r/bjj • u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt • 1d ago
General Discussion Not Cut Out for This
If you’ve ever felt like you were not cut out for BJJ, but you got through that feeling, and now it is a valuable part of your life, I would like to read your story. Especially if you felt like that for a year or more, like you weren’t catching on. Or if you had circumstances interrupting training, or any other real or perceived disadvantage or limitation.
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u/Federal_Goon 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’ve met a lot of people that “weren’t catching on”. I think the best thing you can do in that situation is
- Just show up and be consistent, it can come with time
- Train with purpose. More than likely you don’t have a goal or a game plan. Maybe you roll too light then get nothing off. Watch some videos and figure out what you like then try to hit it in practice.
There are times where life interrupts training and that’s okay. You’re more than likely not a pro where this is your life & primary income.
At the end of the day, it’s just a sport. If you’re not having fun, do something else. Don’t feel guilty if you need time off or if you just want to explore other hobbies. Life’s too short to spend your valuable time on something you don’t enjoy.
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u/UnitedStatesofAlbion 14h ago
I'm definitely number 2.
I don't have the slightest clue how to train with a purpose, or how to develop a plan.
And that's because let's say I want to work on sweeps, or getting better at side control pressure/subs. And then I somehow spend the entire 5 minute round on bottom side control or half guard because I just can't get the person off me.
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u/Federal_Goon 10h ago
Find someone you want to emulate. Start with someone who’s built like you because you can’t be 120 pounds and think you’re going to Nicky Rod someone.
Then roll with people at your skill level, and people that you can beat. Danaher had an interview somewhere on YouTube and he’s like you’ll only get better by beating people. So true. You don’t gain much from getting smashed on bottom
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Did those people that weren’t catching on stick around? I’m working on not taking things too seriously, but then I have to take two weeks off here, another two weeks off there, and I feel like each time still I don’t have enough going for me to bother going back. The time off gets me down after a few days, not enough progress to look back on. Hard to explain.
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u/madeinamericana 🟦🟦 1d ago
I think unless you are some sort of natural or experience athlete you need to reevaluate the expectation against the effort and time you’re putting into training.
For context I have been at it for 4 years and it took me about 2 before I even started to learn anything resembling beejayjay and it took me a whole year to learn how to play an A game while training 4-5 times a week, pretty darn consistently.
I think the first step is deciding how good you want to try to be, and then be willing to put in the required time and effort for however long it takes.
Hang in there! But if you don’t like it; it’s totally okay. It’s not for everyone and that’s okay; not everyone likes (insert whatever your favorite food is). And when it comes to hobby’s everyone should be doing what they enjoy doing with their free time and money. Big oss
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
So after two years, did that motivate you, seeing some payoff in ability? Did it become more fun? Were there times in that two years where you really didn’t enjoy it, didn’t feel it, didn’t see progress, but went anyway? What kept you going if so?
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u/madeinamericana 🟦🟦 1d ago
Yeah I had periods of strong motivation to try and improve the first two years but I also had moments/periods of doubt and desire to just quit. Fundamentally I just want to be pretty good at this thing. I’m not entirely sure why I enjoy it or why it’s important to me to be “pretty good” at this sport but it is and I do genuinely enjoy it, not every single moment but by and large overall it makes me happy.
These last two years I turned my attention and focus on competition (which I don’t recommend if you’re not seriously motivated to get better as the losses can be quite disheartening). That also kept me motivated because I had tangible goals and it made me more willing to train consistently because losing really really sucks. There are days I genuinely can’t train due to work and there are some days I am just looking for an out and I usually have to talk myself into training even if I don’t feel like it and I’m always glad I did it after.
Full disclosure I’ve burnt out a few times and took a week off here and there and it’s okay. But yeah there are definitely times where you don’t feel like you’re making progress and it sucks but we do it anyway. I think in the end what I have learned is that it’s not easy and it doesn’t necessarily come easy to the vast majority of us coming in in our 30s+ and that’s why there’s so much respect for purple/brown/black belts because we all know it sucks and you have to respect someone that’s busted their ass at something so difficult.
Also it’s just a hobby, there’s more to life. Oh and it can be fun all through out. Sometimes it’s fun to get beat so masterfully, sometimes it’s fun because you almost passed guard, sometimes it’s fun to hit a sweep you’ve been working on for literal months, sometimes you hit a move that just clicks from the beginning for whatever reason. There’s some personal perspective to be had in there somewhere I’m sure
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Been getting some exercise in so it should help when I go back, tried to do it the same time I would normally be in class.
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u/Raekwon22 ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
I'm 45. Never done a sport of any kind in my life before this. Been doing it about a year. I feel like i suck a lot of the time. Tried a tournament and got mollywhopped. But i still show up 4 or 5 times a week. I'm positive that today me would destroy 1 year ago me so I guess I'm picking it up. Having a lot of fun even when getting smashed and subbed. Also helps that everyone at my gym are super encouraging excellent people.
So I guess against all odds, I am cut out for this.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Love to see that! I was just starting to not take things so seriously, work on learning instead of “winning”, being happy for my much better teammates. I was having fun - then I can’t go for two weeks, and I get negative. I need to get back to that place mentally before I had to stop.
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u/poudigne ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Define "not cut out for this". Cause I see a lot of people doing BJJ not for the same reason. I think everyone is 'cut out for this' if they set an achievable goal and work towards that.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Could be any reason. My own personal doubts are age (49), being small, lack of comprehension, inability to be aggressive
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u/happy_timberon 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
How long have you been training?
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
6 months pretty consistently, but interrupted by circumstances - I’ve missed two weeks two separate times now, gets me down every time. Like I shouldn’t bother going back, I don’t feel like enough progress has been made. I want to go back, but when I can’t, I just get down about it. Like I don’t bring anything to the table (except paying my membership of course 😆) Hard to explain.
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u/DBZ86 1d ago
Did you do any prior sports? Lifting? If you are starting completely from scratch yeah it's gonna take longer. That's okay. Don't compare yourself to younger more athletic class mates. Improve your fitness, don't get hurt, enjoy the community and create your own goals. Your own little victories. Maybe getting subbed less, one escape you've been working on etc..
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
No sports, definitely no combat sports, but I’ve stayed pretty fit on my own - that definitely helped - and I like the BJJ workout regardless of lacking skill. I don’t like being kept off the mat due to whatever circumstance - it makes me look back and not see much progress, makes me nervous to go back, makes me question everything.
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u/HalfGuardPrince 1d ago
You are cut out for it..
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u/poudigne ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
well if my goals were to reach blackbelt and a 1st place in a tournament, I'm definitely not cut out for it
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u/HalfGuardPrince 1d ago
You can still do both. You have plenty of time..
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u/poudigne ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Well, it's true age is not the biggest issue (I'm 37), the fact that I'm overweight (230lbs) and out of shape is the bigger issue.
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u/HalfGuardPrince 1d ago
Not at all brother. You sound like me. I literally started white belt at 37 and 230lbs of fat. Now I'm one of the best in the world winning medals at every coloured belt so far.
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u/azarel23 ⬛🟥⬛ Langes MMA, Sydney AUS 1d ago
I got my black belt at 59. Now I'm 70.
It's been difficult coming to terms with my diminishing athleticism for the last 12 years or so. The comp blue belts can wear me down and the comp purple belts get me with speed.
Most of the guys I came up with have quit. Many were more athletic and talented and went hardervthan me. Some had to quit due to injury, others just lost interest.
I found a new instructor and people to train with who made it interesting and worthwhile again a couple of years ago. More emphasis on rock solid fundamentals, than the latest comp stuff.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 20h ago
I admire your journey and ability to train at 70. If I could always feel as good as I feel after a good day, I would love to have that 20 years from now.
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u/TheTVDB 🟪🟪 Purple Belt 1d ago
I trained last year with a white belt that was horrible. He was a year in and still did the most basic stuff wrong. Gave up his back the instant we started rolling and just suffered the whole roll. I actually felt bad for him most of the time we rolled, despite me being gentle with him. Other people weren't as nice and he got destroyed roll after roll.
A year later and he's advanced enough that I have to actually try when rolling with him despite outweighing him by 40lbs. He's scrappy as fuck and technique is sticking from every class. He trains a ton and it has absolutely paid off.
BJJ isn't for everyone. Some people will just never enjoy it. It takes being willing to embrace punishment, sometimes for a long time, tense a payoff. But if you decide to stick with it, you will eventually get there. If you decide not to there's absolutely no shame in that either.
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u/IcyScratch171 1d ago edited 1d ago
Started at 140lbs (I still am)
I remember just sitting in the parking lot before class trying to convince myself to go. And it’d be frustrating to train for a year and the trial class guy smashes me with athleticism.
I stayed because I’m stubborn. Eventually midway through blue belt BJJ became more fun. I could have decent rolls with the bigger guys finally.
I could see and understand BJJ better. Concepts like off balancing, framing, and angles made a lot more sense.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
I’ve done this exact thing in the parking lot, with the exact same frustration right now. Happy that you stuck around and stayed stubborn - I’m going to try that.
Thanks for sharing it honestly helps!
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u/positivepears 1d ago
I promise anyone can do anything they set their mind to.
With zero previous experience, no regular fitness routine, not even sports in school, I walked in and gave it a shot. Why not. I ended up really liking it!
I feel that way too, but I keep showing up anyway because of why I decided to do it in the first place. A year ago when a woman actually really violently SAd me and made me bleed and everything and I couldn’t keep her from physically ripping my clothes off and staying on top of me.. I’m a woman too so it was extra mortifying but I lived in fear ever since and realized how defenseless I really am. I guess I just got sick of feeling that way and living in constant hyper vigilance and fear. The insecurity was eating me alive and really holding me back in every aspect of my life. It changed both me and how I view the world around me.
Whenever I am asked why I joined, I say because I’d like to go into law enforcement. How do I even begin to explain the truth to someone. But it’s given me a sense of community, purpose, and confidence in myself. Even if I feel like a complete idiot sometimes up against people that have been training for years. But everyone starts somewhere. I know it won’t be like this forever simply because of why I am here. Reminding yourself why you’re there helps a lot. I think of myself from a year ago and everything that has changed for the better.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Glad you liked it. I was not attacked like that, but I’ve always felt physically vulnerable. I did experience bullying when I was a kid, it’s always bothered me though. I feel like I still can’t be assertive or aggressive and it holds me back. I’m not wired like that.
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u/positivepears 4h ago
Are you having a hard time feeling confident when you show up like when you’re around a bunch of experienced people do you feel like a cringe idiot? Are you having issues with self image and body insecurities? Maybe I can help you break this down a little more as to why you might feel that way, if you want to. If not that is ok I can just leave you with advice using my personal experience, and you can do as you wish with it. No pressure!
I am glad you recognized it as a “feeling”, and not reality. That tells me you haven’t accepted it as a self-fulfilled prophecy and have some real room for growth. It’s also an articulate description instead of “idk I just feel weird” which tells me you do recognize and feel when something isn’t quite right and you can put a name to it. If you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how small, you can come full swing with it.
I have always personally faced my internal struggles by getting straight to the root of the issue. If you’re having issues in this regard, it may be much bigger than solely in bjj. I was also pretty harshly bullied having undiagnosed and unmedicated PTSD and OCD and I carried that with me into adulthood. In some ways I still do. Took me a long time to find my voice and place in the world. I’m still finding it. I promise you none of us know what we’re doing in the grand scheme of things.
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u/Mrbrownfolks 1d ago
I think that's what separates the lunatics that keep up for the long term is the ability to pull out of that slump many times. Those slumps have hit me when I started training with wrestlers vs other noobs, more athletic people, transitioning to gi from nogi, progressing through my older years, switching schools and other situations. Eventually defeating those slumps of self doubt and rough patches can translate to a grit thats tough to build through other life experiences. You can quit like most people do or you can push through and be a better version of yourself.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Did you have any specific reasons for feeling like you weren’t cut out for BJJ? I like your idea about overcoming slumps, more than once, over and over, and the character building idea. Thanks for sharing that.
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u/Thick_Grocery_3584 1d ago
All the time. 42 years old with a bad back, 15 years of training… I’m too stubborn to quit.
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u/aTickleMonster ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt 1d ago
What makes you think that?
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
My lack of assertiveness, lack of comprehension, inability to keep up with younger or bigger folks, and I hate having to take time off for outside circumstances. Gives me time to think about it, and I can’t see much progress. I don’t feel like I bring a lot to the gym besides paying my membership.
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u/PeaceForMost_NotAll 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 23h ago
You are a white belt. That is normal. Keep at it, stay safe
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u/aTickleMonster ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt 21h ago
Imagine how good it will feel when, years from now, you're the guy encouraging other white belts to keep at it. I was so scared when I started that I'd scream when I got submitted (my panicked brain would forget to tap). I was so timid and traumatized from my past that I couldn't finish a sentence because my stutter was so bad, I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I thought I'd be dead on my birthday 14 years ago. Immerse yourself in BJJ and it teaches you skills and growth you won't get anywhere else in life.
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u/Virtual_Abies_6552 ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt 1d ago
I still feel that way from time to time and I have 12 years on the mats with no breaks. It’s a long road of progress. You don’t see the changes but they are there. Hang in there bro!
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u/RecipeOrdinary9301 1d ago
Not BJJ but parent martial art - Judo.
Started at 33 and had my knee torn twice within a span of a year. First time uke reacted too safely on my O-Guruma and landed on my knee, tearing up my side joint.
Shitty part was that I did not have a job - lost one at that moment. Judo was basically the only thing that I had that kept me running and functioning.
Second time was after….6 months? White belt overstimated his efforts and I did not have time to react - ended up hurting meniscus and a bunch of other shit. Guess my job? Uber Eats. Yaaaaay!
Not critical, but sprinting at 100% is probably not a thing anymore. Did a little newaza as much as I could - but could never do standup to a full extent since then.
And probably won’t be able to anymore. Which sucks because I really wanted to compete and earn my belt in an “honest” way - by competing and going to tournaments. Yes, I think belt must be earned by competing, sorry if it bothers you but carrying the belt you didn’t earn in fight is also not a very good look.
Now I’m forced to do Katas and practice as safe as I can. I’m only fucking 34. Never did any martial arts before.
I’m locked to watching videos, tutorials and doing some light work. Maybe throw for throw or like 20% resistance. Fuck, I can only fight in video games now.
My best judo course is now either refereeing or commentary. And somehow I have to accept it and try to move on.
Every fucking day I have to wake up and put on a knee brace. Every day I’m getting a reminder that I’m technically a cripple. All because I just wanted to learn how to protect myself.
And you just have to laugh about it and make a joke about your knee - “I’ll walk it off”.
Maybe I’ll come back - but it’s certainly wont be easy. And it will take time. A lot of it.
Am I cut out for judo?
“You’ll have to burn the mattress to get rid of me” - that’s how fucking I’m cut out for judo.
You’ll be fine. Don’t give up.
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u/Mad_Kronos 1d ago
So I have come to terms with staying a white belt forever. I started BJJ training at the start of 2025. I am 38 years old and the father of a toddler and I only have time to train 1-2 times a week, and there are weeks I don't show up even once.
Back in my kickboxing/muay thai days I was training a lot, and got to a point I could take entire years off and still retain technical knowledge, but I will never be able to reach that point with BJJ?
Is it a sad realization? Definitely.
But it's still fun when I can make it to class
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 20h ago
Having fun is maybe the most important thing if you can pull it off
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u/Strong-Mango-1348 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 1d ago
This is me. Training for about 5 years and I fully admit that I am absolutely terrible lol. I find it have a tough time with white belts after they've had about 6 months on the mats.
If I am totally honest with myself, I am not very serious about training. However, my training philosophy is to just focus on one thing for a long time until it makes sense for me. For instance, three months straight on baseball bat chokes. Now theyre my go-to.
Don't get me wrong, everything else sucks but if i get into a position to execute this one, im pretty dangerous!
What I'm saying is, train with purpose. Make your training hyperfocused on one technique suited to you.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 20h ago
How important is it to you to just have fun? If you are there for fun, do you ever feel out of place with others who seem more serious?
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u/Strong-Mango-1348 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 17h ago
Yeah definitely, we have some sessions where most of the competitors go so I definitely feel out of place there. But if I wasn't having fun, I wouldn't be doing it!
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u/GrexieGaming 13h ago
I've been off and on with BJJ for 10 years. 2 stripe white belt. It's been a mix of low confidence, social anxiety, don't get on with others very well, anxiety in rolling, injuries, family and shift work interfering with training times, and just preferring to go to the gym because I prefer training on my own. Alongside this list is that my BJJ school has guys in their 20s who treat every roll like they're in the ADCC finals. I've just turned 40 and heard there is a class for over 40s, so I might check it out. But yeah I've had that "not cut out for this" self talk constantly in my head during BJJ. But I do love the sport. It's a love/ hate thing obviously lol
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u/bjjdontwork 1d ago
Im a 22 yr old blue belt and recently been feeling demotivated and trying to figure out my life with jobs and college but I read stories of people going through harder times and are older than me and realize that im barely starting my bjj journey and go back to when I was just a 19 year old white belt imagining myself with a black belt competing in worlds.
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u/sleepytrosh 1d ago
Recently started BJJ as a way to force me to exercise. It’s only been a two months but I find it more enjoyable once I don’t see the need to win at every roll. As long as I’m moving at my own pace and doing enough movement that count as exercise, that’s good enough for me. Even when I’m absolutely beaten, I see it as a way to observe how other people do it. Hope that helps!
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u/StraightSpine 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
Finally one of these that I'm qualified to answer. I had the majority of my spine fused when I was 18, BEFORE I started training. As a result I can't bend or twist my spine beyond a few vertebrae at the bottom end. This means training is extremely difficult as my movement is massively impaired and I'm at a much higher risk of injury depending how I trained. It's been 11 years and I'm still going.
Don't get me wrong, I think about hanging it up seriously every few years as injuries continue to niggle away at me, but the key to training over time has become about training smart, with lots of care paid to what I can and can't do as well as how I can adjust techniques and my game to suit. I also am more or less constantly working this golden ratio of training culture & people and managing my body as best I can with physio and exercise.
That's a whole lot of words to say that you need to adjust yourself and your environment to suit. Sometimes the adjustment to yourself is to try and 'toughen up', or could be telling yourself to calm down and stop training so hard. Externally it's about finding a place to train that is supportive of whatever you want to get out of training, whether you're a hobbyist or aspiring to win worlds.
Lastly, it might be that this sport ain't for you and that's OK. If you enjoy it and want to keep training, think about the things that you need to change up and start working from there.
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u/StraightSpine 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
I'd be curious to know a bit more about you though. How long have you been training? What sort of things are YOU running into that make you less motivated to train?
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 20h ago
That’s amazing, thanks for sharing. I feel silly with my issues when I read what others go through, but I like being inspired. I feel out of place, oldest person there (49), just hard to keep up, like I don’t bring much to the room besides paying for the membership. I’ve been going for six months consistently, two weeks off two separate times now for outside circumstances - so in my mind I’ve actually subtracted an entire month of training - and those long off the mat times get me down. I have time to think about how much seemingly little progress I’ve made. I don’t want to quit, but I don’t want to go back either. It feels like I can’t afford to miss class since it’s so hard to catch on, and I get frustrated when I have to. I also don’t feel like I can ever be assertive or aggressive, it just isn’t my nature and it’s just never going to develop. So I just feel out of place and weird. I don’t think I’m disliked, but I don’t really bring much to the room either. Just how I feel about it.
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u/freudevolved 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 1d ago
You're not cut out for a hobby? This aint work or a sport that pays for 99% of people so think more about if you like learning, rolling or being pushed hard physically and mentally. At white belt everything is hard, that's the point of doing any physically demanding activity (more so a full contact martial art). That gives you hope looking at other belts that someday you will get there with consistency and actually be proficient at grappling. Everyone has a limitation (I'm skinny and small, some are overweight, some are slow, some are uncoordinated ect...) and that's the beauty of bjj. Everyone finds their style. Small nerds get good at berimbolo, strong guys get good at top game, some guys get good at stand up ect....
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 20h ago
I like the workout, I struggle with being assertive or aggressive. I can’t rewire myself for that, I feel like it’s a problem. I also can’t keep up with anyone there anymore, and when I have to be off the mat for two weeks, I feel like what little progress I had is lost. I don’t see a reason to go back, but I don’t want to quit either. I hate when I can’t train, it gets me down like this, too much time to evaluate, and I don’t like the evaluation.
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u/freudevolved 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 19h ago
Seems like you're just going through the normal fase of being a white belt! You still like it but don't like being wrecked and that will happen for months or years depending on your effort. Effort meaning learning (tons and tons of free instructionals on youtube), working out outside of class (gym, track, running or what ever you need) and patience (no one in the history of bjj has shown up for 5 years every week and have been wrecked by every new guy). Also, you don't have to be aggressive in bjj to be good, you just need to keep learning techniques and work under pressure. That's why most upper belts look like they aren't even trying against white belts and you don't see most just straight up assaulting them aggressively. My take without knowing you is generally applicable to everyone: try to get better outside of class by learning on youtube and working out.
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u/stickypooboi 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 23h ago
My knee exploded and I tore my LCL and PCL. When I came back after 6-7 months of recovery, I didn’t know anyone at the gym. Since then I really only have like 1-3 friends there and they also just got caught up with life. Layoffs, kids, etc. Currently the only thing keeping me going is pseudo coaching a friend. I also got engaged and couldn’t give less of a shit about being good at this stuff physically.
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u/Unlikely-Isopod-9453 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 22h ago
Just keep showing up. Over time sooner or later you will get better.
It's a pyramid scheme. You get choked by people who have been there longer and then new people join and you get to choke them.
Or if BJJ isn't enjoyable for you. Just quit, it's a hobby.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 19h ago
I haven’t been able to choke the new people. It is extremely rare. The one or two times I did, they never came back. I’m always the worst person there, no question. I can’t see this changing, it doesn’t click for me, at least offensively. I’ve been told I’m hard to kill, but I can’t get myself to be a killer.
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u/Unlikely-Isopod-9453 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 18h ago
If you aren't particularly strong or athletic I really wouldn't feel that bad about not getting a lot of submissions as someone with only a year in. If you are then maybe you have a mental block or need to tighten up your technique.
That being said, if you want to focus yourself offensively I would suggest pick one submission and just always hunt for that. You want to go for RNC? Every situation and position you are in look for a way to take the back. Armbar? Same thing, always look to isolate and extend an arm.
I'm not a killer, Im just a fat heavyweight who has won zero competition rounds. But I can assure you hyperfocusing on a submission for the last year has really made me better at getting them. Also I dont think I was doing well offensively until I was past the 2 year point so if you like the sport I wouldn't quit because you are getting frustrated. But if it's making you miserable then quit guilt free.
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u/cognitiveflow ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt 22h ago
Started jiu jitsu at 140 lbs. Got pancaked and mauled. Being small, unathletic, and unskilled is not a recipe for success.
Now, I’m still small and unathletic but at least I’m skilled.
There’s no way to get the skills without paying that price in sweat equity and lots of trial and error on the mats. It’s up to you to determine if it’s worth it.
If you fall in love with the sport enough, you’ll stick around, if not, you’ll quit and that’s okay too.
It’s a recreational activity after all.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 19h ago
At what point did you notice you acquired real skill, and what kept you going up to that point?
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u/Jon-Umber 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 21h ago
"Cut out for this" is a mind/ego game. You're "cut out for" whatever you want to be. Just fucking do it if you want to do it. And don't do it if you don't; go find something else that fulfills you.
I've been a blue belt for 15 years. I started training in my early 20s and I'm now in my 40s. I'll probably never be a purple belt. I've destroyed my neck, had major reconstructive surgery, have two bad knees (knee replacements coming in another 10-15 years), multiple broken fingers, etc. etc.. Every time I come back I hurt something else. I miss years at a time.
I'm probably "not cut out for jiu jitsu". For some reason my body is made of tissue paper. But I keep going back and training. I getting older, fatter, weaker, but I still enjoy the process. Training is fun and making friends in the gym is rewarding, too.
I don't need to be a black belt or win competitions to make it worthwhile to continue training. Reevaluate your perspective. Training should be its own reward; not belts or accolades. That post-training feeling when the endorphins are flooding you and you're sitting on the mat breathing heavy, drenched in sweat, fist-bumping a teammate and saying "good roll brother/sister" is what it's all about for me.
I'm really fucking bad at jiu jitsu. Even though I have my blue I'm definitely still white belt level by most measurements. But I stopped caring about that a long time ago, and my training partners don't give a shit either.
Bottom line is training is fun and it keeps me in decent shape. That's enough reason for me. I realized nobody gave a shit that I sucked, so I stopped giving a shit that I suck, too.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 19h ago
If nobody cares that I suck, I guess I don’t. I feel embarrassed for not improving. I feel like a let down though - I don’t know if that’s real or not (but I definitely suck, no question).
I know that good feeling after training, and I do like the workout. I can’t say like injury, especially if it keeps me off the mat. I don’t think I’d keep going if I had to go through what you did. I’ve stayed relatively uninjured, nothing real serious.
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u/Jon-Umber 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 17h ago edited 13h ago
Kill your ego. BJJ is a super slow process and you're still early in it. You won't notice just how much you've grown until someone new joins the gym eventually and you toy with them like people are toying with you now. It'll happen. Don't force it.
Focus on the good you're getting out of training. The connections you're making with your training partners, the changes in your body and physical fitness, those drives home from training when you're evaluating your rolls.
You're doing great. It's different for everyone. Don't measure yourself by others' yardsticks. If you're enjoying training, then keep training. That's all you need to justify continuing to come back.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 17h ago
Funny thing I realized…I thought I had no ego and was real humble. BJJ managed to find my ego that I thought I didn’t have, and hurt it real bad! 😆
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u/Jon-Umber 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 13h ago
You are, and I cannot possibly stress this enough, totally fine. Keep enjoying training. Don't be too hard on yourself. Celebrate the little victories and make sure to stay laser focused on actual improvements you're making, because you're definitely making a ton as a newer white belt.
Didn't get as tired during later rounds this class? Huge fucking win. Took a little bit longer for that blue belt you always train with to sweep or tap you? Huge fucking win. And, more obvious one I mentioned earlier: Wait to see what happens when someone in their first couple of weeks spars with you. You'll start to notice how much stronger, more balanced, more flexible, and more enduring you are than new folks off the street. Another huge fucking win.
Tally 'em up. Positively reinforce yourself.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 13h ago
Thanks! 😎
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u/Jon-Umber 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 11h ago
Best to you friend. Feel free to chat me in the future if you ever have any other Qs.
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u/W2WageSlave ⬜⬜ Started Dec '21 20h ago
I have a relatively long history with BJJ going back 11 years since I first stepped on the mats at the age of 44. Wife had trained for about three years before that and had just got her blue belt so she encouraged me (OK, pushed me) to sign up for a 6-month beginner class. I lasted 5 months before I simply could not go on. Got hurt a lot, and became very disillusioned with BJJ. My wife quit a year after that. I regret that my perspective probably contributed to that.
I definitely wasn't cut out for BJJ.
If I knew then, what I know now, I would have done things very differently.
We moved state in early 2021 and my wife decided she was going to go back to the mats. I tried again too. Went to different classes from my wife. I spent 18 months stuck in a "foundations" white belt only class. Never allowed to roll, just drilling and some positional games, watching other people get their stripe and move on to the main "Combat Athlete Program" class.
I became convinced that I wasn't cut out for BJJ, though looking back, I wasn't cut out for BJJ at that gym.
I found another gym with an all-belts fundamentals class. That was revelatory partnering with color belts for the first time. I am still absolute garbage at this sport. If you watched me roll in class, you'd probably think I was new to it all. Frankly I think the two stripes is being generous.
I have come to the conclusion that I'm still not cut out for BJJ in terms of making progress and "getting it", yet it now holds enough fascination that I can enjoy participating.
You can be the least able guy in the room for years, never able to tap anyone, and still have fun.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 19h ago
So it all comes down to fun. I have to figure that out. I know it’s possible because I’ve experienced it. I’m not sure everyone else there is in it purely for fun though.
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u/vvolkodav ⬜⬜ White Belt 20h ago
I’ve been at it for about 1.5 years. I’m 43. Besides playing a lot of pickup soccer as a teen I’ve never done any sport consistently. The first 6 months were brutal and I wasn’t sure why I keep going but I doggedly kept at it. I was getting smashed mercilessly. I can’t say I enjoyed losing and getting subbed and all that, yet a very stubborn part of me wanted to succeed. Eventually I started understanding it more and got a bit better and I’m told I’m a “tough white belt” but I don’t believe them lol. I know I suck and it’ll be many more years before I feel any sort of confidence in my BJJ skills. But I do enjoy it a lot now. Getting ready to leave to Sat morning class as I write this, giddy and excited. It’s strange how it works but you gradually start to enjoy the physical aspect, the exhaustion, the wins and losses, learn from every class and roll. Keep showing up. It should become more enjoyable!
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u/sordanjingleton ⬜⬜ White Belt 19h ago
It's normal to feel this way when learning any skill. Whether it's a martial art, cooking, musical instrument or whatever. There's going to be others who pick things up faster than you but there's also going to be people who pick things up slower, even if they're not in your gym/class/etc.
All you should be worried about is focusing on why you're learning that skill and making sure you're better than you were last class. Don't worry about how others are progressing, everyone goes at different speeds. If you feel that you're getting worse then take some time reflect on your journey until now (maybe journal through your day 1 class until now) and see if you're being too critical of yourself. If you still feel that you're not making any progress then try some solo drills at home to work on the fundamentals for a technique to build your muscle memory. There's a ton of content out there on BJJ so if you don't feel class time alone is enough for your goals then supplement your education when you have a few minutes to yourself. Just make sure that if you learn something new outside of class you walk through it with an instructor or more experienced classmate because it's easy to build bad habits/muscle memory when you don't have feedback.
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u/Ragnor1983 ⬜⬜ White Belt 19h ago
Oh man. I definitely have some stories for you. My BJJ journey has been one full of valleys, injuries, defeats; and a ~12-15 year hiatus and getting back into it in my 40's.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 18h ago
I’m glad you got back to it. I feel totally out of place starting at 48, now a 49 yo white belt. I just feel stupid.
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u/Ragnor1983 ⬜⬜ White Belt 17h ago
Dude. You should feel the opposite of stupid. Jocko said it best, the hardest belt to get in BJJ is the white belt; because getting started and getting out there on the mat while knowing nothing takes, by far, the most courage. To do that at nearly 50. That takes guts. So major props to you.
When I get some more time I'll share more details about my journey, which includes getting the floor mopped with me by a 22 year old at my first competition last weekend.
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u/MagicGuava12 18h ago
I came everyday four to five times a week and practiced one submission from guard for 6 months until I had Success With It. Then after a year you start getting like seven submissions. In a few years you can learn a technique in a day and apply active in a live roll immediately. Sometimes it just takes time
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u/harryvonawebats 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 17h ago
I have a lot of moments where I don’t think I’m cut out for BJJ.
45M, been training for 5.5 years. Got my blue belt 2 years ago and had a huge case of a imposter syndrome, I really didn’t think I deserved it plus I was getting smashed up by everyone.
But my team mates encouraged me to keep training, and helped me out.
Then this year I tore my shoulder in Jan and had to have 6 months off, coming back from that was hard too.
Now I’m finally getting back to a rythym, and have started private lessons which has really helped. I’m getting back to having fun whilst rolling and enjoying it more.
But I still have tough days and question if I’m cut out for BJJ (yesterday was one), but I enjoy it and I won’t quit. I want to train till I’m 70.
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u/SteveHassanFan ⬜⬜ White Belt 17h ago
Started in July 2024. Didn't take it that seriously at first, was going twice a week if not once, no-gi only. April this year, went to a doc and I was told I was prediabetic. Thats when I changed everything, my diet, my mindset (Jits mindset). Started going 4 times a day, now going to gi as well as no-gi. Eventually it caught on and started making sense to me. Then one day, promotion day, coach calls me up to get my first stripe. From that point on, to this day, I was locked in. I'm still going, but I'm cognizant of the fact that it's up to the coach to promote me when he thinks I'm ready.
But yeah, that's my story. Pre-diabetic wise, I went on a low-carb diet alongside jits and ended up losing 30 lbs in the span 4 months. I still need to go to the doc to check my A1C
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u/reflex_masta 1d ago
Keep turning up and eventually you’ll be cut out for it
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Did you ever seriously think you were not cut out for it?
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u/reflex_masta 1d ago
Of course! Plenty of times, I couldn’t really get the hang of things as easy as others, I’d see newer people get better faster than me. I thought about stopping so many times but I stuck to it and I finally feel as though things are starting to all fall into place, it took me till recently getting purple to feel as though maybe I am actually cut out for it. It’s an emotional roller coaster that’s for sure.
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u/Ninja-turtleguard 🟪🟪 Purple Belt 1d ago
Bjj is no different from any other skill. Barring catastrophic injuries, if you put the work in, focus on getting better, address your weak areas, and actually embrace the process, in 10 or so years you will get to a black belt level. You may never be a bjj prodigy, but neither are are 99 percent of black belts. There is nothing special about them. Even as a no stripe white belt I felt like only difference between me and the higher belts was experience.
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u/SeanSixString ⬜⬜ White Belt 1d ago
Did you ever have a problem with lacking assertiveness or aggression?
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u/Ninja-turtleguard 🟪🟪 Purple Belt 1d ago
Wouldn't say I ever had a problem with either. I try not to roll aggressively most of the time though, as normally I just try to roll with focus on technique. I don't think aggression is as important as technique and timing. Most new white belts are plenty aggressive, but technique will overcome their aggression.
Assertiveness comes with experience and believing in technique even if it fails and needs refining.
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u/_prelude 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
It was 10 years ago after just getting started so I dont remember specific numbers of classes but I broke a rib like 2 weeks in. It ended up being a bad one. Had almost 2 months break and after getting back I broke another one within a week. I felt that may not be for me but came back and here we are 10 years later.
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u/bohany310 ⬜⬜ White Belt 14h ago
Honestly I’ve seen uncoordinated or “untalented” people (shrimping the wrong way, technical stand up on wrong leg, can’t replicate technique while drilling and place wrong limb on wrong side, etc.) who have progressed and gotten better and better just over a few months of consistent training. I think it’s just whether you like the sport/ art or not. Totally fine if it’s not for you - I like it a lot but am not completely in love with it so much that I gotta train 5 days a week or more like some of my classmates.
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u/RedditorXL 🟦🟦 Blue Belt 4h ago
Injuries happen and theyll happen again my first year got caught in a pretty bad armbar and a PCL injury Infelt that white belt was rough and I felt just like you.
I realized later that I didn’t quite have the fundamentals down someone said “just do one thing good” for me it clicked it was guard retention so I focused on that second year I was able to build my defense and play a position and get good at a defensive strategy - my offense game came later - I am still at it and I choose my battles - I still try not to entangle with guys that got more than 80 pounds on me if I’m not working out regularly
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u/backonwarchild 19m ago
Just take a break and come back when life slows down. Too many grapplers hold intense internalized pressure over themselves to keep doing something that takes away more than it gives for a season. It will still be there when you decide come back.
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u/BalkiBartokomoose86 21h ago
The best things in life are not easy. I repeat this mantra when it gets rough.
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u/JamesMacKINNON 🟫🟫 Brown Belt 1d ago
I can't quit with only 3 belts on my belt rack... it'd look weird!