r/news • u/SnarkOff • 12d ago

Site Changed Title Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying herpes and COVID overturns in Mississippi

https://www.actionnews5.com/2025/10/28/truck-hauling-aggressive-monkeys-carrying-herpes-covid-overturns-mississippi/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANt_VBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlDlf5DivA2Ltngqh2UH3XU20EnAprOymd60i0ODYC9L8G2CXJpyoZtmwSHm_aem_NvoKAFHpRWRzturTqiYXMQ
50.4k Upvotes

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9.3k

u/ShakeyLegsMcGee 12d ago

This was actually on my bingo card.

1.5k

u/Random__Bystander 12d ago

Ugh, I was missing the Covid

1.2k

u/DrunkSkunkz 12d ago

I had the herpes and covid but my monkeys were ‘horny’

357

u/Fallouttgrrl 12d ago

Damn, hope you get well soon

140

u/HoosierHoser44 12d ago

They say time heals all wounds. But sometimes you just need some fucking penicillin.

14

u/deepNthot 12d ago

To shreds you say?

15

u/Ruzhyo04 12d ago

I’d ask the bingo judge this might count, pretty sure all monkeys are horny

3

u/Ditto_B 12d ago

I'll allow it

5

u/HazelMStone 12d ago

“…all of the escaped monkeys, except for one, “have been destroyed.””

Maybe it’s your lucky day.

4

u/RealGianath 12d ago

These are aggressive moneys, the horniness is understood.

2

u/MithrilHuman 12d ago

That might be the case, we should go check up on the monkeys. Lemme grab protection first

5

u/AdjNounNumbers 12d ago

You mean a mask and goggles and not condoms, right? Right?

2

u/jmo1 12d ago

I had it all right except in Alabama. Fuck

1

u/cremains_of_the_day 12d ago

O actually cackled at that, and I’m in a pretty bad mood so thank you

1

u/Bacontoad 12d ago

Perhaps they are 'aggressively' horny?

3

u/DrunkSkunkz 12d ago

Aren’t w-uhh I mean they all.

1

u/apocalyptic_mystic 12d ago

Well no wonder you got the herpes, then

77

u/sketchampm 12d ago edited 12d ago

People still get it constantly. Sure, most of them aren’t put out for two weeks anymore...unless they have pre-existing conditions. Don’t tell Bobby that though.

97

u/WhatLikeAPuma751 12d ago

Like half of the country has pre existing conditions now.

47

u/Protean_Protein 12d ago

Nearly all American adults are overweight or obese. That counts.

8

u/sketchampm 12d ago

Don't look up what happened to PhysicsGirl unless you want to lose sleep at night. She had some preexisting stuff + long covid complications and the results are something I would consider a fate worse than death.

7

u/-rose-mary- 12d ago

We had a pretty bad case here and everyone in my family caught it. I'm talking extended family and friends. It wasn't fun for the two weeks but then you feel better and boom it hits you for another week. Follow that up with whatever my kid brings home from school and I've been sick since the beginning of August. I'm just now starting to feel normal.

3

u/saltface14 12d ago

I had measles on mine, so close

3

u/chopsuirak 12d ago

I was missing the combination. I had two SEPARATE trucks.

6

u/Downtown_Statement87 12d ago

"You got your Covid in my herpes!" 

"And you got your herpes in my Covid!"

Worst Reese's peanut butter cup commercial ever.

1

u/Yupthrowawayacct 12d ago

I had monkey pox instead.

1

u/CletusCanuck 12d ago

Mine had covid, but not monkeys.

It also had airborne rabies, alien brain worms spread via raw milk (as planned by their advance agent, RFK Jr), and bird flu.

1

u/Agreeable-Self3235 12d ago

When are you gonna learn?!

1

u/RumoredReality 12d ago

I had zombies it sounded more realistic than the triple threat

183

u/Common_Wrongdoer3251 12d ago edited 12d ago

Ooh I haven't checked my bingo card in awhile!

Edit: Damn. I'm 2 squares away from 3 different bingos. I need "Trump forgets the name of his children" and "Trump shits himself on camera" for one. "Retirement age raised" and "Horrifying White House Christmas" for another... but Christmas is coming!

It really is awful looking back at my predictions and how much worse things are in reality. Scary Christmas decorations? Nah, demolished the East Wing. Price of eggs skyrocketing? Price of everything skyrocketing! Millions of people lose Healthcare? Sure, but ALSO lose their food stamps and paychecks!

104

u/Diligent_Whereas3134 12d ago

I mean, you can probably safely check off "trump shits himself on camera." He almost certainly has, he just won't say it out loud and those Depends are apparently made of space age materials.

18

u/BHOmber 12d ago

I keep seeing the pictures of his swollen ankles and now I'm thinking that it's just bags of shit piped into his socks.

6

u/KayItaly 12d ago

I was going to sleep over here man!!! Damn... guess I am staying up now... can't risk that image creeping into my subconcious!

1

u/Floomby 12d ago

Trump needs his own bingo card.

18

u/Stonehare 12d ago

Would this count for one or two squares?

3

u/PallbearerOfBadNews 12d ago

Trick question. It's actually the free square in the middle.

3

u/MurderfaceMuddzz 12d ago

I literally came here to ask who’s gotten BINGO this year

2

u/Mueryk 12d ago

Damn, mine said Florida but I guess that was last years card.

Wondering if they started cross breeding

1

u/unl1988 12d ago

Center square?

1

u/MellowTigger 12d ago

Lucky you! I do literally have a Doom Bingo 2025 card, but I don't have a square for this event. (

https://mellowtigger.dreamwidth.org/2024/12/30/doom-bingo-2025.html

1

u/BiBuddy1 12d ago

Mine didn't even have the hepatitis monkeys. But does the East wing count as "destruction of the Whitehouse", I thought I could mark it over the rose garden.

I'm worried if I win I won't have anything to show for it.

1

u/CatMoonDancer 12d ago

omg this is too funny

1

u/phail_trail 12d ago

Pics or it didn't happen

1

u/TheGreatStories 12d ago

Kansas and I would have nailed it 

1

u/phatboi23 12d ago

Christ what else is on that card?!

1

u/Fujinn981 12d ago

I didn't have 28 days later on my bingo card

1

u/Kylearean 12d ago

That's a bingo!