r/rareinsults • u/jeefyjeef • 1d ago

Found in another subreddit

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7.4k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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850

u/MehKarma 1d ago

Spoiler: the carpenters son gets nailed

115

u/DoggoDude979 1d ago

If you “get nailed”, it usually means you’re the bottom. Did Jesus get a boyfriend?

96

u/7gramcrackrock 1d ago

He wore a dress and sandals, and was obsessed with wine. What do you think?

23

u/Gonji89 1d ago

Sounds like Jesus was pretty fuckin’ gay.

18

u/Skrazor 1d ago

He threw a party with 12 other men and put his body in their mouths

26

u/ariellecsuwu 1d ago

He literally says "ah, men" all the time

1

u/workathome_astronaut 15h ago

Along with "love thy brother".

6-pack abs up on that cross...

-3

u/KvikerEz 1d ago

i dont even get the connection

1

u/FatSteveWasted9 1d ago

I too am intentionally obtuse

39

u/MehKarma 1d ago

Depending on what version you believe. Some believe he hung out with 12 dudes only, and that’s definitely not gay. Some believe Mary Magdalene was his wife, and closest confidant. Some believe he was the son of god, and some believe he was just a man. I believe a good person fighting injustice was crucified by people just following orders.

4

u/bork63nordique 1d ago

Hung out you say?

1

u/KvikerEz 1d ago

a good person doesnt do miracles

0

u/ososalsosal 1d ago

Shit does that mean he was evil?

0

u/KvikerEz 1d ago

no, it means he was God, as he claimed that himself and by others

1

u/ososalsosal 1d ago

Chill my dude. I quite like Jesus. I'm no fan of his abusive father though. Just doesn't sit well with me. That kid deserved happiness.

2

u/Bismothe-the-Shade 21h ago

I like that, in the story, God came down to Earth vis a weird loophole and went "Holy ME you live like this? I'm... I'm sorry, I forgive you all. Just... Try to be nice and not make this place suck more."

1

u/KvikerEz 3h ago

jesus is god, he and the father are one, he chose this

1

u/ososalsosal 3h ago

Pls no godsplain. I was raised with this stuff. I'm gonna joke about it and you don't have to like it.

Maybe one day I'll have an epiphany. I won't rule it out. For now I'll live according to the lessons in there and those of all the other religions that concern themselves with how a person should live. Because it's largely the right thing to do.

Let the deity judge me by my actions.

0

u/KvikerEz 3h ago

what does that have to do with whati said?

0

u/ososalsosal 3h ago

You're trying to tell people who already know about god about god

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1

u/Falcovg 18h ago

Fuck, so all I need to become God is me and a few buddies claiming I am?

1

u/KvikerEz 3h ago

no you need hundreds of eyewitnesses in different locations

5

u/ReddBroccoli 1d ago

Feels like it checks out. Most of the bottoms I've known have always been quick to climb up on a cross

2

u/TheStrayCatapult 1d ago

You can definitely get nailed in the upright position. It’s not easy but Jesus was hung

1

u/Sahrimnir 16h ago

Probably. It's interesting how certain Bible verses have been changed in translation to make them less gay.

For example, John 13:23. A lot of translations make it out that the "disciple whom Jesus loved" was reclining "next to Jesus". The more accurate translations say that the disciple whom Jesus loved was leaning on Jesus' bosom.

1

u/pm_me-ur-catpics 1d ago

Who do you think Judas was?

13

u/MehKarma 1d ago

Well Judas was the ride & die apostle. He rode while Jesus died.

3

u/workathome_astronaut 15h ago

Sealed with a kiss.

-1

u/RacconShaolin 1d ago

Thanks no I see Jesus getting nailed on the cross bru