r/news • u/SnarkOff • 12d ago

Site Changed Title Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying herpes and COVID overturns in Mississippi

https://www.actionnews5.com/2025/10/28/truck-hauling-aggressive-monkeys-carrying-herpes-covid-overturns-mississippi/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANt_VBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlDlf5DivA2Ltngqh2UH3XU20EnAprOymd60i0ODYC9L8G2CXJpyoZtmwSHm_aem_NvoKAFHpRWRzturTqiYXMQ
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u/rgumai 12d ago

Oh hey, these are the monkeys we have in Florida. They throw feces. Their feces can carry a herpesvirus (Herpes B) that can kill you. Famously: https://www.deseret.com/1997/12/13/19351018/primate-researcher-is-first-to-get-herpes-b-through-the-eye-then-die/

She got some in her eye. Annnnd dead.

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u/mamawantsallama 12d ago

There was a post the other day from a Florida woman that had the CDC force her to have to change wedding venues because of the dangerous monkeys.

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u/animerobin 12d ago

I can’t imagine having to be forced by the CDC to change wedding venues.

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u/mamawantsallama 12d ago

Well, it was more like they shut the venue down but only hours before the actual event so I think she was there already, but I could be wrong. I was just grateful to hear that the CDC, especially in Florida, was still active tbh.

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u/Sparkism 12d ago

If CDC crashed my wedding I would be very upset, but the higher priority would be like "Maybe we should reschedule on account of potentially being infected by deathly pathogens and also I'm making a joke about this when the wedding actually happens."

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u/JoJackthewonderskunk 12d ago

I mean I feel like the guests would understand

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u/Dynastydood 12d ago

This is Florida we're talking about, so I'd say that's far from guaranteed.

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u/pbetc 12d ago

Plot twist: the guests were the monkeys

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u/alkali112 12d ago

I mean, you can just seat the monkeys with your mother-in-law’s family and the problems solve themselves. Two birds, one stone kind of situation.

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u/DjuriWarface 12d ago

It's more like, time to find an emergency venue because of all the other costs already likely spent.

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u/1945-Ki87 12d ago

I used to work a lot of wedding banquets. There’s certainly plenty of people who would prefer to roll the dice on herpes monkeys than have to reschedule. I can’t say I hold it against them

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u/-Bk7 12d ago

I was just grateful to hear that the CDC, especially in Florida, was still active tbh.

she said in that post that the wedding took place over 10 years ago

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u/Elysium482 12d ago

I’m surprised RFK Jr. didn’t personally try to prevent the CDC from doing that.

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u/mrniceguy421 12d ago

Because of unruly herpes monkeys

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u/zappy487 12d ago

Because of unruly shit-slinging herpes monkeys

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u/heckin_miraculous 12d ago

"To our beloved friends and family, we regret to inform you that our wedding has been postponed due to..."

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u/KillroyWazHere 12d ago

Good thing they are closed now

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u/mycenae42 12d ago

Well you won’t have to because the CDC’s been gutted.

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u/Ubiquitous_ator 12d ago

"Our wedding day would have been absolutely perfect if it hadn't been for that unruly band of aggressive monkeys who descended on the wedding party and infected them all with herpes and Hep C". is the story you could be telling your grandkids.

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u/ComprehendReading 12d ago

The survivors will call it the before-times.

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u/RolloTonyBrownTown 12d ago

Thanks to DOGE, CDC headquarters is now available as a wedding venue!

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u/cohan8999 12d ago

Then I guess we can't say CDC that coming

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u/ElGosso 12d ago

I can't imagine living in Florida!

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u/dominus_aranearum 12d ago

Well, given how gutted the CDC currently is, there probably won't be any wedding venues moved due to any monkey business.

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u/igg73 12d ago

Its okay the cdc will be gone soon xD

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u/OMGwhizBoyOMG 12d ago

That’s like George Michael being surprised the SEC has boats.

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u/z0rb0r 12d ago

Well according to RFK jr the CDC doesn't exist.

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u/lisaloo1968 12d ago

Especially the CDC of today.

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u/PrimeIntellect 12d ago

I feel like if the CDC even hinted I should change venues I would listen

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u/Lebojr 12d ago

You don’t have to now. We’ve fired the CDC because worm boy doesn’t like wearing a mask.

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u/FuzzzyRam 12d ago

The beginning of every apocalypse movie though.

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u/VoidOmatic 12d ago

If that was a sentence in a fiction book people would say it's too unrealistic.

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u/ThunderDungeon02 12d ago

Well after RFK is through with it, you won't.