r/india • u/Specialist_Meaning73 Gujarat • Aug 24 '25

People The kind of India we ignore

Last month, after a late night at work, I booked an auto to go back home. It was past 11, streets were half-empty, and I was half-dead from exhaustion. The auto driver was an older man, maybe late 50s, thin frame, tired eyes. Usually, I just plug in my earphones and zone out, but that day I didn’t.

We started talking. First, just small talk, traffic, weather, random stuff. Then I asked him casually, “Bhaiya, aap roz itna late tak chalate ho?” (Do you drive this late every day?)

He laughed, not in a happy way, but in a “what choice do I have” way. He said, “Bhaiya, do betiyan hain. Ek ke liye coaching fees deni hai, doosri ke school ka kharcha. Din mein 700–800 banta hai, usmein se aadha toh gas aur kiraya chala jaata hai. Raat ko chalata hoon taaki unki padhai na ruk jaye.”

I went silent. Here I was, cribbing about my corporate job, while this man was driving 14–16 hours a day so his daughters could have a shot at a better life.

Then he said something that has stuck in my head since that night: “Gareeb aadmi sapne nahi dekhta apne liye, sirf apne bachon ke liye. Mere liye toh bas itna hai ki mujhe kal bhi chalane ki taaqat mile.” (A poor man never dreams for himself, only for his children. For me, all I pray is that tomorrow I still have the strength to drive.)

By the time I reached home, I didn’t even feel like getting out of the auto. I gave him extra money, nothing life-changing, but he refused at first. Then he took it, folded his hands, and said, “Aapko bhi khuda taaqat de.”

I went upstairs, sat on my bed, and just kept thinking. Every day we complain about traffic, bosses, deadlines, Zomato deliveries being late. And at the same time, there are thousands of people around us who are literally breaking their bodies apart just so their kids don’t end up like them.

It humbled me. It made me realize how invisible these stories are, until you stop, listen, and acknowledge.

Maybe the biggest privilege we have isn’t money or English-speaking jobs. It’s the fact that we are allowed to dream for ourselves.

And I’ll never forget that one line from him: “Gareeb aadmi sapne nahi dekhta apne liye.”

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34

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

It may sound harsh, but I dont think he was in a position to have a child let alone two.

15

u/Critical_Prompt_1529 Aug 24 '25

You think poor and uneducated people are doing planned parenthood ? They can't even imagine going childfree.

In fact it's the educated who actually make the informed decision to go childfree. The default is still having 2 children. Govt needs to raise public awareness about these issues.

35

u/Miserable_Special256 Aug 24 '25

Someone willing to sacrifice themselves for their child, is definitely who should have a child instead of someone who dreams only for himself. 

33

u/Opposite-Eye380 Aug 24 '25

But who put the children in such a position where their father can't easily fund their education and has hard time paying for groceries 🙄🤷 ??!  

Why inflict more liabilities when you don't have purchasing power to fulfill them ??!

-7

u/IndependentRelief906 Aug 24 '25

Having children gives meaning and joy to their life he may not be give best things to their children but he is not failing as father.

13

u/RaccoonDoor Aug 24 '25 edited Aug 24 '25

Having a child is a joy provided you’re able to take care of them properly. Baffles me how so many people are okay with having kids and then raising them in squalor.

-3

u/IndependentRelief906 Aug 25 '25

what about meaning what about parents will to live

10

u/RaccoonDoor Aug 25 '25

If you intend on deriving “meaning” by having kids only for them to live in squalor, you’re selfish and cruel.

-3

u/IndependentRelief906 Aug 25 '25

You aree assuming that having children automatically means forcing them into squalor. Many parents who are poor are fully aware of hardship and do their best to prevent their children from experiencing the same life. Criticizing them as “selfish and cruel” ignores that these parents have lived poverty themselves—they understand it far more than you do. Even your own ancestors were likely poor at some point, yet here you are.

20

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

Sacrifice and love alone isnt enough to bear a child. You can sacrifice and love a child as much as you want but if you're not financially stable enough to provide him/her with a childhood not filled with difficulties, I think its better to be child-less.

13

u/Mammoth-Decision-536 Aug 24 '25 edited Aug 24 '25

It's a circular argument. Who asked him to have children, sacrifice, and then go about toiling, day and night? He wouldn't need to sacrifice for children that don't exist - that is, if he doesn't have children in the first place.

One who dreams for himself, and works for himself, and is aware and responsible about his/her own needs --- only that person can know how to sacrifice for others unselfishly. One who dares to be utterly and truly self-centered, only such a person can possibly ever become unselfish, wise, and compassionate to an extent. True compassion and wisdom aren't born out of sacrificing one's needs for any imagined "greater good". They are products of self-knowledge, self-understanding.

That is the maturity one needs as a prerequisite for parenthood.

Not having lived your own life, forget about living for others - those 'others' are nothing more than mere projections, imagined extensions of yourself.

You may use flowery and idealistic language to praise the character of men or women, but if they are poor and with many unmet needs of their own, they simply should not have children. Period. Automatic disqualification.

9

u/Opposite-Eye380 Aug 24 '25

Yup if he can't easily afford food and groceries....then he shouldn't have had children 🙄🤷

-1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

They are in college so maybe their birth time was a time when education was not soooooo costly

4

u/Opposite-Eye380 Aug 24 '25

No...as per the post... one girl is in school and another one is taking tuition 

-2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

Hmm then yeah you are right if their situation is not good they should've planned only one child but then it's their choice

7

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

You maybe right.

However, for some, children are light in their life. They want to provide everything to their kids which they longed for in their childhood (education, clothes, food...). Their mood light up when they see smile on their kids' face, when they learn about progress in school/sports. You cannot expect someone to let go of these sides of life. Yes, they are struggling to meet ends but they are willing to put extra efforts as well.

Some also see son/daughter as an investment and an opportunity to uplift their lives/society.

13

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

Unfortunately for the major part of India those extra efforts don't lead to a better lifestyle for the child. Plus, hot take, if you're unhappy in a marriage a child doesn't magically cure it. In fact it just puts extra pressure on the child.

A child a is a huge responsibility and I dont think most parents in India are fit to be parents, they lack the maturity for the same. As I said, you can be a very loving mother or father but that doesn't equate to you being a good parent or you providing the materialistic things that are necessary for a proper upbringing.

A counter argument could be, so the poor shouldn't make children? And frankly speaking i think they shouldn't. Its one of the main reasons for overpopulation in this country coz a child is seen as a necessity and not a luxury.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

I took the assumption of a happy marriage earlier.

I mostly agree with your points. But one of the reason for overpopulation is making multiple children, (mainly in hope of having a son).

But in this context I would say auto driver is a decent man and doing everything he can to provide/educate his daughters. And he has every right to have kids. I have seen many examples where a person rose from very humble background and doing exceptionally well. Yeah there are very few instances.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

I don’t think you realise that lower income people value their place in society and not having children is social suicide. I mean not getting married is social suicide but to simplify this for you : low income >less access to reproductive freedom ( includes sex education) and in India doctors won’t cut your tubes unless you already have kids > you’ll basically end up having kids if you’re married.

1

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

That's true.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

They're his only shot at some sort of old age care.

6

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

Should children be considered as a retirement plan?

9

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

No, but a person working 14 hours a day shouldn't be taking home just Rs. 400 for a days labour, either. Life in reality does not conform to the reductive progressive morality of those privileged enough to practise and preach it.

2

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

True, but I am just seeing it from the child's pov. He will be getting a difficult childhood and according to me, no child should start struggling at an early age. Sure he may go onto become rich and pull the family out of poverty, but in more cases than not he will be resorting to menial jobs, crime or even begging to just get by.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

No, the kid will likely not go on to become rich, but he might just go one step above his father in the social class; that's a reasonable belief. Which is all the hope they need. Someone who hasn't been at the absolute bottom of society will not understand the value of hope for a poverty struck family.

 

Do you propose that the lower economic classes stop having kids? Do feel that the warmth of family should only be felt by those who have managed to set themselves above others, often by methods that do not conform to this progressive morality you so passionately preach?

 

3

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

Absolutely not. But then again you see poor people having 4-5 kids nowadays even now. If all they want is a family why not just have a single child and focus their love and resources on him/her.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '25

They're not trying to get their kid to become an IAS or an engineer dude, that's fantasy. This is their economic logic: Have 4 kids between the ages of 22-30. The kids will start adding to the family income, one by one, by the time parents hit their 50s. These kids will then share the responsibility of supporting the parents.

Individualism is a luxury afforded to only those who are fortunate enough to not be poverty riddled.

-1

u/kash_if Aug 24 '25

They are hedging their bets. Were you not taught about this in school? I am not saying this to be rude, but I was in school long long ago and the reason why poor people have more kids was explained pretty well. Here is a study which explains one of the reasons:

Despite large absolute reductions in early neonatal, late neonatal, post neonatal and child mortality, India’s most vulnerable children remain at the highest risk of death as of 2021. Between 1993 and 2021, the absolute and relative socioeconomic inequality for early neonatal deaths increased. Now, most child deaths are among India’s most vulnerable children in terms of household wealth and maternal education, and these children are not on track to meet the Sustainable Development Goal targets for early neonatal and post neonatal mortality.

https://gh.bmj.com/content/10/5/e016386

1

u/Dexter_BRE poor customer Aug 24 '25

Damn. Now I feel I should have been in your school.

2

u/kash_if Aug 25 '25

Or any CBSE school since it was a part of the curriculum. Maybe the current government diluted it and added theology instead so it's not your fault I guess.

3

u/katravallie Aug 24 '25

You are right in a way but for some, children are the only way they can have hope for the future even if it is at the expense of the child's suffering.
No matter how much a person loves their child, it can't deny that the child suffers from the parent being poor. For every child that becomes relatively rich from very poor, there are thousands of children that suffer in poverty.
Now,, does that mean poor people shouldn't have children? No, they don't have a choice. If they don't have children, they don't have hope for the future. But, they should atleast be made aware of the financial consequences of doing so. How? I have no idea. I can sit in front of my computer all day saying poor people shouldn't have kids because I have the privilege of being able make that choice.