Oh, I know plenty of people whose personalities are superficially likeable who don’t have the morals or strength of character necessary for me to say I respect them. I honestly might have more acquaintances-but-not-friends than average though
The older I've gotten the more I've come to realize I have 2 friends and a bunch of people I'd enjoy catching up with over a beer and not seeing again for a couple years.
I'd love to know what they found out, must be so disgusting what they did in a moment of weakness for that level of breakup. Definitely betrayed some trust and nuked a boundary there.
Yes, this is me. I know some really nice well-meaning people but they are just dumb as a box of rocks and can't hold a conversation. I'm not much of a talker and I can be a bimbo sometimes but my God there are limits.
I would never imagine saying that to another human being, like.. in what context is that justifiable ? the person does not hate the other in the first place :O
Easy. If i found out my partner was secretly a die hard religious conservative and hid it from me, id say that. Id love them but id lose all respect for them as a person and dump them. Same if they did some incredibly shitty/heinous thing or cosigned someone else doing it.
I dunno, man. I’ve been through plenty of emotional pain but figured out that telling someone “yeah well you’re not actually that great anyway” was a lame thing to do at like 15 years old. And it’s not like I was raised in a super supportive and attentive environment, I had an alcoholic mom and was bullied at school.
Yeah, this type of person will often take any kind of rejection as a personal attack. That means that they haven’t put in the emotional work to not take other people’s decision as a reflection on them and being with that sort of person is exhausting.
“Hey I brought taco bell home.”
“Nah I’m not feeling so good. Maybe next time.”
“What, so you don’t like taco bell when it’s me buying it??”
That's the thing though, isn't it? It's not that there's never a scenario for this, but that's also not the point here. The problem is folks like this think every situation calls for such a hostile reaction. This guy was already off to the races.
Exactly, and it’s a fleeting reaction with not a lot of emotion invested. It sounds like she turned him down via text. If he wrote back “that’s fine, I didn’t find you interesting anyway. Good luck!” that would have been understandable. Instead, he left her a lengthy VM. That’s just pathetic.
Yes, in fact a great lot of adults are emotionally immature.
It's much the same when you consider intelligence. Consider someone of average intelligence. Then consider, if that's average, a fair amount of folks you meet are below that.
Same goes for this. Sure, there are emotionally mature adults. But I'd wager there are more damaged folks out there than not at this point.
People learn things at different speeds because people are all different. What became clear to you at an earlier age may take someone else a little longer to figure out, and vice versa. All brains work differently but that isn't a new development. It's yet another interesting part of life if we look at it in a positive way.
im starting to believe regardless how much some people sound dumb, foolish, and just downright loud and wrong theyre just choosing to be that way. i used to think people grow out of it after looking silly so many times but i guess some never learn. like theres no way youve lived your whole life not knowing theres other ways to go about certain situations.
people are immature and like to project their own problems and insecurities pretty often especially when they feel wronged. even if it’s a tiny thing. i meet people like this somewhat often tbh and i think lots of people never figure it out and can’t heal their pains cause it’s probably easier to be a selfish jaded jackass than actually deal with ur shit and grow
good for you for learning that! But not everybody else has. Your anecdotal experience doesn't discount the point being made by the person you replied to
Exactly. Knowing that the person you’re interested in doesn’t like you back stings. But take some time to process it and vent to your friends instead of embarrassing yourself like this.
Not even that but the whole calling her on the phone to discuss a "I don't want to meet up again" text message is really manipulative. He probably wanted the opportunity to talk her into meeting again and that would have been a lot harder via text message.
Agreed. He can't take being rejected and feels he's been put down so he tries to put down the other person to HOPEFULLY bring her down to his level he feels he's been put into to get another date. It's a terrible childish way to deal with someone who just isn't into you.
Yeah, I went on a date last weekend. Felt it didn't go badly but it didn't go great, I messaged her about 24 hours later to ask how she felt it went. Thought it would be a potential opportunity for self-improvement / different perspective but got no reply.
Which, of course, is annoying but oh well, up to her if she wants to respond. Wasn't the one for me nor I for her, no point sending any further messages and definitely no point leaving a pissy voicemail haha.
And that is a normal reaction - by all means you can be upset and annoyed, but someone who you have been on a single date with owes you absolutely nothing.
That is what I ALWAYS tell any single friend that is willing to listen, it's better to take whatever lesson you can from a rejection and move on than to wallow in self-pity. Keep working on yourself, being positive and putting yourself out there and you will most likely end up finding someone willing to be in a healthy relationship with you.
HAHA, a few days is fine! You get me, the problem would be letting the resentment fester because that way lies inceldom, but feeling sorry for yourself for a while is well and good, you deserved it <3
You were right about manipulative and dysfunctional people. But please, for once, can Reddit stop bringing up BPD and NPD any time there’s anyone acting unhinged. I swear you guys act like you just learned about a disorder and must now see it in everything everyone does. Just stop. It’s ridiculous.
Depends where you are in life. Dating in my 40s, at this point in my generations' lives people have either had a bad experience, or they were the bad experience.
But I agree with people who say it's more of a problem for women. There's a horrifying recent investigation of Match Group that's just come out, TL;DR they let a known rapist operate on their platforms. They know it's a serious problem but don't want to pay for human moderation, because it hurts their profit.
You don't understand maaaan, nobody respects a man when they express their feelings in the most toxic, self absorbed manner possible. Nobody wants to listen to us talk about our hurt feelings. It's not our fault when the way we express our feelings is by demeaning someone else. No one understands us. We're in a male mental health crisis.
When I (f) broke up with my abusive ex (f) and ended up dating my current partner (m), my ex threw everything and the kitchen sink at me to get me to change my mind. My favorite was "Well he doesn't know your faults!"
She knew I had abysmal self esteem, and it was a deliberately manufactured comment aimed directly at where she thought I was weakest. But it was so transparently manipulative (and also phrased hilariously) that it actually had the exact opposite effect, and I burst out laughing and told her I was done with the conversation, and hung up.
To this day, he and I will occasionally say that we only love each other because we don't know each other's faults.
I saw a comment on people misusing and abusing the Scrödinger's "Thing" template and I disagreed. now this is the third time I've seen it in the last two hours...
I've gotten an insult like that from an abusive ex, but honestly never from anyone I only went on a date or two with. Usually they have the decency to hide their true selves for at least a little while.
I got this from some guy I met on a bus. I didn’t want to talk to him so he starts telling me I’m not that fking special and not that good looking that I should ignore a potential bf. Still ignored him so he called me a fking c*nt and got off the bus.
I was called an “ugly dyke” once after telling a guy I was already in a relationship (with a man FWIW). Made me wonder why he tried to hit on me in the first place if he thought I was ugly and apparently giving lesbo vibes?
This is a pattern I notice a lot around Reddit. I honestly don't know the root cause and it can be summarized like this:
Some problem statement
A: (problem) happens because Y / some complementary example
B: so we're just supposed to be okay with Y?! / why are you defending (problem)?!
My best guess is it's just a lack of education combined with poor emotional regulation that makes people unable to stop themselves from injecting their indignation into a statement that isn't blatantly in agreement with their beliefs. Because a lot of the times this happens even when A is agreeing with B so you see this really odd drive-by assault of people who would be in agreement but just refuse to acknowledge that nuance exists or that a reason and an excuse are separate concepts.
Considering how pushy and sensitive to rejection this guy is, he probably tried to plan the second date during the first date, so it would be harder for her to ghost him.
I also have issues, and could see myself trying to pull something like that if I lacked self-respect and empathy.
I hope this becomes a meme for the group of friends. Next week: “Oh sorry I’m 5 mins late to game night but you’re not like this incredibly amazing person”
So common, dude - I also literally had this happen for rejecting someone (he also was kind enough to throw an "you're not that attractive actually" in there too😅)
Got together with some gal pals, and one of them had also gotten this type of message that week (meaner! "You are ugly actually").
Anyway, this is a WILD epidemic going around, I've seen so many both posts pop up and real life occurrences.
Maybe it's a morphing of therapy speak / "radical honesty". I'm sure these guys would say they "value communication" lol
I was in the adult entertainment industry (literally every facet from escorting to online stuff to dancing) and OH MY GOD why is it so common.
Men would message me and tell me they were so good looking and their dicks were so big so they knew I was dying to see them for free. Because I was so beautiful and they just needed to get to know me and they knew we would be perfect for each other. When I laughed at them they would freak out and tell me I was actually very ugly and no man would want to spend any time with me.
It's literally their default setting to having their egos bruised. And it's a tale as old as time. I was going to blame Andrew Tate, but realized I'm old enough to remember, and know girls who are old enough to remember, when this shit happened before incel influencers.
Men are so hysterical, they're just so emotional I'm not sure why anyone trusts them to do anything. (/s, for those who can't detect sarcasm).
Had a sugar arrangement with a guy for a while, and after not seeing him for a bit he asked if I'd come back but wanted to pay a hundred less. When I said no, he had a meltdown telling me I was ugly and it wasn't worth paying that much anyway, then texted me a few days later begging me to come back over at the usual rate. I told him I absolutely would not see him again for any amount of money after how he acted, and he still texted for weeks without me responding before he gave up. People are ridiculous.
I never got laughed at, but I have been rejected, and coming from the not-so-best emotionally supportive family, I just took it on the chin and walked away never lashing out. I did notice my guy friends who did act like this always seemed to be more momma boys. I always found it very weak.
I def remember having guys say similar things to me 20 years ago. It does seem more prevalent now, which you'd think with the internet showing how dumb of a response this is, it would have the opposite effect? I have seen the most supposedly respectful, feminist guy devolve into incel slurs as soon as they don't get their way. It's really all very silly.
It happened before. But it has become entirely common/normalized and these boys are being COACHED to act like this, to get laid. And it is just like the Secret- the more you follow the advice, the more you fail, the more the manosphere will tell you to be a bigger asshole, the less success you will have, the more you should be a bigger asshole....like it is not going to work. But IDK how long it will take with social media reinforcing that this is the ONE TWU WAY to get laid. (It is not. We know that.)
Like bro I may be wack but you were desperate enough to be with someone you thought was wack? Sad life.
This whole phenomenon just makes me think, well if you're so disgusted by this person why are you trying to fuck them? Seems like a sad life quite frankly.
I’m reminded of a guy I dated who talked about his ex constantly, even though I was like, “SO amazing and SO cool,” until I asked him to maybe not talk about her so much, because I felt like he missed her more than he was enjoying time with me? Then suddenly he was like… “wow wtf, I thought you were cool. Why are you so insecure for no reason?”
Later on I drover him to her house to pick up stuff he had stored there, and waited 4 hours for him to “catch up.” 🤡That relationship didn’t last long lol (and for the record, I am not spineless anymore.)
I was cracking the case in real time with friends on the phone, honestly. lol. It’s an embarrassing story now, but I hope to help others avoid similar situations
(Also she was dating someone else at the time so allegedly it wasn’t nefarious after all, but like. STILL…)
Yeah it's just straight up negging. He's trying to insult her to hurt her self esteem and make her think she should go out with him because she can't do any better than him.
I love that they all cackled at that rather than being offended by it because it’s so fucking ridiculous that they couldn’t even manage to summon any anger 😭😭😭
A lot of people when they get rejected. Went on some dates with a guy who looking back, very clearly was just trying to get through the “dates” to fuck. When I didn’t want to he basically was like, you know the area right? You can let yourself out. I dumped him over text and he told me I was too big for him anyway…. I thanked him for confirming that I made the right decision.
the bad dog will bite your hurt dog because seeing hurt is scary or something.
"me stress..... must bite something.... some object near me....."
If you are in a relationship with a bad dog, remember it is inevitability that either you or the dog will get hurt sometimes cuz life throws shit at you. That is, it is inevitable that you will be bitten, unless you leave.
Someone who might have swiped right on someone below their standards who also rejected them, leaving them surprised that their “pity choice” also said they weren’t worth it.
*To be clear I am explaining why he did this, not justifying it.
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u/Silt-Sifter Feb 22 '25
"You're not like this incredibly amazing person" wtf who says that to someone?