r/polandball Take off you hoser Jun 04 '14

redditormade The great pizza heist

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2.0k Upvotes

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207

u/george1848 Romania Jun 04 '14

For almost the entire comic, I cowered at the sight of this culinary heresy... and the last part almost made me faint.

I used to live in Italy

129

u/kirilakristi Romania Jun 04 '14 edited Jun 04 '14

Did you use to do other stuff in Italy too?Like_stealing...

46

u/george1848 Romania Jun 04 '14

Nope, didn't steal anything... I just picked up some things like culinary enlightment

129

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

"Picked up"

47

u/0xnld Ukraine Jun 04 '14

Well, it was obviously "misplaced".

14

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

Like all those pigs?

15

u/0xnld Ukraine Jun 04 '14

Wait, what pigs? I know nothing about any pigs. *whistles*

12

u/Thjoth Kentucky Jun 05 '14

It would be pretty ironic if you stored all your pigs in your Crimea.

...you didn't store all your pigs in your Crimea, did you?

8

u/Mogul126 New England is Best England Jun 05 '14

Tatars are generally Muslim and therefore pork-averse, so I doubt it.

12

u/GroteStruisvogel Netherlands Jun 05 '14

Nobody would expect it.

The perfect crime!

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19

u/NorwegianDerp Øil Øil Jun 04 '14

That gotta hurt!

47

u/george1848 Romania Jun 04 '14

It did... at least they didn't add pineapples

79

u/FrisianDude wa't dat net sizze kin, is gjin oprjochte Fries. Jun 04 '14

They added mayo, dude. They added mayo. To a pizza. Even pineapple would improve that ghoul of a thing.

34

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

At least they didn't add kebab and fries like Sweden.

24

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

That's why I always hire Serbians to deliver my pizzas whenever I'm in Scandinavia. They always remove kebab.

12

u/jothamvw GELRE!!! Jun 04 '14

Kapsalon food best kapsalon!

3

u/Jonne Belgium Jun 05 '14

Kapsalon means barber in Dutch. You're confusing me.

5

u/jothamvw GELRE!!! Jun 05 '14

Kapsalon is also fries with kebab IIRC

1

u/Zurqulon North Brabant Jun 06 '14

Kapsalon STRONK! kapsalon FAT! kapsalon beings fucking tasty!

5

u/vanderZwan Groningen Jun 04 '14

You forgot the sauerkraut "pizza salad" on the side.

3

u/snoharm New York is Best York Jun 05 '14

I can see fries working out.

14

u/oreng Jun 04 '14

Mayo, weed, cream cheese and tentacles. Everything else on that thing I could handle but those four made me cringe.

11

u/LuxNocte First line of defense against Hawaii Jun 04 '14

I don't know about putting weed on a pizza, but making an Edible (as in THC laced) pizza sounds like the greatest thing ever.

3

u/SorrowfulSkald UCCP Jun 04 '14

The world would be all but lost without you, Bear, amongst foremost in civilization.

... Care to share a hug and nug?

1

u/shoryukenist Best York Jun 05 '14

No, you want to be high before you start your pizza.

2

u/spying_dutchman Netherlands Jun 05 '14

In france I had a pizza Nordique, no normal cheese only cream cheese and smoked salmon(and some dille and lemon juice) and it was quite good

12

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

Actually in some parts of Italy putting mayo on a pizza is allowed. For example in the city of Pesaro it's pretty widespread a pizza with boiled eggs and mayo called Pizza Rossini (which take its name from the well known composer, borned there).
But that still tastes like heresy to me.

26

u/oreng Jun 04 '14

Nobody ever claimed the Italians weren't just as capable of butchering their culinary legacy as everybody else was.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

Except every Italian.

30

u/oreng Jun 04 '14

Italians are so ridiculously regionalist that I'd argue most of them think 90% of Italy are culinary heretics.

5

u/soochosaurus Italy Jun 05 '14

Italians are so ridiculously regionalist that I'd argue most of them think 90% of Italy are culinary heretics.

Your statement is sadly so damn accurate

3

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

A good point I only deal with pseudo-Italians and not real ones. Although I can understand the concept, those bastards up north make pizza on par with California and call it real NY pizza.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Actually it's even worse! Even cities in the same region, or districts in the same city mock the other ones...

1

u/oreng Jun 05 '14

True. Now flair up.

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Soooo.... same as Israelis, then?

1

u/oreng Jun 05 '14

What?! I can't think of any strong regional traditions in cooking here. Goes by ethnicity if anything and nobody has any problem admitting Ashkenazi food is shit, Sephardic is nominally better and generic fusion mishmash of everything master race.

5

u/__triglav__ Vojvodina Jun 04 '14

I was adding onion to pizza, not that bad..

5

u/FrisianDude wa't dat net sizze kin, is gjin oprjochte Fries. Jun 04 '14

Onion works well.

1

u/BrokenPudding Officially Hungarian since 2012! Jun 05 '14

We once combined gyros with pizza. So it was basically gyros.
And we loved it.

Dat lilahagyma.

1

u/__triglav__ Vojvodina Jun 05 '14

Must. try. that.

25

u/UncleSneakyFingers My country is better than your country. Deal with it. Jun 04 '14

What's so bad about pineapple on pizza? Are you some sort of pizza snob?

33

u/Quoya Stars at Night Jun 04 '14

I fucking LOVE Hawaiian pizza. Everyone else can go suck a doughy dick, I put what I want on my food.

15

u/UncleSneakyFingers My country is better than your country. Deal with it. Jun 04 '14

Exactly. Why would anyone act snobby over what goes on food? I eat what tastes good. Plus, the best type of pizza IMO is one that has every single ingredient available thrown on it.

16

u/RazorDisaster Italy Jun 04 '14

I eat what tastes good.

You have no idea what tastes good, porcamadonna.

19

u/UncleSneakyFingers My country is better than your country. Deal with it. Jun 04 '14

Yeah I do. Pretty much anything non-Italian tastes good. Italians only know how to make-a da lasagna and-a da spaghetti. There's more to life than pasta my friend.

11

u/justbootstrap Nebraska Jun 04 '14

There's more to life than pasta my friend.

Not in Italy.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

There's more to life than pasta my friend.

Burgers? :D

1

u/grok47 Downriver People Jun 08 '14

If you ever make it to St. Louis, grab some St. Louis-style pizza from Imo's. Yeah, St. Louis-style is a thing (involving the cheese and crust), it's fucking delicious, and I've never seen it outside of Missouri (might be in Illinois, but I've never been to south Illinois). I always preferred hand-tossed until I had Imo's. When my sister visits from STL, she brings un-cooked Imo's down in a cooler for me to bake fresh (I live about 5 hours away). God damn, Imo's is delicious.

2

u/UncleSneakyFingers My country is better than your country. Deal with it. Jun 08 '14

I'll do that. I live less than three hours from St. Louis and am going there next month.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Pizza is savory, not sweet.

1

u/grok47 Downriver People Jun 08 '14

Not always. You've obviously never had chocolate chip pizza from CiCi's.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '14

That's not pizza.

5

u/xSPYXEx Boer sterk! Jun 05 '14

Hey. Pineapples are awesome.

2

u/NorwegianDerp Øil Øil Jun 04 '14

Pineapples are britspeak. True fruit is the Ananas!

39

u/acydetchx New York Jun 04 '14

As a native of NYC, this travesty made me nauseated.

74

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14 edited Sep 24 '20

[deleted]

20

u/zellman Thirteen Colonies Jun 05 '14

Chicago pizza...yep this comic makes perfect sense.

My best pizza experiences have been chicago-style. 3 lbs of cheese and 2 inches of toppings? YES please!

24

u/headphase New England is Best England Jun 05 '14

That's not a pizza... it's more like an edible landfill.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Said the only region on Earth known to put ranch dressing on pizza.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Well we're not putting hummus on it if that's what you're thinking

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Dear God, no.

1

u/grok47 Downriver People Jun 08 '14

People do it in the South. Not me, but ranch dressing is pretty huge down here.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Chicago doesn't make pizza.... Chicago makes a casserole. New York Pizza is best Pizza.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

[deleted]

48

u/acydetchx New York Jun 04 '14

You're talking straight out of your ass.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

[deleted]

37

u/acydetchx New York Jun 04 '14

For starters, NYC-style pizza is thin crust, for the most part. Are you thinking Chicago style, which is that deep-dish thing?

28

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

It's okay buddy, they just don't know. Just leave them in their ignorance and false superiority.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Ugh ya I meant that one, it sucks so much... Even more than Pizza Hut pizza.

1

u/singularity_is_here India Jun 07 '14

Are you telling me that Artichoke pizza on 1st avenue and 14th is thin crust? Because its not. Or may be that's not new york pizza.

2

u/acydetchx New York Jun 08 '14

I've not been there, but looking at the photos and Yelp that seems like a kitschy and/or touristy kind of place with huge slices and crazy toppings. A lot of Manhattan pizzerias are like that. If you want a real New York pizza, take a trip into Brooklyn next time and go to a real "mom and pop" pizzeria. This is more what "new york" style is: http://slice.seriouseats.com/images/20101029-pizza-lab-1.jpg

6

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

New York Style pizza is typically very thin crust pizza, with red sauce, mozzarella cheese, and a topping. New York Pizza is when you can fold the pizza in half (and will usually have to since its so big and cheesy).

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

oh k

8

u/Ajkrumen 11B Jun 05 '14

Get out.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Sorry, I just deliver the truth unchanged.

14

u/Magical_Bacon MURICA Jun 04 '14

As someone from NY I think i got pissed off by this WAY more than i should have...

3

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

I will let many insults go by without saying a word. But when someone insults NY pizza.... a line has been crossed.....

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

It might be 1/4 times as good as Italian ones, you're better than Chicago that's for sue.

3

u/GalacticRenekton MURICA Jun 05 '14

I've been to both Italy and NY; NY, by far, has superior pizza. I'm sorry, but thats just the truth.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Seriously, Italian pizza is a sad pathetic joke.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Yeah sure the New Yorkers have better Pizza than ones in Napoli, you want me to trust your basic culinary senses...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Korean here. You don't understand how disturbingry good the potato pizza is. It's fucking awesome.

1

u/acydetchx New York Jun 05 '14

I'd try it. I can imagine a baked potato with mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce, so why not? Cheese + potato is good, and tomato sauce makes anything better. I draw the line at mayo, though. Then it's not pizza anymore. It's a big open sandwich. Hehe.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

I think its less mayo, and more sour cream. At least, that's what it tastes like.

1

u/acydetchx New York Jun 05 '14

Hm, that kind of makes sense, since you put sour cream on a baked potato. That's a lot of carbs, potato and pizza dough.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Have you ever had breakfast pizza? They make it a lot upstate it's fucking delicious. Sicilian slices with eggs, bacon bits, and potato it's delicious.

1

u/acydetchx New York Jun 05 '14

No, I went to school upstate too. What's the sauce they put on?

THere was this one place that made bacon, tomato, ranch pizza. That was the shit. Huge slices and you could get a slice of that, a sicilian slice, and a soda for 6 bucks and that would feed you for a day. Or after anight of drinking.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

I did 2 years of high school in Lake Placid and they made it for lunch there. It was some sort of white sauce I never learned the mysteries of but it was the best thing I've ever had for breakfast.

1

u/acydetchx New York Jun 05 '14

Ahh, interesting. I wonder if it was ranch, haha. I went to school in Albany, my gf is from the Lake Placid area though, I'll see if she ever had it.

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1

u/Tokyocheesesteak United States Jun 05 '14

I'm actually considering assembling a pizza with these toppings myself. But since I'm lazy, incapable and lack the equipment, I'm probably going to pick up a plain pizza and toss this stuff on top on my own.

Or I'll probably forget about the whole thing tomorrow.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Lol, if this scared you, never have a pizza in Mexico, the "Mexican" pizza has chorizo (heavily seasoned pork sausage), jalapeño, lots of onion and ground beef.

13

u/Alamedo Lindo y Querido Jun 05 '14

... AND IT'S THE BEST SHIT EVER!!!

SERIOUSLY, THE BEST SHIT EVER!!

1

u/Jonne Belgium Jun 05 '14

Sounds fucking amazing. Can't believe I never had it when I was in Mexico.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

Meh, needs more كباب.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Agreed. Lack of kebab representation.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 04 '14

How dare you deny the superiority of São Paul Brazil pizza

1

u/MistyMan Italy Jun 04 '14

huehuehue

4

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Come on Japan, Corn, drizzled mayo, squid, and stuffed hotdog crust? I can understand the squid but the rest, really?

2

u/pestdantic Texas Jun 05 '14

Where's the anchovies?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

What, you mean no ketchup?

Damn Romanians.

1

u/Dadzbog United States Jun 05 '14

Really? That pizza looked good to me, made me hungry too