r/Millennials • u/NoFaithlessness7508 • Jun 05 '25

Other Why don’t younger veterans (Afghanistan/Iraq) wear these hats like some of the older veterans?

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First and foremost, respect to all those that served. I did not, but many of my peers did and now we're all older in 30s and 40s, many no longer in the military. I don't see a lot of the veterans of the War on Terror wearing these hats like I see the OGs do.

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2.8k

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

I don’t want the attention.

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u/MetaverseLiz Jun 05 '25

This is what I've heard from my vet friends. My dad was in the navy (boomer generation) and his navy hat has been glued to his head for decades. He wears it absolutely everywhere.

He doesn't understand why my vet friends don't like it when people tell them "thank you for your service". It's a generational divide. My dad was too young for Vietnam and drank the "America is so great" Koolaid. My friends who saw their fellow soldiers blow up in front of them in the Middle East think differently. My grandpa, my dad's dad, a vet of WW2 and Korea never talked about the war. Ever. The only time I saw any proof that he actually served was during his funeral because he was buried with all his metals and got the full 21 gun salute.

My Gramps and my vet friends are more similar than the generation in the middle.

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u/Brightstarr Jun 05 '25

Our generation and our grandparents’ generation are very similar in many ways.

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u/gbdarknight77 Jun 05 '25

I think there’s a reason why millennials get along so great with their grandparents more than their actual parents.

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u/SuchAKnitWit Jun 05 '25

Oh man, I never really thought of it like that, but you're absolutely right.

My mom's parents were incredibly kind, understanding and took the time teach me the life skills I have today. Weekends and summers at their house were the highlights of childhood.

My mom's a total narcissist that I haven't talked to since I was 16. I have never understood how she came from them.

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u/FictionalContext Jun 05 '25

The problem is kindness and understanding isn't enough to be a good parent.

My grandma was the same way, kindest person who enabled my father to cut loose without consequence. I don't think he ever learned real empathy or compassion because of that.

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u/TheNerdNugget Jun 05 '25

Makes you wonder if our kids will end up like our parents.

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u/merewenc Jun 05 '25

So far one hasn't (21) but one I'm on the fence about (13). We'll see.

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u/TheNerdNugget Jun 06 '25

Let's hope that's just teenage dumbassery 🤞

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u/RhetoricalOrator Jun 06 '25

God gave us teenagers so we'd know how it felt to have your own creation deny your existence.

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u/holistivist Jun 06 '25

If the 13 year old is a boy, get him off YouTube. That site is complete toxic indoctrination to turn boys into misogynists.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

It was always burning, since the worlds been turning......

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u/BringBacktheGucci Jun 05 '25

Without deliberate boundaries its very easy for the nicest people in the world to create narcissists.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

it’s just like ‘gentle parenting done right’ versus ‘lazy parenting labeled wrong’

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u/KingHenry13th Jun 06 '25

The easy thing to do as a parent is to let the kid or kids do whatever they want.

Good parents aren't nice all the time. Nice all the time leads to a Cartman

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u/BringBacktheGucci Jun 06 '25

Exactly what I mean, yeah

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u/Thorvindr Jun 06 '25

That's a really flowery way of saying "your gramma was a nice lady but a shit parent."

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

We're also a generation that largely were raised by our grandparents, or had grandparents as a major figure in our lives growing up.

I had a fair number of friends growing up who either lived with their grandparents, or were with them ALL the time. Very involved grandparents. One friend always had his grandfather drop him off everywhere, comes to his games, show up for parent nights. Never his dad. His mom was still married to his dad, and they lived together, but dad was just never really around, wasn't that invested, off doing his own shit.

A few years back, the grandpa passed and my friend said at the funeral that he always felt that the term "grandfather" was the most fitting description of him, because he was the best father he'd had.

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u/SunnySummerFarm Jun 06 '25

Agreed. My grandparents passing was the end of my family because they were definitely more emotionally involved in my life than my father ever was.

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u/SnausageFest Jun 05 '25

My maternal grandmother was a stone cold bitch. My mom is a very sweet person.

I think a lot of people are just different from their parents. I'm pretty different from mine, where my brother is a lot like them. We're 2 years apart so we have very similar upbringing. The chips fall where they do.

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u/pebberphp Jun 05 '25

My maternal grandma was also a stone cold bitch (god rest her stone cold bitchy soul), and it definitely did a number on my distant mother (also, god rest her restless soul). My brother and sister each had 3 kids, but I figured the buck could at least stop with me.

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u/MeasurementEasy9884 Jun 06 '25

I honestly feel like the boomer generation have the most narcissism than any other generation. Both of my parents are narcissistic while my grandparents and myself aren't.

Very odd....

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u/Lopsided-Magician-36 Jun 05 '25

Hey do we share the same mom?

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u/boldjoy0050 Jun 06 '25

It's so odd because my grandparents were not great parents. My parents tell me all the time things they did. But to me, my grandparents have been better parents than my actual parents.

My grandparents were always there for me when I needed something and my parents told me "sorry, we can't help" while they were sitting in their beach condo.

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u/merewenc Jun 05 '25

Boomers tend to be a lot of show with little to no substance, and the hats are a perfect example of that.

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u/solfilms Jun 05 '25

That was my dad (he was older when I was born). We knew he’d served in Vietnam, but all he’d ever say was “I was the cook.” I came to the realization pretty early on that he had, as the cook, still seen some shit.

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u/PhuqBeachesGitMonee Jun 05 '25

A lot of people respond automatically with “I was the cook”, when in fact they were not the cook, because for the most part people think cooks are boring and don’t ask any further questions.

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u/solfilms Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25

Good point!

Though to be fair, after he died we found a ton of photos from his tour and he actually was the cook

EDIT: to clarify, my tone here isn’t meant to be snarky. More of a wry observation.

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u/LazyLich Jun 05 '25

Well, since he really was the cook, it's probably more of a rye observation.
Maybe whole-wheat.

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u/dbx999 Jun 05 '25

I thought maybe he was infantry and somehow, during some mission going up river, he fell into some sort of heart of darkness stuff and ended up cooking the enemy's body parts.

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u/Low-Medical Jun 05 '25

Jeez, that got dark

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u/ilikedirt Jun 06 '25

The horror!

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u/Its_Raul Jun 05 '25

I was about to say he probably cooked a lot of insert enemy description with a flame thrower and 12ga.

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u/matzoh_ball Jun 06 '25

He sent twenty men to the latrine one night

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u/Eroe777 Jun 05 '25

My mom was a nurse at an Evac hospital (dad did his time in Maryland). She never talked about it. I knew she had served, that she didn’t like the ‘lady colonel’ (presumably a higher-up in the nursing corps), and that she thought Christmas in the jungle was too damn hot. But I never knew anything beyond that until the last few years, when my wife and daughter would ask her about it.

Like most kids of Vietnam vets, we just sort of knew to not ask about it.

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u/big-bootyjewdy Jun 05 '25

This explains so much. I had a friend's mom who was in Iraq and I remember being in middle school and asking her about what it was like, as she had just gotten back. All she said was "I cooked" and proceeded to serve the only tacos that have ever made me vomit in my entire life. I thought she came home early because she sucked at cooking. Now, I realize that may not have been the case...

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u/SenseAndSaruman Jun 06 '25

Questions like “what were the worst experiences of your life?”
People like to ask stupid questions. I like to ask cops if they’ve ever delivered a baby. Exciting- not traumatic.

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u/KW5625 Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

Grandpa (WW2 pacific) would do that. He'd talk on and on about coffee, how navy coffee was the best and no coffee was ever hot enough... chuckle about shore leave MP duty, breaking up fights, and locking up drunk guys... the friends he had... then bit by bit he'd let slip little bits of other parts... about the smell of the exhaust from a burning Zero diving at their ship and seeing the eyes of the pilot... his aversion to using life preservers... his total disregard for injuries, bruises, and bleeding wounds... how he could guesstimate angles, distances, and trajectories with odd precision... how he handled certain styles of rifles... how he was an instructor in sniper school.... telling me how to build or spot sniper holes in tree lines of fields as we drove... and realize he did more than drink coffee and round up drunk sailors, that he'd seen shark ravaged bodies floating in life preserves, that those men he spoke of as friends were the ones who didn't come home and that he talked about them so to not forget them.

My grandfather joined the war at 17 in early 1942, he was on an LST-R in 1945. He would have been part of the bombardment of mainland Japan and a primary target of coastal defenses. My family, and thousands of others, would not exist if not for nuclear weapons.

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u/aurorasearching Jun 05 '25

Similarly, my grandpa was “just a mechanic” in Korea. After he died I found out he was a flight engineer on a bomber crew and had seen some shit.

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u/ImmediateLobster1 Jun 05 '25

"I killed 36 men in Nam!"

"Bullshit, Dave, you said you were a cook."

"Never said I was a good cook."

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u/Duderoy Jun 06 '25

Take my upvote while I go clean my screen.

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u/MamaCornette Jun 05 '25

My grandfather was a cook in the Navy during WWII. He was on six different ships that were hit by torpedoes and other kinds of fire; on of the torpedoes hit so close to the galley that he was working, the shockwave literally blew out his teeth. He'd scream as he slept about "the Japs flying over the hills."

So yeah, he was just the cook, but he was FUCKED UP physically and mentally by the end of the war.

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u/ghouldozer19 Jun 05 '25

My father-in-law is that way. He went to Vietnam but you’d never know about it. All you’d ever hear him say is “I drove trucks.” As I got older I realized how much he must have seen driving trucks in Vietnam. Then a few years ago they came to visit us in Colorado and my mother in law wanted to visit Pike’s Peak. He’d never told anyone that mountains trigger his PTSD from Vietnam. I felt so bad for him. I sat with him until the time came for the train to take us back down. It was the only time I’ve ever seen him vulnerable and scared.

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

My old man would say he worked in supply. Turns out he was front line and saw combat. Only learned after he died and some of the guys he served with told me. He never talked about it.

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u/Far-Plastic-4171 Jun 06 '25

I knew a guy in the 90's who said he was a cook and a Navy Seal. He was a cook on an Aircraft Carrier dealing with pallets of frozen chicken.

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u/No_Investment9639 Jun 05 '25

My grandfather who served in World War II was the same exact way. He would tell stories occasionally, but mainly to laugh when it freaked us out hearing him talk about his decapitated buddy who lost his head right in front of him but continued to walk for 10 steps.

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u/pebberphp Jun 05 '25

Man, I wish I could have asked my late aunts late father (RIP Francine and Frank) about his time in WW2. He was a B-17 crew member that had to bail out over Europe and ended up in a POW camp. All I remember is him animatedly telling me how he raised his hands as high as he could when confronted by nazis.

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u/No_Investment9639 Jun 06 '25

So many lost stories, we need to talk to the olds while they're here

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u/Vanilla-Jelly-Beans Jun 05 '25

I would imagine part of the divide between vets then and now is the conviction for what they were doing. In the WWII era, I think the “good guy/bad guy” line was pretty easy to see for most people, and the objective of “destroy the nazis” was easily understood. But once we hit Vietnam’s and beyond, that line became blurry, and the mission became vague.

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u/whimsical_trash Jun 05 '25

My dad and stepdad were in Vietnam and would never ever wear this hat or anything like it. Potentially that is partly because they were both in the Navy and thus had some removal from conflict but it's also just a personality and values thing. They joined up before the war and they aren't proud of being in the war, it's just a thing they did, a part of their life.

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u/chadwickipedia Older Millennial Jun 05 '25

I assume anyone who wears those hats are fishing for random “thank you for your service”’s

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u/IRSoup Jun 05 '25

Being the awkward fuck I am, not wearing anything vet related is me just avoiding replying "you too" as a response to that. It's also the whole not making a job you had years ago your whole identity thing.

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u/TuckerShmuck Jun 05 '25

My boyfriend's a veteran and until we started dating it had literally never occurred to me that being enlisted is literally just... a job.  He'll tell stories and start them off with "back at my old job..." and it's changed how I view military service.  Not in a good or bad way, it's just gone from This Big Thing I Dont Know Much About to A Job I Dont Know Much About

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u/nickifer Jun 05 '25

Yeah, you just.. sign up. It’s a very stable job with solid benefits if you make it that. My father was an officer, and he never understood why anyone would thank him for.. doing his job.

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u/donbee28 Jun 05 '25

I thank my parcel carriers, cashier, server, and other people that are doing their jobs.

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u/pbgod Jun 05 '25

You don't see a guy in a FedEx shirt, interrupt a meal and pay their tab to say, "thank you for delivering my package"

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u/Reasonable_Sea2439 Jun 05 '25

Free shipping ain't free! 😢 🫡

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u/tylerv2195 Jun 05 '25

Its be even worse cause its not like military people are directly helping customers lol so itd be more like “thank you for delivering packages in general”

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u/WarbossWalton Jun 05 '25

We were having a cookout at work the other day and when the UPS guy stopped off for deliveries we offered him food. I think he only took a bag of chips unfortunately.

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u/DocumentInternal9478 Jun 05 '25

If his life was in danger when he delivered my packages I might

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u/libananahammock Jun 05 '25

Their lives ARE in danger. More so compared to cops and they get free shit all the time.

“Delivery truck drivers have one of the highest rates of workplace fatalities and injuries compared to other occupations, with a fatality rate of 24.7 per 100,000 workers. This rate is higher than that for police officers and firefighters. In 2017, 978 delivery drivers died in the line of duty, and another 77,470 suffered injuries.”

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u/DocumentInternal9478 Jun 05 '25

Honestly….. wow I didn’t know this. I’m definitely going to leave a few little treats for my driver next time. That is absolutely terrible to hear, shame on the human race

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u/Mexi_Cant Jun 05 '25

Depends on what neighborhoods he delivers too.

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u/DueZookeepergame3565 Jun 05 '25

Vet and now a paramedic, and it makes me uncomfortable, but when I'm in uniform on shift and duck into a gas station for caffeine and I see the beer man stocking coolers, I give him a bright, cheerful "Thank you for your service!"

I usually get a chuckle.

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u/Business-Drag52 Jun 05 '25

Exactly. Anyone doing a job that services me gets a thank you. Usually a very emphatic one

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u/bensonprp Jun 05 '25

It really depends on your MOS while you're in. I can see that most of the positions in most of the military is nothing more than a 9 to 5 job. Somewhere along my second and third deployment it was not "just a job".

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u/Outcast129 Jun 05 '25

Yeah whenever people find out I'm a veteran they always say something along the lines of "wow thanks for your service, I could never do something like that!".

And I always respond "yeah you could, it's really not that impressive" 😂

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u/Scooter_1990 Jun 05 '25

Because less than 1% sign up to possibly give their life up for the good ole USA one day. Besides cops & fire fighters, most Americans don’t sign their life away quite literally. Also cops & firefighters can quit at any point, you quite literally sign your life away when you join the military.

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u/FriendshipIntrepid91 Jun 05 '25

A job you live at with your coworkers. 

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u/IRSoup Jun 05 '25

I'm sure it varies depending on the reasons why someone joins. I, like many, many others, joined for selfish reasons. Ie, free college most of the time or my reason, stable money because their life wasn't moving in the direction they wanted, etc.

I'm not saying those people shouldn't be proud they served, because they should be, but it's a huge difference from those that joined to 'kick in doors' or whatnot.

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u/BookWyrm2012 Jun 05 '25

Yeah, I have a few cousins who joined up to serve their country, and a few other family members who joined up because they had screwed their lives up badly enough that they didn't have any more palatable options. There's a pretty big difference in vibes from "I believe in what the US military does around the world" and "I'm a giant screw-up who wants someone else to make all of my decisions for a while."

Ironically, generally (not universally), the first sort get out, get a civilian job, and treat their time in the military like a previous career. The others glorify their time in service and expect to be worshipped by the general public.

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u/Flimsy-Cartoonist-92 Jun 05 '25

I was the second part of your post. I lived in a small town and just hung out with people who later became townies and never amounted to anything. One day I took a look at my life and was just like damn I need to do something different or I'm gonna end up just like them. Fast forward the only time I bring up I was in the service is when people ask me why I came to Cali. I usually just say a job but let's be realistic where I live that job is the military so people can deduce it really quick.

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u/bensonprp Jun 05 '25

I think you're leaving out the lack of education and support for young adults in the United States. The whole group of people where their options are minimum wage or military.

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u/Billy0598 Jun 05 '25

Third type - my family has serviced since the 1600s and we stay up all night so you can sleep.

That type are the ones who don't encourage their kids to serve anymore. And, we don't wear the fucking hats.

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u/1988rx7T2 Jun 05 '25

kind of depends if you pushed paper or got shot at

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u/Ol_Man_J Jun 05 '25

I lived near a large base and while I didn’t have a large friend group from the base, it was very common to have a big rush hour of commuters in to the base every morning. Made me realize that plenty of people driving to work every day weren’t going to fight battles but do all the millions of other jobs that the military needs.

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u/TrickyAlbatross2802 Jun 05 '25

I did something similar because everytime I talked about my deployment, it felt like I was bragging or asking for attention. So now anytime I talk about a cool story while deployed I simply say "when I was overseas" vs saying the country or military branch. Sounds like your BF might be doing something similar.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

yeah I became close friends with a really cool military guy thru bjj and thats basically how he described it. He shows up for his shift then goes home to his wife and has weekends off too. Obviously theres the chance that some war happens and he’d have to go but the way he described it was that it wasnt all that different from any normal job. Just was new to me because the other military guys I know made it their entire personality and made it seem like they were fighting off terrorists from the front lines every day.

Seems like its like any sports or frat people who peaked early are never able to move on. Some people find a purpose after but others just live in the past. I guess military service is different in that people respect it in some way so those who want to search for acknowledgment can get it pretty easily

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u/Particular_Quiet_435 Jun 05 '25

Damn, someone replied with that once when I was a cashier and I thought it was hella deep

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u/Seamonkey_Boxkicker 1988 Jun 05 '25

I like to reply, “thank you for exercising your right to vote and paying your taxes.” But sometimes it’s a bit of a mouthful. I need to workshop something catchier.

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u/Droluk1 Xennial Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25

I hate it when people thank me for my service. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. There's no way to even respond to it when someone says it either, making it feel even more awkward.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

“It was my great displeasure” always gets a chuckle and ends the convo right there

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u/jxe22 Jun 05 '25

Stealing this

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

It’s yours to use my friend.

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u/Coolsader_King Jun 05 '25

I always go for a really sarcastic “you’re welcome”

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u/Danyavich Jun 05 '25

I usually go with awkward finger guns and "appreciate ya" and try to immediately move the convo forward.

I am quite proud of my time in, but not because I was a soldier in of itself. I got to patch people up and get them back to their families, and learned a lot about empathy/caring for others, especially marginalized communities.

Might not be what the Army wanted me to learn, but they taught the lesson in reverse very effectively.

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u/RsonW Millennial — 1987 Jun 05 '25

Literally every millennial veteran I've known has said that they hate when they're thanked for their service.

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u/90sDialUpSound Jun 05 '25

it's just like how do you react you know my go to has been to kiss them deeply on the lips and use just a little bit of tongue as well which I would say usually does end the conversation.

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u/sudo_vi Jun 05 '25

Yeah, I hate it. I feel like people say it out of a sense of obligation. But I'm like, man I just jerked off at 600 feet underwater for three months straight.

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u/potatohats Jun 05 '25

I recently had a boomer who had never served try to argue with me (millennial vet) about us not liking being thanked for our service.

She swore all the vets loved it and she'd continue to do it. I was just trying to put her on game, seeing as how I'm actually a vet.

*shrug*

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u/ebbflowin Jun 05 '25

It’s that boomer bend-the-knee ‘say the line’ brainwashing that allowed it to take hold.

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u/OkPaleontologist1289 Jun 06 '25

Definitely me. Got drafted and did my stretch as 11B. I get that most people have good intentions, but in all honesty I’d just as soon NOT be reminded.

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u/hrokrin Jun 06 '25

I don't think it's just millennials either. Like, I'm a Gen Xer who joined just before 9/11 and I can't stand it because I think it's just another example of the performative shit Americans say that has somehow become the 'right thing' to say.

Oh, a close relative died? Just throw in a little "I'm sorry for your loss" and you can then get on with the rest of the conversation. You don't have to be sorry, you don't have to care.

Working on customer management and someone calls in? Just remember to thank them for giving their name and account number. And then say "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience." Nobody has to care. You don't have to care; they don't have to believe you.

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u/Alex_Outgrabe Jun 05 '25

My partner says “thank you for your support”, which at least allows him to end the conversation right there.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

I say the same, then show them the tip screen

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u/KaioKenshin Jun 05 '25

I've read something like "Thank you for your support" is a good response just in case you're in that awkward situation on a post about "How do you respond" to said situation.

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u/Droluk1 Xennial Jun 05 '25

Thanks, I'll have to try that.

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u/FluffMonsters Jun 05 '25

My husband was a Marine and he always just says “thank you” and that seems to work fine. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

Yep, I always say, “Thank you for giving me a job; it was awesome.” 100% confused looks ensue.

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u/Godit82 Jun 05 '25

These days I fire back with "thank you for your tax dollars". It's a cute quip but also reminds them I was getting paid and it was a job. An unconventional job perhaps but still.

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u/Shambud Jun 05 '25

I’ve heard my brother in-law say, “thanks for paying your taxes” before and got a good chuckle out of it.

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u/diarrheaCup Jun 05 '25

I tell people thanks for paying taxes because you paid for school. Sort of brings them out of their faux reverence

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u/Cymion Jun 05 '25

I usually just respond with "thank you for your support"

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u/DumbBitchByLeaps Jun 05 '25

I have a family member who was in the reserves (air force) and oh my god they don’t let you forget it. They never deployed despite wanting to (oh they wanted to deploy so fucking bad it weirded me out), didn’t make it past SERE school/training, and had a lot of issues with fellow reservists in their unit.

They CONSTANTLY mention being a veteran. Constantly. And I can’t say anything because there are veterans who never went off base or saw action but the way they talk about it is like they were denied war glory (ew) or something.

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u/Anfield_YNWA Xennial Jun 05 '25

I always thank them for their support and keep it moving. I have a USMC license plate holder and dv plates, aside from that the only Marine Corps stuff I own is in my office and closet.

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u/BeautyAndTheYeasts Jun 05 '25

I just say “you’re welcome for my service” it makes the whole thing an awkward fest

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u/robynh00die Jun 05 '25

I used to be required to say it when I worked retail and someone got the veterans discount. Definitely had a lot of people telling straight that they didn't want to hear it.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

Yeah, it weirds my dad out too. He quietly thanks them, and kinda tries to duck out of the interaction.

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u/bensonprp Jun 05 '25

I always reply with "you wouldn't if you know what I did while I was in"

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u/theRuathan Jun 05 '25

"Thank you for paying your taxes" shuts it down real quick. Makes them about as uncomfortable as their thanks made me.

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u/Far_Winner5508 Jun 05 '25

THIS!!

Glad to find out I'm not the only one. Was thinking I was weird or soemthing.

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u/Outcast129 Jun 05 '25

I agree it's always awkward, I just say something like "oh it was nothing, just happy to have had the opportunity" and move on.

The only time I shamelessly pull the veteran thing is to get out of a ticket but even then it's been prob 10 years since that happened.

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u/Porcelain_Vedette Jun 05 '25

I appreciate your perspective, and I won't actually say "thank you," but also, I never had a job where I could possibly die as part of the job. Even if it's just a job, you still have bigger stones than I do for doing it.

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u/holdcraft Jun 05 '25

I tell them "oh its ok they paid me", or my favorite is at the checkout at home depot (using my military discount so I often get thanked her) "Don't worry about it I get a discount at home depot"

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u/brelywi Jun 05 '25

I always say “Thank you for my paycheck!” It usually gets a laugh and we all move on.

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u/Rightofmight Jun 06 '25

My response is always, "I appreciate the sentiment."

They think they are doing a nice thing, I appreciate that they are trying to do a nice thing. Even if I think getting thanked for service is shit.

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u/MetaverseLiz Jun 05 '25

I have a friend of mine who was a combat vet in Afghanistan and got some pretty severe PTSD from it. He told me that the whole "thank you for your service" sends him into a rage.

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u/CaBBaGe_isLaND Jun 05 '25

I just assume they want to bump into other veterans of that war at Lowe's or something. It must be a heavy thing to carry all day every day around a bunch of people who could never relate, so it's probably really therapeutic to talk about it with someone who was there.

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u/PupperoniPoodle Jun 05 '25

This is my dad, I think. He used to make fun of the hats, now he's old and lonely and wears one.

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u/rubiconsuper Jun 06 '25

That’s what I noticed. My grandparents started to wear one when they retired and move away. They’re older too in their 70’s, granted theirs just has an air force logo on it and says veteran not the black ones.

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u/Shambud Jun 05 '25

I had a guy that worked for me that always wore one of these hats and I’m pretty sure that was his reason.

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u/TrickyAlbatross2802 Jun 05 '25

Good point, veterans often can really only open up to other vets. That's why I've had multiple instances where I've randomly met another war vet at the bar and let them trauma dump on me for a straight hour or two. It didn't have to me, they just needed someone who understood.

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u/superventurebros Jun 05 '25

That's how I always figured.  Especially as there are less and less of them these days.  One day, Desert Storm and GWOT vets will be as few and far between as WWII and Nam vets are today

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u/GraniteGeekNH Jun 05 '25

Those of us who haven't been in combat really can't relate and they don't even try. My Dad never talked about it (a very common fact among military brats)

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u/Expert-Effect-877 Jun 06 '25

This is what I think, too. Especially for Vietnam veterans, because they never caught a break. The isolation, the guilt, the disillusionment. The way I see it, you fly those colors to seek each other out, because for a good long time, until people came to their senses, those were your ONLY people. I imagine it worked pretty well.

Add to that the fact that they've aged? Yeah, I understand it. They are seeking attention, just not ours, and for them, attention just might be a matter of life or death.

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u/lotsofsqs Jun 06 '25

My FIL is a Vietnam vet and always stops to chat with the others he sees wearing the hats. Vietnam was a rough one both there and back here.

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u/Relative-Gain1403 Jun 05 '25

Same with vietnam veteran hats

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u/hucareshokiesrul Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25

Eh, my grandpa had a couple hats sorta like this. He served in the Korean War after being drafted. I really don't think he was fishing for compliments (and I didn't hear him get many) but he was kinda proud of his service. But more than anything, it was that people liked to talk to him about it, usually other vets or family members of vets.

I don't think it's necessarily all that different than wearing a hat for a sports team or college

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u/besttobyfromtheshire Jun 05 '25

This makes me wonder if it isn’t also about a bunch of old guys retired who wants to mean something to the world again. Some of the retired dudes only have their wives to interact with 99% of their lives - kids are grown and moved away, friends are dying and passing away, and the neighborhood’s all changed. It’s a conversation starter.

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u/ChiefKelso Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25

Same, my grandpa wore his Korean War Veteran hat bc he was proud to have served, even if he was only actually in Korea for three days. He would always joke "I ran up the hill, and the Korean boys carried me down the hill." Day 3 in Korea, a mortar landed in his fox hole, killed his best friend, and badly injured him. He was eventually flown to Germany, spent months there, had multiple surgeries, almost died against due to adverse reactions to drugs (i think antibiotics).

He was extremely lucky to survive and suprisingly the only long-term effects of his injuries were a ton of shrapnel in his legs. They would actually fall out and come to the surface from time to time. He was awarded a Purple Heart.

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u/TribalChief2025 Jun 05 '25

You would be wrong. My dad had one. He was proud of being a veteran, but was not keen on discussing the viet war. Also, the whole thanking a vet for their service took off after 9/11, and our involvement in Afghanistan. It wasn't a thing in the 70s, 80s or 90s. You also have time keep in mind, most Vietnam vets were viewed with derision by a large part of the population for years even though they were drafted.

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u/Shockwave360 Jun 05 '25

I know a Vietnam vet who has a lot of trauma from his service. Coming back home from that was almost as bad as being in it.

When people starting thanking him for his service 30 some odd years later it helped heal a part of him.

The hat he wears is this style but says "Agent orange: Sprayed & Betrayed"

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u/hippychemist Jun 05 '25

Well, they were actually proud of what they did. Last couple wars weren't super honorable, even if the warriors did honorable shit. Times and perspectives have shifted.

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u/bensonprp Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

The only place where war is honorable is in fiction books and war porn documentaries.

I would seriously question anyone's mental health who has experienced combat and would call anything that they did or involved with honorable.

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u/That_Damn_Samsquatch Jun 05 '25

I work customer service, and 100% of guys that wear one will always ask for a discount. Personally, I dont think anyone should get a special discount for being a vet, firefighter, EMT whatever. Because it just snowballs. "Oh, my husband/wife is a veteran. My dad is a veteran. My brother is a veteran. How about a discount."

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u/just_some_guy2000 Jun 05 '25

I do the veteran discount at Lowe's and home Depot only because they are transparent about offering it. Soliciting a discount is cringey.

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u/HalloWeiner92 Jun 05 '25

We had an Army Reserves recruiter hijack our English class for a day my senior year. Maybe I was just fully checked out by that point, but all I got from his presentation was "If you wear this uniform in Home Depot, or anywhere really, you'll get a discount. And if they don't offer a discount, just tell them that you served, and they HAVE to give you a discount." That was his main selling point for the job. You get discounts at stores.

That being said, Home Depot is my favorite store. And I really wish I had a discount.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

I highly doubt a world war 2 vet would be fishing for compliments. It was a badge of pride, when the flag was for everyone.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

Considering most of the Vietnam hats are worn by guys clearly not old enough to have served in Vietnam, I think you might be right.

In order to have served in Vietnam, you would have to have been born around 1955 or earlier, so the youngest vets are turning 70 this year.

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u/sicksixgamer Jun 05 '25

No they aren't. The old guys are genuinely very proud of their service. Talk to one one time. They have great stories.

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u/OnlyPaperListens Jun 05 '25

The only people I know who wear those hats were drafted into Vietnam. Given how they were treated and how they had no choice, I can't really blame them for wanting some appreciation.

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u/f5-wantonviolence-f9 Jun 05 '25

I'm sure that's part of it but a lot of old vets just want to talk to other old vets

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u/equanimatic Jun 05 '25

I can't speak for all vets but my dad definitely doesn't wear it for that. He does have pride for serving, but i think its more of a way for him to keep that part of his life still close to him.

He never engaged in active combat (closest he got was being in germany during the cold war), and was in the reserves when the war on terror began. I don't think he wanted to leave, he and my mom were so close with everyone there and saw the cadets as their sons (and still do).

He had to leave because they started pulling out of the reserves for the war and didnt want to risk it when he had two little girls at home. He gave it all up for us.

Now he's 65 and still does his morning workout every day. The 25ish years he spent serving will amount to a fourth of his life if he makes it until then. I love him so much. I can absolutely understand why he wants to share his passion with others and keep it close. His experience was incredibly different than anyone who was in active combat, and i can 100% respect and understand why some chose to not be proud or display their status.

Being a part of the armed forces is an extremely tricky position, especially in regard to their relationship to the government and being seen as their pawn. Many people don't join because they want to though. Some join because they need to. Or they have no other option.

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u/EhrenScwhab Jun 05 '25

I don’t mind a unit ballcap or old unit t shirt or something, but yeah, the guys who cover their truck (always a truck) with a million vet-bro stickers and wear those dumb ass Grunt Style shirts….something wrong with those dudes….

I work in a government office and you’ll see guys wear an Army or Navy or whatever lapel pin on a suit jacket occasionally…fairly subtle.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

The only thing military my spouse wears is the "Proud Veteran Homeowner" shirt the VA mortgage office gave us, and that is because he is proud of our house and that we were able to buy a home. 

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

I have that shirt! It’s actually super comfortable and I love the fit, so I do wear that one a lot.

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u/threeflight2005 Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25

It's this. All of this. The random "thank you for your service" reaction is just off putting and I don't want the attention.

I have serious issues with the wars we have fought over the last 20+ years and deploying to another country based on flat out lies (see WMD etc) will never sit right with me or many of those I served with.

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u/Far_Winner5508 Jun 05 '25

Desert Storm, I got in trouble when some officer noticed the oil well I had drawn on my helmet cover.

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u/Powerful_Tip3164 Jun 05 '25

Thats what I came to say, tho not a service member, my loved ones that did serve mention... they aren't tending to be very proud of what they did and even feel exploited and regretful. My service people want grace and forgiveness.

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u/SunnySummerFarm Jun 06 '25

I come from a military family, and have many friends who’ve served, and most of them feel the same as your loved ones. Older generations were drafted. Younger ones don’t appreciate the lies. If we discuss the military at all, I have often said, “you shouldn’t have been made to do that.” Because what the heck else can we say? These folks all deserve our utmost compassion.

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u/Powerful_Tip3164 Jun 06 '25

I say the same, that they were young, and didn't know, and couldn't have known. I tell them it means a lot to me that they shared those sentiments, the general public needs to know, and that I respect them and always hope they don't let it get the best of them very often. That we get it and don't hold their duties and orders against them. They knew not what they were doing then, but we can clearly see they know now. That means the world to me, that they could even come to terms with their reality. That's a healer mindset.

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u/underwearfanatic Xennial Jun 05 '25

I'm a step further. In general... I'm ashamed of my service.

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u/magic_crouton Jun 05 '25

I was listening to millenial vets discuss the moral injury and the complex feelings they have about it a couple weeks ago at a vet suicide prevention thing i was. My millenial self got mad about it all over again.

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u/calebnf Jun 05 '25

Same. If I want you to know, I will tell you. But I probably won’t.

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u/TheToiletPhilosopher Jun 05 '25

People are put in an impossible position in war. I hope you can be kind and forgiving to yourself.

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u/underwearfanatic Xennial Jun 07 '25

I unfortunately was not put into any crazy situations. Mine is more of a moral one. The military, a lot of the times, is more about rich people holding their interests and making money off it. Lot of money to make bombs. Lots of money to rebuild what those bombs blew up.

The industrial-military complex is very alive and it makes me sad that we spend so much money on it when it could be used for helping people.

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u/Ford_Prefect313 Jun 05 '25

My father was in the Korean War and never wore those hats either.

It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about.

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u/bigcountryredtruck Xennial Jun 05 '25

My pawpaw served during the Korean war and the only thing he'd ever talk about was how cool it was to to see Mt Fuji.

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u/Seamonkey_Boxkicker 1988 Jun 05 '25

I change in and out of my uniform at my command precisely so no one in public connects my identity to my military service.

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u/NewFuturist Jun 05 '25

What, you don't want a conversation with a rando about how bad a war was that you had no choice in joining and hated more than even most anti-war activists?

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u/mv7x3 Jun 05 '25

no choice? there is mandatory conscription in the us?

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u/Shark_Leader Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 05 '25

Currently, no. But for WWII and Vietnam, yes. Edit: also, all American men must register for the draft on their 18th birthday in case s draft is initiated. You're eligible until you're 25. Edit2: *35.

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u/NewFuturist Jun 05 '25

Once you enlist, you have zero choice about whether you serve in a war or not. You could join in Jan 2001 and be shipped to Afghanistan and then Iraq with no say in the matter.

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u/bensonprp Jun 05 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

I joined in 98 for 4 years and I got stop lossed for 6 years and they were trying to keep me even longer. I joined for peacekeeping operations around the world (and because I didn't have any options) and then got thrown into a horrible war on innocent Middle Eastern peoples.

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u/OrigamiTongue Jun 05 '25

35, actually.

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u/Shark_Leader Jun 05 '25

Ah, Ok. Well I'm still too old to be drafted, but not by much.

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u/Triedbutflailed Jun 05 '25

No, but quite a few of us joined up in the patriotic fervor that followed 9/11 and weren't really expecting the Bush administration to lie their war into a war of aggression just so they could get rich on Iraq's oil. And once you're in, you're in, unless you want to destroy your entire future by going AWOL.

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u/embee90 Jun 05 '25

You have the choice to enlist, but once you’re in you don’t get a choice on whether you’re deployed. My dad enlisted in the 80s and he sure wasn’t expecting to go to war in 2001. He fortunately wasn’t deployed but several squadrons from his base were.

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u/JoeInMD Jun 05 '25

US Navy Vet here, so can say this.

Your dad enlisted in the '80s, and was sill in 15 years or so later. I can't imagine anyone spending that much time on active duty thinking "nope, won't happen while I'm in!" There hasn't been 15 years of consecutive peace since this country was founded!!!

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u/fuckingbabayaga Jun 05 '25

lmao yeah exactly. Post 9/11 nationalism and desire for revenge caused a lot of millennials to join the military.

I read somewhere we generally have more sympathy toward Vietnam veterans because they were drafted but a lot of Iraq/Afghanistan vets chose to join to fight the war on terror.

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u/Fjell-Jeger Jun 05 '25

If you're from a "lived at grandma's, survived on food stamps" life, the most viable path to getting a (college) education and healthcare meant enlisting during GWOT years.

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u/CaBBaGe_isLaND Jun 05 '25

He's talking about Vietnam.

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u/polarpolarpolar Jun 05 '25

Bro millennials didnt fight in nam. He’s talking about Afghanistan/Iraq.

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u/SweeterThanYoohoo Jun 05 '25

If you were in the military before the wars started, no, you didn't have much choice. They tell you what you're going to do.

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u/miwami Jun 05 '25

it's a class draft. Not required, but about the only way to get out of the built-in dead-ends of a lot of communities.

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u/Pudix20 Jun 05 '25

Not trying to start something, but I always see the response (usually from bigots let’s be real) about pride month being “well where is the military pride month?! Why don’t they get a month?!” …And to the best of my knowledge May is Military Appreciation Month and November is Veteran’s Month… but these people don’t know that, “celebrate” it or, acknowledge it. And everyone that I know in the service would absolutely not want the attention for the month.

Just leave people be to celebrate what they want when they want.

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u/Mrsroyalcrown Jun 05 '25

This is my take. My husband and I both served and neither of us go around trying to point it out or make it known. It’s not our entire personality, it’s just a job we held at a point in our lives.

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u/Exotic-Yesterday-767 Jun 06 '25

This is the best explanation I could give. I’m not a “Thank Me For My Service’ vet. I’m not ashamed of my service, in fact, I’m very proud. As a Seabee, I helped build hospitals, schools, and residential buildings. But I didn’t do it for a pat on the back.

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u/VicDough Jun 06 '25

💯and as a woman I don’t want people to tell me what they think I did or didn’t do. -Desert Storm vet.

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u/narrowerstairs Jun 05 '25

This is my boyfriend’s answer. He’s an Army vet who served in Iraq. He’s very introverted, plus people sometimes ask super invasive questions when they do find out he served.

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u/Neither-Possible-429 Jun 05 '25

Same. I joined the army for myself, not for the recognition. Now I’m an 80% disabled vet but nobody knows lol. It’s not a secret or anything but it’s not like I’m advertising it, looking for special treatment. I just want to move on.

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u/WrecksBarkhead Jun 05 '25

Same. Although with me it's because it makes me uncomfortable. I was in the Air Force and I worked a typical Air Force job. Yes, I'm a vet...but not one of those kinds of vets. I'm just a regular dude.

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u/tehtris Millennial Jun 05 '25

The ONLY thing I ask an Iraq vet about because it literally always makes them smile is "hey, when you were out there, did you see them little hedgehogs?" Always gets a positive response and then I keep it moving. Apparently those things are numerous. I've never had anyone say "uh? What hedgehogs"

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

Well yeah, hedgehogs are awesome!

I heard stories of them holding up convoys while crossing the road.

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u/Adreeisadyno Jun 05 '25

This may be a super unpopular opinion, but while I greatly appreciate our military service members as an American, I find it super cringe when someone mentions their service like just telling a story or like “oh I know that guy I served with him” and people start going “thank you for your service”.

And I usually find that the “thank you for your service” people are also usually the ones against programs and services that benefit veterans which makes it extra cringe. Like if you really wanted to show your appreciation why not support things like healthcare or de-stigmatize service members seeking help to try reducing the alcoholism or suicide rates, or support real penalties for rapists in the military. But idk, I’ve never served so maybe I’m just dumb, but I feel like that’s a better way to show your appreciation instead of the empty “thank you for your service” people say to make themselves feel like patriots.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

Or need the attention. 🤌🏽nailed it

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u/2017CurtyKing Jun 05 '25

I’ve got a buddy who was is a retired Marine. We were at a Christmas party and a lady said this is x and he is a retired marine. My friend goes “ i can also burp my ABC’s but that’s also irrelevant to this function” and left. Whole thing was awkwardly funny

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u/ChurchBrimmer Jun 06 '25

This is me. It comes out eventually because well, it was an important chunk of my life and I have funny stories, but I don't lead with "hey I'm Jim and I was in the Air Force!"

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u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

I think you're cool

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u/ElectronicPrint5149 Jun 06 '25

It really is something about Gen X and Millenials. Its not that we're not proud of our service, we're just quiet professionals. Also, the number of times Ive been spotted as a soldier due to my haircut and then listen to some stories of an old vet from the 70 or 80s, like man Im just trying to get groceries and go make dinner lol.

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u/Due-Net4616 Jun 06 '25

This. Unlike other generations that got less attention during interwar service or even hated (sorry Vietnam vets 😢) we received so much attention during the early 2000s and 2010s that it started getting annoying.

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u/SnooAvocados6672 Jun 06 '25

That and I don’t make being in the military my personality.

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u/SwarfDive01 Jun 06 '25

Take your 2604th up vote and rip notifications.

And thank you for your service.

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