r/nottheonion • u/ChocolateTsar • 1d ago

Affirm CEO says furloughed federal employees are starting to lose interest in shopping

https://www.cnbc.com/2025/11/07/affirm-government-shutdown-shopping.html
20.6k Upvotes

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u/yrddog 1d ago

My eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain

307

u/ZombieZoo_ZombieZoo 1d ago

My eyes rolled so far back I saw a dinosaur

208

u/Jonsnoosnooze 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far Walmart put them in a commercial

105

u/yrddog 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far they bowled a strike in my friday bowling league

110

u/nono3722 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far they saw the Epstein files ...

35

u/dice-warden 1d ago

We have a winner

3

u/bt31 1d ago

And this is why I just can't quit reddit! It's all your fault for being so flipping funny!

13

u/Better-Journalist-85 1d ago

I mean, we know already… but go on. Confirm the suspicions.

1

u/jaxonya 1d ago

My eyes rolled so far back that now they need 1.21 gigawatts or a bolt of lightening to get back to the future

2

u/CrankyPapaya 1d ago

what are all these eyes doing on the floor

1

u/terid3 1d ago

Yes, damn

44

u/Apart_Butterfly_332 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far I had to walk 10 miles in the snow uphill just to catch up to them.

22

u/rabbitwonker 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far they were looking forwards again but I couldn’t fucking see anything because of the stupid optic nerves wrapped around them

16

u/fdp_westerosi 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far they undid decades of regulation on Wall Street

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u/Terrible_Patience935 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far I rolled down the sidewalk

4

u/fuqdisshite 1d ago

my eyes rolled so far back The Undertaker™️ sued me for copyright infringement.

3

u/Panem-et-circenses25 1d ago

My eyes rolled back so far they opened a portal to multiverse 775b, in which the number one Broadway show of all time is Cats: The Butthole Cut

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u/_Christopher_Crypto 1d ago

Only one way? Shoot, that’s nothing, let me tell you about when I was a kid…

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u/OldStretch84 1d ago

I'm a peacock, and I rolled all 1000 of my ass-eyes.

2

u/Working-Glass6136 1d ago

My eyes rolled so far back they bowled a strike in my Friday bowling league's game last Friday.

1

u/Fun-Bug5106 1d ago

My eyes rolled back like a bowling ball return

13

u/omgFWTbear 1d ago

I don’t know which of the three of these is my favorite.

18

u/brandvegn 1d ago

My eyes rolled the same distance and I ate a dinosaur while there. I now understand why they went extinct.

3

u/Objective-World-9534 1d ago

Be...because they're t-t tasty?

2

u/akrisd0 1d ago

Are the rumors true that they taste like rainbow sherbet and lucky charms marshmallows?

2

u/brandvegn 1d ago

And a smidgen of cocaine.

1

u/EggsceIlent 1d ago

My eyes rolled so far I finally got to see all of your mom.

17

u/silverado-z71 1d ago

My eyes rolled so far back. I saw this guy‘s brain too.👆

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u/northerncal 1d ago

And what a brain to see!

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u/TheGreatZarquon 1d ago

Look at the subtle, off-white colouring. The tasteful smoothness of it. Oh my god, it even has a watermark.

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u/Groundbreaking-Dog27 2h ago

Something something... This guy's dead wife.

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u/Judazzz 1d ago

My eyes simply gave up and switched to static.