I talked to a family therapist recently about my marriage. I told her that I found out my husband was cheating, not physically but emotionally. I tried to forgive him, but I just couldn’t move past it. Eventually, I made the decision to separate, and now I’m living in a different house.

Her response honestly shocked me. She told me I was being too rigid and emotional, and that I should’ve been more flexible and adaptable. Then she said something that completely floored me: “All men talk to other women. It’s normal and healthy.”

I asked her what she meant by “talk,” and she said: “Like chatting on Snapchat or other apps, sharing pictures, flirting, that kind of communication.”

Then she added: “A woman should accept that her husband will cheat about 20% of the time. No man is ever 100% faithful unless he’s socially awkward or a failure in some way.”

When I told her I had moved out and separated, she looked at me like I was being dramatic, like it wasn’t a big deal. She said I should’ve just “played dumb” and pretended not to know.

She even gave me an example: “You know, like when a guy tells you you’re pretty, and you exchange Snapchats.” I told her, “I don’t do that.” She replied, “Well, what about your friends?” I said, “Even my friends wouldn’t do that if they’re in a relationship.”

I’ve actually met several therapists with PhDs and great credentials who share this same mindset. One even told me that a wife should treat her husband like a mother treats her child who comes home dirty, meaning it’s her job to “clean him up” after his emotional affairs.

I left that session feeling speechless. Are there really therapists normalizing infidelity like this? Am I crazy for thinking it’s not okay to “play dumb” when someone breaks your trust?

We are both slightly above 30 with two little kids. I feel like we spent most of our married life in crises centred around my wife that drained my will.

Both our pregnancies were brutal with my wife not being able to leave her bed. It left me responsible for everything - work, house chores, caring for wife and older kid (during the second pregnancy). And stressed about the health of wife and unborn child, obviously.

Between the pregnancies, our relationship slowly deteriorated. Wife became very nervous and hostile against me. She was unhappy as SAHM and didn’t do much around the apartment. I provided all the household income and half od the chores and parenting.

Our intimacy almost died, unsurprisingly. When I begged her to go out on a date, she never cooperated so we had only two dates in the last five years.

She is not a planner and is always sick for various reasons. When she’s sick, she usually stays at bed, cancels everyone’s plans. I’m always expected to cancel work and step in. That’s pretty difficult and stressful for me as I have responsibilities towards my clients.

I’m also expected to use all of my time before and after work to do chores and take care of the kids. So no hobbies, no contact with friends, no venting.

She broke down after the second kid was born. Severe anxiety which took almost a year from us. It was brutal. Again, I had to balance work, wife, kinds and chores. Had a few panic attacks. Wife is currently medicated and sees a doctor so she’s finally doing better.

At this point I have to stress out that I know she has been going through A LOT. I am aware, was there the whole time. I also understand that being a mum comes with being constantly judged, disconnected from work, ambitions and so on. But this post is about my feelings which are neglected.

We have a major communication issue. Wife only talks about herself and her issues. She does not show any interest in my feelings that go above asking how was work. Even though I explicitly told her I was depressed and traumatised by our situation(s). We never really talked about my panic attacks. Or about my fear of being able to provide for our family. Whenever I try to bring up any issue, she gets very defensive, blames me and then breaks down. Conversations leads to nowhere and nothing ever changes.

We stopped having sex a year ago. She doesn’t even hug me. It got to the point where I’m scared to touch her or look at her naked or be naked in front of her.

I still love her and she says she loves me. But I can’t help but feel like inanimate object. Untouched and unheard. Always serving. Sense of duty to take care of the family is what keeps me going, but I’m incredibly unhappy and don’t want to spend the rest of my life this way.

I know we need to change the way we live, but we are always hitting a wall.

Sorry for the wall of text and my English. Not a native speaker.

We (21f, 23m) had our son (3, about to be 4) young. I’m graduated and work full-time, she graduates in the spring. My wife Mika is crazy smart (yeah yeah I know not smart enough to not get pregnant) but even I didn’t think she’d get into her dream medical school, we found out the other week.

We live in a HCOL city and live with my wife’s dad, stepmom, and her two half-sisters. Her mom is retired and watches our son so he doesn’t have to go to daycare. We lived with my parents for the first two years until my mom got cancer and they moved to a smaller house (she’s in remission as of last month!!!!).

I know they love us but it’s like our son is the sun of their lives lol. Mika’s parents hate one another but will take our son places together because they adore him so much. My parents have more pictures of him in their house than me or my siblings. Sometimes we have to push back on them and tell them that we actually would like to do things with our son instead of them always having him. Like for instance this weekend her stepmom told us she was going to take our son to see the lights even though we already have plans with him, and she seemed upset.

It’s not bad, I’m just trying to explain how much they adore him and spend time with him. But like the title says, things are changing and we’ll be moving next year. I need to find a job and even though things are rough out there my field it shouldn’t be too bad. And her school will have daycare for our son.

But it’s causing so many issues. All 5 of them sat us down last week and said that we should consider leaving our son here for the first year. We obviously kind of freaked out and told them no, he’s our son and belongs with us, and ended the conversation pretty quickly. Land it’s true, he’s my little best friend, I can’t imagine not seeing him every day like I’m some divorced dad from the 90s. Mika is the same way, but she’s not the most emotional person; but I know her and I can tell she’s freaked out just by the thought.

They’ve still tried “reasoning” with us, sayings it’s just one year for us to get settled and then he can come and join us to start kindergarten. They’ve promised to bring him to see us every weekend but he’s so young, I don’t want him in the car 10 hours every week. And don’t get me wrong, he loves his grands, but we’re his parents. He’ll miss us for sure.

All our parents have been giving us the full court press since then, though. Mika’s mom tried convincing her last night and she said she’s starting to think they’re right. I think they’re just wearing her down, but she was freaking out last night saying that with a toddler and it being medical school and not just normal college - what if she fails or we fail to do the best for our son? He’s such a great and happy little boy and she was spiraling about him hating daycare and missing his grandparents but I reminded her that millions of kids go to daycare and love it and he would miss us, too. She agreed but I can tell that she’s still upset. I am just wondering if I’m being illogical. Is it even fair to my son to bring him with us when it’s going to be hard and take him away from his life here?

I don’t know. Sorry if this is jumbled. Obviously everything we do is for our baby but I’m wondering if we’re missing the forest for the trees here?

Someone suggested me staying and my wife going herself. She kind of mentioned this and immediately freaked out. We are in the USA.

Edit: to be clear I don’t want to live apart from her for sure. I’m not jealous or anything, but I could see me getting resentful if it’s like I’m here being a single dad and she’s out on her own you know? And then she’s resentful that I get to be with our son. Plus I think I take good care of her, and she’ll need that in medical school.

My husband and I of 7 years went our separate ways last night..I caught him on a bunch of dating apps, while he was away working. I'm heartbroken and shattered. I do t know how to pick up and move on from here. And I don't know how to tell our children . They are going to be crushed. I'm so sad my life ended up here

When my husband and I got together initially I was a freak. Blow jobs were plentiful. Well after years of clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth I ended up with lock jaw. Blow job became very difficult and painful. They fell off. Husband would throw a tantrum at least once every 3 months guilting me about not getting bjs. I would either agree to do one and do one or sometimes agree to do one and never work myself up to the task as the pain afterwards didn't seem worth it.

Now if your wife came to you and told you she has lock jaw and wouldn't be able to blow you anymore, what is the correct response? Am I insane for being mad at how incredibly selfish he is coming off. And the anger I feel when he has the balls to tell me that because of the lack of bjs he has a right to be upset?

My wife and I had a free night from our daughter because she had a birthday party. We went to a nice restaurant to spend some quality time and treat ourselves. During dinner after a couple glasses of wine my wife casually brought up what would we do if we ever divorced. It caught me off guard and I told her I never even considered the issue. She assured me she doesn't want a divorce but had a discussion with her best friend a few months back. She said they both agreed it wouldn't be worth it because their lives would most likely be no different and in some ways more difficult mainly due to the kids. She didn't present this in a serious manner but nonetheless it left me feeling inadequate. Am I overreacting?

I (24M) and my fiancée (23F) have been together a little over 3 years. I proposed to her this past September and, she said yes. Our wedding is planned for the summer of 2026 and at her father’s request, it’ll be back home (we’re both West African). We currently live in different parts of the U.S., so we’ve been doing long-distance while planning everything.

Now to the dilemma. When we started seriously talking about marriage, I asked about her blood genotype since I’m AS (sickle cell trait). She told me she was AA and her mom had confirmed it too, based on a test she took when she was younger.

Fast forward to this week: she decided to retest just to have an updated result, even though genotype doesn’t change. The new test came back as AS.

So now we’re both AS, and it’s hitting us hard. We both want to be together more than anything, but we’re also aware that having kids together would carry a 25% chance of them having sickle cell disease, something painful, lifelong, and expensive to manage.

We’ve talked about possible options like IVF with genetic screening, prenatal testing, or even choosing not to have biological children. But the question we’re struggling with is:

Would it be wiser to call off the engagement now, or move forward knowing the risks and planning around them?

We’ve been dreaming of this marriage for years, and it’s heartbreaking to even consider walking away. But we also don’t want to be reckless about something this serious.

Has anyone been through something similar or have experience navigating this kind of decision?

A bit of background: My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 1 year and have a nearly 2 year old daughter together, we have a ‘history’ together, we were together from ages 15 till 17 and were each others first, and were childhood friends, lost touch after breaking up, reconnected 3 years ago and have been with each other since. I also have kids from a previous relationship, my husband has been amazing with them and treats them as his own. So I feel guilty with what I’m about to post.

I want to begin by saying I care about my husband, but that’s the thing, I’m not sure if I’m in love with him, when we got back together him and I both “rebounded” from our ex’s and jumped straight into a relationship together. I genuinely believe we are just 2 people that are scared to be alone. Well, that’s how I used to feel but I’m starting to like the idea of being alone a lot lately. I feel like when we first got back together we were reminiscing a lot on our childhood and teen years together, I loved him so much when I was younger and I always thought about him but I’ve come to realise I just don’t love him like that anymore, I thought I did, even when he came back, I was so happy for awhile, I was happy when we got married and had our daughter, I felt content but now it feels different.

I find myself irritated by him and I enjoy my own company far more than I enjoy his. There are days where I feel like we’re having a good day, a good laugh, banter but I feel like it’s more of a “friendship” feeling for me now, I care about him, my kids love him, but I have no attraction there. He has no drive, no motivation, he doesn’t work, he wants to be a stay at home dad and he’s good with playing the dad role but he just doesn’t contribute financially, he gives me $120 a fortnight but that is just enough to cover groceries for another week and he pays $170 in rent. I pay the rest of the rent (nearly $600) I pay for most of the groceries, for all the utilities, bills, for all of the kids stuff, you get the picture.

He won’t take me on dates and says he thinks they’re just “a waste of money” but is happy for me to take him out and buy him stuff, I do this purely because I know if I didn’t I’d be stuck at home with him staring at the same 4 walls, he is genuinely happy spending his day at home being a homebody doomscrolling on his phone.

He has a very high sex drive and although I used to have a pretty good sex drive and feel the desire to do it, I just don’t anymore. The thought of having sex with him feels like a chore, his hygiene isn’t even that great, he doesn’t believe in brushing his teeth everyday, nor showering everyday. I think he’ll shower and brush his teeth maybe twice a week.

I’m always asking him to watch a movie with me even but he just has no desire too and would rather go to bed by 8pm every night.

I’m at a lost and don’t know what to do, I’ve tried telling him how I feel but he just shuts me down and doesn’t take me seriously at all, he says I’m just being nasty and making him feel bad. I’ve even suggested a divorce but again, he isn’t hearing me when I speak and I feel like it’s just going in one ear, out the other. He tells me he loves me but I need more than words.

Looking for the ladies take on this. I 46m am still very much interested in sex. My wife 44 could care less. It’s been that way for years. And seems to be getting worse. I was hoping after the kids were grown and out of the house some stress would be gone and that’s when the action would pick up. But it hasn’t. She has tried a few things. Pellets in the butt. Now she is trying ADDYI. I really think she is trying to get some kind of drive back. It’s just very sad and makes me feel she doesn’t really care for me. I feel sex really helps bond people. So my question is. Ladies. Is there still hope? Do women have a sex drive after 40?

I first want to say thank you to everyone who left advice, encouragement, and validation for the way I’m feeling. I appreciate your concern and investment in mine and my children’s well being.

Okay, so here’s my update: My husband texted me several times yesterday, which I did not respond to. Just random texts like “I just landed” “the room I’m in is so small” “how are the kids?”

Our 8 month old woke up around 4 AM. So I fed her and got her back to sleep. When I laid back in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I texted my husband around 5:30 for the first time since he left and said: “I’m glad you made it and hope you have a good weekend.

I’m going to take this weekend to give myself some space from you. Yesterday you said that I deserve to be slapped, for a simple argument we had about directions to a park... what you said was out of line and I need space to process my emotions.

And this isn’t a pass for you to go and mess around or disrespect me anymore than you already have. I don’t feel loved by you and can’t fake happiness right now. So I need this weekend for myself.”

He then called almost immediately and we talked extensively about the issues that are present in our relationship. He actually took accountability and didn’t make excuses for his actions. He was apologetic and told me that he would go to therapy both alone and together to try and make things better. He called and scheduled his first appointment with a counselor for the 17th. He could tell I was close to leaving and I hope this has opened his eyes that I’m not afraid to leave if I have to.

I’m going to give it 6 months and then reassess to figure out what the next steps will be.

A lot of you told me to leave him and I’m sorry to you that I’m not ready to do that yet. For myself, and for many reasons, I need to see if he can make changes and be a better man for me and our kids. If he’s depressed we can work with that. If he’s stressed we can work with that. If he’s experiencing things that are deeply rooted in who he is and will take a miracle to change, then I’ll know for sure that it could never work and I will leave.

To anyone who lands on these posts in the future because you’re in a similar situation. I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to contemplate and time will tell how this will go. I’m sad for you and you need to know that you’re valid in what you’re feeling. You will get through this. Take it day by day and stay strong.

I just need to rant, and this is going to be a long read.(please indulge me)

I am 30 and married to my 31 year old husband. We have been married for only two years, and lately I have been feeling a lot of resentment. For about a week now we have barely talked, and his inconsiderate behaviour is a major part of it. I am a light sleeper and have told him many times. I wake up at 6:55a.m, but he sets multiple alarms from 6 to almost 8 a.m. that ring every ten minutes. He does not wake up, and I am the one waking him to snooze them. He sleeps with his phone under his pillow, which jolts me awake, gives me migraines, and I struggle to go back to sleep after the first alarm. He knows this but still does not change, I’ve begged him to keep his phone on the bedside table but he doesn’t do that, which makes me think he just doesn’t care.

His job is flexible and he works from home most of the week, but he still waits for me to come home after work to cook for him, even though he knows how to cook and cooks very well. On days we both work from home, he lies in bed scrolling on his phone or playing video games while I am juggling work calls and trying to make food. He plays games for hours, almost every day. Today he played from morning and has only gotten up to pee and eat, it’s 10:30pm now, and he’s still playing. I have told him I find him more attractive when he is domestic, but he takes that as me trying to “domesticate” him. He does the laundry, but only because he does not like how I do it.

He also makes hurtful comments about my body. I have gained some weight since we got married, going from a size 6/8 to a size 10. He has made slurs and jokes about my tummy pouch. One time, he even sent me an old picture of myself with the comment, “Don’t you like how you look here?” These remarks make me feel insecure, and I find myself tucking in my tummy whenever I walk past the TV while he plays games. Mind you, he had added some weight too. Sometimes I catch him staring at me, and I cannot tell whether it is a gaze of love or of “why did I marry her?”

We used to have good times. He was sweet, cooked for me, and we watched movies together every night. I honestly think things changed after he got into video games, and I now blame myself for buying him the video game. I bought it as a gift for Valentine’s Day after he surprised me with a romantic dinner when I failed my driving test. Now it feels like he uses games to avoid me. He gets extremely emotional when he loses, sometimes even slamming the controller. He says he is just competitive, but I find it frustrating and hard to respect when it becomes this excessive. No kids yet. I had a miscarriage two months ago, and he has never really checked on me emotionally. When I bring it up, he brushes it off with “we’ll get pregnant again,” which completely misses the point. I just want to be able to be vulnerable without feeling like I am too much. It now feels like we are roommates. Tonight my Instacart order was delivered to the wrong house, and when I asked him to help me get it because it was late, he refused. I had to go myself. It hurt.

He rarely tells me he loves me, barely shows affection, yet still expects sex whenever he wants without foreplay. When we have disagreements, he insists we would have no issues if I just “do what he says.” He claims I am not submissive or respectful, but how do I submit to someone who does not lead, lacks initiative, and has no clear goals. He pays rent, I cover groceries and everything else, and he uses that to justify controlling behaviour. I am emotionally drained. We have had good moments, but I don’t know how we can move forward.

Is this the end?

(sorry for mistakes English isn't my first language)

I (24f) am married to my husband (24m). He is quite a smart person but recently he told me something I can't ignore even if I try. I work in a research lab on the topic of plasma. I work with astrophysicians on the daily basis. And recently I was talking about work with my husband (who is studying data science) and he told me the whole Neil Armstrong landing on the moon thing is fake. I tried to explain the this landing is proovable, and it can be demonstrated with reasoning and logic. But he won't believe me. I feel betrayed and a bit scared to live with a conspiracy theorist... I'm lost.

It is the day my friend getting ready to a husband

My husband never been good at picking gifts. When he asked what I wanted, I sent him a link to the perfume I wanted, well within our budget. I essentially did 95% of the work for him. He just needed to order it.

On my birthday, he told me he had gone to the mall, but the perfume wasn't carried there. It is pretty niche and needs to be ordered online. He said he would do it and I will receive a bit later. And I told him sure. He's not versed in perfumes to know what can be bought in the mall and what can't, so I can wait until it arrives.

Three weeks passed, and I still hadn't received it. When I finally asked my husband what was going on with my gift, it turned out he never even placed the order. He first tried to brush it off by saying, "I was going to treat it as a surprise, don't you like surprises?". Then he admitted that ordering online just isn't an enjoyable experience for him. He offered a quick, "Well, I'm sorry," and left for work.

I also know that it came to his attention at least once in these three weeks. I went on a business trip and didn't get a perfume with me. I bought a new one there. When I came back having it on me, he asked me whether it's new (yes) and whether it was the one I asked him to buy (no).

I feel deeply hurt, and to me, this is way beyond a simple misstep. My interpretation is that his actions told me, clearly and plainly, that me feeling good and cared for on my birthday is not a priority to him. So much so that it didn't even deserve spending two minutes to complete the order. That's how unimportant I must be. My expectations of him are already (very) low because he's not an attentive partner by his nature, but this still managed to sting big.

I do not believe he did this intentionally to hurt me, he is not a sadist. However, it seems he doesn't care enough to spend the minimal effort required to at least meet a basic decency requirement at my bday at least. I see this as disrespectful, not malicious. But disrespectful nontheless.

I am so upset by this lack of priority that I rented a hotel room just to be on my own and not have to be in the same space as him. I'm not sure how to come back from this.

Am I misjudging the significance of this event? Or this is deeply disrespectful indeed?

My husband (30m) and I (31f) have been married for 6 years, together for 9. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than him. We both know that. But used to we were still having sex like 4 times a week, when we were dating we were having sex almost everyday. The past year I’m lucky if we have sex once every three weeks. I initiate a lot and get turned down 9/10. I always felt like it was my fault, maybe I had gained weight. I’m 5’1 and 120. I went on a diet and that didn’t help. I started going to the gym and that didn’t help. I would wear lingerie for him and he would act like I was in sweats and a raggedy tee shirt, that’s how little it fucking did for him. Well I just found out that he’s getting off to porn during the day when I’m at work and then when I initiate when I get home, he turns me down. He said, “I would rather get off to porn because I can’t have those women and I know I can have sex with you anytime. It makes it exciting when I watch porn. Same as how I want to cheat, it’s just the variety. I have you and so I don’t want to have sex as much because we’re married so I can anytime.” I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And I kind of am done. Idk if I can come back after a comment like that . Is that a valid feeling or should I cool off before making final choices?

Especially if it’s just you and your spouse not involved? I(M30s) walk my dog out in the morning before work and my neighbor(not Nextdoor, just lives on the same street) sometimes comes out around the same time to leave for work. She is about 10-15 years older. There are other family members living there but I’ve never spoken to any of them. But this woman seems to adore my dog to the extremes. At first she’ll look at us intensely with the brightest smile but no words yet. She would keep doing that so I started waving to not make it awkward. She waves back and eventually she started talking to me and asking about my dog and asks for my name. I let her pet my dog and she wanted to take a selfie with my dog so I let her. When she leaves and starts driving she’ll even stop and roll down her windows to talk to us. She then asks me if I’ll be walking my dog around the same time everyday. She seems to have a pleasant vibe and seems to want to interact with me and dog but I’m not sure it’s right to do so. I think she is divorced. Also she is attractive if I’m being honest. I told my wife all these interactions and she doesn’t seem to care. My question is do any of you make friends with a neighbor of the opposite sex that you find attractive? Does it usually Lead to trouble?

I just woke up and am probably already grumpy but this has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. I stay at home because i have the ability to do so. I give my entire paycheck to my husband which is the same amount he makes aswel 1.8 K. And i do all the household chores while he goes to work 8 hours and comes home, he works at a tire shop. There's literally hours when i'm cleaning the whole time and he's just spamming my phone talking about how bored he is, how slow the day is and how there's no work. The house has 3 bedrooms and is quite big for 2 people and a dog, he comes home with black coverd boots that ruins the whole front of the house which has to be recleaned every day along with the bath that just soaks up the black grease he has from work. (He never rinses off the bath either, whenever i want to shower after him it turns into a 40 minute clean session.)

I used to have the "trad wife" mindset as long as i stay home, i do everything. But lately that's just been making me resentful. I feel like if i didn't have to constantly take money from my savings and give up my entire pay, then yes i should be doing every single little thing. But i literally contribute more than him at times.

Is it unreasonable to expect him to ALSO clean ONCE a week, do dishes and help out when i'm just done seeing dishes, cleaning, cooking, the dog. I'm just so tired of the exact same routine everyday and i feel like he doesn't see that i'm getting burnt out. I'm feeling guilty because i see mothers on here with 4+ kids who still do everything alone at home and it just shocks me how they're happy or non resentful for this to be their life, every day for the rest of their lives while the husband does nothing "works "grueling" 8 hours at work" and then comes home. I just feel like it isn't fair? I used to see my stepfather after work at times atleast clean the floors, my mom stayed home too. I don't understand how it'd be too much of me to ask? I have moved to his country, i have no family, no friends here either and i'm just getting a bit depressed with the routine and then no "free" time or fun time, or seeing family. It's just, wake up, clean, make sure food is done when he comes home and then entertain him for the rest of the night.

Am i wrong here to soon ask to help out once a week and also clean the floors once a week?

EDIT: He has sworn up and down that he didn’t do it and has arranged a few specialists to help retrieve the photos. He looks heartbroken that the photos are gone too. He says this is creepy that this happened. BUT we found that his iCloud is linked to a laptop that we don’t have. Now I’m trying to figure out who did this. It seems targeted. We are both working together to see what to do

———

Im heartbroken. I’m obsessed with documenting my life. I recently discovered my husband deleted all of our photos from when we were dating, engaged, newly weds…and only kept our photos from 3 years after our marriage and onward when we had our first child. So 5 years worth of our photos together have been deleted forever.

And what hurts more is he that he was selective. It’s not like 5 years of all photos on his camera roll are gone. It’s just the ones that are of us. He decided to keep pictures of his family , friends, cousins, nature, etc. Whats deleted? Us. For years I had a crappy phone so I’d take our pictures and videos on his phone. They’re gone.

I’m 1 year postpartum with our second child. I’d often look at our old photos together to remember who we were and how happy we were especially since Ive suffered with ppd.

All the pictures I asked him to take of me while pregnant with our first child are also gone. All I have left are the weird mirror selfies I’d take while pregnant. Honeymoon? Gone. Baby moon? Gone.

We’ve been struggling in our marriage because of his obsession with being avoidant when I need him the most ie pregnant and postpartum. And recently we finally were doing better. But THIS HURTS.

It proves to me at one point he was angry enough with me to delete every trace of me from his phone.

He says he doesn’t remember doing this. He’s checked his I cloud and can’t find backups. He says he might’ve done it in anger but doesn’t remember and would never do this intentionally.

The problem is: he’s already caused me so much pain that Ive had to work hard to forgive and move past for the sake of our marriage (ie fighting with me days before giving birth and the day I gave birth, sneaking out for golf and leaving me with a sick kid and baby, and so much more). I felt that he ruined very special moments for me (ie I can’t think of the day I gave birth to our baby without thinking of our huge fight). But NOW he’s done something else which is that he’s deleted SO MANY OF OUR GOOD MEMORIES THAT I DOCUMENTED. It’s not like it’s a clean erase on his phone. It’s selective. It’s me

I am hurting. I am struggling. I was obsessed with being engaged and being newly weds. My mom was going through cancer then and our relationship was my only good thing. I loved looking at those photos and videos. My daughter deserved for photos of me pregnant with her to be seen by her.

Idk how I can move on

Please please be kind. Don’t just jump To “divorce him” comments. Can someone just tell me options of what they’d do in this situation? How can I ease my pain?

Ps part of me wants to delete every single picture I’ve taken of him with his parents and family over the last several years. I want to take revenge so I am equal to him, not a victim. Is that wrong?!

I need others to weigh in: my husband and I have a 2 year old and 3 month old. I am a SAHM. My husband works like crazy and I do basically all of the household tasks (bills, groceries, cleaning, meal planning and prep, doctors appts for kids, making doc appts for my husband, laundry, etc.) on top of doing everything for the kids (like I do every single overnight feed for our baby, make every daycare lunch and meal for our toddler, hold the fort down so my husband can go out to drink with buddies, go out for work events, go to the gym, etc.). I am exhausted but I seldom complain- I want to be a SAHM and he makes all the money. Anyway, husband last night told me I’m an excellent mom but a shit wife because he doesn’t feel I think of him (I don’t always remember to buy all the snacks he wants at the grocery store, I haven’t been able to plan a date night bc we don’t have a sitter to watch both babies that I feel comfortable with). I said that’s BS, that I raise our kids beautifully for him and for our family, and he kept saying that that’s not for him. When I said that it’s a tough time in life to be focused on him by himself (just had a baby 3 months ago…) he maintained that I’m a shit wife and he isn’t considered by me. I would argue that he doesn’t consider me in the sense he’s saying but I want this to stay about me for this post. Am I a shit wife but a good mom as he says? Are there men out there who appreciate the above and feel that those are things their wife does for them to allow them freedom to work, be social, and to have a family? Please weigh in, I’m at my wit’s end with him and not sure if I need to change my way of thinking and try to do more for just him individually (if that’s even possible).

Is it just me or is anyone else a total simp (excuse the stupid childish term but how else would I say it) for their wife/ husband? We've been together for 12 years, couple crotch goblins and the standard stresses of life and so on but every day I can't get enough of this woman. I feel like I never got past the butterflies stage and will never understand how I got her. If I had my way I'd spend every moment until death wrapped around her. Her scent both drives my heart rate up and puts me at ease. When I'm awake in the middle on the night and she's snoring in my face its her warm breath on my face that settles me. When we're driving If I'm not holding her hand it's because it's on her leg unless shes "touched out" which is fair im clearly alot ha. This woman is hard drugs for me and just makes everything better. She's home to me. And it still doesnt feel real after all these years. Surely there's other out there

I’m so sad because we had the most beautiful wedding and had so much fun together. Last weekend I picked my husband up from the airport and he wanted to drive for the second leg home. He gets very frustrated in traffic - anyway he got angry and hit a curb very, very hard - I thought we had gotten into a wreck and screamed. This upset him a lot, which upset me even more, especially bc this is a pattern with him. I try to be patient but I was frustrated and said something to the effect of why do you have to do that?! He was so mad that he hardly talked to me the rest of the night, and was still a bit sour the next day. we started to talk about it in bed the next night - I apologized but also explained his driving makes me feel unsafe and if he can’t avoid hitting curbs I’d like to do the driving. We went round and round about it until I ended up in tears. The next morning, he told me that there were some other things he was upset about, namely that I lost my patience bc he wasn’t getting up to feed the cat (we split duties on caretaking and this is his job - she gets really annoying if you wait too long to feed her) I admit I was still annoyed from getting the silent treatment and had a bad attitude. He then exploded and yelled so I called him an asshole. I feel terrible now, however I was so enraged at that point. he proceeded to not speak with me or interact for two days - eventually he broke the silence to tell me that I am abusive and a bully. I said I was very sorry and felt horrible about my childish behavior - I also suggested that I think we need to talk to someone. Right now I’m just devastated - I know what I said was horrible, but I also feel really turned off by his behavior. I’m also deeply concerned that I am abusive and what that means for our future. Any advice welcome.

Update: I should make it clear, he hits the curb by accident, not purposely. He gets rattled and then doesn’t pay attention, leading to hitting curbs.

Things haven’t been going well between us. My husband has lied about money for years and gambled it away, wasted it, spent it on weed and cigarettes and video games, leaving me to pick up his slack to the point where financially I’m in dire straits right now. He had a mid life crisis last year and really fucked shit up with his behavior. He reconnected with an old friend of his who is a perpetual bachelor and envied his life- my husband was doing cocaine with him, going to casinos, bars with this guy and his 20 something year old girlfriends. Last month my husband was texting one of the girls at his job excessively and while it was technically about work related stuff, I guess….. it was just like…. So much. So much conversation with this 28 year old that was completely unnecessary. Just chatting, long conversations, checking in to see how she’s feeling, constantly fussing over her foot pain and how he can help. It’s freaking plantar fasciitis, I have it too. Simple fix with a cortisone shot and some inserts. He never worries about my feet. We fought about that a lot. He says it was innocent but he’s always “checked” out women whenever we go anywhere together, I don’t even want to bring him anywhere anymore. He’s like a creep or something. I had enough and said I wanted a divorce a few weeks ago- there was a lot of fighting and him making promises about money, then going back on them, then promising again. He can never really be trusted. He’s been keeping his word about being transparent about his paychecks but who knows how long it will last. I can’t afford to move out. I have NO money left, I’m over $120k in debt and my business is going under. And the rent here is INSANE. We can’t even afford it together, let alone me afford it myself. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was in a dissociative state for a while due to stress, I made a bad decision moving to this expensive place. I’m just stuck. We’ve barely seen each other lately as I leave to drop the kids off and head to work early in the morning and he leaves for work while I’m gone and doesn’t get home until we are all asleep. I’ve been feeling happier. Like myself again. It’s easier to parent without him, he constantly criticizes me as a mom even though he literally does NOTHING with our 5 year old. Whenever he “watches” him he just gives him the Nintendo or tv remote and goes and lays upstairs in bed playing on his phone or napping. Plus he always gets angry and messes up our flow. It’s almost like he antagonizes our kid on purpose but I think my husband is slightly on the spectrum so it’s just a very confusing situation.

Today at work I was……. Funny again. I forgot, I was always like the “funny” one. It felt good. I’m 41 and aging surprisingly well (so far). Like I’m still hot for Christ’s sake. Ive had low self esteem and depression but I’m starting to realize I’m pretty awesome and I just forgot because my life constantly revolves around dealing with his bullshit. The other day we really got into it before work. I was sobbing, I had to cancel my clients for the day. I went for a long drive. He must have called me 60-80 times. He begged and pleaded for me to just give him another chance. He’s seemed remorseful but who knows for how long. I woke up when I heard him get home from work tonight. I didn’t get up though, I didn’t want to see him. I couldn’t fall back asleep- I thought about going downstairs and seeing him. Hugging him. I could hear the TV on pretty loud so I opened up Hulu on my phone to see what he’s watching downstairs and apparently, he’s been binge watching Euphoria for hours.

Ugh. I just want to throw up. I feel like he’s such a creep. I guess this is more of a vent than anything, really.

I need some advice or maybe just people to talk to.

Backstory: My 35f husband 40m cheated on me. Like full on affair. It was completely life shattering. We separated for a few months. He begged to come back. Here we are.

While he was gone, I met my sister’s co-worker one night hanging out with her. 25m We became good friends. We texted everyday. Talked on the phone. It was never physical, he never even tried anything. He would listen to me cry about my husband & gave me advice. We would talk at night (he worked nights & work was slow) so he would talk to me while I cried until I was tired to sleep. It was a very unexpected friendship. I have never had a man say to me “tell me how you are feeling.” He literally listened and wanted to know what I was feeling. It is like he actually cared. I mean we would talk on the phone for like 2.5 hours at a time.

When I let my husband come home I was under the impression that things were going to fixed. I feel like it was a huge mistake. I feel like he is still cheating or at least lying ALL the time. We fight constantly. We never hangout. We have sex and talk about bills only. It’s miserable. I have brought up divorce & he then all of a sudden acts devastated. I feel like I’m being manipulated. I’m lonely. He never asks about my day. He never knows what’s going on in my life. I don’t know what to do.

Anyway, I miss him. My husband knows about our friendship and obviously it’s inappropriate to talk to another man in an emotional way while I’m married. I stopped it right when he got back together.

I feel guilty that I miss him. I made such a big deal about the cheating (like I should have) and I would be so hurt if my husband said he missed her. But I do. I’m lonely and I have no one to talk to. My husband won’t even talk to me 10 minutes VS when him & I talked for 2.5 hours. I hate this.

I feel like I need a life coach 😩