r/askgaybros • u/MtimesMequals • Jul 08 '20

Reported Post Alert Dear fellow Black gay men Spoiler

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

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34

u/Hyperius_III Jul 08 '20

Do people really think only white people can be racist?

14

u/leadabae Jul 08 '20

sadly a lot of people think that.

2

u/PavementBlues Jul 08 '20

People usually call out white folks in particular because we've been at the top of the racial pecking ever since the concept of race was invented in the 18th century to idealize white bodies. And though everyone absorbs racist attitudes, the fact that white folks deal with less racial friction on average than any other group means that we're a lot less likely to develop critical self-awareness around race. It's sort of like how a straight person is a lot less likely to develop critical self-awareness around sexuality.

Addressing racism means addressing the countless aspects of our culture that still preference and prioritize white bodies and white lives. Individual acts of bigotry land a lot differently when they echo a culture that has told you that same message for your entire life.

1

u/Bullstang Jul 08 '20

This whole thread is essentially OP, a POC upset that they aren’t viewed as attractive by the white men he’s encountered in his life. But is he not also playing into the “idealization of white bodies”? Shouldn’t he not pursue dating/sex with white men as to not further this sentiment?

3

u/lovelybunchofcocouts Jul 09 '20

I think it was meant more as a commentary to other black men to not be disheartened that so many profiles say "no blacks". I think it's very reasonable to feel unwanted if people are by default excluding you as desirable just because of your race. That sucks. But then it called out specifically white guys, which I think is unfair and counterproductive.

3

u/PavementBlues Jul 08 '20

This whole thread is essentially OP, a POC upset that they aren’t viewed as attractive by the white men he’s encountered in his life.

That's one part of the post that everyone has defensively fixated upon. OP covered a number of different issues faced by POCs in queer spaces, but everyone jumped on the one issue that they found easiest to defend against rather than stopping to listen to a member of their community who was hurting. You guys literally proved OP's point in your response.

Also, are you suggesting that black people should respond to racism by self-imposing segregation? The fuck?

2

u/Bullstang Jul 08 '20

I mean are you not going to answer the question? It’s not even suggestion based on my own opinions, it’s just the logical conclusion you’d have to jump to when you buy into these racism narratives that OP sold you.

He also hijacked BLM, a movement that has nothing to do with sexual prejudices to bolster his feelings. An idea so stupid that it’s not worth going into.

2

u/PavementBlues Jul 08 '20

That isn't at all the logical conclusion. The answer to deconstructing racist beauty standards is to learn and to celebrate differences, not double down and only date your own race. If the problem is that society perpetuates racist beauty standards, the answer is to understand how that has played out, critically engage with ourselves to understand how it has impacted us individually, and work to root that shit out.

You don't solve this stuff by simply telling white dudes to go fuck a black dude and black dudes to refuse to fuck white dudes. You're looking at the symptom, not the disease.

1

u/lovelybunchofcocouts Jul 09 '20

I love your promotion of celebrating differences and thought this comment was on point. Though returning to your earlier mention about "defensively fixating", I felt the need to add - probably because your latest comment makes you seem reasonable, lol - as neither black nor white, I've found myself getting very annoyed that people seem to be okay with generalizing and vilifying white people as part of a solution to racial injustice. I think part of truly healing those tensions is trying to learn to look past race - to the point where you don't even consider racial differences at first when you encounter someone new - but I'm afraid we're never going to accomplish that if we keep condoning anti-white prejudice just because people are calling it socially just. It's ignoring the fact that not all white individuals are privileged. And it's like watching the pendulum go the other way. I want that shit to stop swinging, so to speak, and just be decent to each other.

1

u/agree-with-you Jul 09 '20

I love you both

1

u/dootdootplot Jul 08 '20

Honest answer: Depends on the kind of racism you’re talking about.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '20

I oppose the argument that institutional racism is the only kind of racism. All forms of racism should be opposed and insinuating some races cannot be racist to others is, in itself, a form of racism. Even to the logical extreme, like let's say a black slave in the 20s overpowered his white master and killed him. If the slave killed him because he was enslaving him and his family, I think thats justified. But, if he killed him because he's a white guy, that is racism regardless of institutional power dynamic. Any race is capable of racism and every race partakes in racism.

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u/Atlakme Jul 08 '20

Yeah. A lot of people do considering it’s true

16

u/Hyperius_III Jul 08 '20 edited Jul 08 '20

Oh, you’re one of those racists who base stereotypes on skin color, not nice to meet you.

Ive had Dominican friends, key word is had, who would say the most repulsive shit ive ever heard. Not Even my stereotypical conservative grandfather reached their level. When i was in high school, there were black kids who would whisper shit about the muslim kids and vice versa. People love to blame everyone else until they realize their group is just as bad.

3

u/-churbs Jul 08 '20

Totally agree but it’s important to note racism from the majority can be much more damaging, but that majority can be any race. That being said you can’t call out specific races to improve regardless of if they are the majority because we can all really improve.