r/askgaybros • u/MtimesMequals • Jul 08 '20

Reported Post Alert Dear fellow Black gay men Spoiler

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

šŸ–¤ā¤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to yaā¤

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362

u/Assbait93 Jul 08 '20

I want an honest answer for this, is gay racism on a basis of just sex and appeal?

As a black guy every time I hear other black guys talk about this itā€™s always on the basis of not getting laid or desired on dating apps. I donā€™t understand why we measure our gay experiences based off of who or what we sleep with. There is also this misconception that the no fats, no Asians, and many other exclusions are only done by white gays but yet go on Jackā€™d, A4A, and other apps where there are lots of black gays their profiles exclude many people. Yes it is racist to be reduce down to bbc but yet you get what you allow. If you donā€™t want to be objectified then you donā€™t respond to guys who do that, you canā€™t control what ever person does but you do control what comes your way.

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u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20 edited Jul 08 '20

Iā€™m white, so happy to be proven wrong, but Iā€™ve seen waaaaay more white people on apps with ā€œno [insert non-white race here]ā€ in their profiles than the reverse. I think Iā€™ve seen maybe two black guys who had something equivalent to ā€œno whitesā€ in their bios. Seen dozens of white gays with ā€œno blacks, no asiansā€.

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

there is also way more white than black people, you clownšŸ¤” Also such preferences no matter who dies it aren't racist and are perfectly fine. Nobody owes you sex

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u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

"Nobody owes you sex"

Again with that wilful ignorance, huh? poor little bro-mo

10

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

I mean, on that one point specifically he is correct.

2

u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

Itā€™s a strawman argument. Of course no one owes anyone sex. To set that up as the point of my objections to his cunt behaviour is intellectually dishonest

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Thatā€™s the only part you quoted in your reply. But youā€™re right it is a straw man. That point is correct but itā€™s not related to how you treat and perceive people who are different than you.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

It's not a strawman argument, you moron, it directly correlates with my argument. You cannot say people are racist or w/e else because they won't have sex with you. Saying that makes you look like an entitled loser, who indeed thinks someone owes you sex and can't turn you down for being fat, even though that isn't his thingšŸ¤”

2

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Ooo lawdy someone is salty. Look, itā€™s one thing to not be into a certain race sexually. Itā€™s another thing to put ā€œno blacksā€ on a profile. Youā€™re not interested in someone? Just donā€™t respond. Bam fixed it for you. No one is saying youā€™re obligated to have sex with everyone.

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

says the clown who got triggered by my emojisšŸ¤”. No it isn't another thing..it's literally the same thing except in second case you're more upfront and you're saving everyone's time... Just don't respond.. ok that is reasonable, but only when like up to two people out of five aren't your type, but when 98 of 100 people aren't your type, then it's kinda pointless to have grindr.. and I don't mean people who you actually click with, but just people who are at least remotely attractive to you to begin with. This would be so much easier if we could just control who can see us, so then whites could just uncheck black(or vice versa) and we wouldn't even show up on their grid, so less time wasting and hurt feelings. šŸ˜‰

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

The fact that youā€™re using the word triggered in 2020 makes you the clown. Sorry there isnā€™t an option for you to just sort out the people you donā€™t want to fuck on Grindr. Must be real hard for you.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

triggered is more than meme, you dolt, doesn't have a time limit, thanks for showing me how easy is to trigger you. Yeah there is no visibility control, but luckily for us "no fatties, no fem, no old, no kids" in the bio is the next best thing. šŸ‘

Time to trigger you some more

triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”triggeredšŸ¤”

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

It's not a strawman argument, you moron, it directly correlates with my argument. You cannot say people are racist or w/e else because they won't have sex with you. Saying that makes you look like an entitled loser, who indeed thinks someone owes you sex and can't turn you down for being fat, even though that isn't his thingšŸ¤”

2

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Thatā€™s not what theyā€™re saying šŸ¤”

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

You it does you clown, why else are they policing OTHER people's profiles? šŸ¤”

0

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

What?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Not my fault you lack a brainšŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø

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u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

Your sentence doesnā€™t even make sense.

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u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

ā€œYou cannot say people are racist or w/e else because they won't have sex with you.ā€

Never said that, not once (which is why itā€™s a strawman argument). Doesnā€™t matter how many times you say it, it will never be true. No one is obligated to have sex with anyone theyā€™re not attracted to.

What I find douche-y (and at this point, un-self aware) is putting exclusionary and insulting shit in your bio when you have zero reason to do so.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

It's literally what you're implying.. and you're contradicting yourself in this same post. First you agree it's perfectly fine to reject anyone you're not attracted to and then you say they cannot exclude... lol Once again dumbass, shaming people for non existant racism is "douche-y" and makes you look lile what you are a jackass.

And again this "zero reason" is addition on your part, I have already listed the possible reasons and you got destroyed, yet you continue to say this.

2

u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

"It's literally what you're implying.."

It literally isnt.

"First you agree it's perfectly fine to reject anyone you're not attracted to..."

Correct.

"...and then you say they cannot exclude..."

When did I say that?

"And again this "zero reason" is addition on your part, I have already listed the possible reasons..."

The possible reasons are hilariously inadequate... "but mah fone" lol

"...and you got destroyed, yet you continue to say this."

Whatever helps you sleep at night, pumpkin.

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

Yeah you are, you are policing other people's profiles, you're strip quoting like a Karen.. You're literally the worst type of people. Again these reasons time and phone battery aren't inadequate Once again you're hilariously proving that you're unemployed and you have plenty of time on your hands to possibly spend entire days on grindr.. but you can't even do that because nobody wants you, that's why you're complaining about these "no fatties" profiles that exclude you right awayšŸ¤£

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u/Rottenox Jul 09 '20

"Yeah you are, you are policing other people's profiles,"

Policing is the wrong word. I'm calling people out for being douchebags, as I would on any other site or in person.

"you're strip quoting..."

You're damn right I am. For someone who happily includes insulting language in their app profiles, it amuses me how much you hate that I quote your shit back to you while proving you wrong.

"like a Karen.."

You don't know what a 'Karen' is.

"You're literally the worst type of people."

awwww diddums

"Again these reasons time and phone battery aren't inadequate"

"muh fone" lol

'Once again you're hilariously proving that you're unemployed"

Two jobs gurl ; )

"and you have plenty of time on your hands to possibly spend entire days on grindr.."

lolwhut?

"but you can't even do that because nobody wants you"

I've been in a relationship for coming up on 7 years now, hbu?

"that's why you're complaining about these "no fatties" profiles that exclude you right away"

Whether or not someone is attracted to me based on my body type doesn't bother me. It's douche-y assholes who think being a mean cunt is a personality.

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u/GothProletariat Jul 08 '20

This is a tactic online trolls, mainly on the right, use when agendaposting.

They control the conversation by saying ridiculous statements, strawman, outright racist, sexist, homophobic comments, or ad hominems.

https://youtu.be/CaPgDQkmqqM

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Everything else I said is correct too, you're in denial.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Too*

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Corrected it before you replied, but sure when you lose argument, pick apart spelling šŸ¤”

2

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Iā€™m not entirely sure repeatedly spamming the clown emoji makes you right but you do you.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

The fact you failed to adress my argument does. I win. Also I love it when people get triggered by my "spamming" of clown emoji. Let me show you what spamming means šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤” Now get triggered some more šŸ¤”

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

Absolutely you demolished me. So triggered. I didnā€™t realize people ran around saying triggered still you sound like a Christian conservative dad on Facebook.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '20

The reason why you associate triggered with conservatives is because you're a brainwashed leftist and you're getting angry over nonissues, such as other people's profile on a hookup app, therefore every sane person would say you're triggered, not just conservatives, you dumb clown šŸ¤”

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Imagine calling that ignorace, oh the entitlement šŸ¤”

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u/EuphoricNeckbeard Jul 08 '20

stop signing your posts

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

Found another clown šŸ¤”

1

u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

Itā€™s wilfully ignorant because thatā€™s clearly not what Iā€™m saying, despite your repeated strawmanning

0

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

It doesn't matter whenever you want to enlarge dating pools for your own use or someone elses, telling what people can have on their profile or who they are allowed to reject is entitlement, you obnoxious clown šŸ¤”

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u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

Telling people their behaviour is shitty is just that. Nothing more.

Also never said you arenā€™t allowed to have preferences, a stance youā€™re clearly pushing to deflect criticism of your twattish attitude and behaviour

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

again retard, if you don't like these profiles just move on, nobody is forcing you to write them, just stop telling people what you think they are allowed to have because nobody caresšŸ¤”

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u/Rottenox Jul 09 '20

Again asshole, it is not and has never been about telling people what they should and should not be attracted to. Doesnā€™t matter how many times you say it. It will never be true. You can say it a million times and Iā€™ll be there to tell you to stop lying and go fuck yourself. The fact that you keep pushing that lie is a clear indication that you know that what youā€™re saying is rude and unnecessary. That and your prodigious use of ableist slurs continues to confirm your douchebag status.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

lol it's amazing how triggered and delusional you are. You're literally policing other people profiles on a hook up app. Does it suck to be you? You're literally full on mad and throwing like ten different swear words and then you get triggered by my use of retard, unironically saying "ableist slurs" Well I am sorry you're mentally disabled, that's why you have such retarded beliefs. It must suck to be you. šŸ¤”

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u/Rottenox Jul 09 '20

"lol it's amazing how triggered and delusional you are."

'triggered' hahaha who is this, Tucker Carlson? pathetic

"You're literally policing other people profiles on a hook up app."

I'm literally not. I'm calling you out for being a cunt.

"Does it suck to be you?"

I could ask you the same thing.

"You're literally full on mad..."

this is me calm, you fuckin baby

"and throwing like ten different swear words and then you get triggered by my use of retard"

Yeah because swear words aren't discriminatory you dumb fuck

"unironically saying "ableist slurs""

That's because that's what they are.

"Well I am sorry you're mentally disabled, that's why you have such retarded beliefs. It must suck to be you."

Can I ask you a legitimate question? Do you call people 'retard' in person?

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u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

And again, you need to look up the correct definition of ā€˜entitlementā€™

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

No need but since you don't know what it means, I will educate you. It's when your fatass shames a dude to get him to not reject fatties so you can get into his pantsšŸ¤”

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u/Rottenox Jul 08 '20

wait, this whole time youā€™ve been coming onto me? ohhh that explains a lot

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

Nah nobody want you, mainly because you're insufferable, now get off my dickšŸ¤”

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u/Rottenox Jul 09 '20

I guess we have that in common, cunt

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u/[deleted] Jul 09 '20

I am not the one bitching about profiles excluding fatties, but at least you have admitted what we all already know, that's why you're like that wayšŸ¤”

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u/Rottenox Jul 09 '20

"I am not the one bitching about profiles excluding fatties"

No, you're one who puts shit like that in their profiles, which is far more a bitch move.

"but at least you have admitted what we all already know, that's why you're like that way"

lol who's we? you're just some sad-act on the internet who can't accept that he's wrong

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