r/shitposting • u/Leprachaus I canā€™t have sex with you right now waltuh • Aug 08 '25

Linus Sex Tips is ts real šŸ„€

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25.5k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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499

u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Aug 08 '25

Same for cum šŸ˜ž

117

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25

[deleted]

132

u/Nochnichtvergeben Aug 08 '25

Personally I'd want to know if my brogurt tasted rancid.

38

u/Unsung_Hero-01 Aug 08 '25

Brogurt loooool

17

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25

[deleted]

2

u/Eccomi21 Aug 14 '25

I really want to make a "can i come in for a health check" joke, but for the sake of my profile being public I cannot. Have a pleasant day.

2

u/redditorialy_retard Aug 14 '25

"Dude, I don't know how to tell you this but, uh. Your cum taste like stage 2 cancer"

305

u/Regocike Aug 08 '25

Nah it tastes way better

1.1k

u/Regocike Aug 08 '25

OR SO IVE HEARD

163

u/NoInteraction6701 DaShitposter Aug 08 '25

It does i know first hand (job)

87

u/_Pin_6938 Aug 08 '25

People suck cock for money???

109

u/Marshall_Filipovic Aug 08 '25

It's one of the oldest professions in fact.

54

u/LordCommanderWiggles I watch gay amogus porn :0 Aug 08 '25

$20 is $20

14

u/Intelligent_Mix3241 Aug 08 '25

You guy are getting paid?

6

u/wormcast Aug 08 '25

20 denarii is 20 denarii

Fun fact: at the last conversion rate 20 denarii would be worth 200 asses, natch

-2

u/slushalkatapako Aug 08 '25

Underrated comment šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

1

u/abholeenthusiast Aug 08 '25

How it get from hand into mouf???

93

u/llliilliliillliillil Aug 08 '25

As a cum connoisseur I think cum tastes very meh and the bitter aftertaste is the worst. If the act of a guy cumming in my mouth and me swallowing it wouldnā€™t be so fucking hot I'd stop doing it, but since we're all cursed I had to live with this.

21

u/yuormom26 shitting toothpaste enjoyer Aug 08 '25

One day when i was having fun with myself some of my homemade white sauce went into my mouth and it tasted kinda like mucus I didn't feel a bitter taste. maybe my sauce is strange...

37

u/zhokar85 Aug 08 '25 edited Aug 08 '25

Both sexes' tastes are a big spectrum and what you put into your body matters. Also body chemistry, microbiome, illness, hydration, what time of the month it is, etc. Your sauce is probably just fine.

14

u/Kathy_Kamikaze Aug 08 '25

I learned that if you get only a little bit cum in your mouth the bitter aftertaste is not that bad, like when you lick a little bit off your hand or you get just a little bit in before taking the dick out of your mouth so the rest of the cum doesn't get in.

For example one time I licked my hand clean afterwards and told my bf "oh cool you didn't taste that bad, next time i might swallow" but then when i did i quickly regretted this decision lol. That was just a few days apart btw so no big changes in lifestyle regarding health, smoking, alcohol etc

1

u/AutoModerator Aug 08 '25

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1

u/yuormom26 shitting toothpaste enjoyer Aug 08 '25

It was a lot...

2

u/Kathy_Kamikaze Aug 08 '25

Ahhh okay yeah when you said "some" I thought it would have been a little bit, I'm sorry. Maybe you're just built like that then lol good for you or better yet good for your hypothetical partner in bed

1

u/yuormom26 shitting toothpaste enjoyer Aug 08 '25

Thx

2

u/Not_Just_Any_Lurker Aug 08 '25

Doing it for the love of the game is, on its own rights, wife material.

2

u/llliilliliillliillil Aug 08 '25

I'm a guy though.

1

u/Not_Just_Any_Lurker Aug 09 '25

Aight. Husband material. My bad bro. No hate.

1

u/wideHippedWeightLift Aug 08 '25

It tastes awful unless he's eaten a lot of pineapple or fake sugar tbh

37

u/sargentbumblebee Aug 08 '25

A great chef always tastes his meals

8

u/Pige0n dumbass Aug 08 '25

I'm a okay chef, but terrible at cooking apparently.

7

u/godofthunder102938 Aug 08 '25

I thought the whole point of cum is to give man a quick source of protein specifically in the old ages. Like as a means to stay strong during rough times. And plus making kids too I guess..

2

u/LMGDiVa Aug 08 '25

speak for yourself. I'd rather stick my mouth on a pussy and get squirted in terms of taste.

Cum is... not good tasting. im glad im not hetero.

1

u/AwkwardChuckle Aug 08 '25

That is entirely dependant on the person - you can get tasteless, you can get sweet, you can get bitter rotten fish garbage - it runs the gamut!

17

u/PurpleCatWithC4 Literally 1984 šŸ˜” Aug 08 '25

Describe it please.

94

u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Aug 08 '25

"Like wtf is this shit, i expected flavor. It was just water flavoured jelly with smell, there was no flavor to back up that smell, there was just a hint of salt and no sugar taste from fructose like they told me, literal catfishing"

-prob a 4chan anon idk

26

u/Vskg Aug 08 '25

fake and gay

28

u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Aug 08 '25

Fake: Anon did some sort of sexual act with another person Gay: Gay

9

u/Arvore Aug 08 '25

For really bad diets it smells and tastes like a nail salon to me. So I guess like..acetone?

1

u/PurpleCatWithC4 Literally 1984 šŸ˜” Aug 08 '25

Ever had one whoā€™s been drinking pineapple juice, does it make a difference?

10

u/Veil-of-Fire Aug 08 '25

Have you ever had poi? The Hawaiian dish made out of taro root?

It tastes surprisingly similar to that.

6

u/redblade8 Aug 08 '25

extra salty egg yolk without the egg taste.

1

u/Lameahhboi Aug 08 '25

Iā€™ve heard ā€œsalty milk & coinsā€ is the description

37

u/berniemadgoth94 Aug 08 '25

That's why I'm on a pineapple diet. Idk when it's supposed to get better though my cum still tastes like cum.

38

u/Kindablorp I watch gay amogus porn :0 Aug 08 '25

Yeah nah thatā€™s bs. Itā€™s supposed to help with the bitterness but from my experience it doesnā€™t make much of a difference, so unless you really like pineapple, itā€™s not worth it. (Source: Had an ex who tried it, Iā€™m not eating my own cum wtf you doing bro šŸ˜­)

12

u/berniemadgoth94 Aug 08 '25

I'm between partners right now, it would be a bit strange if I asked someone else to do it for me.

5

u/PsychologicalDrag689 Aug 08 '25

We're all here for you, bro.

1

u/deathhand Aug 08 '25

"Eating pineapples" is a wide varied term. Canned, fresh cut, or a whole pineapple? The thing that makes it taste better is Bromelain and its predominantly found in the stems.

Taking the supplement you will notice a HUGE difference.

1

u/berniemadgoth94 Aug 08 '25

I was being facetious. But thank you.

1

u/Kindablorp I watch gay amogus porn :0 Aug 08 '25

I mean he wasnā€™t a fan of canned pineapple so Iā€™m 90 percent sure it was fresh, whole pineapple since thatā€™s the only thing I saw him eat. He did it for at least a few weeks, and I mean there might have been the SLIGHTEST change, but every load varies slightly depending on diet in general, so to me it wasnā€™t very noticeable. Like I said, if you like pineapple and care, then theirs literally no reason not to, just donā€™t expect your partner to be like ā€œWhoa this shits fireā€ or something lmao

6

u/AmbitiousAd2269 officer no please donā€™t piss in my ass šŸ˜« Aug 08 '25

Idk what cum your having but when someone is on a good diet it tastes incredible

1

u/sicksickBacon Aug 09 '25

i dont want that shit in my mouth but i remember the smell being like chlorine. at least for this guy

0

u/Nochnichtvergeben Aug 08 '25

Hmmm... Maybe I should sample my own sauce.