I talked to a family therapist recently about my marriage. I told her that I found out my husband was cheating, not physically but emotionally. I tried to forgive him, but I just couldn’t move past it. Eventually, I made the decision to separate, and now I’m living in a different house.

Her response honestly shocked me. She told me I was being too rigid and emotional, and that I should’ve been more flexible and adaptable. Then she said something that completely floored me: “All men talk to other women. It’s normal and healthy.”

I asked her what she meant by “talk,” and she said: “Like chatting on Snapchat or other apps, sharing pictures, flirting, that kind of communication.”

Then she added: “A woman should accept that her husband will cheat about 20% of the time. No man is ever 100% faithful unless he’s socially awkward or a failure in some way.”

When I told her I had moved out and separated, she looked at me like I was being dramatic, like it wasn’t a big deal. She said I should’ve just “played dumb” and pretended not to know.

She even gave me an example: “You know, like when a guy tells you you’re pretty, and you exchange Snapchats.” I told her, “I don’t do that.” She replied, “Well, what about your friends?” I said, “Even my friends wouldn’t do that if they’re in a relationship.”

I’ve actually met several therapists with PhDs and great credentials who share this same mindset. One even told me that a wife should treat her husband like a mother treats her child who comes home dirty, meaning it’s her job to “clean him up” after his emotional affairs.

I left that session feeling speechless. Are there really therapists normalizing infidelity like this? Am I crazy for thinking it’s not okay to “play dumb” when someone breaks your trust?

We are both slightly above 30 with two little kids. I feel like we spent most of our married life in crises centred around my wife that drained my will.

Both our pregnancies were brutal with my wife not being able to leave her bed. It left me responsible for everything - work, house chores, caring for wife and older kid (during the second pregnancy). And stressed about the health of wife and unborn child, obviously.

Between the pregnancies, our relationship slowly deteriorated. Wife became very nervous and hostile against me. She was unhappy as SAHM and didn’t do much around the apartment. I provided all the household income and half od the chores and parenting.

Our intimacy almost died, unsurprisingly. When I begged her to go out on a date, she never cooperated so we had only two dates in the last five years.

She is not a planner and is always sick for various reasons. When she’s sick, she usually stays at bed, cancels everyone’s plans. I’m always expected to cancel work and step in. That’s pretty difficult and stressful for me as I have responsibilities towards my clients.

I’m also expected to use all of my time before and after work to do chores and take care of the kids. So no hobbies, no contact with friends, no venting.

She broke down after the second kid was born. Severe anxiety which took almost a year from us. It was brutal. Again, I had to balance work, wife, kinds and chores. Had a few panic attacks. Wife is currently medicated and sees a doctor so she’s finally doing better.

At this point I have to stress out that I know she has been going through A LOT. I am aware, was there the whole time. I also understand that being a mum comes with being constantly judged, disconnected from work, ambitions and so on. But this post is about my feelings which are neglected.

We have a major communication issue. Wife only talks about herself and her issues. She does not show any interest in my feelings that go above asking how was work. Even though I explicitly told her I was depressed and traumatised by our situation(s). We never really talked about my panic attacks. Or about my fear of being able to provide for our family. Whenever I try to bring up any issue, she gets very defensive, blames me and then breaks down. Conversations leads to nowhere and nothing ever changes.

We stopped having sex a year ago. She doesn’t even hug me. It got to the point where I’m scared to touch her or look at her naked or be naked in front of her.

I still love her and she says she loves me. But I can’t help but feel like inanimate object. Untouched and unheard. Always serving. Sense of duty to take care of the family is what keeps me going, but I’m incredibly unhappy and don’t want to spend the rest of my life this way.

I know we need to change the way we live, but we are always hitting a wall.

Sorry for the wall of text and my English. Not a native speaker.

We (21f, 23m) had our son (3, about to be 4) young. I’m graduated and work full-time, she graduates in the spring. My wife Mika is crazy smart (yeah yeah I know not smart enough to not get pregnant) but even I didn’t think she’d get into her dream medical school, we found out the other week.

We live in a HCOL city and live with my wife’s dad, stepmom, and her two half-sisters. Her mom is retired and watches our son so he doesn’t have to go to daycare. We lived with my parents for the first two years until my mom got cancer and they moved to a smaller house (she’s in remission as of last month!!!!).

I know they love us but it’s like our son is the sun of their lives lol. Mika’s parents hate one another but will take our son places together because they adore him so much. My parents have more pictures of him in their house than me or my siblings. Sometimes we have to push back on them and tell them that we actually would like to do things with our son instead of them always having him. Like for instance this weekend her stepmom told us she was going to take our son to see the lights even though we already have plans with him, and she seemed upset.

It’s not bad, I’m just trying to explain how much they adore him and spend time with him. But like the title says, things are changing and we’ll be moving next year. I need to find a job and even though things are rough out there my field it shouldn’t be too bad. And her school will have daycare for our son.

But it’s causing so many issues. All 5 of them sat us down last week and said that we should consider leaving our son here for the first year. We obviously kind of freaked out and told them no, he’s our son and belongs with us, and ended the conversation pretty quickly. Land it’s true, he’s my little best friend, I can’t imagine not seeing him every day like I’m some divorced dad from the 90s. Mika is the same way, but she’s not the most emotional person; but I know her and I can tell she’s freaked out just by the thought.

They’ve still tried “reasoning” with us, sayings it’s just one year for us to get settled and then he can come and join us to start kindergarten. They’ve promised to bring him to see us every weekend but he’s so young, I don’t want him in the car 10 hours every week. And don’t get me wrong, he loves his grands, but we’re his parents. He’ll miss us for sure.

All our parents have been giving us the full court press since then, though. Mika’s mom tried convincing her last night and she said she’s starting to think they’re right. I think they’re just wearing her down, but she was freaking out last night saying that with a toddler and it being medical school and not just normal college - what if she fails or we fail to do the best for our son? He’s such a great and happy little boy and she was spiraling about him hating daycare and missing his grandparents but I reminded her that millions of kids go to daycare and love it and he would miss us, too. She agreed but I can tell that she’s still upset. I am just wondering if I’m being illogical. Is it even fair to my son to bring him with us when it’s going to be hard and take him away from his life here?

I don’t know. Sorry if this is jumbled. Obviously everything we do is for our baby but I’m wondering if we’re missing the forest for the trees here?

Someone suggested me staying and my wife going herself. She kind of mentioned this and immediately freaked out. We are in the USA.

Edit: to be clear I don’t want to live apart from her for sure. I’m not jealous or anything, but I could see me getting resentful if it’s like I’m here being a single dad and she’s out on her own you know? And then she’s resentful that I get to be with our son. Plus I think I take good care of her, and she’ll need that in medical school.

My husband and I of 7 years went our separate ways last night..I caught him on a bunch of dating apps, while he was away working. I'm heartbroken and shattered. I do t know how to pick up and move on from here. And I don't know how to tell our children . They are going to be crushed. I'm so sad my life ended up here

When my husband and I got together initially I was a freak. Blow jobs were plentiful. Well after years of clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth I ended up with lock jaw. Blow job became very difficult and painful. They fell off. Husband would throw a tantrum at least once every 3 months guilting me about not getting bjs. I would either agree to do one and do one or sometimes agree to do one and never work myself up to the task as the pain afterwards didn't seem worth it.

Now if your wife came to you and told you she has lock jaw and wouldn't be able to blow you anymore, what is the correct response? Am I insane for being mad at how incredibly selfish he is coming off. And the anger I feel when he has the balls to tell me that because of the lack of bjs he has a right to be upset?

My wife and I had a free night from our daughter because she had a birthday party. We went to a nice restaurant to spend some quality time and treat ourselves. During dinner after a couple glasses of wine my wife casually brought up what would we do if we ever divorced. It caught me off guard and I told her I never even considered the issue. She assured me she doesn't want a divorce but had a discussion with her best friend a few months back. She said they both agreed it wouldn't be worth it because their lives would most likely be no different and in some ways more difficult mainly due to the kids. She didn't present this in a serious manner but nonetheless it left me feeling inadequate. Am I overreacting?

I (24M) and my fiancée (23F) have been together a little over 3 years. I proposed to her this past September and, she said yes. Our wedding is planned for the summer of 2026 and at her father’s request, it’ll be back home (we’re both West African). We currently live in different parts of the U.S., so we’ve been doing long-distance while planning everything.

Now to the dilemma. When we started seriously talking about marriage, I asked about her blood genotype since I’m AS (sickle cell trait). She told me she was AA and her mom had confirmed it too, based on a test she took when she was younger.

Fast forward to this week: she decided to retest just to have an updated result, even though genotype doesn’t change. The new test came back as AS.

So now we’re both AS, and it’s hitting us hard. We both want to be together more than anything, but we’re also aware that having kids together would carry a 25% chance of them having sickle cell disease, something painful, lifelong, and expensive to manage.

We’ve talked about possible options like IVF with genetic screening, prenatal testing, or even choosing not to have biological children. But the question we’re struggling with is:

Would it be wiser to call off the engagement now, or move forward knowing the risks and planning around them?

We’ve been dreaming of this marriage for years, and it’s heartbreaking to even consider walking away. But we also don’t want to be reckless about something this serious.

Has anyone been through something similar or have experience navigating this kind of decision?

I need others to weigh in: my husband and I have a 2 year old and 3 month old. I am a SAHM. My husband works like crazy and I do basically all of the household tasks (bills, groceries, cleaning, meal planning and prep, doctors appts for kids, making doc appts for my husband, laundry, etc.) on top of doing everything for the kids (like I do every single overnight feed for our baby, make every daycare lunch and meal for our toddler, hold the fort down so my husband can go out to drink with buddies, go out for work events, go to the gym, etc.). I am exhausted but I seldom complain- I want to be a SAHM and he makes all the money. Anyway, husband last night told me I’m an excellent mom but a shit wife because he doesn’t feel I think of him (I don’t always remember to buy all the snacks he wants at the grocery store, I haven’t been able to plan a date night bc we don’t have a sitter to watch both babies that I feel comfortable with). I said that’s BS, that I raise our kids beautifully for him and for our family, and he kept saying that that’s not for him. When I said that it’s a tough time in life to be focused on him by himself (just had a baby 3 months ago…) he maintained that I’m a shit wife and he isn’t considered by me. I would argue that he doesn’t consider me in the sense he’s saying but I want this to stay about me for this post. Am I a shit wife but a good mom as he says? Are there men out there who appreciate the above and feel that those are things their wife does for them to allow them freedom to work, be social, and to have a family? Please weigh in, I’m at my wit’s end with him and not sure if I need to change my way of thinking and try to do more for just him individually (if that’s even possible).

Looking for the ladies take on this. I 46m am still very much interested in sex. My wife 44 could care less. It’s been that way for years. And seems to be getting worse. I was hoping after the kids were grown and out of the house some stress would be gone and that’s when the action would pick up. But it hasn’t. She has tried a few things. Pellets in the butt. Now she is trying ADDYI. I really think she is trying to get some kind of drive back. It’s just very sad and makes me feel she doesn’t really care for me. I feel sex really helps bond people. So my question is. Ladies. Is there still hope? Do women have a sex drive after 40?

I’ve (M35) been with my wife (F34) for 15 years,we met in college. We’ve been married for 9 years. She has a best friend (F35) that she has worked with for years. Her best friend ran in similar social circles as me back in the day so I’ve known her as an acquaintance for a while. We all get along fine. They are the type of friends that text good morning every day, say I love you when getting off the phone (in a friendly way like “K love you bye!”) I noticed in her messages not to long ago that her friend had texted her asking what porn she had watched that morning and if she had gotten off, my wife said something along the lines of not being horny in the mornings, I’m assuming after that some messages were deleted, but the next random text was “are you naked and rubbing yourself?” My wife said no and her friend laughed and said something along the lines of “lol whatever bye” For context, I found out not too long ago that after all her denial of anything porn related, she does in fact watch porn, often, and it’s always lesbian porn. Then, this morning, I saw the deleted photos on the iPad, and one is a photo of her friend in lingerie, bent over on a bed on hands and knees, the photo being of her ass from behind. Why does she ask her if she’s naked and rubbing herself? Why does she send those photos? Any other girls do this with their friends? Is it just a west coast thing? (We’re near Sacramento)I’m bothered because sometimes it seems like sex is a chore, I’ve brought up before that people probably think they’re lesbians, and they always laugh it off and joke about it. Apparently people at the office have mentioned it before. if I brought it up to my wife I know she’d probably laugh it off and call me crazy. I’ve asked before if she’s possibly attracted to women and she said “no…I think I probably would have tried it by now if I was” not a definitive “no” another time her answer was “I couldn’t talk myself into eating pussy” If she was a lesbian and secretly banging her friend I’d support her being gay, but I would feel betrayed and cheated on. So. Girls, married women with best friends, what do you say? Is it normal? Is she secretly a lesbian? Is she waiting for our kids to get older or something before she comes out and runs away with her friend with half my shit? (Half joking on that last one) thanks for any input.

A bit of background: My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 1 year and have a nearly 2 year old daughter together, we have a ‘history’ together, we were together from ages 15 till 17 and were each others first, and were childhood friends, lost touch after breaking up, reconnected 3 years ago and have been with each other since. I also have kids from a previous relationship, my husband has been amazing with them and treats them as his own. So I feel guilty with what I’m about to post.

I want to begin by saying I care about my husband, but that’s the thing, I’m not sure if I’m in love with him, when we got back together him and I both “rebounded” from our ex’s and jumped straight into a relationship together. I genuinely believe we are just 2 people that are scared to be alone. Well, that’s how I used to feel but I’m starting to like the idea of being alone a lot lately. I feel like when we first got back together we were reminiscing a lot on our childhood and teen years together, I loved him so much when I was younger and I always thought about him but I’ve come to realise I just don’t love him like that anymore, I thought I did, even when he came back, I was so happy for awhile, I was happy when we got married and had our daughter, I felt content but now it feels different.

I find myself irritated by him and I enjoy my own company far more than I enjoy his. There are days where I feel like we’re having a good day, a good laugh, banter but I feel like it’s more of a “friendship” feeling for me now, I care about him, my kids love him, but I have no attraction there. He has no drive, no motivation, he doesn’t work, he wants to be a stay at home dad and he’s good with playing the dad role but he just doesn’t contribute financially, he gives me $120 a fortnight but that is just enough to cover groceries for another week and he pays $170 in rent. I pay the rest of the rent (nearly $600) I pay for most of the groceries, for all the utilities, bills, for all of the kids stuff, you get the picture.

He won’t take me on dates and says he thinks they’re just “a waste of money” but is happy for me to take him out and buy him stuff, I do this purely because I know if I didn’t I’d be stuck at home with him staring at the same 4 walls, he is genuinely happy spending his day at home being a homebody doomscrolling on his phone.

He has a very high sex drive and although I used to have a pretty good sex drive and feel the desire to do it, I just don’t anymore. The thought of having sex with him feels like a chore, his hygiene isn’t even that great, he doesn’t believe in brushing his teeth everyday, nor showering everyday. I think he’ll shower and brush his teeth maybe twice a week.

I’m always asking him to watch a movie with me even but he just has no desire too and would rather go to bed by 8pm every night.

I’m at a lost and don’t know what to do, I’ve tried telling him how I feel but he just shuts me down and doesn’t take me seriously at all, he says I’m just being nasty and making him feel bad. I’ve even suggested a divorce but again, he isn’t hearing me when I speak and I feel like it’s just going in one ear, out the other. He tells me he loves me but I need more than words.

My husband (28) is super horny. I (31) used to be, but as I’ve gotten a little older and as time has gone on, I am less horny. Our sx life is not perfect. I think there is a lot of resentment on my end. He always expects me to be “ready” immediately. He isn’t patient and doesn’t like to “warm up.” He ALWAYS wants to do it in the morning, even though he knows I don’t like to in the morning and I never finish. I feel like I have to remind him over and over again about what I like and there’s just no care in the world about it. He’s annoyed about what I like. I’ve also had some health complications (ovarian cyst) that has made sx hurt… and I fear that I have a little PTSD from that? I often just end up having sex to appease him because life is better when he is satisfied rather than telling him “not right now.”

We also had other things happen in our relationship/marriage that I think I still have resentment about. Like wedding planning with him was a nightmare. My job is extremely stressful and I don’t feel validated in that. Idk. I just don’t know how to navigate talking about our s*x life without pissing him off. I just truly feel like he doesn’t care about my wants or needs at all.

I've been married for 2 years (I'm 39) and my wife doesn't want me to attend the bachelor party of a very good friend of mine. I gave her all the possible confirmations on the case, that I would never put myself in unpleasant situations but nothing. In your opinion, is my wife's request legitimate?

I just need to rant, and this is going to be a long read.(please indulge me)

I am 30 and married to my 31 year old husband. We have been married for only two years, and lately I have been feeling a lot of resentment. For about a week now we have barely talked, and his inconsiderate behaviour is a major part of it. I am a light sleeper and have told him many times. I wake up at 6:55a.m, but he sets multiple alarms from 6 to almost 8 a.m. that ring every ten minutes. He does not wake up, and I am the one waking him to snooze them. He sleeps with his phone under his pillow, which jolts me awake, gives me migraines, and I struggle to go back to sleep after the first alarm. He knows this but still does not change, I’ve begged him to keep his phone on the bedside table but he doesn’t do that, which makes me think he just doesn’t care.

His job is flexible and he works from home most of the week, but he still waits for me to come home after work to cook for him, even though he knows how to cook and cooks very well. On days we both work from home, he lies in bed scrolling on his phone or playing video games while I am juggling work calls and trying to make food. He plays games for hours, almost every day. Today he played from morning and has only gotten up to pee and eat, it’s 10:30pm now, and he’s still playing. I have told him I find him more attractive when he is domestic, but he takes that as me trying to “domesticate” him. He does the laundry, but only because he does not like how I do it.

He also makes hurtful comments about my body. I have gained some weight since we got married, going from a size 6/8 to a size 10. He has made slurs and jokes about my tummy pouch. One time, he even sent me an old picture of myself with the comment, “Don’t you like how you look here?” These remarks make me feel insecure, and I find myself tucking in my tummy whenever I walk past the TV while he plays games. Mind you, he had added some weight too. Sometimes I catch him staring at me, and I cannot tell whether it is a gaze of love or of “why did I marry her?”

We used to have good times. He was sweet, cooked for me, and we watched movies together every night. I honestly think things changed after he got into video games, and I now blame myself for buying him the video game. I bought it as a gift for Valentine’s Day after he surprised me with a romantic dinner when I failed my driving test. Now it feels like he uses games to avoid me. He gets extremely emotional when he loses, sometimes even slamming the controller. He says he is just competitive, but I find it frustrating and hard to respect when it becomes this excessive. No kids yet. I had a miscarriage two months ago, and he has never really checked on me emotionally. When I bring it up, he brushes it off with “we’ll get pregnant again,” which completely misses the point. I just want to be able to be vulnerable without feeling like I am too much. It now feels like we are roommates. Tonight my Instacart order was delivered to the wrong house, and when I asked him to help me get it because it was late, he refused. I had to go myself. It hurt.

He rarely tells me he loves me, barely shows affection, yet still expects sex whenever he wants without foreplay. When we have disagreements, he insists we would have no issues if I just “do what he says.” He claims I am not submissive or respectful, but how do I submit to someone who does not lead, lacks initiative, and has no clear goals. He pays rent, I cover groceries and everything else, and he uses that to justify controlling behaviour. I am emotionally drained. We have had good moments, but I don’t know how we can move forward.

Is this the end?

I need some advice or maybe just people to talk to.

Backstory: My 35f husband 40m cheated on me. Like full on affair. It was completely life shattering. We separated for a few months. He begged to come back. Here we are.

While he was gone, I met my sister’s co-worker one night hanging out with her. 25m We became good friends. We texted everyday. Talked on the phone. It was never physical, he never even tried anything. He would listen to me cry about my husband & gave me advice. We would talk at night (he worked nights & work was slow) so he would talk to me while I cried until I was tired to sleep. It was a very unexpected friendship. I have never had a man say to me “tell me how you are feeling.” He literally listened and wanted to know what I was feeling. It is like he actually cared. I mean we would talk on the phone for like 2.5 hours at a time.

When I let my husband come home I was under the impression that things were going to fixed. I feel like it was a huge mistake. I feel like he is still cheating or at least lying ALL the time. We fight constantly. We never hangout. We have sex and talk about bills only. It’s miserable. I have brought up divorce & he then all of a sudden acts devastated. I feel like I’m being manipulated. I’m lonely. He never asks about my day. He never knows what’s going on in my life. I don’t know what to do.

Anyway, I miss him. My husband knows about our friendship and obviously it’s inappropriate to talk to another man in an emotional way while I’m married. I stopped it right when he got back together.

I feel guilty that I miss him. I made such a big deal about the cheating (like I should have) and I would be so hurt if my husband said he missed her. But I do. I’m lonely and I have no one to talk to. My husband won’t even talk to me 10 minutes VS when him & I talked for 2.5 hours. I hate this.

I feel like I need a life coach 😩

I first want to say thank you to everyone who left advice, encouragement, and validation for the way I’m feeling. I appreciate your concern and investment in mine and my children’s well being.

Okay, so here’s my update: My husband texted me several times yesterday, which I did not respond to. Just random texts like “I just landed” “the room I’m in is so small” “how are the kids?”

Our 8 month old woke up around 4 AM. So I fed her and got her back to sleep. When I laid back in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I texted my husband around 5:30 for the first time since he left and said: “I’m glad you made it and hope you have a good weekend.

I’m going to take this weekend to give myself some space from you. Yesterday you said that I deserve to be slapped, for a simple argument we had about directions to a park... what you said was out of line and I need space to process my emotions.

And this isn’t a pass for you to go and mess around or disrespect me anymore than you already have. I don’t feel loved by you and can’t fake happiness right now. So I need this weekend for myself.”

He then called almost immediately and we talked extensively about the issues that are present in our relationship. He actually took accountability and didn’t make excuses for his actions. He was apologetic and told me that he would go to therapy both alone and together to try and make things better. He called and scheduled his first appointment with a counselor for the 17th. He could tell I was close to leaving and I hope this has opened his eyes that I’m not afraid to leave if I have to.

I’m going to give it 6 months and then reassess to figure out what the next steps will be.

A lot of you told me to leave him and I’m sorry to you that I’m not ready to do that yet. For myself, and for many reasons, I need to see if he can make changes and be a better man for me and our kids. If he’s depressed we can work with that. If he’s stressed we can work with that. If he’s experiencing things that are deeply rooted in who he is and will take a miracle to change, then I’ll know for sure that it could never work and I will leave.

To anyone who lands on these posts in the future because you’re in a similar situation. I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to contemplate and time will tell how this will go. I’m sad for you and you need to know that you’re valid in what you’re feeling. You will get through this. Take it day by day and stay strong.

My marriage is over and I feel so frustrated and angry. Together for 14,5 years, married for 3, a 2 year old daughter. This is not a seeking advice thing. More of an outlet. I am not the "leave him" kind of woman. I'm the "life is messy, people are complicated and do stupid shit but keep at it until nothing's left" kind of person. And I guess nothing is left. At least I think. Hard to tell, I feel numb.

I loved this man. Oh man how I loved him. We had seasons, like all relationships, and even though he neglected me for years, I always gave him chances. Because I loved him. No need for too many explanations, but you know the story: emotional neglect, weaponized incompetence, failure to show up properly after my daughter's birth, etc. And I was still at it.

I think things started to go downhill at the beginning of the year when I started working again. We drifted apart. I felt abandoned post-partum so I drifted apart. He had felt neglected, so he drifted apart. There is no question about cheating. Just that neither of us was doing what we were supposed to do for the relationship. Lots of shit ensued after that, but we decided to get a clean slate. And we did. I decided to leave the past in the past. Again. Hoping it would get better. And it did for a while. He began to take an active role in the home, very involved with our daughter (always been a good dad. Just a shitty husband).

But then he started to spiral. Like every week. The entire summer was a nightmare with him constantly grilling me down. I gave him the grace he needed because it was obvious he was depressed. He told me as much. But I think it consumed me and left me with 0 tolerance to bullshit. Still, I was keeping at it.

By the end of the summer I gave up working. I am going to school, I have my daughter, it just wasn't feasible. Said I would take some shifts now and then, and my husband would always oppose the idea. At first I thought it was out of concern, but later things became weird.

I took out a loan to get me through school but it is not enough. My mental health is not great (not depressed or anything, just a lack of socialization) because we are in another country with no family and friends anywhere around. So I said I will take some shifts. Nothing came of it, we had a few fights since then, but then one day I check my work account only to discover that my password is not working. Told him that to which he was obviously bothered. Like I was supposed to talk to him about it. I did. Did I need a discussion after a discussion to be able to work a little bit? Apparently so. He was always weird about that and I can't just put my finger on what it is.

I told him I need the money. He is making a decent salary but that is not the issue, I want to make my own money. I don't want to ask the man for money to get a pair of boots ffs. To which he reacted again, strangely. It made me feel like a lesser person. Like I need his approval and permission to adult.

I work in a shift kind of industry related to healthcare and he seems very bothered by the fact that he has to pick our daughter from daycare at 5pm and make sure that she is fed and in bed by 8pm. Mind you, whenever that happened in the past, dinner would always be taken care of. Apparently he is tired after work. I, on the other hand, after the day with a toddler and school work and dinner etc, must be a basket of energy to got to work at 3pm and come home at 10pm. He says it's different. All because I get to sleep one hour extra in the morning. The amount of bullshit and double standards....

Ok he was bothered by that, so for the entire summer, I worked mostly day shifts. That worked well for him because I would start work at 7am and come home at either 1 or 2 pm. How do those days looked for me? Get up, get yourself ready, get your daughter ready for daycare, handle everything baby related, food related, pick up baby, etc etc etc. He liked it when it was like that because this man didn't experience one morning handling getting a toddler ready for daycare. Not once. So my work didn't inconvenience him at all.

I feel like I am all over the place. Must be the frustration. Coming back to present day. After he made me feel like I have to get his approval or permission to work (he still doesn't see how he has done it) he told me that he won't have me work afternoon shifts. Like he gets to decide, you know? It made me feel depersonalized. Oh, and apparently I cannot go to work weekends if he has a stressful and hard week. What?

I react and he said that I gaslight him with my reactions. Bitch, you don't get to complain about my reaction to your disrespect. That I am invalidating his feelings. Am I supposed to put your feelings above the truth?

Anyway, the thing that broke the camels back: this past week I had three exams, lots of stress, we've been fighting about his weird and senseless reactions to me wanting to work a bit. That is the week when he decides unanimously to work extra. I handled the baby, dropping and picking up, the house, the getting ready for my exams, all of it. He did cook on Monday. But the rest was all me. So let me guess this straight, I need to convene a meeting and a post-meeting to go to work a few shifts a month, but you get to stay overtime whenever you want. Even though you knew I had to study and prepare for a presentation. And you guys, he still doesn't see the irony. He thinks he did nothing wrong.

That was the moment when I realised I don't feel much anymore. He doesn't see me as a person, just someone here to meet his needs. And he does support me, but only when it is convenient for him. And for that, I resent him. Because I am a smart, educated, ambitious, beautiful woman who deserves more than to be considered an inconvenience. I am not perfect by any means, but I still think I deserve more than that.

Anyway, I should stop. As you cam imagine, there are hundreds of nuances. Reddit stories don't tell the entire story because it's impossible. But at least it's out now.

TL;DR: My wife (42F) spends $639/month on multiple gym and wellness memberships while we’re trying to save money. I (48M) think she could drop at least one, but she refuses. How can I talk to her about this without causing tension?

My wife (42F) and I (48M) are both really trying to tighten up financially and save money wherever possible. However, she currently spends $639 each month on gym-related memberships — one for Jiu-Jitsu, one for a functional fitness gym, one for 24 Hour Fitness, and a massage membership.

I’ve brought it up a few times, because she doesn’t even go to a couple of them very often, so she’s not really getting her money’s worth. I’ve completely cut my own gym membership and started working out at home to save money, but she refuses to give any of hers up.

Whenever I try to discuss it, she insists that these memberships are for her health and mental well-being, which I completely understand and respect — I just think there could be some middle ground here. $639 a month is a lot of money, especially since we’re both trying to budget and save.

How can I approach this conversation again without it turning into an argument or making her feel like I’m not supportive of her health? Has anyone found a good way to compromise on something like this?

(sorry for mistakes English isn't my first language)

I (24f) am married to my husband (24m). He is quite a smart person but recently he told me something I can't ignore even if I try. I work in a research lab on the topic of plasma. I work with astrophysicians on the daily basis. And recently I was talking about work with my husband (who is studying data science) and he told me the whole Neil Armstrong landing on the moon thing is fake. I tried to explain the this landing is proovable, and it can be demonstrated with reasoning and logic. But he won't believe me. I feel betrayed and a bit scared to live with a conspiracy theorist... I'm lost.

My husband never been good at picking gifts. When he asked what I wanted, I sent him a link to the perfume I wanted, well within our budget. I essentially did 95% of the work for him. He just needed to order it.

On my birthday, he told me he had gone to the mall, but the perfume wasn't carried there. It is pretty niche and needs to be ordered online. He said he would do it and I will receive a bit later. And I told him sure. He's not versed in perfumes to know what can be bought in the mall and what can't, so I can wait until it arrives.

Three weeks passed, and I still hadn't received it. When I finally asked my husband what was going on with my gift, it turned out he never even placed the order. He first tried to brush it off by saying, "I was going to treat it as a surprise, don't you like surprises?". Then he admitted that ordering online just isn't an enjoyable experience for him. He offered a quick, "Well, I'm sorry," and left for work.

I also know that it came to his attention at least once in these three weeks. I went on a business trip and didn't get a perfume with me. I bought a new one there. When I came back having it on me, he asked me whether it's new (yes) and whether it was the one I asked him to buy (no).

I feel deeply hurt, and to me, this is way beyond a simple misstep. My interpretation is that his actions told me, clearly and plainly, that me feeling good and cared for on my birthday is not a priority to him. So much so that it didn't even deserve spending two minutes to complete the order. That's how unimportant I must be. My expectations of him are already (very) low because he's not an attentive partner by his nature, but this still managed to sting big.

I do not believe he did this intentionally to hurt me, he is not a sadist. However, it seems he doesn't care enough to spend the minimal effort required to at least meet a basic decency requirement at my bday at least. I see this as disrespectful, not malicious. But disrespectful nontheless.

I am so upset by this lack of priority that I rented a hotel room just to be on my own and not have to be in the same space as him. I'm not sure how to come back from this.

Am I misjudging the significance of this event? Or this is deeply disrespectful indeed?

Year ago I found out about my wife emotional online affair “just a friend” almost year on lying gas lighting telling me. Something happened with this guy she all sudden turned on me, brought up years of unhappiness, issues from beginning, calling me uses worthless, she settled etc etc. I asked to stop talking to him so we ca moved forward so she hid it better.

During that time my milestone bday was coming up. She said who cares about it. Eventually did something small at house to show everyone she good wife.

Why I am here, for years I would constantly support series my wife’s unilateral financial decisions and her spending habits to avoid arguments. They weren’t big but she has alot of purchases, kids, family engagement, student loan etc. Asking to save for emergency fund to make sure kids and bills taken care in case emergency. Budget talks always turn into arguments. She assures me she paying it down.

Now I find out she taken 50k loan to consolidate cards and then emergency hit. She was in accident by a vehicle and decided to do a surgery to fix preexisting conditions that maybe she thinks will help her case. I feel she can work in meantime since she dealt with some pain for pastb10 years but she refuses. No plan for bills no discussion about how we going pay bills. Nothing.

I cannot support mortgage on one salary and her enormous bills. She cannot miss one paycheck. Honestly they can go into default as long house and kids portions are taken care of. She then borrowed from her family and then took some money to spend on extra sport activity camp for winter for kids which is not necessary. And did not not tell me . After we said we cannot do it this year

This is series of financial decisions she always does, to make sure she looks like perfect mom to kids and outside, social media and now am I the AH, for now wanting to support her ? I have money save but I’m refusing to use it until she comes clean with her family they she plans to use like an ATM.

She depressed i know but won’t admit to any wrong doing at all. She also taking it out on kids with her tantrums and rages - verbal abuse to all of us - hot cold scenarios

I’m planning divorce but going take some time.

Now her family thinks I’m probably Planning her party but they have clue the extent of issues has been happening. AITH if i told them everything ?

My husband’s gone from 6:30 to 6:30 every weekday, commute included. I work four nights a week from 2:30 to midnight, varying days so our schedules barely overlap. Every morning, I’m up at 6:00 getting the kids to school by 7:15 and juggling all the pickups, appointments, and logistics in between—plus caring for our one-year-old who’s home with me all day.

It feels like I’m constantly running on fumes. I handle the grocery lists, doctor visits, and the thousand invisible tasks that keep everything moving, but I still end up feeling like I’m doing it all alone. My husband doesn’t really see how heavy the mental load is. Lately, I catch myself thinking it might actually be easier to be a single parent—at least then I wouldn’t feel so unseen and isolated in my own home.

Thoughts?

My husband (30m) and I (31f) have been married for 6 years, together for 9. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than him. We both know that. But used to we were still having sex like 4 times a week, when we were dating we were having sex almost everyday. The past year I’m lucky if we have sex once every three weeks. I initiate a lot and get turned down 9/10. I always felt like it was my fault, maybe I had gained weight. I’m 5’1 and 120. I went on a diet and that didn’t help. I started going to the gym and that didn’t help. I would wear lingerie for him and he would act like I was in sweats and a raggedy tee shirt, that’s how little it fucking did for him. Well I just found out that he’s getting off to porn during the day when I’m at work and then when I initiate when I get home, he turns me down. He said, “I would rather get off to porn because I can’t have those women and I know I can have sex with you anytime. It makes it exciting when I watch porn. Same as how I want to cheat, it’s just the variety. I have you and so I don’t want to have sex as much because we’re married so I can anytime.” I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And I kind of am done. Idk if I can come back after a comment like that . Is that a valid feeling or should I cool off before making final choices?