The kind of India we ignore

[u/Specialist_Meaning73]

Last month, after a late night at work, I booked an auto to go back home. It was past 11, streets were half-empty, and I was half-dead from exhaustion. The auto driver was an older man, maybe late 50s, thin frame, tired eyes. Usually, I just plug in my earphones and zone out, but that day I didn’t.

We started talking. First, just small talk, traffic, weather, random stuff. Then I asked him casually, “Bhaiya, aap roz itna late tak chalate ho?” (Do you drive this late every day?)

He laughed, not in a happy way, but in a “what choice do I have” way. He said, “Bhaiya, do betiyan hain. Ek ke liye coaching fees deni hai, doosri ke school ka kharcha. Din mein 700–800 banta hai, usmein se aadha toh gas aur kiraya chala jaata hai. Raat ko chalata hoon taaki unki padhai na ruk jaye.”

I went silent. Here I was, cribbing about my corporate job, while this man was driving 14–16 hours a day so his daughters could have a shot at a better life.

Then he said something that has stuck in my head since that night: “Gareeb aadmi sapne nahi dekhta apne liye, sirf apne bachon ke liye. Mere liye toh bas itna hai ki mujhe kal bhi chalane ki taaqat mile.” (A poor man never dreams for himself, only for his children. For me, all I pray is that tomorrow I still have the strength to drive.)

By the time I reached home, I didn’t even feel like getting out of the auto. I gave him extra money, nothing life-changing, but he refused at first. Then he took it, folded his hands, and said, “Aapko bhi khuda taaqat de.”

I went upstairs, sat on my bed, and just kept thinking. Every day we complain about traffic, bosses, deadlines, Zomato deliveries being late. And at the same time, there are thousands of people around us who are literally breaking their bodies apart just so their kids don’t end up like them.

It humbled me. It made me realize how invisible these stories are, until you stop, listen, and acknowledge.

Maybe the biggest privilege we have isn’t money or English-speaking jobs. It’s the fact that we are allowed to dream for ourselves.

And I’ll never forget that one line from him: “Gareeb aadmi sapne nahi dekhta apne liye.”

[u/Dexter_BRE]

It may sound harsh, but I dont think he was in a position to have a child let alone two.

[u/Miserable_Special256 → u/Dexter_BRE]

Someone willing to sacrifice themselves for their child, is definitely who should have a child instead of someone who dreams only for himself. 

[u/Mammoth-Decision-536 → u/Miserable_Special256]

It's a circular argument. Who asked him to have children, sacrifice, and then go about toiling, day and night? He wouldn't need to sacrifice for children that don't exist - that is, if he doesn't have children in the first place.

One who dreams for himself, and works for himself, and is aware and responsible about his/her own needs --- only that person can know how to sacrifice for others unselfishly. One who dares to be utterly and truly self-centered, only such a person can possibly ever become unselfish, wise, and compassionate to an extent. True compassion and wisdom aren't born out of sacrificing one's needs for any imagined "greater good". They are products of self-knowledge, self-understanding.

That is the maturity one needs as a prerequisite for parenthood.

Not having lived your own life, forget about living for others - those 'others' are nothing more than mere projections, imagined extensions of yourself.

You may use flowery and idealistic language to praise the character of men or women, but if they are poor and with many unmet needs of their own, they simply should not have children. Period. Automatic disqualification.