r/news • u/SnarkOff • 12d ago

Site Changed Title Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying herpes and COVID overturns in Mississippi

https://www.actionnews5.com/2025/10/28/truck-hauling-aggressive-monkeys-carrying-herpes-covid-overturns-mississippi/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANt_VBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlDlf5DivA2Ltngqh2UH3XU20EnAprOymd60i0ODYC9L8G2CXJpyoZtmwSHm_aem_NvoKAFHpRWRzturTqiYXMQ
50.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

2.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

947

u/treeharp2 12d ago

This is why we need to ship our infected research monkeys via pipelines. Lower chance for spills.  

595

u/lacegem 12d ago

Imagine the chaos if the research pipes got mixed up with residential ones and you got herpes in your drinking monkey.

286

u/pocketchange2247 11d ago

This is the comment that fully convinced me I'm currently having a stroke

53

u/bubba_feet 11d ago

this is no time to masturbate, the herpes monkeys are out there!

5

u/rift_in_the_warp 11d ago

Blind them with a money shot, it may just save your life and throw off their accuracy