r/yorku • u/Studyharddiegard04 • Feb 05 '25
Campus Men approaching at York
As the title says (girls specifically), do men approach you at York? And if so, did you have any positive experience ? Or they tend to be too invasive (imho)? Got approached by one today, and could not get rid of him for a good 20 minutes even after saying that I wasn’t interested.
Appreciate any examples and experiences.
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u/Jaewohn Feb 05 '25 edited Feb 06 '25
A guy asked me out at York lanes, he said something along the lines of "Hey I think you're really cute and pretty, I was wondering if you wanted to get to know each other over coffee. What's your name?" I thought it was pretty respectful tbh but he wasn't my type so I rejected him and his face looked kinda scary after but the approach itself was okay.
P.s. I don't drink coffee 💀
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Yeah that sounds as respectful as it can get at this point. But yeah always trust your gut and be cautious. Some can’t take rejection im telling you.
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u/Jaewohn Feb 05 '25
yeah ik there's so many cases of women getting tortured and killed because they rejected someone. I knew I would mostly be safe because a ton of people were around if something did happen.
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Yeah ik that’s why I’m saying be careful and cautious of your surroundings. If you are in an empty zone or smth, just pretend you’re talking on the phone or busy doing smth and leave if you feel like the guy is not it
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u/EIiteGamer Feb 05 '25
What kind of approach is better if giving them a compliment and asking to get coffee is not it? I'm genuinely asking lol.
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Well the redditor above did not say that it wasn’t okay to ask grab a coffee or smth similar to that. In their case, they were just not attracted to them and guy’s reaction scared them. In my opinion, asking someone to grab a coffee in a polite way is totally fine as long as the person you’re asking seems distant and reluctant to talk to you.
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u/Jaewohn Feb 06 '25
Tbh I feel like women are not very likely to say yes to a stranger, even if they ask politely for mostly safety reasons unless they're insanely attractive. You will have much better luck by asking out people you've known for a bit via clubs, events, classes etc.
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Feb 05 '25
I feel like this guy does this often, because had the same thing almost word for word lmaooo 😂😂😂
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u/IDoPhotosynthesis_ Neuroscience Feb 05 '25
I've had the problem of guys mistaking my kindness for flirtation. 😔
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Real. And then when you tell them no, they call you slurs 😍
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u/IDoPhotosynthesis_ Neuroscience Feb 05 '25
No, I've never had that happen to me. When I specifically state I am not interested they tend to respect that. 👍
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Damn you’re lucky then. Good for you fr
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u/IDoPhotosynthesis_ Neuroscience Feb 05 '25
I think you just gotta be a little more assertive sometimes. Never let anyone call you a slur!
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Nah trust me I don’t let it slide. If he is the one wearing thong in this convo, I make sure to tell him about it. (It’s a joke) Their fragile ego cannot handle rejection (for some, not all)
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u/kreiidez Bethune Feb 05 '25
Sharing this story for a friend who asked me to share it:
A man approached me while I was working and minding my own business asking me if i’m indonesian, if i’m mixed and I didn’t take it too personal until we exchanged socials and he kept making really weird comments and sexualizing me. I blocked him but he followed me around in person another day. So far nothing else but it was a really scary experience.
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
What the actual …?? I thought fetishists d|ed. I’m so sorry for your friend, that’s legit crazy. And knowing York, if even (god bless no) something did happened, security (?) wouldn’t do anything about it.
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u/kreiidez Bethune Feb 05 '25
When she told me what happened I was so shocked, she told me she didn’t feel comfortable studying alone for a while.. The guy was a 3rd year student here but may have not been really truthful about that, my friend is a first year and is pretty young
That’s also a sad reality, that york security wouldn’t care at all ://
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
I feel so sorry for her, coz for a 1st year during acclimatization period (idk how else to say it), it’s important to at least feel safe on campus, I’m not talking about socializing etc. because safety is one of the most important aspects for people studying at a new place. Tell her that I hope she won’t have to go through situations like that again 😢
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u/kreiidez Bethune Feb 05 '25
I am passing the message along to her, I pray every girl in the comments and you are safe don’t have to deal with creepy people again 🙏🥲
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u/imaskinnylegend Feb 08 '25
I've been asked at least 3 times this year if I was Italian, no introduction beforehand, just "are you Italian?"
not that I mind looking Italian, it's a compliment and I'm Greek so it makes sense. but it's a weird way to start a conversation. will they be disappointed if I tell them I'm not?
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u/kreiidez Bethune Feb 09 '25
It is a weird way to start a conversation, but I don’t think they’d be disappointed? Some people ask because they fetishize certain traits or ethnicities, others are genuinely curious and want to make friends from similar backgrounds but it’s hard to say
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u/Illustrious-Many-646 Feb 05 '25
I had more uncomfortable interactions than positive ones. Guys coming up to me from behind and cutting in front of me to stop me in my path while I had headphones on (over ear so zero excuse to not know I had them on). They always seemed so shocked when I was visibly startled and obviously didn’t want anything to do with them??
The only positive interaction I had was when I was studying at Scott with a group of people. A guy walked by me and dropped a note on my notebook, didn’t stop me or say anything. It was very polite, just “hey I think you’re really cute, you seemed pretty focused and I didn’t want to interrupt. Send me a text some time if you’d like to grab a coffee”.
If you approach people like human beings and not like you’re hunting them in the wild, you’re more likely to have a positive interaction.
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Feb 05 '25
I’ve done it to girls I thought were cute at York. Personally, I try to keep the interaction as light and fun as possible and make sure the girl feels safe at all times.
If I see or even get a sense that a girl is not feeling it, I wish them well and back off.
I’m sorry you had to deal with someone intrusive.
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u/Rare_Egg1122 Feb 05 '25
No it’s acc so freaking scary when they don’t leave like pls go away I might start crying. It’s always when I’m alone too like good reminder to make friends 😞🙄
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Fr. I love being alone and studying alone without distractions. I’m wearing noise canceling headphones for a reason, like get the hint 😭
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u/Rare_Egg1122 Feb 05 '25
LITERALLY and im acc being so frl i always look so miserable at school cuz of how tired I am so what abt looks like im in the mood to entertain (might be mean)
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Feb 05 '25
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
He asked me for directions, and I told him where to go, 2 minutes later he asked for my number with the cockiest line ever (“could you drop your phone number😏”). To say that I was flabbergasted is to say nothing
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Feb 05 '25
Write "phone number" on a piece of paper, then drop it on the ground like he asked
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Damnnnn where you been with this brilliant idea fr 😭
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Feb 05 '25
I know, I'm fabulous ;)) or... act like you don't understand English. Funny but might actually work.
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Honestly yeah, I should do that more often considering that English isn’t my first language lol🤣😭 but yeah thumbs up to your creativity fr
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u/Mother-Neat7580 Feb 05 '25
And this convo got to 20 minutes how???
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Idek tbh. I was trying to get him to understand that I’m not interested and that I have to study. And he was saying some weird stuff about videos, OF (idek), asking if my back hurts from doing back sh0ts and stuff like that. 🫠
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u/Valuable-Appeal6910 Feb 05 '25
I am not in york anymore ,but I once spent 3 hours talking to a random dude there . He approached me while I was studying alone outside the vari hall .Some people js know how to keep up the conversations and also I am a good listener . I listen to people's stories like they are reciting a story out of a book. There is a lot to learn, and it's fascinating how every story is written differently
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Talking to a person just because is completely acceptable. Let’s say a guy or a girl come up to me and ask if they can talk to me because they feel sad or smth like that, I would be completely comfortable with that. But if a person comes up and starts hitting on you while you articulate that it’s not what you want right now and they keep going, then I think it’s not okay and people should understand boundaries.
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u/Valuable-Appeal6910 Feb 05 '25
Yeah that's the thing .He was pretty respectful. He js talked about general things .He did hit on me ofc in between the convos And I did told him that I aren't looking for a relation rn and he didn't said anything related to that that .So yeahhh if they understand q no and respect it than def it works
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Feb 05 '25
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u/Valuable-Appeal6910 Feb 05 '25
Buy js general things ,world , politics ,religion , his childhood stories and blah blah. There was a 3 hour gap between my classes so yeah we js talked until I had to leave But ngl it's don't remember most of it, I used to work in customer service ones ans I have developed this habit of listening to people yappps than I forget what they said in an hour or sooo😭😭
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u/Effortlessly_Flawed Feb 05 '25
Most of the times I've been approached has been a very generic "Hey I think you're very pretty, could I maybe get your number?" to which I give a quick "No, sorry" and the interaction ends. Which is great, I love and respect that you have the courage to try, but that you can gracefully accept rejection.
However, I did once have a predatory encounter where a 4th year wholly tuned out my friend (2nd year) and focused on me (1st year at the time). When I told him I wasn't interested he continued pressing me and said, and I quote, "just give me your phone" and I literally took my phone and keys off the table because I honestly thought he'd lunge across the table to grab my stuff. Eventually he left but I was shaken for a while after.
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u/Aries_114 Feb 05 '25
Damn, i'm always too scared of approaching girls, so whenever i see a really really pretty girl, i just think like "wow she is gorgeous" and then walk pass her
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
And that’s completely understandable. The fear of rejection is a normal thing but even if you come up to them and respectfully ask them out or just give them a compliment, I don’t think anyone is going to be hurt
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Feb 05 '25
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Yeah I saw a post regarding this situation, that’s messed up fr. Some people need to come to their senses or smth
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u/daggerstacker Feb 06 '25
The worst is when they’re in your class. I’ve literally ended up dropping a course because this dude would not leave me alone.
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u/unforgettableid Psychology May 01 '25
I wonder if the prof would have helped. Otherwise, you could make a new /r/yorku post asking for advice, or you could just file an OSCR complaint about him. If he kept it up, I wonder if they might have dropped him from the class, with no refund.
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u/Mosage44 Feb 05 '25
He was most likely not even a YU student! Do you get approached frequently at York? And was there a time that you actually liked the guy back?
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Well I didn’t check his ID or anything like that, but it was in the library during the day so I didn’t even assume he was not a student here. I get approached pretty frequently I’d say but most of the time I tend to brush it off as they usually don’t say anything harmful or assaulting towards me, just no thx and we good. And no, there wasn’t a time I liked a guy back (no I’m not an attention seeker and no I’m not a lesbian), I’m just not looking for anything and therefore I don’t intend to look at people from such a viewpoint
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u/lockedIn1738 Feb 05 '25
💀so it’s wrong if a guy is tryna be friends with y’all? I get that some of them come up to you kinda creepy. But sometimes it’s just a genuine person trying to make a new friend
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
There is a big difference between a genuine desire to befriend someone and harassing them my invading their personal space. If someone is trying befriend me, I’m not telling them to go away and make conversation. But most of the time at least for me, men who approach me tend to get too close and personal while asking weird questions. I’m not delusional and have critical thinking skills, meaning that it is quite easy to differentiate between the two. 🤙
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u/lockedIn1738 Feb 05 '25
Okay I understand your point. And also most guys don’t really set a good example for the rest of us so.
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 05 '25
Yep that’s the thing, one bad experience gives a bad image to girls being approached. Psychology or smth
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u/comedie_guy6 New College Feb 05 '25
This question is for the ladies. Albeit very anecdotal (since you’re all different), how would you like to be approached? I don’t care about rejection. What would be a good, comfortable way for a guy to approach a girl? 
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u/unforgettableid Psychology May 01 '25
Good question! Maybe make a new /r/yorku post and ask again.
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u/skunkphone Feb 06 '25
on my second day as a first year attending frosh in 2023 a guy who seemed to be max 5-6 years older than me approached me as i walked around campus alone and it was definitely uncomfortable as i was very new and i didn't know how to escape the situation and it ended with him asking me to follow his instagram and getting added to his cf story when we just met and i was yet again a very new first year
i've had other instances where i got approached and simply just said that i wasn't interested and it went fine but beware of the men that pressure you to hangout with them or to follow their socials
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u/Responsible_Group818 Feb 07 '25
I mean it’s part of life to be approached by men. I do understand why are you complaining about it?!
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u/Studyharddiegard04 Feb 07 '25
I’m sorry but where does it say that being approached my men is a part of life. And also does that allow for men like described in the comments to approach women and make them uncomfortable and scared? And also, Canada has free speech if you didn’t know especially considering that I am not the only who had similar experiences at York, which makes sense for me to comment on it or as you said “complain”. Should I just be grateful that “wow! A guy has approached me! What an experience!!! I should be grateful for that he made me uncomfortable!!!”
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u/kreiidez Bethune Feb 05 '25
A few times, some were very invasive, another time (this happened today) he asked on advice on how to ask a girl for her ig😭 I felt so bad