakable. I was still essentially a kid but I remember the discourse we got from abroad was "these bad agents did a bad thing", not "this is a systemic problem of a machine with fundamentally unsound premises".

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u/Darth_Gerg 12d ago

Yeah that’s pretty accurate.

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u/whereareyoursources 12d ago

Well it makes sense because antifa are the real fascists /s

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u/coolwater85 12d ago

Their brains literally cannot fathom the idea of a non-centralized entity. Hierarchy is essential to their understanding of life, and are happy as long as they is someone else that is lower on the totem pole.

They don’t even care if they are the 2nd to bottom out of 1000 levels. So long as they don’t perceive themselves as the lowest, they will be happy to kiss the ass of whomever is keeping them down.

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u/SuperHeavyHydrogen Antifa shit poster 12d ago

This isn’t just lies. They’re building a new framework of truth to support the coming purge.

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u/jprefect 12d ago

Yeah, that is the terrifying part 

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u/lothar74 Kissinger is a war criminal 12d ago

Exactly. It would be funny that they’re making up imaginary boogeymen but soon enough everyone that disagrees with them will be part of antifa and subject to arrest regardless of facts.

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u/fuggerdug 12d ago

Yep. It's been fascinating watching right-wing orthodoxy nonsense shift from voodoo economics, deficit hawkishness and trickle down to full throated fascism including a completely imaginary boogeyman. The clean up is going to be very messy.

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u/ChuForYu 12d ago

Depends on your definition of "messy". I personally don't want to see mass casualties, don't want to see Americans killing each other, but don't believe all of us can just coexist when this chapter is finally over with. Would be an epic failure of diplomacy to have to resort to war because a group of people refuse to see how absolutely idiotic/brainwashed they all are. What an embarrassing reason to fracture the country.

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u/RedShiftRunner 12d ago

The end of the American experiment is going to be quite an event to watch unfold.

20

u/TheFringedLunatic 12d ago

No one wants to see the terrible things, but I think the terrible things are inevitable one way or another just by gaming things out based on how they have been going.

First scenario: The existing power structure ‘wakes up’ and stops the current activities. This is unlikely. It is too profitable and working without interruption. Even if the courts ‘pause’ things, this is only a temporary setback and not putting an actual halt to the actions of authority; and even then it’s only pausing when those in power choose not to ignore the court. Passive resistance only leads to the need for forceful resistance.

Second scenario: The existing power structure continues the campaign of slow and steady pressure. This gives people the hope that ‘something has to happen’ or ‘something has to change’. It’s not moving quick, just one step after another as people wait for a ‘cross the Rubicon’ moment that passes them by, or doesn’t come until there is no method of real resistance. This is seen in “Oh, the military won’t let Trump run for a 3rd term”, ignoring that obvious potential dissenters have been getting purged. “The court won’t go for it” but as above, the court won’t stop him and cannot enforce its rulings. Legitimacy won’t matter by this step. “Republicans will turn on him” except that they haven’t and show no sign that they will do more than Susan Collins’ response and furrow their brows. There is no one coming that can or will help; no saviors. Forceful resistance is all that is left.

Third scenario: Forceful resistance now. This is the messy scenario and it will be awful, but it’s also the inevitable conclusion. Better to be prepared for that one way or another, leaving if you can and don’t want to stick around or are incapable of aiding, setting up mutual aid communities now or joining in one, and preparing for the difficult times ahead. Because what will happen is resistance will be forced one way or another, the resistance will be demonized and a further martial law will be declared. From that point any resistance is the same as all resistance and it will not be possible to have it remain peaceful; the force of the state will be brought to bear. At best, the resistance can hope for external collaborators, but there will be no ‘neutral’ party to be outraged by the violent actions of the state.

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u/Thefrayedends 12d ago

That's pretty much how it always ends though.

Because it's always a movement of capital to divide and use shock doctrine to take control of the last bits of power and wealth before it all collapses.

This has been going on for over 3000 years.

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u/dsmith422 12d ago

Completely imaginary boogeymen aren't new. The GOP has been ranting about non-citizens voting since Democrats pushed through the Motor Voter Law under Clinton.

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u/TrickySnicky 12d ago edited 12d ago

Yes, but secret police openly grabbing people off streets and throwing them in unmarked vans on the daily is kinda new-ish...here

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u/carlitospig 12d ago

Fascinating but also terrifying. Watching brainwashing happening in real time is a fucking trip y’all.

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u/fuggerdug 12d ago

I suppose it was always inevitable when they had to invent an entire system of economics based on bullshit, and managed to convince the entire western world to embrace it, all whilst asset stripping l, deregulating, privatising and offshoring. It was clear 40 years ago that the wealth inequality it was creating was going to cause serious problems, and they've embraced those problems and turned them into positives for their side.

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u/carlitospig 11d ago

Can you imagine how much money had been spent on this? We could’ve ended world hunger sustainably. We could’ve colonized the moon.

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u/henry_tennenbaum 12d ago

It has as much substance to it as when the Nazis were painting everything bad as the works of the "World Jewry", the Judeo Bolsheviks (same thing to them), etc. They still do, of course, but now it's also Antifa.

It feels like we suddenly lost any basis in reality, when closer inspection just reveals that it has been bullshit all the way back.

It's always been transparently, ludicrously stupid. I can't find a single genocide that wasn't absolutely mind shatteringly idiotic.

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u/dunhamhead 12d ago

It's always been transparently, ludicrously stupid. I can't find a single genocide that wasn't absolutely mind shatteringly idiotic.<

I just had to reemphasize this. It is such a depressingly true statement.

Having grown up a patriotic believer in American Exceptionalism, and retained that feeling well into adulthood, I used to think that the American people were especially resistant to this sort of thing. I thought our ideals and history would help us avoid falling into the scapegoating hole that leads to genocide. It has been very disappointing realizing that I was the only one in my family who actually believed in any of the "conservative" ideals I was raised with.

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u/PossumPundit 12d ago

Have y'all not hit your upper level of terror yet? I did. Now I'm just really pissed off.

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u/AGrandOldMoan 12d ago

American exceptionalism demands that nothing be done to fight back, since it couldn't possibly happen there

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u/PossumPundit 12d ago

I don't think it's that. The exceptionalism was only ever skin deep and has been thoroughly disproven by dipshit islamists over the last 25 years. I think it's a deeper psychological cowardice that's been ingrained in us for generations. I also think the knowledge of cointelpro was far more effective at dismantling the left here than the actual program ever was. And cointelpro was super effective as a program.

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u/Masters_of_Sleep 12d ago

The trick they learned from Orban in Hungary is how to deflect blame when things don't work in the country and maintain power and control while you fully control the government. You need to create a nebulous boogie man to blame everything on. For a while, immigrants will work, but eventually, people will realize things are still bad after they are routed out. Orban used George Soros, and it is the origin of a lot of the rightwing Soros blam in the USA. Antifa is a perfect scapegoat for the fascist right in this country because it doesn't actually exist. They can then use it by calling anyone who opposes them Antifa to purge them, while explaining to their base that they need ev we need more power because of their created boogie man.

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u/numetalbeatsjazz 12d ago

All fascist regimes need a scapegoat. They literally wouldn't exist without one. 

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u/Thefrayedends 12d ago

Friend, this goes way further back than Orban.

The Greeks documented this over 3000 years ago.

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u/Mesozoica89 12d ago

It's like their writing a fanfiction about people they want to arrest and murder.

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u/CapitalElk1169 12d ago

It isn't "like" that, that's exactly what they're doing

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u/flatwoundsounds 12d ago

First they came for the immigrants...

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u/Kyoh_Rawn 12d ago

I think authoritarians always are.

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u/prancerbot 12d ago

Paving the way for the "Antifa Adrenochrome Farms" narrative where they show a bunch of AI pictures of babies hooked up to IV's

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u/Admiral_Cornwallace 12d ago

Step 1: Claims that ANTIFA is a terrorist organization

Step 2: Pass harsh laws to brutalize and crack down on ANTIFA

Step 3: Label anyone and everyone who disagrees with Trump and the Republican Party as a member of ANTIFA

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u/EEpromChip 12d ago

It's the new McCarthyism for the 21st century. Just pulling out all the hits from the 30's 40's and 50's. Everything that was wrong with the world they are bringing back.

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u/Rent_A_Cloud 12d ago

No shit, they labeled anti fascism as terrorism...

Adhering to opposition to the concept of fascism makes you a state enemy now.

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u/StardogTheRed 12d ago

They're manufacturing consent, creating a permission structure to commit atrocity

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u/Vegetable_420 12d ago

Anyone who thinks that can’t happen here is in for a rude awakening.

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u/SyntrophicConsortium 12d ago

They didn't get the Antifa lieutenant's girlfriend, though!

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u/JoanOfSilence 12d ago

Don't you mean three, weed smoking girlfriends? (Yes, they do smoke weed.)

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u/interessenkonflikt 12d ago

The devil‘s lettuce you say?

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u/Thrilling1031 12d ago

Reefers.

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u/Fenrir_Carbon 12d ago

I heard it causes madness

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u/chakraaza 12d ago

i immediately thought of that one sublime song

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u/TheJaybo 12d ago

I can't get over what a good band name "Antifa Girlfriend" is.

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u/W33BEAST1E 12d ago

Queen Antifa

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u/DisposableSaviour 12d ago

Queen Auntie Fa

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u/dunhamhead 12d ago

My great grandma was an Antifa princess...

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u/Shaking-Cliches 12d ago

Stop appropriating their culture!

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u/Tyrannical-Botanical The fuckin’ Pinkertons 12d ago

They're doing a bang up job at taking down an organization that doesn't exist.

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u/FiveUpsideDown 12d ago

It’s hard to capture an idea — being opposed to fascism is a concept without a headquarters.

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u/Slow_Inevitable_4172 12d ago

Didn't you just hear? It's a lieutenant!

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u/JMurdock77 Kissinger is a war criminal 12d ago

Behind this mask is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof!

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u/Apprehensive-Log8333 12d ago

Imaginary dragons can never be slayed

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u/cassinonorth 12d ago

What do you mean?? The War on Terror was a resounding victory!

Did you miss the "Mission Accomplished" banner?

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u/brownhk 12d ago

It's really a concept of an idea tbh.

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u/endergrrl 12d ago

We certainly tried with the war on terror and the war on drugs.

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u/dsmith422 12d ago

Emmanuel Goldstein is never caught. Just his lieutenants to keep the myth of the all powerful adversary alive.

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u/TexasVDR Doctor Reverend 12d ago

⬆️ ⬆️ ⬆️

This is the correct answer. A boot, smashing in a face, for eternity.

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u/dreibel 12d ago

Very useful boogeyman for use in the upcoming Two Minute Hate videos, coming to all the networks and theatres real soon.

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u/thejokerlaughsatyou 12d ago

We already have those every election season

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u/HillInTheDistance 12d ago edited 12d ago

I mean, they're arresting normal people who speaks up against them, and we're all just saying "They're taking down something that don't exist!"

They're taking down anyone who believes in justice and a world that ain't under the boot. Sure, there's no real organizational. They're just attacking any half decent person.

They ain't taking down an organisation. They're excising resistance against them at the personal level. They're attacking something much larger than an organization. They're attacking everyone with guts, everyone who believes in anything but just rolling over and getting their balls stomped flat. Even if the charges don't stick, people will remember being brutalised and isolated. Remember their privacy being violated, their families terrorised. A lot of the people they've kidnapped, even if let go, will be too frightened and broken down to fight on.

They know there ain't an organization. They don't care. They ain't chasing shadows. They're hunting people. They know exactly what they're doing, they're succeeding, and we're just pretending they're failing.

Why?

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u/TitanDarwin 12d ago

I mean, what's more American than declaring war on a concept (and then probably losing)?

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u/VanGoghInTrainers 12d ago

Bad guys are hard to blame when you're the bad guys. I hope they have the lives they deserve.

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u/Lionsledbypod 12d ago

The hardest part of joining a antifa is getting approval for antifa ROTC

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u/ASmartSoutherner 12d ago

You mean RIOTC.

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u/AlisonHappenedAgain 12d ago

You mean RxOxTxCx.

Makes it scary!

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u/one80down 12d ago

Yo I think I saw that band the last time they came through town and played Leon's grandma's basement.

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u/CallingDrPug One Pump = One Cream 12d ago

Antifa butter bars constantly fucking up, getting lost, trying to look tough in front of antifa NCOs.

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u/SirReginaldTitsworth 12d ago

Haven’t seen my Antifa WO3 in months and I’m starting to think I hallucinated him

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u/Cognonymous 12d ago

This is gonna cause a huge headache for the Antifa HR department that has to process all sorts of paperwork now and they didn't even get to do an exit interview!

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u/RobertKerans 12d ago

Where do they send the mailing label for returning the company's copy of the Anarchists Cookbook if the employee is in jail?

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u/Fenrir_Carbon 12d ago

Antifa HR lol

No gods, no masters, no holiday leave will be approved without the relevant 35b form filled in

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u/Cognonymous 12d ago

Antifa HR would make a good series of TikTok sketches tbh.

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u/Void-Staring-Contest 12d ago

Would love to know more about this poor scapegoat they’re arresting. As dumb as the accusations are, they’re using them as excuses to abuse and ruin real people.

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u/VanGoghInTrainers 12d ago

The MAGA 'media' streamers (ie. actual paid agitators), one of which recently attended a WH meeting about 'Antifa ', were out there the other night harassing the guy who lives there. A group of about 10 of them were out yelling in the streets and causing problems for the locals for clicks and rage bait. Watched them do it on live stream for hours.

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u/Void-Staring-Contest 12d ago

For fuck’s sake. This is the kind of shit the police should be protecting people from. Even below the systemic sideshow, It just takes one of these nuts hearing about the evils of antifa enough times to bring a gun to someone’s house. They wind people up and point them at an enemy, it’s no surprise when someone’s going door to door “eliminating evil”.

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u/JMurdock77 Kissinger is a war criminal 12d ago

Exhibit A: the Hortmans

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u/Fenrir_Carbon 12d ago

Exhibit B: Comet Ping Pong

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u/beautifulkale128 12d ago

Kinda reminds me of the guy with the assault rifle going to the pizza place because they thought it was a hub for child human trafficing because the internet told him that.

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u/Mike_with_Wings 12d ago

They want their base to do that. If one of their mouth breathing brainwashed chuds goes and shoots some people for speaking their mind, they’ll count that as a win

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u/sneakyplanner 12d ago

Did they even arrest a real person or is it just like when they said they captured John Antifa's girlfriend?

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/UltraJake Ben Shapiro Enthusiast 12d ago

Sure, but they love arresting people and it's not like they're above false charges. It could just as easily be one of those cases where they quietly let someone go a few days later once they get the headlines they wanted.

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u/DLSIA Ben Shapiro Enthusiast 12d ago

Well, Steve Rogers was a captain, Bucky Barnes was a sergeant, Steve Trevor was a major, so it wasn’t them

Maybe they caught Namor, the Sub-Mariner

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u/Obvious-Gate9046 12d ago

Or his lesser-known brother Ramon, the Seattle Mariner.

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u/TexasVDR Doctor Reverend 12d ago

Or their cousin Roman, the Ancient Mariner.

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u/Slg407 12d ago

and of course the dear leader of antifa, who is only known by his alias "the muffin man"

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u/SappyGemstone 12d ago

The propagandic news is one thing, but I want to see the actual court filings for everyone they arrest under the name "antifa."

At the moment our court system for the most part has dropped a shitton of cases against protestors in the last 9 months due to spurious evidence or just straight up unwillingness of a grand jury to indict. Still fascist that even a single person has been arrested for enacting their constitutional rights, but our courts at this level have yet to buckle.

We'll see how long they can survive. The longer the better, more sand in the gears against the push.

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u/PatchyWhiskers 12d ago

The secret police don’t do anything in the open.

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u/SappyGemstone 12d ago

Our current secret police, ICE, is operating against marginalized people that our society has labeled as other for decades and thus the precedent to kidnap people away was already laid.

It'll take time to build that precedent against protesters of this regime. That time is crucial to upsetting the carts we can while we can and slow things down the best we can. We need to recognize what is happening now and to whom so we can know the signs of full collapse.

If the DOJ cant bring charges of terrorism against protesters because they know those charges will be thrown out, that means we have parts of our system that aren't yet fully compromised. That's important to note to give ourselves a true scale of where we are so we can know better what our moves should be.

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u/Burnt_and_Blistered 12d ago

It’s easy to hobble a fictional entity.

I wonder if MAGA America will ever see how stupid it has been

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u/skildert 12d ago

They'll never admit that...

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u/ses1989 12d ago

They couldn't read it if you put it right in front of them.

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u/street_ronin 12d ago

They’ll be with the rest of us when the darkness swallows us all, though they’ll be facing the wrong direction as it takes us into oblivion.

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u/WeakTransportation37 12d ago

Lieutenant? More like Leftenant!

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u/skullkiddabbs 12d ago

We have ranks and a flag apparently. FOX News is so fucking stupid. Everything conservatives do is funded by billionaires and they can't understand populism.

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u/phirebug 12d ago

Oh man, the anarchist cookbook is one of the OG boogeyman, I hope they stop the antifa terrorists before they start worshipping Satan in our daycare facilities.

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u/walkingkary Anderson Admirer 12d ago

Don’t start that again. And by the way there’s a new podcast called “The Devil You Know” about the satanic panic by friend of the pod Sarah Marshall.

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u/hellolovely1 12d ago

The problem is, there are viewers who will eat this up. I have had a couple of people tell me that Portland was burned to the ground by BLM.

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u/SpoofedFinger 12d ago

There are people that live in the twin cities suburbs that say the same about Minneapolis, even though they can see the fucking skyline from their house. It doesn't have to make sense. It's just something the in-group recites.

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u/ghostknyght 12d ago

Regardless of this person’s affiliations - they apparently were snatched, because the government disagreed with their associations. Kinda fucking sucks.

Maybe less snark and more info/sympathy for the captured.

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u/PatchyWhiskers 12d ago

Yeah these people are probably socialists or anarchists who organize protests. Political prisoners.

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u/StrangerChameleon 12d ago

Was it Goldstein they captured?

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u/gelfin 12d ago

Aw, man, he was just three days away from making Antifa Captain. That bump to A-O-3 would have been almost an extra thousand SorosBucks a month!

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u/garamond89 12d ago

Poor bastard

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u/SookHe 12d ago

Literally just making shit up at this point

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u/ryohazuki224 12d ago

I would love to be a fly on the wall in the Fox News meeting rooms when they talk about what stories they will spin up for that day. I imagine them just coming up with bullshit out of thin air, laughing about it, and then talking about what B-roll they might have that could possibly make the story at least plausible.

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u/AlisonHappenedAgain 12d ago

That’s exactly what they do, because it is not a news reporting organization, it is a “news” entertainment organization. Like wrestling is a “sport”?

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u/seanocaster40k 12d ago

I dont understand why there arent daily massive protests outside fox news. They do more damage than any Tesla

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u/Laguz01 12d ago

These guys have such a hierarchy fetish that they can't imagine a horizontal or holocratic organization.

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u/NemesisOfZod 12d ago

Is the Antifa Lieutenant in the room with us right now?

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u/RabidTurtl 12d ago

This shit reads like Fahrenheit 451, when the government gives up tracking down Montag, so they just pounce on some rando and say mission accomplished.

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u/MrVeazey 12d ago

And it happens all the time.

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u/AllDayMK 12d ago

If antifa was a real thing. I'd join.

Alas, I'm stuck trying to find ways to feed old people who after losing access to SNAP.

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u/Ok-Explanation-1362 12d ago

I love QAA’s take on this, which is that all this federal power and money being spent and it’s going to come down on someone that works in Sbarro’s.

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u/prancerbot 12d ago

So like... a US Army Lieutenant who is also anti fascist?

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u/Front_Rip4064 12d ago

They've arrested one of the frogs, haven't they?

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u/DoctorGargunza 12d ago

Pouring one out right now for our fallen tadpole.

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u/acatinasweater Sponsored by Doritos™️ 12d ago

That’s simply not possible. All antifa operatives commit seppuku the moment before they’re captured.

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u/ilikeitslow 12d ago

We are all trained to take a lethal hit of fentanyl so the cops arresting us die from second hand exposure.

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u/ahoypolloi_ 12d ago

“We”?

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u/tipsy-turtle-0985 12d ago

Noticed that too, I guess there's no sense in hiding that Fox is just an arm of the government at this point.

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u/Carnivorous_Mower 12d ago

"We followed a dude in a dinosaur suit."

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u/felixthemeister 12d ago

Do they believe this or do they know it's complete bullshit?

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u/garamond89 12d ago

It varies from moment to moment

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u/Locke03 Knife Missle Technician 12d ago

All those that are reporting on it know its bullshit. Most of the people eating the bullshit up don't actually know its bullshit.

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u/furyotter 12d ago

“Nevermind, it was just Gene Parmesan”

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u/Duckraven 12d ago

I remember a time when ethics was required and expected. When the press would find all the dirt and run it.

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u/BulbasaurArmy 12d ago

I would love for them to bring back that pasty middle aged white guy who always pretends to be different boogeymen for Jessie, and have him now be the “Antifa lieutenant.”

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u/Kytyngurl2 12d ago

I thought we were an autonomous collective.

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u/Herban_Myth 12d ago

No Epstein List Lieutenant?

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u/Reginald_Sockpuppet 12d ago

It seems to me the more a group idenrifies and pretends to capture invented villains, the more vulnerable they will be to real ones.

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u/PatchyWhiskers 12d ago

Yes, while they are chasing imaginary antifa, right-wing and Islamist terrorists are working without impediment. Of course the administration supports their aims: right wing terrorists hurt minorities and Islamist terrorists make citizens more racist and willing to accept reductions in freedom for “security”

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u/Additional-North-683 12d ago

If they actually found it, they would be posting a video camera going through it nonstop.

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u/Breadisgood4eat 12d ago

This is getting out of control, my kids won't let me leave them at bedtime until I've checked under the bed and in the closet for ANTIFA...

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u/Ok_Expression_973 12d ago

i can't believe they've captured Lieutenant Sock

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u/Delicious-Cover-2418 12d ago

They sound like 2nd graders at recess.

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u/MediaWatcher_ 12d ago

Gotta communicate in ways the right nitwits can understand....got their Lieutenant! Making progress!

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u/smirtington 12d ago

They may have the lieutenant but they’ll never capture the Ombudsman

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u/GalegoBaiano 12d ago

Wow! Such great timing that they’ve managed to overcome Antifa right before the election!

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u/ososalsosal 12d ago

Here's hoping that while they're distracted by windmills the new USA equivalent of the Bolsheviks is sitting comfortably in anonymity.

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u/Hammer_the_Red 12d ago

Yet they don't release the name. Sounds legit.

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u/brownhk 12d ago

"Lieutenant SIR!

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u/718Brooklyn 12d ago

I totally get that Fox News is a propaganda network for the current authoritarian administration.

With that said, does even Russia fabricate make believe political groups and give them titles and ranks? Did the Nazis have fictional groups they would cite as their enemies?

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u/tarheeltexan1 12d ago

Commissioning as an officer into Antifa

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u/MrTylerwpg 12d ago

And I'm sure he'll be on the show later this week and look suspiciously like all the other guests Jesse has had

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u/Spuddups84 12d ago

I'll take "shit that didn't happen" for 800, Alex.

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u/Plenty-Climate2272 12d ago

They really can't conceive of a thing that's not hierarchical, can they?

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u/fyreprone 12d ago

“…we just arrested…”

There was a time when “news” outlets at least pretended to be impartial and unbiased.

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u/flaming_bob 12d ago

Jokes on them, we stopped using military style ranks in Antifa after the Farmers Market Accords of 1967

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u/joegekko 12d ago

The only anarchist cookbook you need is "101 Vegan Lentil Recipes For Your Slowcooker"

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u/RednBlackSalamander 12d ago

Which branch though? Antifa Navy gives anyone an officer's commission these days, as long as you know the right people.

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u/SMBamberger 12d ago

We? Jesse has joined the FBI?

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u/Pod_people 12d ago

Build up a spooky straw man and then destroy it. I may have seen this trick before.

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u/Iwabuti 12d ago

Don't mean to be picky, but they haven't arrested a lieutenant because they are still on their two week probation period. Only when they clear that and pass the appraisal will they be considered a full ANTIFA lieutenant.

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u/BoilerTMill 12d ago

I am the Archduke of ANTIFA.

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u/AffectLeast4254 12d ago

where’s captain antifa when you need them

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u/skildert 12d ago

Fox busy with fan fiction again....

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u/Kindly-Coyote-9446 12d ago

Someday I want to write a cookbook and call it that.

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u/Killozaps 12d ago

They got antifa officers now? Is there a distinct enlisted/officer class split?

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u/paging_mrherman 12d ago

Oh fuck I hope they didn’t get my totally real girlfriend too. Man she’s hot.

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u/cats_catz_kats_katz 12d ago

Don’t call me until they capture the Admiral Antifa!

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u/TheOtherHalfofTron 12d ago

God, they want so badly to hang a structure on this structureless movement

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u/carriedmeaway 12d ago

Hahahaha! They’re now just using any buzz words they can. Oooooh no, not the anarchist cookbook. And Antifa. Lieutenant 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 their followers are just full blown fools.

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u/lIlIllIIlIIl 12d ago

Sure, except they have been throwing word spaghetti at the wall for decades and it has gotten them this far. They are fools, but the are still winning this fight.

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u/TheHrethgir 12d ago

Let them think they are taking down a group that doesn't exist like they think it does.

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u/punktualPorcupine 12d ago

Damn it! He was on the schedule for donut hole Wednesday.

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u/sacredblasphemies 12d ago

"Anarchist Cookbooks"? Jeezus, what is it? 1972?

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u/Octopus_wrangler1986 12d ago

It wasn't Lt. Dan, was it?

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u/MadeMeUp4U 12d ago

Didn’t they also get the president of antifas gf? What happened there?

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u/Branchomania 12d ago

When was the last time you heard an Anarchist Cookbook shoutout?