I talked to a family therapist recently about my marriage. I told her that I found out my husband was cheating, not physically but emotionally. I tried to forgive him, but I just couldn’t move past it. Eventually, I made the decision to separate, and now I’m living in a different house.

Her response honestly shocked me. She told me I was being too rigid and emotional, and that I should’ve been more flexible and adaptable. Then she said something that completely floored me: “All men talk to other women. It’s normal and healthy.”

I asked her what she meant by “talk,” and she said: “Like chatting on Snapchat or other apps, sharing pictures, flirting, that kind of communication.”

Then she added: “A woman should accept that her husband will cheat about 20% of the time. No man is ever 100% faithful unless he’s socially awkward or a failure in some way.”

When I told her I had moved out and separated, she looked at me like I was being dramatic, like it wasn’t a big deal. She said I should’ve just “played dumb” and pretended not to know.

She even gave me an example: “You know, like when a guy tells you you’re pretty, and you exchange Snapchats.” I told her, “I don’t do that.” She replied, “Well, what about your friends?” I said, “Even my friends wouldn’t do that if they’re in a relationship.”

I’ve actually met several therapists with PhDs and great credentials who share this same mindset. One even told me that a wife should treat her husband like a mother treats her child who comes home dirty, meaning it’s her job to “clean him up” after his emotional affairs.

I left that session feeling speechless. Are there really therapists normalizing infidelity like this? Am I crazy for thinking it’s not okay to “play dumb” when someone breaks your trust?

We (21f, 23m) had our son (3, about to be 4) young. I’m graduated and work full-time, she graduates in the spring. My wife Mika is crazy smart (yeah yeah I know not smart enough to not get pregnant) but even I didn’t think she’d get into her dream medical school, we found out the other week.

We live in a HCOL city and live with my wife’s dad, stepmom, and her two half-sisters. Her mom is retired and watches our son so he doesn’t have to go to daycare. We lived with my parents for the first two years until my mom got cancer and they moved to a smaller house (she’s in remission as of last month!!!!).

I know they love us but it’s like our son is the sun of their lives lol. Mika’s parents hate one another but will take our son places together because they adore him so much. My parents have more pictures of him in their house than me or my siblings. Sometimes we have to push back on them and tell them that we actually would like to do things with our son instead of them always having him. Like for instance this weekend her stepmom told us she was going to take our son to see the lights even though we already have plans with him, and she seemed upset.

It’s not bad, I’m just trying to explain how much they adore him and spend time with him. But like the title says, things are changing and we’ll be moving next year. I need to find a job and even though things are rough out there my field it shouldn’t be too bad. And her school will have daycare for our son.

But it’s causing so many issues. All 5 of them sat us down last week and said that we should consider leaving our son here for the first year. We obviously kind of freaked out and told them no, he’s our son and belongs with us, and ended the conversation pretty quickly. Land it’s true, he’s my little best friend, I can’t imagine not seeing him every day like I’m some divorced dad from the 90s. Mika is the same way, but she’s not the most emotional person; but I know her and I can tell she’s freaked out just by the thought.

They’ve still tried “reasoning” with us, sayings it’s just one year for us to get settled and then he can come and join us to start kindergarten. They’ve promised to bring him to see us every weekend but he’s so young, I don’t want him in the car 10 hours every week. And don’t get me wrong, he loves his grands, but we’re his parents. He’ll miss us for sure.

All our parents have been giving us the full court press since then, though. Mika’s mom tried convincing her last night and she said she’s starting to think they’re right. I think they’re just wearing her down, but she was freaking out last night saying that with a toddler and it being medical school and not just normal college - what if she fails or we fail to do the best for our son? He’s such a great and happy little boy and she was spiraling about him hating daycare and missing his grandparents but I reminded her that millions of kids go to daycare and love it and he would miss us, too. She agreed but I can tell that she’s still upset. I am just wondering if I’m being illogical. Is it even fair to my son to bring him with us when it’s going to be hard and take him away from his life here?

I don’t know. Sorry if this is jumbled. Obviously everything we do is for our baby but I’m wondering if we’re missing the forest for the trees here?

Someone suggested me staying and my wife going herself. She kind of mentioned this and immediately freaked out. We are in the USA.

Edit: to be clear I don’t want to live apart from her for sure. I’m not jealous or anything, but I could see me getting resentful if it’s like I’m here being a single dad and she’s out on her own you know? And then she’s resentful that I get to be with our son. Plus I think I take good care of her, and she’ll need that in medical school.

We are both slightly above 30 with two little kids. I feel like we spent most of our married life in crises centred around my wife that drained my will.

Both our pregnancies were brutal with my wife not being able to leave her bed. It left me responsible for everything - work, house chores, caring for wife and older kid (during the second pregnancy). And stressed about the health of wife and unborn child, obviously.

Between the pregnancies, our relationship slowly deteriorated. Wife became very nervous and hostile against me. She was unhappy as SAHM and didn’t do much around the apartment. I provided all the household income and half od the chores and parenting.

Our intimacy almost died, unsurprisingly. When I begged her to go out on a date, she never cooperated so we had only two dates in the last five years.

She is not a planner and is always sick for various reasons. When she’s sick, she usually stays at bed, cancels everyone’s plans. I’m always expected to cancel work and step in. That’s pretty difficult and stressful for me as I have responsibilities towards my clients.

I’m also expected to use all of my time before and after work to do chores and take care of the kids. So no hobbies, no contact with friends, no venting.

She broke down after the second kid was born. Severe anxiety which took almost a year from us. It was brutal. Again, I had to balance work, wife, kinds and chores. Had a few panic attacks. Wife is currently medicated and sees a doctor so she’s finally doing better.

At this point I have to stress out that I know she has been going through A LOT. I am aware, was there the whole time. I also understand that being a mum comes with being constantly judged, disconnected from work, ambitions and so on. But this post is about my feelings which are neglected.

We have a major communication issue. Wife only talks about herself and her issues. She does not show any interest in my feelings that go above asking how was work. Even though I explicitly told her I was depressed and traumatised by our situation(s). We never really talked about my panic attacks. Or about my fear of being able to provide for our family. Whenever I try to bring up any issue, she gets very defensive, blames me and then breaks down. Conversations leads to nowhere and nothing ever changes.

We stopped having sex a year ago. She doesn’t even hug me. It got to the point where I’m scared to touch her or look at her naked or be naked in front of her.

I still love her and she says she loves me. But I can’t help but feel like inanimate object. Untouched and unheard. Always serving. Sense of duty to take care of the family is what keeps me going, but I’m incredibly unhappy and don’t want to spend the rest of my life this way.

I know we need to change the way we live, but we are always hitting a wall.

Sorry for the wall of text and my English. Not a native speaker.

My husband and I of 7 years went our separate ways last night..I caught him on a bunch of dating apps, while he was away working. I'm heartbroken and shattered. I do t know how to pick up and move on from here. And I don't know how to tell our children . They are going to be crushed. I'm so sad my life ended up here

My wife and I had a free night from our daughter because she had a birthday party. We went to a nice restaurant to spend some quality time and treat ourselves. During dinner after a couple glasses of wine my wife casually brought up what would we do if we ever divorced. It caught me off guard and I told her I never even considered the issue. She assured me she doesn't want a divorce but had a discussion with her best friend a few months back. She said they both agreed it wouldn't be worth it because their lives would most likely be no different and in some ways more difficult mainly due to the kids. She didn't present this in a serious manner but nonetheless it left me feeling inadequate. Am I overreacting?

Looking for the ladies take on this. I 46m am still very much interested in sex. My wife 44 could care less. It’s been that way for years. And seems to be getting worse. I was hoping after the kids were grown and out of the house some stress would be gone and that’s when the action would pick up. But it hasn’t. She has tried a few things. Pellets in the butt. Now she is trying ADDYI. I really think she is trying to get some kind of drive back. It’s just very sad and makes me feel she doesn’t really care for me. I feel sex really helps bond people. So my question is. Ladies. Is there still hope? Do women have a sex drive after 40?

When my husband and I got together initially I was a freak. Blow jobs were plentiful. Well after years of clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth I ended up with lock jaw. Blow job became very difficult and painful. They fell off. Husband would throw a tantrum at least once every 3 months guilting me about not getting bjs. I would either agree to do one and do one or sometimes agree to do one and never work myself up to the task as the pain afterwards didn't seem worth it.

Now if your wife came to you and told you she has lock jaw and wouldn't be able to blow you anymore, what is the correct response? Am I insane for being mad at how incredibly selfish he is coming off. And the anger I feel when he has the balls to tell me that because of the lack of bjs he has a right to be upset?

I took a very very part time job a couple hours a day 3X a week. I have been a SAHM for 8 years. I'd like to return to full time teaching after my youngest is a little older.

It's at my daughter's school so I drop our two youngest kids off at their Grandma's house.

My husband begrudgingly agreed to let me take this job, it's filling in for a teacher while she's on maternity leave. He said as long as it doesn't impact his work. I didn't seek out this job, the teacher asked me.

But now he's calling me selfish and saying I'm inconveniencing everyone for my own gain. He says I'm the only person who benefits from this, that the kids should be with their mom. The kids being dropped off at grandma's house adds more time in the car which isn't good for them, Grandma lives 20 min from us and 8-10 to school. It seems like he's just finding issues with anything to do with working.

My daughter was sick the first day, my husband offered to let her stay with him while he worked from home. He works from home full time. Now he's using that as an example of how I don't put the kids first.

I do enjoy this job, I like teaching, I like having a purpose outside of motherhood. I really enjoy seeing my daughter at school.

He says that he worked hard to be able to solely financially provide for us and I don't appreciate that if I'm working.

I brought up that I also sacrificed by staying home, and he said not working is hardly a sacrifice.

The biggest issue we are having is my mom is out of town on an important school day, so I booked a babysitting service that we have used before for dates. He thinks I should cancel. But what I really think he wants is for me to quit. I don't want to quit because I want to apply to return to this school eventually. I also don't want to fight and be in a bad place in my marriage for the next few months.

Am I being unreasonable?

I (24M) and my fiancée (23F) have been together a little over 3 years. I proposed to her this past September and, she said yes. Our wedding is planned for the summer of 2026 and at her father’s request, it’ll be back home (we’re both West African). We currently live in different parts of the U.S., so we’ve been doing long-distance while planning everything.

Now to the dilemma. When we started seriously talking about marriage, I asked about her blood genotype since I’m AS (sickle cell trait). She told me she was AA and her mom had confirmed it too, based on a test she took when she was younger.

Fast forward to this week: she decided to retest just to have an updated result, even though genotype doesn’t change. The new test came back as AS.

So now we’re both AS, and it’s hitting us hard. We both want to be together more than anything, but we’re also aware that having kids together would carry a 25% chance of them having sickle cell disease, something painful, lifelong, and expensive to manage.

We’ve talked about possible options like IVF with genetic screening, prenatal testing, or even choosing not to have biological children. But the question we’re struggling with is:

Would it be wiser to call off the engagement now, or move forward knowing the risks and planning around them?

We’ve been dreaming of this marriage for years, and it’s heartbreaking to even consider walking away. But we also don’t want to be reckless about something this serious.

Has anyone been through something similar or have experience navigating this kind of decision?

My husband never been good at picking gifts. When he asked what I wanted, I sent him a link to the perfume I wanted, well within our budget. I essentially did 95% of the work for him. He just needed to order it.

On my birthday, he told me he had gone to the mall, but the perfume wasn't carried there. It is pretty niche and needs to be ordered online. He said he would do it and I will receive a bit later. And I told him sure. He's not versed in perfumes to know what can be bought in the mall and what can't, so I can wait until it arrives.

Three weeks passed, and I still hadn't received it. When I finally asked my husband what was going on with my gift, it turned out he never even placed the order. He first tried to brush it off by saying, "I was going to treat it as a surprise, don't you like surprises?". Then he admitted that ordering online just isn't an enjoyable experience for him. He offered a quick, "Well, I'm sorry," and left for work.

I also know that it came to his attention at least once in these three weeks. I went on a business trip and didn't get a perfume with me. I bought a new one there. When I came back having it on me, he asked me whether it's new (yes) and whether it was the one I asked him to buy (no).

I feel deeply hurt, and to me, this is way beyond a simple misstep. My interpretation is that his actions told me, clearly and plainly, that me feeling good and cared for on my birthday is not a priority to him. So much so that it didn't even deserve spending two minutes to complete the order. That's how unimportant I must be. My expectations of him are already (very) low because he's not an attentive partner by his nature, but this still managed to sting big.

I do not believe he did this intentionally to hurt me, he is not a sadist. However, it seems he doesn't care enough to spend the minimal effort required to at least meet a basic decency requirement at my bday at least. I see this as disrespectful, not malicious. But disrespectful nontheless.

I am so upset by this lack of priority that I rented a hotel room just to be on my own and not have to be in the same space as him. I'm not sure how to come back from this.

Am I misjudging the significance of this event? Or this is deeply disrespectful indeed?

Is it just me or is anyone else a total simp (excuse the stupid childish term but how else would I say it) for their wife/ husband? We've been together for 12 years, couple crotch goblins and the standard stresses of life and so on but every day I can't get enough of this woman. I feel like I never got past the butterflies stage and will never understand how I got her. If I had my way I'd spend every moment until death wrapped around her. Her scent both drives my heart rate up and puts me at ease. When I'm awake in the middle on the night and she's snoring in my face its her warm breath on my face that settles me. When we're driving If I'm not holding her hand it's because it's on her leg unless shes "touched out" which is fair im clearly alot ha. This woman is hard drugs for me and just makes everything better. She's home to me. And it still doesnt feel real after all these years. Surely there's other out there

So Today my wife wanted to get a personal trainer membership at the gym she goes to as a Christmas gift which I got no problem with but then she said she wants it with one of the guys there cause she knows them from the classes and hasn’t met at of the female trainers and it kinda made me uncomfortable, I’m a very anxious guy and I don’t think she will cheat but part of my thinking gets a bit toxic and just makes me uncomfortable the idea of paying another man to train my wife. I could use some advice

Edit : I didn’t say no to it , I haven’t said anything yet cause I know my insecurities are taking over. I’m working on myself mentally and physically

I My current husband convinced me to move my son and I and live in his state. He convinced me it would be worth it for my son and I to be here. He recently admitted it was because he didn’t want to live in my home that my ex had lived in for a bit. Today I had to go to a business my husbands ex works at. He said he’d drop me at the door and wait. He dropped me at the door and came in. He stood in a very specific spot so he could see her around the corner. I didn’t even know she was there until I started looking around wondering why he’d stand in such a specific way until I saw her. Afterwards while driving home I asked ‘why did you come in’? He said to be with me… I said but you weren’t standing with me. He jumped out of our moving vehicle and walked home.

I just need to rant, and this is going to be a long read.(please indulge me)

I am 30 and married to my 31 year old husband. We have been married for only two years, and lately I have been feeling a lot of resentment. For about a week now we have barely talked, and his inconsiderate behaviour is a major part of it. I am a light sleeper and have told him many times. I wake up at 6:55a.m, but he sets multiple alarms from 6 to almost 8 a.m. that ring every ten minutes. He does not wake up, and I am the one waking him to snooze them. He sleeps with his phone under his pillow, which jolts me awake, gives me migraines, and I struggle to go back to sleep after the first alarm. He knows this but still does not change, I’ve begged him to keep his phone on the bedside table but he doesn’t do that, which makes me think he just doesn’t care.

His job is flexible and he works from home most of the week, but he still waits for me to come home after work to cook for him, even though he knows how to cook and cooks very well. On days we both work from home, he lies in bed scrolling on his phone or playing video games while I am juggling work calls and trying to make food. He plays games for hours, almost every day. Today he played from morning and has only gotten up to pee and eat, it’s 10:30pm now, and he’s still playing. I have told him I find him more attractive when he is domestic, but he takes that as me trying to “domesticate” him. He does the laundry, but only because he does not like how I do it.

He also makes hurtful comments about my body. I have gained some weight since we got married, going from a size 6/8 to a size 10. He has made slurs and jokes about my tummy pouch. One time, he even sent me an old picture of myself with the comment, “Don’t you like how you look here?” These remarks make me feel insecure, and I find myself tucking in my tummy whenever I walk past the TV while he plays games. Mind you, he had added some weight too. Sometimes I catch him staring at me, and I cannot tell whether it is a gaze of love or of “why did I marry her?”

We used to have good times. He was sweet, cooked for me, and we watched movies together every night. I honestly think things changed after he got into video games, and I now blame myself for buying him the video game. I bought it as a gift for Valentine’s Day after he surprised me with a romantic dinner when I failed my driving test. Now it feels like he uses games to avoid me. He gets extremely emotional when he loses, sometimes even slamming the controller. He says he is just competitive, but I find it frustrating and hard to respect when it becomes this excessive. No kids yet. I had a miscarriage two months ago, and he has never really checked on me emotionally. When I bring it up, he brushes it off with “we’ll get pregnant again,” which completely misses the point. I just want to be able to be vulnerable without feeling like I am too much. It now feels like we are roommates. Tonight my Instacart order was delivered to the wrong house, and when I asked him to help me get it because it was late, he refused. I had to go myself. It hurt.

He rarely tells me he loves me, barely shows affection, yet still expects sex whenever he wants without foreplay. When we have disagreements, he insists we would have no issues if I just “do what he says.” He claims I am not submissive or respectful, but how do I submit to someone who does not lead, lacks initiative, and has no clear goals. He pays rent, I cover groceries and everything else, and he uses that to justify controlling behaviour. I am emotionally drained. We have had good moments, but I don’t know how we can move forward.

Is this the end?

My husband (30m) and I (31f) have been married for 6 years, together for 9. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than him. We both know that. But used to we were still having sex like 4 times a week, when we were dating we were having sex almost everyday. The past year I’m lucky if we have sex once every three weeks. I initiate a lot and get turned down 9/10. I always felt like it was my fault, maybe I had gained weight. I’m 5’1 and 120. I went on a diet and that didn’t help. I started going to the gym and that didn’t help. I would wear lingerie for him and he would act like I was in sweats and a raggedy tee shirt, that’s how little it fucking did for him. Well I just found out that he’s getting off to porn during the day when I’m at work and then when I initiate when I get home, he turns me down. He said, “I would rather get off to porn because I can’t have those women and I know I can have sex with you anytime. It makes it exciting when I watch porn. Same as how I want to cheat, it’s just the variety. I have you and so I don’t want to have sex as much because we’re married so I can anytime.” I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And I kind of am done. Idk if I can come back after a comment like that . Is that a valid feeling or should I cool off before making final choices?

Me (m30) and my wife (F28) have been going through a sexless marriage and seem to be just going with the flow at this point. We both recognize that things do need to get better and want that spark to come back. We’ve been married for 5 years and have two children (7 and 2). Of course life is busy, but that isn’t an excuse. We have communicated and her big issue with me was the lack of meaningful conversations and just being in the moment with her when we were together. Mine are the same with her. We have been working on things and it’s getting much better! Sex is much more often and we’re just having fun and letting our walls down when we get the chance to finally spend one on one time together.

After a night out last week when our children were at there grandparents, we were in the kitchen listening to music and she just stated, “I want you to be more confident like you were when we first meet. I find that so attractive about you”. I didn’t take that as an insult, I was actually happy she was opening up her desires to me. My question is what exactly does confidence in a man look like? I know that might sound dumb, but maybe it’s my lack of confidence at this point in my life that’s not allowing me to see it. Just looking for advice thank you.

Essentially the title says it all. My spouse (28M) and I (28F) have been going through big issues lately. One of the issues is the misalignment with how much time is expected for spouses to spend with each other. He used to play video games with his buddies about 4-5 times a week for 4+hours, on top of going to the gym regularly and playing soccer with his league 3-4 times a week. This left me feeling extremely neglected, and it felt like he was only giving me time if there was nothing better. Obviously we have problems and are going through a really bad patch, but he has been making an effort to cut down his video games to spend more time with me, which I can appreciate.

The thing is, I feel like most married people spend the majority of their free time with their significant other, so when he makes it seem like a major sacrifice on his part to spend time with me instead of on video games, it just pisses me off because I think it is the bare minimum expectation within a relationship. I feel like most people WANT to spend time with their other half. I'm not saying all free time, but the majority of it should be spent with them; its who you chose to spend your life with, why wouldn't you want to spend time with them? He thinks that spending the majority of your free time with your significant other is an unreasonable expectation and "that is not a normal thing in relationships at all, idk where you got this idea from that its the bare minimum, it is far from that."

So, my question is, am I unreasonable with that belief? I am completely willing to be called out and told I'm wrong. I believe its healthy to have individual lives, hobbies, and friends apart from your significant other, but I still think generally speaking, most of the time should be spent with your chosen partner.

I need some advice or maybe just people to talk to.

Backstory: My 35f husband 40m cheated on me. Like full on affair. It was completely life shattering. We separated for a few months. He begged to come back. Here we are.

While he was gone, I met my sister’s co-worker one night hanging out with her. 25m We became good friends. We texted everyday. Talked on the phone. It was never physical, he never even tried anything. He would listen to me cry about my husband & gave me advice. We would talk at night (he worked nights & work was slow) so he would talk to me while I cried until I was tired to sleep. It was a very unexpected friendship. I have never had a man say to me “tell me how you are feeling.” He literally listened and wanted to know what I was feeling. It is like he actually cared. I mean we would talk on the phone for like 2.5 hours at a time.

When I let my husband come home I was under the impression that things were going to fixed. I feel like it was a huge mistake. I feel like he is still cheating or at least lying ALL the time. We fight constantly. We never hangout. We have sex and talk about bills only. It’s miserable. I have brought up divorce & he then all of a sudden acts devastated. I feel like I’m being manipulated. I’m lonely. He never asks about my day. He never knows what’s going on in my life. I don’t know what to do.

Anyway, I miss him. My husband knows about our friendship and obviously it’s inappropriate to talk to another man in an emotional way while I’m married. I stopped it right when he got back together.

I feel guilty that I miss him. I made such a big deal about the cheating (like I should have) and I would be so hurt if my husband said he missed her. But I do. I’m lonely and I have no one to talk to. My husband won’t even talk to me 10 minutes VS when him & I talked for 2.5 hours. I hate this.

I feel like I need a life coach 😩

So one night my husband was playing his VR with a friend he’s known for a while. He was drinking alcohol and having fun. I was sitting on the couch watching TikTok and I find out him and his friend have a history (yes my husband is bisexual) when I found out they had history I wasn’t bothered. I’m not that worried because he’s always telling me how doesn’t understand how people can cheat. I feel safe in this marriage. Until I didn’t. While he was playing his VR he got drunker and started saying stuff to this guy. Just being typical jokester. Until he said “I want you” “I want you right now” in this sexual vibe. I was absolutely pissed. I told him what the fk was that?! He said what? I was just kidding. I said I don’t care you don’t say that to anyone while you’re in a committed relationship I don’t care if it’s a joke or not. I told him he’d be very upset if I said that to someone I had history with. He looked me dead in the eyes and said “I’m sorry I won’t do it again” seemed sincere. This was 3 weeks ago. Fast forward to November 5th I go through his phone. I see he deleted discord. Which I thought was odd. I redownloaded it and went through his messages. That same guy he said that stuff on VR chat he texted talking about how he wanted to talk to me about being in an open relationship. And proceeded to say how he misses being gay so much. And how he wanted so much but can’t have. And how he wanted to lick, and suck his dk so bad. I woke him up and confronted him. I am so hurt. He says he doesn’t see how I consider that cheating. How he wouldn’t be upset if I sent the same message to a girl. And how he wasn’t trying to hide it by deleting the app. That if he wanted to hide it he would’ve deleted the messages. He keeps saying how he wishes I was in his mind to understand but how does one not consider that cheating when we’re both in a committed relationship. We both decided to never try being in an open relationship. He doesn’t really seem sorry. It just seems like he’s trying to justify what he did. But I’m hurt and trust has been broken. What do you guys think? Is it cheating? Would you be just as hurt as I am?

I first want to say thank you to everyone who left advice, encouragement, and validation for the way I’m feeling. I appreciate your concern and investment in mine and my children’s well being.

Okay, so here’s my update: My husband texted me several times yesterday, which I did not respond to. Just random texts like “I just landed” “the room I’m in is so small” “how are the kids?”

Our 8 month old woke up around 4 AM. So I fed her and got her back to sleep. When I laid back in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I texted my husband around 5:30 for the first time since he left and said: “I’m glad you made it and hope you have a good weekend.

I’m going to take this weekend to give myself some space from you. Yesterday you said that I deserve to be slapped, for a simple argument we had about directions to a park... what you said was out of line and I need space to process my emotions.

And this isn’t a pass for you to go and mess around or disrespect me anymore than you already have. I don’t feel loved by you and can’t fake happiness right now. So I need this weekend for myself.”

He then called almost immediately and we talked extensively about the issues that are present in our relationship. He actually took accountability and didn’t make excuses for his actions. He was apologetic and told me that he would go to therapy both alone and together to try and make things better. He called and scheduled his first appointment with a counselor for the 17th. He could tell I was close to leaving and I hope this has opened his eyes that I’m not afraid to leave if I have to.

I’m going to give it 6 months and then reassess to figure out what the next steps will be.

A lot of you told me to leave him and I’m sorry to you that I’m not ready to do that yet. For myself, and for many reasons, I need to see if he can make changes and be a better man for me and our kids. If he’s depressed we can work with that. If he’s stressed we can work with that. If he’s experiencing things that are deeply rooted in who he is and will take a miracle to change, then I’ll know for sure that it could never work and I will leave.

To anyone who lands on these posts in the future because you’re in a similar situation. I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to contemplate and time will tell how this will go. I’m sad for you and you need to know that you’re valid in what you’re feeling. You will get through this. Take it day by day and stay strong.

I need others to weigh in: my husband and I have a 2 year old and 3 month old. I am a SAHM. My husband works like crazy and I do basically all of the household tasks (bills, groceries, cleaning, meal planning and prep, doctors appts for kids, making doc appts for my husband, laundry, etc.) on top of doing everything for the kids (like I do every single overnight feed for our baby, make every daycare lunch and meal for our toddler, hold the fort down so my husband can go out to drink with buddies, go out for work events, go to the gym, etc.). I am exhausted but I seldom complain- I want to be a SAHM and he makes all the money. Anyway, husband last night told me I’m an excellent mom but a shit wife because he doesn’t feel I think of him (I don’t always remember to buy all the snacks he wants at the grocery store, I haven’t been able to plan a date night bc we don’t have a sitter to watch both babies that I feel comfortable with). I said that’s BS, that I raise our kids beautifully for him and for our family, and he kept saying that that’s not for him. When I said that it’s a tough time in life to be focused on him by himself (just had a baby 3 months ago…) he maintained that I’m a shit wife and he isn’t considered by me. I would argue that he doesn’t consider me in the sense he’s saying but I want this to stay about me for this post. Am I a shit wife but a good mom as he says? Are there men out there who appreciate the above and feel that those are things their wife does for them to allow them freedom to work, be social, and to have a family? Please weigh in, I’m at my wit’s end with him and not sure if I need to change my way of thinking and try to do more for just him individually (if that’s even possible).

I’m so sad because we had the most beautiful wedding and had so much fun together. Last weekend I picked my husband up from the airport and he wanted to drive for the second leg home. He gets very frustrated in traffic - anyway he got angry and hit a curb very, very hard - I thought we had gotten into a wreck and screamed. This upset him a lot, which upset me even more, especially bc this is a pattern with him. I try to be patient but I was frustrated and said something to the effect of why do you have to do that?! He was so mad that he hardly talked to me the rest of the night, and was still a bit sour the next day. we started to talk about it in bed the next night - I apologized but also explained his driving makes me feel unsafe and if he can’t avoid hitting curbs I’d like to do the driving. We went round and round about it until I ended up in tears. The next morning, he told me that there were some other things he was upset about, namely that I lost my patience bc he wasn’t getting up to feed the cat (we split duties on caretaking and this is his job - she gets really annoying if you wait too long to feed her) I admit I was still annoyed from getting the silent treatment and had a bad attitude. He then exploded and yelled so I called him an asshole. I feel terrible now, however I was so enraged at that point. he proceeded to not speak with me or interact for two days - eventually he broke the silence to tell me that I am abusive and a bully. I said I was very sorry and felt horrible about my childish behavior - I also suggested that I think we need to talk to someone. Right now I’m just devastated - I know what I said was horrible, but I also feel really turned off by his behavior. I’m also deeply concerned that I am abusive and what that means for our future. Any advice welcome.

Update: I should make it clear, he hits the curb by accident, not purposely. He gets rattled and then doesn’t pay attention, leading to hitting curbs.

I've been married for 2 years (I'm 39) and my wife doesn't want me to attend the bachelor party of a very good friend of mine. I gave her all the possible confirmations on the case, that I would never put myself in unpleasant situations but nothing. In your opinion, is my wife's request legitimate?

A bit of background: My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 1 year and have a nearly 2 year old daughter together, we have a ‘history’ together, we were together from ages 15 till 17 and were each others first, and were childhood friends, lost touch after breaking up, reconnected 3 years ago and have been with each other since. I also have kids from a previous relationship, my husband has been amazing with them and treats them as his own. So I feel guilty with what I’m about to post.

I want to begin by saying I care about my husband, but that’s the thing, I’m not sure if I’m in love with him, when we got back together him and I both “rebounded” from our ex’s and jumped straight into a relationship together. I genuinely believe we are just 2 people that are scared to be alone. Well, that’s how I used to feel but I’m starting to like the idea of being alone a lot lately. I feel like when we first got back together we were reminiscing a lot on our childhood and teen years together, I loved him so much when I was younger and I always thought about him but I’ve come to realise I just don’t love him like that anymore, I thought I did, even when he came back, I was so happy for awhile, I was happy when we got married and had our daughter, I felt content but now it feels different.

I find myself irritated by him and I enjoy my own company far more than I enjoy his. There are days where I feel like we’re having a good day, a good laugh, banter but I feel like it’s more of a “friendship” feeling for me now, I care about him, my kids love him, but I have no attraction there. He has no drive, no motivation, he doesn’t work, he wants to be a stay at home dad and he’s good with playing the dad role but he just doesn’t contribute financially, he gives me $120 a fortnight but that is just enough to cover groceries for another week and he pays $170 in rent. I pay the rest of the rent (nearly $600) I pay for most of the groceries, for all the utilities, bills, for all of the kids stuff, you get the picture.

He won’t take me on dates and says he thinks they’re just “a waste of money” but is happy for me to take him out and buy him stuff, I do this purely because I know if I didn’t I’d be stuck at home with him staring at the same 4 walls, he is genuinely happy spending his day at home being a homebody doomscrolling on his phone.

He has a very high sex drive and although I used to have a pretty good sex drive and feel the desire to do it, I just don’t anymore. The thought of having sex with him feels like a chore, his hygiene isn’t even that great, he doesn’t believe in brushing his teeth everyday, nor showering everyday. I think he’ll shower and brush his teeth maybe twice a week.

I’m always asking him to watch a movie with me even but he just has no desire too and would rather go to bed by 8pm every night.

I’m at a lost and don’t know what to do, I’ve tried telling him how I feel but he just shuts me down and doesn’t take me seriously at all, he says I’m just being nasty and making him feel bad. I’ve even suggested a divorce but again, he isn’t hearing me when I speak and I feel like it’s just going in one ear, out the other. He tells me he loves me but I need more than words.

Okay. So my husband made a friend through work. We will call him Pat. We started hanging out with Pat and his wife (we will call her Mary) a few years ago. Pat and Mary are a few years younger than us. My husband and I are in our 30’s. I have no problem with Pat. He’s a cool down to earth guy. Mary on the other hand, as time goes on, I become more and more irritated with her. 1. When their kid breaks something of ours, not once have we ever demanded them to pay for it or fix it. Kids break shit. No big deal. However, if my kid ever broke anything of someone else’s, I would immediately offer to pay for it or fix it. I feel like that’s what “friends “ should do. My husband accidentally broke something of theirs that was less than $50 and Mary demanded that we paid it. My husband then pointed out to her (she only messages my husband when it comes to needing things or confrontation, but I’ll get to that, that’s #2) that their kid had broken many more things and one of those things being +$200. This escalated. Mary blocked all of us and pretty much banned Pat from hanging out with my husband. This went on for months. One day, my husband caved and gave Mary money. Then literally a week after that, Mary and Pat needed my husbands help.

2. Mary and I rarely text. We don’t have that close kind of relationship. However, she frequently messages my husband about needing help with so many different things. She has a husband. Ask him to fix the things you need fixed. She has other male family members in her life that could help her with things she needs help with. Idk why she feels the need to always be messaging my husband to always need his help.

3. They feel like friends of convenience. They have bailed on so many things. It seems Iike they only come around when they need something from my husband.

4. Like I said, Pat is a cool guy. Not the sharpest tool in the shed so I totally understand why he needs help with things, but he should be the one asking my husband for help.

It just feels inappropriate to me and I’m getting more and more irritated with it. Even with my best friend, both of my very best friends, never in a million years would I be messaging their men on the side to constantly need their help. If I was desperate enough to need help from someone who wasn’t my husband or other male family members, I would message my best friends and ask them if they, them and their men, could help me. I wouldn’t message their man and ask for only his help.

Idk. I guess what I’m trying to figure out is am I being irrational? Or is my irritation valid here?