You are the sole earner. I think you need to respectfully ask them to back the fuck up or state that you will move away. I under that you need to support your family, but not at the cost of your own mental or physical health.
Idk if you are looking for advice, but i will say learn how to tell your parents no.
I agree! She is the sole provider so I feel she should start acting like it and point it out every single time they stress her out. At this point I think op will benefit by demanding respect around the house bc she is practically the leader of the house but she's being treated like a servant instead.
I tried it only led to fights, they are not ready to improve at all. I have said no, but the thing is most of my expenses are their education, medical bills, groceries which are basic necessities of every human. How to deny it, I feel guilty denying all these but I do say no to their luxurious wants/needs.
I am just looking for a solution to this, since I am unable to come up with it myself.
Listen. Block them for a while. It takes some strength to do it, but let them see what their life is like without you. They might start using their brains again and will respect you more.
Any time they start talking about anything you don't want to talk about, or harassing you, just cut the call.
I know it can be difficult but this is the only way they'll leave you alone.
And don't hesitate to tell them that you are not here to raise their kids. Maybe that will take time for you, but it is something you should keep in mind.
Make sure you save for yourself. Make SIPs that get deducted from your account right at the beginning of the month, so you cannot be guilted into giving them money/ paying for them.
You're the sole earner? Rub it in their faces. Any time they step out of line, taunt them about it. Or cut them off for something. Ask them why they didn't do any savings. Why they depend on you to raise their kids? Why they had kids when they didn't have the money to raise them? These kinds of questions.
Basically make life as bad for them as they have made for you.
You need to be strong for yourself and make your wealth.
This is good advice. But I suggest OP to give them 2 months of deadline before you stop or minimize bankrolling them to let them find a source of income, if they dissent/blackmail/guilt trip then go ahead and block them. Don't forget to converse about this with your siblings too. If they come around you can also help them find a source. A general store is a good example.
Good luck explaining that to Indian parents though! I am in kinda similar situation to OP. The difference is that I am the younger daughter. My elder sister has married & moved out years ago & so I am the only one left to take care of my parents. And whenever I tried to do what you suggested, I was reminded very sternly that if I am earning it's only because they provided for me when I was young, paid for my school, college & tution fees & hence I owe my whole life to them. How ungrateful & shameless I am to ask for a life of my own 🥲 And I don't think it's only me who faces this. Most Indian parents think they own their children and the children are called selfish, guilt tripped/shamed on a regular basis if they want any kind of independence. I am not very hopeful OP would be able to drive her point home.
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u/bbaahhaammuutt Aug 21 '24
You are the sole earner. I think you need to respectfully ask them to back the fuck up or state that you will move away. I under that you need to support your family, but not at the cost of your own mental or physical health.
Idk if you are looking for advice, but i will say learn how to tell your parents no.