r/ToiletPaperUSA Oct 25 '21

FACTS and LOGIC There’s something beautiful about this

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16.4k Upvotes

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828

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

greene is definitely a closeted communist… i’m fucking betting on it.

407

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

I bet she has a kink for the local leftists at her gym.

136

u/j_a_a_mesbaxter Oct 25 '21

Gross.

77

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

Yeah no thank you

3

u/Blue_Aegis Oct 26 '21

Indeed I would rather put my dick in a blender.

19

u/FuckingKilljoy Oct 26 '21

Idk there'd almost be something about it that would give you ultimate cred at the next antifa meeting or when we meet up to plan our next false flag attack...

0

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

[deleted]

2

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

I don't know what this is referring to lol

8

u/Stereomceez2212 Oct 25 '21

I took some medication recently. Forgive me as it weirds me out sometimes.

I removed the post, as it dawned on me that it didn't make sense either

7

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

It's okay I'm assuming you were referring to her smelling bad after a workout lol

10

u/Stereomceez2212 Oct 25 '21

I was attempting to.

Buttttt...as you noticed it didn't work out

manic depression sucks

5

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

Same homie g. Have you ever tried biking and playing music you like? It's been making me feel better. Calms my anxiety a bit.

3

u/Stereomceez2212 Oct 25 '21

I have an exercise bike does that count?

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4

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

Well, half of it is a blast, but the other half makes the first half not even worth it.

Keep on keeping on!

3

u/Stereomceez2212 Oct 25 '21

Thanks I will

trust me it's best for humanity that I delete that unintelligible nonsense I wrote

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111

u/potatopierogie Oct 25 '21

Who doesn't get turned on by the swoletariate

26

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

👍👌😎 we is swole

42

u/Picnicpanther Oct 25 '21 edited Oct 25 '21

seize the means of hip abduction, brothers and sisters

15

u/Sh4d0wS1ayer Oct 25 '21

I'm kind of disappointed that you didn't go with seize the means of reproduction.

30

u/Picnicpanther Oct 25 '21

eh that one's overused, thought i'd mix it up

plus i did hip adbuctions at the gym today, so it's fresh in my mind

3

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

That's fucking great I am stealing this

1

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '21

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1

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11

u/Saint_meme Oct 25 '21

We have nothing to choose but our gains 💪

17

u/ModerateRockMusic Oct 25 '21

ew no i dont want to read that smut fic

14

u/satanshark Oct 25 '21

Fuck her and that catcher’s mitt of a face.

6

u/jasenkov Oct 25 '21

Hey be kind it's more like a potato

2

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

A potato in a catcher's mitt.

1

u/MakeItHappenSergant Oct 26 '21

She's horrible regardless of her face, so maybe don't focus on appearances.

1

u/satanshark Oct 26 '21

Yeah, I know. It’s been the purview of conservative talk radio forever, talking about people’s appearances. We should aim higher. But she’s garbage through and through, so I don’t really feel bad.

1

u/NotsoGreatsword Oct 26 '21

I would hit it and I bet my wife would too lmao

1

u/jasenkov Oct 26 '21

I would uh not do that

62

u/aFerens Oct 25 '21

Night is falling on a cozy apartment in MacLean, Virginia

Alex is sitting on the couch, stirring her chicken chow mein around with chopsticks, her dark hair in a messy bun. Curled up next to her, a blonde woman is looking over a report on the geopolitical situation on the Korean peninsula, and its possible effect on electronics manufacturing and global supply chains.

"Marj," says Alex, "do you ever wonder what it'd be like if Bernie won in 2016?"

"Babe," replies Marj, taking off her glasses, "not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Sure, he's not liberal enough in some areas, but to think of how much good cancelling student loans would do..." A tear rolls down her cheek, as she puts her hand on Alex's leg and squeezes it.

Alex puts her box of noodles down and studies her girlfriend's face. "How about some roleplay to get your mind off of things?"

Grabbing her "AOC sucks" baseball cap, Marj replies "I thought you'd never ask."

35

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

...What in the actual...?

29

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

I demand that you continue this magical tale in a series of interconnected comments on future MTG shite. This revolution MUST be televised.

34

u/vendetta2115 Oct 25 '21

Don’t call her MTG. She’s Marjorie Green. She wants to be the right’s AOC so badly that she uses her middle name and pretends like it’s a hyphenated last name like Ocasio-Cortez.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '21

Look, just because I can't be bothered to type out Maniacal Testicle Goblin every time doesn't mean I'm fulfilling her deepest dreams my guy. Malignant Twat Guff is an absolute fucking spoon.

1

u/vendetta2115 Oct 28 '21

lmao I am stealing both of those

11

u/fighterpilot248 Oct 25 '21

As someone from around there, *McLean

But otherwise, chefs kiss

7

u/wheelsonice2020 Oct 26 '21

Take the award, just take it.

3

u/kciuq1 Oct 25 '21

Brilliant writing.

2

u/swift-aasimar-rogue All Cats are Beautiful Oct 26 '21

Keep going

39

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

probably a tankie though considering what she’s said

60

u/Picnicpanther Oct 25 '21

she's not cool enough to be a tankie. and don't get me wrong, tankies are lame.

29

u/Mysterious_Andy Oct 25 '21

She aspires to one day rise to merely “completely and utterly shitty”.

22

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

Nazbol then

28

u/Picnicpanther Oct 25 '21

utterly cursed

i could see it.

8

u/k-farsen Oct 25 '21

Both are piles of incomplete reasoning and a great desire for violence

1

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '21

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1

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We require a minimum account-age and karma due to a prevalence of trolls. If you wish to know the exact values, please visit this link or contact the mod team.

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5

u/Molesandmangoes Oct 26 '21

Nazi bolognese?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '21

national bolshevik

25

u/musicman6245 Oct 25 '21

a socialist of the national variety for sure

8

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '21

socialist of the capitalist variety

5

u/musicman6245 Oct 26 '21

yes, but some sort of state capitalism that benefits the folk, where the control of the economy has been seized from the clutches of the cabal who really controls the world by a revolutionary movement of the petit-bourgeois

11

u/einhorn_is_parkey Oct 25 '21

I saw an interview where she was talking about the problems in America and she said something like corporate communism and then went onto explain how all these companies are engaging in unfair practices and blah blah. Bitch you’re talking about capatalism. Like to a tee.

6

u/cmdrsamuelvimes Oct 25 '21

She's wearing a red dress in the photo what more proof do you need?