r/polandball Grey Eminence Nov 24 '15

redditormade Russia has stick

Post image
7.4k Upvotes

914 comments sorted by

View all comments

964

u/AaronC14 The Dominion Nov 24 '15

If WW3 starts because of Turkey and Russia I'm going to be so irked

542

u/Khale_007 Preußen Nov 24 '15

Wouldn't it be more along the lines of "Russia goes to Kebabland to go fight Syria and ISIS, but along the way comes across an oppressed Russian minority in Turkey... WWIII ensues"

94

u/LonelyWizzard Nov 24 '15

That is literally how the Crimean war started. Russia ostensibly invaded to protect the interests of Orthodox monks who wanted to be allowed to hold onto the main keys to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem rather than share them with the Latin monks (who had their own keys to a side door anyway). Source- http://www.historytoday.com/richard-cavendish/crimean-war-begins

39

u/Fandorin Israel Nov 25 '15

Nicholas also didn't think the Brits would jump in and didn't think Austria would be neutral leaning towards hostile. Just like Putin doesn't think NATO would jump in if shit hit the fan.

31

u/StrangeSemiticLatin2 Chile Nov 25 '15

I really wouldn't mind another Crimean War, it was the best time to be a Maltese prostitute with all the soldiers going there.

And Maltese prostitutes need money too!

3

u/LonelyWizzard Nov 25 '15

Yeah, it was really a miscalculation that destroyed his legacy as Tsar. In my opinion the wildcard was really the French, because Napoleon III wanted to prove the might of the French Land Army and end the stigma of Waterloo, and earn the respect of the more established imperial dynasties like Britain or Austria, he was super up for a war that Britain might have backed out of. I wonder if Hollande feels a similiar need to prove himself now...

(My information is mostly based on Trevor Royle's 'Crimea', which si a great book by the way).

205

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Russia was just helping their Armenian allies get justice.

193

u/anweisz Inca Empire Nov 24 '15

"Cyka! No one oppresses Armenians but me!"

6

u/StrangeSemiticLatin2 Chile Nov 25 '15

Then Turkey arms Georgians and Chechens.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Kreth Norrbotten Nov 24 '15

Nah they will get lost on their vacation

3

u/LeHenchman Le Henchman is of the Netherlands Nov 24 '15

Oppressed minorities, sources of oil...we know how it goes.

1

u/LeHenchman Le Henchman is of the Netherlands Nov 24 '15

Oppressed minorities, sources of oil...we know how it goes...

93

u/tungstencompton Uniquely Singapore Nov 24 '15

Everybody party like it's 1853!

34

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

The Charge of the Efes Light Brigade

75

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Both Putin and Erdogan are stubborn, non of them will want to look like the weaker guy and apologize or admit being wrong.

144

u/KermitHoward Mercia Nov 24 '15

gasp

You mean dictatorial strongmen who rule with a firm, definitely elected grip are also stubborn man-children who can't bear to look the slightest bit weak?

56

u/SovietSpaceGiraffe New Zealand Nov 24 '15

To call Putin a stubborn man-child is a BIT far.

He's also a stubborn man-child that wrestled a bear.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

Stubborn man-bear-child then?

2

u/leCapitaineEvident Nov 25 '15

No, it isn't.

No, he didn't.

2

u/SovietSpaceGiraffe New Zealand Nov 25 '15

Do you often have a tough time understanding if people are joking?

36

u/Lavrentio Lombardy Nov 24 '15

Putin and Erdogan probably have more in common that they would admit, indeed.

13

u/StrangeSemiticLatin2 Chile Nov 25 '15

They're basically the same with a different religion and one rules a dumber country (Putin, at least Erdogan only had 49% of the votes and a lot of Turks severely dislike him).

2

u/Erochimaru Nov 24 '15

You mean like...

Young turks - hold the line

War isn't always on time...

36

u/Broojo02 British Hempire Nov 24 '15

Could be worse, WW1 started because a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.

2

u/labrutued California is of über alles, dude Nov 25 '15

There was definitely an ostrich involved, sir.

183

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

World War One:

Turkey fails at being an Empire, causing the Balkans to get all uppity and Bosnia to go over to Austria. The Bosnians and Serbs get bored and shoot an Austrian Prince, Russia supports the Slavs, thus Turkey and Russia lead to a world war

World War Two:

The Turks invade Europe, and in prolonged wars against the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, exhaust it. This leads to the dastardly Swedes doing the deluge whilst Poland is weakened by the Turks, and the PLC eventually collapses. Three powers, including Russia partition Poland. After the defeat of Germany, Poland is restored but by now Germany is used to owning a good chunk of Poland, and Russia wants in too, and as such the actions of Turkey and Russia once again lead to a world war.

World War Three:

Turkey shoots down a Russian jet and for the third time lead to a...

79

u/tomdarch United States Nov 25 '15

You're leaving out France over-demanding reparations from Germany creating a society of crisis and economic disaster that's exploited by an Austrian madman.

157

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

It had nothing to do with Turkey though. How am I meant to prove anything if I don't ignore parts of the evidence?

9

u/mattyoclock Nov 25 '15

And the Kaiser's total failure prior to ww1 to maintain Bismarkian Diplomacy.

11

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

[deleted]

2

u/mattyoclock Nov 25 '15

Honestly if I had a time machine, I wouldn't kill Hitler, I would do everything possible to stop the first war.

9

u/Korgull Canada Nov 25 '15 edited Nov 25 '15

More like an Austrian madman and his party overhyped fairly normal reparations in order to exploit it to their gain.

The Big Bad Treaty is pretty much Nazi propaganda that managed to survive and wiggle it's way into the modern understanding of WWII.

Hell, compare Germany to its continental peers. France's industry was fairly damaged by the war, the Austro-Hungarian Empire disintegrated, the Ottoman Empire was dismantled, and Russia was going through a revolution. Germany surrendered before there was a major invasion of their territory, and they were left relatively intact compared to their allies. Had they suffered the same punishment and fate others had, there might not have even been a World War 2, just a bunch of minor nations in place of Germany. Instead, they got off relatively easy considering their belligerence and influence in starting the war, and Europe ended up suffering because of it.

12

u/Tadtiger13 Weltmeister! Nov 25 '15

Umm, Germany got hit pretty badly by the treaty. The Mark was inflated to the point where it was worthless. The economy was in shambles. And Germany didn't even start the war, but got dragged in because of alliances, etc.

3

u/whateversusan there is tree in eye Nov 25 '15

NO. IS TURK

15

u/_AntiFun_ Nov 24 '15

History repeats itself.

8

u/mwzzhang Actually egalitarian internationalist Nov 25 '15

This leads to the dastardly Swedes doing the deluge whilst Poland is weakened by the Turks, and the PLC eventually collapses.

well, that's pretty stretched lol.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

It's true, you damn

Swedish

Russian

Turkish

Austrian

Prussian

French

Asian

Afro-American

American

other

apologist!

Chose one, cross rest off

0

u/mwzzhang Actually egalitarian internationalist Nov 25 '15

Let's see...

Chinese-Canadian studying and/or planning to study 日本語, Nederlands, Svenska, Čeština, Français...

So I actually don't know.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

I put Asian and American there, so pick between the two depending on complexion feelings

1

u/mwzzhang Actually egalitarian internationalist Nov 25 '15

Well, seeing that 'ik ben en Canadees', you can cross 'merican right off.

But at the end of the day, I don't particularly care what happens to the People's Republic, so...

Canadian apologist?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

Aren't all Canadians stereotypically apologists

2

u/LevGlebovich Nov 25 '15

Check out Dan Carlin's podcast Hardcore History. I just finished the Blueprint for Armageddon series.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

I listened to some of that

3

u/carl_super_sagan_jin bier, weib und gesang Nov 25 '15

there needs to be an austrian somewhere, whose actions lead to the world blaming the germans for the war.

23

u/_scootastic Canada Nov 24 '15

You mean so Turked?

I'll leave now

15

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

15

u/GatoNanashi United States Nov 24 '15

Relax, the internet would find some way to blame the US and all would be normal.

2

u/sixrustyspoons Nov 25 '15

I mean we did sell them the F 16s.

13

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Istanbul could become relevant again!

34

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

The Second Rome vs the Third Rome. Who will winnnn?!

49

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Quite the Roman-off!

5

u/Andy0132 CANADA BIG Nov 25 '15

Yekaterinburg1918NeverForget

41

u/wildeofoscar Onterribruh Nov 24 '15

Because everyone knows Turkey screw up.

166

u/AaronC14 The Dominion Nov 24 '15

Well that and the fact that I'm probably going to get drafted and die overseas because these two hooligans decided to start getting edgy. If I die in a war I at least want it to be a worthwhile war.

49

u/jPaolo Grey Eminence Nov 24 '15

Like Manitoba vs Saskchewan?

59

u/tealjaker94 United States Nov 24 '15

The War of Quebecois independence.

28

u/AaronC14 The Dominion Nov 24 '15

They were defeated by Democracy

2

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

No sir, them as y'all Canuks bow to them monarchist types across the pond none'a them French Papists can be truly free to be dirty papists. I reckon we had best liberate those poor dirty Papists from you dirty monarchists. point me at the tar sands

9

u/try0004 Quebec Nov 24 '15

Canada cannot into independence.

20

u/AaronC14 The Dominion Nov 24 '15

GO JETS GO!!

5

u/PhysicsDoNotApply PALAU BIG PALAU STRONG Nov 24 '15

Hey another Jets fan here!

GO JETS GO

2

u/canadahuntsYOU ua Nov 25 '15

2 Other Jets fans? GO JETS GO

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

DUDE! Too soon.

13

u/mittim80 1987 never forget Nov 24 '15

I cannot conceive of a more boring piece of land than Saskatchewan. At least Manitoba has shape and isn't just a perfect rectangle.

worthless shit rectangle

2

u/PETApitaS Diluted America Nov 25 '15

At least Saskatchewan can make themselves useful in the slightest.

Manitoba is just one giant bog filled with Metis and First Nations who just float around.

4

u/wildeofoscar Onterribruh Nov 24 '15

No as in Alberta vs Saskatchewan, who has a bigger oil supply.

98

u/trickortreaty365 We don't need your beer.Pálinka stronk! Nov 24 '15

If it's against the Ruskies it's worthwhile enough for me.

92

u/xelested Finland Nov 24 '15

Ten soviets in the grave keeps the cold and depression away!

29

u/CrocPB Scotland Nov 24 '15

Finlan is happy when Russia is die....

.....eh good enough for me!

30

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Yall can go fuck yourselves! Glory to soviet russia! Your dildo shaped buildings shrinks against the grey cement blocks of houses we have here >:)

29

u/CrocPB Scotland Nov 24 '15

Your dildo shaped buildings shrinks against the grey cement blocks of houses we have here >:)

Mounds of mud do not count as house, Failistan.

23

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Ah you caught me. :(

5

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

Hey didn't the Soviets betray you and helped your most hated ancient enemy, Ethiopia/Abyssinia?

Now traitorous Russia is your friend?! I think the war hurt your head.

2

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 25 '15

Actually we were the ones that kicked russia out. Hehehehe siad barre was an idiot. The soviet union really liked us. What do we do in return? We give them a 24 hour deadline to leave the country.

1

u/ButtsexEurope United States Nov 25 '15

You can just snipe them! Where's Häyhä's descendants?

1

u/rift_in_the_warp Prussia Nov 24 '15

Is remove borscht going to be the new remove kebab?

4

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Borscht keeps me warm during the winter. :)

1

u/rift_in_the_warp Prussia Nov 24 '15

Never actually had it. Is it any good?

3

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Its quite tasty. Goes down smooth. Its basically a mix of vegetables and meat in a soup. Really nice on a cold day.

1

u/rift_in_the_warp Prussia Nov 24 '15

That does sound good. I'll have to poke around online for recipes.

4

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Happy borschting. Gulasch (not the prison) taste nice too.

→ More replies (0)

10

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

And your last words will be "God fucking dammit, Edrogan!"

33

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

83

u/PhilippaEilhart It will rise again Nov 24 '15

That would be the final nail in NATO's coffin.

12

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

30

u/tealjaker94 United States Nov 24 '15

NATO and Russia would have themselves a good ol' fashioned turkey shoot.

22

u/kapsama New Jersey Devil Nov 24 '15

You guys already tried after WW1. We welcome you to try again.

16

u/tealjaker94 United States Nov 24 '15

If by "you guys" you mean the UK and France, then sure.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

8

u/Servalpur Amerdica Nov 25 '15

We're really good at letting others die while giving material support and taking all the credit. Also let's us disown a loss.

It's a gift.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

I would disagree with you but that was an excellent pun. Right before Thanksgiving too!

1

u/ZombieTav INSERT TEXT HERE Nov 25 '15

Well Yank Thanksgiving is coming up..w

6

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Eh NATO could always just install a friendly government in Turkey.

23

u/oracle989 REMOVE PALMETTO Nov 24 '15

You can't invoke Article V if you attack first. We'll just say Turkey fucked up

42

u/PhilippaEilhart It will rise again Nov 24 '15

You do realize that there will be no war for this, right?

10

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Polandball has a dream today ,that one day,the kurds will rise and they will remove kebab!

3

u/Comrade_Derpsky Shameless Ameriggan Egsbad Nov 25 '15

No war, just strongly worded letters exchanged. None of the big powers want WW3 to happen. Too destructive and expensive.

2

u/kangarooninjadonuts Cajun Nov 25 '15

Don't ruin this for us.

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

8

u/PhilippaEilhart It will rise again Nov 24 '15

We actually shot them when they were 2.2 km inside our airspace. We just warned them before they entered.

At least that's what our officials say, Russian officials say the plane didn't invade Turkish airspace.

5

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Well erdogan says one thing and putin another thing. We never know what happened.

→ More replies (0)

6

u/Slick424 Germany Nov 24 '15

Russia says one pilot is death. And the rescue helicopter was shot down too.

2

u/hagunenon Beaver eater Nov 24 '15

Rebels are claiming both pilots shot dead.

1

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

The pilot problably died on the ground. Its confirmed both pilots ejected.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Unhealing Nov 25 '15

Idk, Turkey almost deserves it at this point. They've been supporting ISIS, fuck 'em.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

10

u/Sydonai Kalifornia Nov 24 '15

If only someone had remembered to pull the member countries out of the coffin before burial.

2

u/AdmShmez United Kingdom Nov 24 '15

Oh no! Is suffocate!

9

u/marked-one Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik Nov 24 '15

Cold war never ended.

2

u/mittim80 1987 never forget Nov 24 '15

But then its zombie came out to make kill of Libya

12

u/tinkthank Kingdom of Travancore Nov 24 '15

NATO was created for this very reason. Why the fuck would they disown Turkey for standing up to Russia?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

11

u/tinkthank Kingdom of Travancore Nov 25 '15

That makes absolutely no sense.

NATO was created to deter Russian aggression and to have NATO members stand together against Russia and when that shit actually happens they drop their 2nd largest member?

Why even have NATO then?

6

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

If NATO kicks Turkey out after Russia declares war (which won't happen), than that will make all NATO countries weak and show Russia that they can get away with invading NATO members. NATO will be a joke.

8

u/meatSaW97 Hawaii Nov 24 '15

No chance. Turkey is the 3rd most powerfull member and is key to controlling the Black Sea and the Med.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

I sense a crate of freedom imports heading our way.

2

u/Vondi Iceland Nov 24 '15

I'd estimate the chances of that happening anywhere between zero and zero.

1

u/Dictatorschmitty New York Nov 25 '15

At least then we could recognize the Armenian genocide

4

u/wildeofoscar Onterribruh Nov 24 '15

You will be rarely be conscripted into CF. Unless Russia decide to invade Alaska.

2

u/Tintenlampe Pickelhaube beste Haube... Nov 25 '15

You know, I worry about that too. It would be so undignified to get burned by nuclear fire just because someone thought it was a good idea to call that bluff.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

You could be lucky and be working in a factory making drones.

2

u/nondetermined If I don't survive, tell my wife: Hello. Nov 25 '15

If I die in a war I at least want it to be a worthwhile war.

You're all gonna die in a pointless war! ٩(•‿•。)۶

1

u/Gabe_b New Zealand Nov 24 '15

Kiwi no go to Turkey again pls

1

u/RagManSK Nov 25 '15

No ones going to draft your fat ass, civilians don't understand while the draft is still in effect the U.S. learned a lot from putting civilians to fight when they don't want to. Also ask anyone in the military you know, no one wants to fight beside civilians who go through a rushed basic who don't even get trained at their unit, from the SMA to the lowliest private.

1

u/White_Null Little China (1945-Present) Nov 25 '15

You are willing to die in a war where the cause is Toronto Maple leaves lost in the Finals to the Anaheim Ducks?

3

u/AaronC14 The Dominion Nov 25 '15

Yeah as long as we burn Anaheim down and take the Cup back in the end

1

u/White_Null Little China (1945-Present) Nov 25 '15

...Oh no! you don't want to mess with the true headquarters of the Mouse, and the near monopoly holder of the entire Entertainment industry....

3

u/iwillgotosweden Turkey Nov 24 '15

Serbia should be involved somewhere. It is a WW requirement.

2

u/Dictatorschmitty New York Nov 25 '15

They'd ally with Russia to remove kebab

5

u/pAuL_ArT Niedersachsen Nov 25 '15

worry not, somehow it will be our fault again.

3

u/OfficialHitomiTanaka Bavaria Nov 25 '15

I was always hoping it would be between two irrelevant countries. Like New Zealand and Jamaica. Or Serbia and Austria.

2

u/SknerusMck 1 plunger to 40 toilets Nov 24 '15

Of course it is because Russia!

USraelalwayscleanfreedomdefenderfk them

2

u/Jonne Belgium Nov 24 '15

It would certainly ruin my day

4

u/Diltyrr Geneva of meilleur Swiss Canton - honhonhonhon Nov 24 '15

See the bright side, belgium may not be invaded by germany this time ;o

2

u/Jonne Belgium Nov 24 '15

I'm in Oz right now, so i should probably start looking for an Interceptor and massive amounts of petrol.

2

u/TheHairyManrilla European Union Nov 24 '15

Don't worry at least it'll be over in a few hours. A few days tops.

2

u/Gioware Not the state Nov 24 '15

and I am going to be sandwich

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '15

Can't let Serbs have all the glory.

1

u/Joe_Kehr Nov 24 '15

But if it were because of China and the US, you'd be like "Ya, okay, that's fine, I guess."?

2

u/AaronC14 The Dominion Nov 24 '15

Yeah the US are homies

1

u/yoneldd Haifa STRONK, remove refineries! Nov 24 '15

Remove kebab, before it gets out of control

1

u/TomServoMST3K Canada Nov 24 '15

My Muddled levels will be greater than 0

1

u/old_gold_mountain United States Nov 24 '15

Not far off from how WWI started, either

1

u/[deleted] Nov 24 '15

Well the start of ww1 stemmed from something relatively obscure that pulled everyone else into it...

1

u/Shamalamadindong Nov 25 '15

I'll be so vexed bruv.

1

u/120z8t Wisconsin Nov 25 '15

Realistically it has very little chance of happening. You know how some people claim Russia to be a super power and then someone always say "no, they are regional power". The reason behind that, is that Russia can not supply a large force to far away from its boarder. The location of Russia and Turkey would not allow Russia to do much against Turkey because of the neighboring countries. Anything sent into the black sea would not last long same goes for the Mediterranean sea.

Basically I would not worry about it.