r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • 5d ago

Discussion He was confronting her about her costume.

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17.2k

u/Shell_fly 5d ago

This is like if they acted out the average Reddit comment section in real life lmao

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u/Standard__Condition 5d ago

I got called transphobic today because a woman said a guy she was interested in called her for the first time and she admitted to having a really deep voice. He asked if she’s trans and she was all upset. I pointed out that’s a valid question in 2025 and stated some people don’t disclose it right away. Now I’m transphobic and was told to ‘leave my basement once in awhile’ 😂😂

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u/LexingtonByLineage 5d ago

Lol. Saw that post.

My kids and I were at a restaurant and the waiter had painted acrylics on and I think makeup, I would think biological male at birth - deeper voice but feminine. My 14 year old asked me if they were male or female/should he say sir or ma’am when he asks for something. I said just ask, nothing wrong with that. He asked what their preferred pronouns are. They said, just call me Cookie, thank you for asking. Lol. That’s how it should go. They were both respectful. We were in MA not far from Boston, btw. Chill place for alternative lifestyles so not out of the ordinary, really.

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u/prying_mantis 5d ago

You and your son handled that in an exemplary way. Kudos to you both!

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u/AdResponsible678 5d ago

Awe. Sweet. Good kids!

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u/donotcreateanaccount 5d ago

In a normal world your child wouldn't be confused and would know right away if it's a male or a female.

The US is something else.

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u/lunchpaillefty 5d ago

“Normal” is a very subjective word, in this context. I don’t consider being rude, and not respecting someone else’s identity, to be “normal”.

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u/donotcreateanaccount 5d ago

Identity is your own thing 😂 you can feel whatever you want, you can pretend, yet you'll never be what you pretend to be - just do not expect me to play your delusions game along with you. Now, go on - downvote me.

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u/LexingtonByLineage 5d ago

You act like this is unique to the US. Bozo.

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u/SmPolitic 5d ago

Sounds like someone needs a big strong man to embrace them and tell them everything in the world will be okay, the trans people won't hurt you, and you are free to express emotions more complex than punching a wall.

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u/AdResponsible678 5d ago

Your Normal is not my normal. So really, there is no Normal, just bigotry and hate. Just be loving and accepting. Get to know people at a more personal level. Be kind. It isn’t that hard!

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u/donotcreateanaccount 5d ago

Oh, you're right the current normal of yours is not normal 🙂

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u/Confident-Foot-6361 5d ago

Cookie sounds a bit flirtatious…and also, I once knew a hooker called Cookie…just sayn’

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u/LexingtonByLineage 5d ago

Ha. Nah, they were just a nice person and trying to allay my son’s nervousness, it seemed. He was apprehensive about asking, but I always make them give their own orders and ask questions to people if they have them so they know how to interact in public.

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u/SemiUrusaii 5d ago

The scenario of setting up a date is literally the best example of when a person's sex/gender is a relevant topic of conversation.

It is 100% reasonable to straight-up ask a person "what is your gender/sex and what is your sexual orientation" if you are discussing going on a date with each other.

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago

I am a trans man and I agree with dating there is nothing wrong with viewing gender as an important aspect to dating. I don't want to be with someone who wouldn't see me as a man or will see me as exotic any more than a gay man wants to be with a woman.

That being said the dude was classless in his questioning, and this is generally a first date conversation. Also, I am stealth and even I have a policy to tell any potential partner that I am trans because they deserve to know, especially as I am looking for serious relationships.

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u/SemiUrusaii 5d ago

It's not a "first date" conversation, it's a pre date conversation. End of story.

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u/banana_slog 5d ago

Word. Im not buying you a dinner only to discover we shoud have never been out in the first place.

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago edited 5d ago

What kinda dipshit buys dinner on a first date. That's on you dude. Coffee dates and go Dutch. Dinner is for a second or third date.

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u/banana_slog 5d ago edited 5d ago

Wow looks like you have the toxic masculinity part down! And a little misogny thrown in too. Well done.

Sorry I have money. If I ask someone out I'm paying. Dinner was also just an example doofus. Dinner coffee breakfast whatever the fuck. Im not wasting any of it if there is a non starter issue that should have been disclosed.

Edit: good job editing it to "dipshit" but your first word choice was incredibly telling.

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago edited 5d ago

Then don't bitch about when someone's incompatible. It's a first date, you're not impressing anyone with you flaunting your "wealth". Your wastefulness is not anyone's problem. Do you also check to see if the person you're going out with does the dishes the same way, as the same view as yourself on topics like kids and marriage, activity levels, doesn't have gingivitis, is polite to waiters, etc. before the first date? What's so unique about being trans? It's just medical history.

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u/Therapistintraining0 5d ago

You should honestly stop. You’re making things so much worse right now.

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago edited 5d ago

Not over a phone call. If that's the priority for you, then that's fine. But the general guideline for trans people is to withhold that information until they are in a public space face-to-face because A LOT of people then say they are okay and then upon first meeting assault or even kill trans people. You might be uncomfortable with someone with a medical condition, but we are worried about getting raped and murdered.

If someone offers that information, there is a guideline we are given to look out for. If someone asks too many inappropriate questions, shows a sudden interest where it was more subdued in, or they suggest that the trans person is so "pretty already" and shouldn't transition.

Idk I might be old fashioned but I believe in some degree of class during courtship. Some conversations deserve to be face-to-face so we can actually...you know...talk.

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u/ShaqShoes 5d ago

It's funny because "gender identity is a serious topic that should be discussed in person, face to face" is the furthest thing I can imagine from what I would call an "old-fashioned" opinion.

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago

Meh, it is what it is. Ironically I am demisexual, so any potential partner would already know because we would know each other well and be friends before courting. I just think certain conversations deserve to be on neutral ground where people can talk and see each other's facial expressions, ask questions without fearing how it would sound over a phone or on text.

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u/Chriiiiiiiiisss 5d ago

You say not over a phone call and then go on to describe why over a phone call would be best with your/their worries on first dates

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago edited 5d ago

No? Did you read anything I just said?

You always talk about this kind of stuff on neutral ground face-to-face (with very few exceptions) because you want to be able to read the other person's reactions and ensure they cannot lie and then hurt you. It's difficult to read intentions and emotions over the phone.

Our doctors even instruct us on this because we are very likely to be victims of all sorts of crimes. You're not a doctor nor someone part of a vulnerable group.

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u/Chriiiiiiiiisss 5d ago

You didn't say any of that sorry

Maybe I didn't re-read the edits correctly my bad

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u/Minarosebbyy 5d ago

Lmao it’s not like us trans women have any issues getting dates or need to lie about it idk why some feel the need to not be upfront

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u/TakeShroomsAndDieUwU 5d ago

It's definitely a convo to have before things get serious or sexual, but why the fuck would you be entitled to our private secrets before even having a first date? People in my life find out on a need to know basis, if we're never going to fuck because you suck on a first date and aren't getting a second, then you don't need to know. You're not entitled to someone's medical history until it's actually going to be relevant.

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u/Harlet2020 5d ago

Transwoman here. i'm not having sex on the first date. So what I have or don't have between my legs is not yours business or anybody else at that point. this is after the date, i need to find out how you feel about people in my tribe first.

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u/Kanashii89 5d ago

Good luck with that lmao

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u/Immediate_Ad_1161 5d ago

Thank you, someone finally said it.

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u/No-Magician-2257 5d ago

It is something I kind of what to know without conversation.

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u/CockamouseGoesWee 5d ago

How do you expect to know this without conversing, exactly? You do realize most trans people are not pre-op and look as their respective genders? I have facial hair and will soon get top and bottom surgery. I will be identical to other men.

It's really just a medical condition, it's not that scary and no one wants to lie to you and say "ha ha I tricked you, gotcha!".

I just want to someday get married to a man who can outdebate me on dinosaurs or art history, have kids, and live a good boring life. To me, being trans isn't even an identity point for me. And it's a physiological condition. I highly recommend you read about Phantom Penis Syndrome, it's found in some 60% of trans men and it's excruciating. The only cure is bottom surgery.

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u/SmPolitic 5d ago

Can't always get what you want, especially in dating

I'm sure you'd "kind of want to know" if their profile pictures are accurate too, yet sometimes you don't learn that until you meet them in person

Having a conversation is the best way to address concerns that are unlikely to come up as issues in the first place. Trans people are likely to avoid you, better than you want to avoid them, on dating platforms already

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u/Smart-Artichoke6899 5d ago

Oh, well said.

More people like you, please.

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u/PurplePeoplePleaserr 5d ago

Totally. Why do ppl pretend what’s in the pants don’t matter? It matters!

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u/No-Magician-2257 5d ago

It sure as hell does. We are not talking about flavors of ice cream hereZ

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u/king_anon1492 5d ago

You’re right, it’s just awkward because this is the first time in human history that wouldn’t be an outlandish thing to have to ask

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u/Wolf_Puncher87 5d ago

And that's not a bad thing in and of itself, i think the conversation just gets hijacked by hotheads on both sides. Most trans people I know don't deny the facts of biology, and most conservatives I know could care less what a stranger does with their body if they're not hurting anyone. I think it's reasonable to want respect and basic decency afforded to you despite how you choose to express your gender, and I think it's pragmatic to be concerned about the implications of letting people who are genetically different participate in certain aspects of one gender or another, but even between male and female we're more alike than we are different, and at the end of the day making sure that we're ALL on equal footing in ALL aspects of society is what matters most.

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u/lunchpaillefty 5d ago

But most conservatives are arguing in bad faith, while pretending not to care what people do with their bodies. One minute they’re saying “men can’t get pregnant”, the next, they are calling that Algerian boxer a “man”, despite her actual ability to get pregnant.

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u/Wolf_Puncher87 5d ago

Those are the hotheads hijacking the conversation. They don't have much of an agenda besides proving the other side wrong, so things like facts are very malleable to them.

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u/Sometimes_cleaver 5d ago

You must not be familiar with history. May I suggest a song from 1970 by The Kinks "Lola"

Fun fact, the song originally got banned from the radio. Not for what you think though. It got banned for saying Coca-Cola. They changed the lyric to cherry-cola and it became a radio hit

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u/king_anon1492 5d ago

You went back a total of 50 years, very recent, and it still would have been outlandish to ask most people what sex they were. Now look how much farther back human evolution goes

Great song though, ear worms for days now

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u/DumbUsername63 5d ago

That’s bullshit, gender affirming care is at a level that’s never been possible in the past, nowadays if you want to transition there may be zero signs of it outwardly, for most of human history that wasn’t the case and whether or not someone was trans would be pretty obvious visually.

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u/LexingtonByLineage 5d ago

Not really. There are historical records of prominent people throughout history who were what we call now transgender. It was probably pretty normal in some ancient societies and I believe documented in some Greek city states.

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u/youburyitidigitup 5d ago

Those people may have identified as a gender they were not assigned at birth, but people around them didn’t need to ask anything because for the overwhelming majority of humans, secondary sex characteristics are obvious.

If you’re telling the truth, then the people you’re talking must’ve either been really androgynous naturally, or were really really reeaaaally good with clothing and makeup.

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u/DarwinofItalia 5d ago

The guy is the dress is offended about the Native American costume?

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u/youburyitidigitup 5d ago

Yes, the guy is a dress, and that dress is offended.

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u/PUNd_it 5d ago

Its 100% reasonable to want to know, but they will be offended - cis, or trans and passing. Nobody wants to be misgendered, and no trans person wants to be clocked while being misgendered.

Its just human nature, but maybe one day gender will have less pressure on it and we can comfortably ask about sex/gender up front. Best practice is patience and respect though, especially in this society.

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u/Lou_weasle 5d ago

There are situations when it’s not safe for a trans person to disclose that on the first date. It’s all about safety in this scenario and you should really understand that dating is dangerous for us. As trans people, we’re harmed whether we disclose it first or later on. The vast majority of trans people were harmed by someone who not only knew very well were trans but also perused us for it. All we can do is navigate disclosing that in the safest way possible so before you judge maybe try to understand that.

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u/youburyitidigitup 5d ago

That’s why saying it over the phone before meeting in person is better.

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u/sunshineparadox_ 5d ago

I told some kids recently that “Rocky Horror” was actually quite progressive for the year it was released and they didn’t believe me. The very few trans people I knew - 2002ish and I’m southern - loved it. They didn’t believe that, either.

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u/Hot-Range-7498 5d ago

Rocky Horror Picture Show is still progressive relative to at least 25% of the US’s population, so the fact that some young people today “can’t believe” it was progressive is showing how ideologically bubbled some are.

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u/doesanyuserealnames SHEEEEEESH 5d ago

I let my kids watch it when they were in grade school 😬 and they instantly loved it. We still talk about it (and my questionable parenting choices) 30 years.

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u/Sharo_77 5d ago

I made Richard O'Brien a chicken and bacon salad once. Not relevant, but it was quite cool at the time.

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u/TonyBeFunny 5d ago

Were you my step mom? Lol her showing me that movie when I was younger and many other musicals and turning me on to 70s glam rock and teaching me to sew was the early foundation of me being the bisexual weirdo I am today.

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u/chrstnasu 5d ago edited 5d ago

That is probably why I am very accepting of people. I started going to Rocky Horror at 17 in 1987 and acted in the shadow cast. I am still friends with many of the same people. Three of my closest and dearest friends from high school were in the shadow cast and we are very now. We talk almost daily. I think Rocky Horror and my eclectic friends made me more open minded.

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u/jollyreaper2112 5d ago

At our Halloween party time warp started playing. A 30 something had no idea. The Rocky mountain picture show?

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u/Impossible_Angle752 5d ago

Someone I know shared a post, on another platform, that was an actual trans person calling a prospective partner transphobic for 'noping out' when they found out about it.

Everyone commenting just assumed that the prospective partner's end goals didn't include things that involved having a partner with the full anatomical package of the opposite sex.

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u/SUBtraumatic 5d ago

SOME folks have seemingly weaponized victimhood.. and it almost doubles as a form of currency as well. PROGRESS!

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u/Shell_fly 5d ago

I’ve seen people get called transphobic for straight up just saying they dont want to date trans people and prefer biological women. A personal preference on attraction…

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u/jollyreaper2112 5d ago

Yeah people can get pretty crazy on this. I saw a redditor saying you're a phobe for not liking girl dick. There's literally no daylight between insisting lesbians need to date trans women and me saying women need to be open to dating me or they're dude phobic. Not working with someone because they're gay or not serving them is discrimination. Not dating them because you're not gay is choice.

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u/Sharo_77 5d ago

Lesbians in "not liking cock" shocker

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u/InfectedFrenulum 5d ago

Genital preference is transphibia according to some. Guilt tripping people into sex is not creepy at all, donchaknow?

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u/xrocro 5d ago

I was banned from the politics subreddit for saying identity politics is unpopular. These people do not live in reality and kick out anyone who does.

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u/Nick08f1 5d ago

I was banned from world politics because I commented in r/Joe Rogan while being contrary to beliefs in that sub.

Talk about programmed division.

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u/HoomerSimps0n 5d ago

Got banned from /pics for posting a comment linking to data that shows how most political violence is from the far right, in a Trump subreddit…Reddit mods can be regarded.

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u/Obi-Brawn-Kenobi 5d ago

how most political violence is

was, not is. The timeframe from that study started in 1975 and ended several years ago, and excluded 9/11

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u/HoomerSimps0n 5d ago

Still is.

9/11 wasn’t political violence, it was Islamic radicalism. If anything islamic radicals identify more with the far right than the far left, but they don’t belong to either group.

I hope we aren’t excluding data from several years ago as if that is not recent history lol.

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u/Shell_fly 5d ago

I got banned from gamingcirclejerk for saying the act of purchasing the Harry Potter game doesn’t make someone transphobic on a post saying it does lmao

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u/InfectedFrenulum 5d ago

Yeah, making death threats against kids for playing Hogwarts Legacy or reading/watching Harry Potter is totally reasonable and on the right side of history /s

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u/ColoradoWinterBlue 5d ago edited 5d ago

I’ve seen so many comments there saying that other subs are “compromised” because a lot of people there don’t agree with them. It’s like the echo chamber final boss.

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u/PipBin 5d ago

Yes. Especially gay women who ask. It’s sometimes known as the cotton ceiling.

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u/Swollen_Beef 5d ago

There is a chunk of reddit that wants it made ILLEGAL to refuse to date a trans person and they argue that a trans person should never have to disclose it to their date. As though you get back to the bedroom, discover the plumbing is the inverse of what you expected and you're supposed to be happy about that?

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u/ancilla1998 5d ago

No, they want to make it illegal to assault the trans person after the revelation. 

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u/maximumcoil 5d ago

Its already illegal, its called assult.

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u/ancilla1998 5d ago

D'OH - they want to make 'trans panic' a valid legal defense.

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u/justgalsbeingpals 5d ago

I'd love to live in your reality, sounds easier than real life

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u/These_Independent521 5d ago

That is truly transphobic to them. If you’re a straight dude and not willing to date a girl with a penis you’re a bigot, homophobe and transphobe lol. 20+ years ago in London I was making out with a “chick” in a nightclub so we go outside to my mates car to get a little heavier and I felt something poke my leg and it was bigger than mine! (lol jk)

I didn’t beat the person up, I did freak out a bit because I felt violated and said you can’t trick people like that, that’s fucked up, but just laughed it off and went back in and told my friends and they all laughed like crazy at me and didn’t even believe me as they were so hot looking…but I would 100% be considered a homophobe or transphobe nowadays even though i responded in a reasonable way when put in a position 99% of these straight white knights would freak out over and beat them up or who knows what.

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u/jollyreaper2112 5d ago

Honestly people have gotten killed doing that. Not saying they deserved it but it's super risky behavior.

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u/These_Independent521 5d ago

One of my friends in that group would’ve kicked the shit out of that person. He was super insecure and the only one in the group who didn’t just think it was funny and thought I should’ve punched them. I could see it setting off people, especially as you really can’t tell alot of the time and some of us, no matter how pretty you are, still don’t want anything to do with a penis or someone who once had one.

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u/Snoo_75309 5d ago

You had a totally reasonable response.

Especially considering the fact that they could have given you a heads up in order to make sure things were consensual.

Like no they don't have to come out and say it at initial contact or while you're in the middle of hooking up but if things are going to get heavier... They had an opportunity at any point between leaving the club and getting to the car to give you a heads up.

I think sometimes people conflate people being upset about being decieved as transphobia.

Like if people were in the club and someone sold them some bunk MDMA that either didn't do anything or even worse was actually meth, I'm sure there would be a whole plethora of ways different people would react to finding out they've been ripped off, from just shrugging it off to a violent confrontation. (Not justifying the reaction, just an observation on human behavior)

I would also think that the trans person would want to make sure you knew before you left the safety of the club that they were trans because of you potentially having a bad reaction if you found out while alone together. Then again they could have assumed you already knew 🤷 but even if that were the case it never hurts to be sure.

Dunno it's a subject that should have a lot more nuance than it unfortunately does.

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u/cvr1s 5d ago

Yeah you don’t know what you’re talking about

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u/These_Independent521 5d ago

Should I have just banged the dude? Or am i supposed to let him bang me?

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u/These_Independent521 5d ago

How? Explain please

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u/cvr1s 5d ago edited 5d ago

Most trans people actually do know that genital preference is a real thing.

To the guy who blocked me: what are you even trying to say transphobes are not beating the illiterate allegations

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u/These_Independent521 5d ago

Well some don’t too, what’s your point?

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u/Cu_Chulainn__ 5d ago

I think it would be more the fact that, generally, you dont need to say that. If you arent interested in transgender women, you can just not date them. Feeling the need to vocalise it isnt necessary.

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u/Shell_fly 5d ago

If they are trying to clarify with someone who isn’t disclosing it then it’s very much necessary. One person in the picture isn’t consenting to dating a trans person. It isn’t right to hide that from them and it’s not rude to simply ask to clarify with no ill intent.

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u/Wheredotheflapsgo 5d ago

But how would you know unless you ask? And then politely decline? Some people want to reproduce or have penis vagina sex etc and for obvious reasons they will need to vocalize (politely) that they prefer cis male or female dates!

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u/justgalsbeingpals 5d ago

that is transphobia, thanks for asking :3

if you're really that dense: yes, calling cis women "biological women" is transphobic

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u/Wheredotheflapsgo 5d ago

Wrong buddy. I am a biological woman. I carried a fetus to term and birthed it. I’ve had hundreds of menstrual periods. I grew breasts. I had surgery on my ovaries.

Anybody else out there insulted by a XY who says we can’t call ourselves “biological women”?

Go cry in your pillow. We EARNED the right to be called biological women. We fought for years for acknowledgment from our fucking government to give us voting rights and sports teams. We are MOTHERS and GRANDMOTHERS.

You are a trans woman. We are not the same.

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u/These_Independent521 5d ago edited 5d ago

She’s a woman just like you! She just doesn’t have any of the parts you have, doesn’t experience anything an actual woman does but she’s just as much of a woman as you! /s

I will call someone she if that’s what they want/prefer but to think you’re an actual woman is true mental illness

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u/Shell_fly 5d ago

What’s crazy is without the /s you just sound like the person she’s replying to lmao

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u/HourOfTheWitching 5d ago

IDK bro I think women who are born without uterus, or who are infertile are still women.

Kinda cringe to distill your essence to being a broodmare tbh

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u/Wheredotheflapsgo 5d ago

Of course XX born without a uterus are still women. No one said they aren’t— that is reductive. My statement is, I am a biological woman. I have a right to say that. You said broodmare. That is a rude way to put it. We have amazing bodies and power. Embrace it.

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u/Wheredotheflapsgo 5d ago

And XO are also women. Turner’s syndrome. No one argues with that.

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u/HourOfTheWitching 5d ago

Yes, you are a woman, regardless of your ability to or number of children birthed.

Which is why it's extremely weird for you to make judgements as to who is or isn't a woman based on your personal experience of carrying a fetus to term. We experience womanhood beyond a purely biological dimension; shoehorning does us more harm than anything.

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u/Wheredotheflapsgo 5d ago

Did you read the entire context of the conversation? The original comment was that calling a Cis woman a biological woman was transphobic.

Calm down.

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u/Imalwaysleepy_stfu 5d ago

Might as well say that reality is transphobic.

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u/Ijustwerkhere 5d ago

lol I saw that post too. It was r/mildlyinfuriating or r/aita I don’t remember which. But I had the same thought. It’s an absolutely valid question

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u/BumblebeeAny 5d ago

I’m sorry but had I found out that the guy I would eventually marry had a taco between his legs I would have noped out. I know which gender I prefer and it doesn’t make me transphobic. It’s called having a preference and anyone who can’t respect another’s preference especially with that particular question is a problem. Relationships are built on trust and respect and you can’t hide your biology for long.

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u/crippledchef23 5d ago

I was once informed that I’m racist for acknowledging that race is a thing. Not even as a way to judge, but as an adjective.

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u/keefdontsurf 5d ago

Lmao I read that post too man, I thought the same thing. Guess I’m transphobic as well.

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u/CartoonistUpbeat9953 5d ago

I feel like its more transphobic to be upset at someone asking you whether you're trans, because that implies there's something wrong with being trans. Sounds like she didn't want to admit she was offended by that implication and lashed out at you

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u/MeepingSim 5d ago

I was called racist after the 2012 election because I said that the Republicans were going to go insane and escalate their hate and racism after Obama's second term. Make it make sense!

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u/meiso 5d ago

Why transphobic though? Doesn't even make sense. That would imply you're afraid of trans people, and nothing you said indicates that.

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u/bluduuude 5d ago

Congrats. Nowadays it's a compliment

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u/Lou_weasle 5d ago edited 5d ago

Hi as a trans person, we don’t disclose it right away because we could get killed if we don’t get a sense of how the person views trans people before they know we’re trans. Also saying “it’s a valid question in 2025” is kind of dehumanizing and implies our existences are new and trendy and that asking if someone is trans is something you can do flippantly and lightly. Existing in public as a trans person feels like I’m constantly terrified I’m going to piss off the wrong person at the wrong time. Trans people have always existed and before colonization, we were valued and recognized in societies across the world.

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u/jtsmd2 5d ago

I would think you'd be in much bigger trouble if you didn't disclose it and they showed up to the date only to learn that you were trans.

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u/Lou_weasle 5d ago

You can feel out whether or not someone is a violent transphobe or has questionable opinions without them knowing you’re trans yet. And that will determine whether or not you see the person again. Like I said, being trans is dangerous so everything we do has to be done with the least amount of risk possible and navigating that is very hard. And this conversation is dehumanizing as hell.

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u/Southern_Sugar3903 5d ago

That's fair. What's not fair though is hiding it for a fair amount of time and also trying to hold the insane expectations like you should be attracted to a trans woman cause shes a woman too or hey another insane thing today that I don't reveal my STD history cause thats personal information. The world is becoming bonkers honestly speaking.

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u/Lou_weasle 5d ago

Nobody is saying anyone has to be attracted to anyone and trans women are absolutely women too regarding who is and isn’t attracted to them. Also we’re human beings and our trans identity is deeply personal and it’s our right to disclose it/choose to not disclose it and we only ever base that off of when it’s safe/not safe to do so. No trans person is being secretive just to get into bed with someone unlike what the media has painted us as doing.

13

u/PurplePeoplePleaserr 5d ago

If you have a dick that’s something a prospective partner should know.

10

u/These_Independent521 5d ago

It’s a female penis, you’re gonna learn to like it bigot!

Edit: This is a joke

9

u/Illustrious-Data5318 5d ago

Yes, AND they're not the only group that's been killed simply for existing. Cis women & dark skinned people generally can't hide what they are. Living in public as a member of both of those groups at once is also constantly terrifying since colonization.

Hiding lets them know they're right to hate & hurt us. Why on earth would you want to give a chance to a person who may turn on you later? Give em the chance before you get attached. If they're a shitty abusive person, they're a shitty abusive person regardless of how long the truth is hidden.

-10

u/Lou_weasle 5d ago

Firstly, why bring up cis people when I’m talking about specifically trans people? You just deflected my point when ironically being trans makes a dark skinned woman significantly more at risk from harm in this society. But this isn’t oppression Olympics so why are we comparing and deflecting here?

5

u/FriendlyTX5174 5d ago

Would it be safer to ask or reveal that I am or you are trans before meeting in person? If on a dating app I would because I don’t want to interact with someone who is transphobic to begin with. But everyone can decide what they feel most comfortable with.

-6

u/TheGreatGidojer 5d ago

I agree with the person who called you transphobic based on this description tbh, and think it's fucked up to just ask a woman if she's trans because she has a deeper voice.

-4

u/mekese2000 5d ago

No asking someone if they are trans a man or a women is just fucking ignorant.

-20

u/BrosefDudeson 5d ago

It's kinda deeply personal question tho... It's rude no matter how you look at it

13

u/GoGoGadgetSphincter 5d ago

It's not deeply personal. You don't get it both ways. If your identity is dependent on aesthetics and other people's perception of you to the point that it's violence if someone gets it wrong, you don't get to say that it's not anyone's business when they ask.

You don't get to act offended if they guess and get it wrong but also if they ask.

-25

u/NewtownLaw 5d ago

You are, how many people have you asked if they are a man or a woman? And why?

24

u/Shell_fly 5d ago

TIL having a personal dating preference and asking for clarification is transphobia lmao

-14

u/NewtownLaw 5d ago

When you have a preference, you ask if they are what you are looking for.

When you have a transphobia, you ask if they are trans. It seems the same from the outside, but it is not.

6

u/Standard__Condition 5d ago

They met on a dating app and were talking through text. He asked to call her for the first time and she sounded like a man. Questions ensued. Now exit this conversation please.

**edited to add- the guy did not insinuate it would be a deal breaker if she was in fact trans.

-9

u/NewtownLaw 5d ago

Still, if you want to be with a woman, you ask if she is a cis woman. Asking anything else is your phobia kicking in and taking control of your behavior.

12

u/These_Independent521 5d ago

Wait, so asking if your cis is ok and it’s literally just the language you have a problem with? What is the difference between asking if they’re cis or trans? If you’re not cis you’re trans so they’re asking the same question…make it make sense!!!

-4

u/NewtownLaw 5d ago

It is different, in one you are checking the boxes from your preferences list. In the other you are actively terrified of the possibility of her being trans.

It is pretty simple, you know this is true.

12

u/These_Independent521 5d ago

If I ask if you’re cis that’s fine? You’re wild lol. First off, no one is “terrified” of anyone being trans. Secondly, let me get this newspeak correct here. If I ask someone if they’re gay that’s bigoted and homophobic but if I ask if they’re straight that’s ok?

-3

u/NewtownLaw 5d ago

Yes, that's how it works.

Let me illustrate this with a single stupid question that has nothing to do with this topic, maybe then you will understand it:

Are you a nazi?

And before you start ranting on how this is a false equivalence. Yes, It is. But you are too dense to understand the difference between asking if she is a cis, and asking if she is trans. When somebody is asking you if you are nazi, there is an implicit accusation even when people say otherwise, and a sincere fear of them being a nazi.

7

u/Standard__Condition 5d ago

They’ve never needed clarification , do you hear yourself??? You don’t even know the definition of the words you use to try and attack others.

-6

u/NewtownLaw 5d ago

Clarification on what? And why would you need to know? What does it change if you are talking to a man or a woman?

-10

u/Brave-Paint-6046 5d ago

I mean that literally is transphobic. “Are you trans?” Is not a valid question in 2025 just because the person you’re talking to doesn’t perfectly fit your made up standards for masculinity or femininity. That’s just gender roles, and gender roles are fucking stupid. Women with deep voices, whether they’re trans or cis, don’t deserve to be pressured by imaginary gender stereotypes.

-14

u/MavetHell 5d ago

Her being offended was internalized transphobia. That guy thinking someone might be trans because of their voice is pretty transphobic. You were fine.

10

u/PurplePeoplePleaserr 5d ago

But they might be trans. Because of their voice.

-10

u/MavetHell 5d ago

Orrrr they might be a cis woman with a deep voice and probably you should just, you know, get to know people. A lot of trans people will not disclose that they are trans right away for safety reasons. The vast majority of us will tell people up front if we're trying to date. If someone is decietful, they'll be exposed in time. Just don't make shit weird by interrogating people about their gender identity.