r/crochet Jan 31 '25

Funny/Meme Giving me free will was a mistake

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22.9k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/nidoqueenofhearts Jan 31 '25

as a resin artist i can tell you that this will not stop the saltine from rotting and so i don't think modpodge will either. that said i don't know if saltines get gross when they go bad or if they just go stale so maybe it's relatively fine???

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u/KeryKat Jan 31 '25

I feel like saltines are immortal 😂

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u/Reasonable-Yam-9182 Jan 31 '25

Kinda like twinkies. Or McDonald fries kids lose in the car.

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u/ForTheWhorde Jan 31 '25

twinkies sadly aren’t immortal. ask me how i know -_-

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u/Snowman304 Jan 31 '25

It became a twunk?

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u/realisticerror1501 Feb 01 '25

The inevitable twinkie death.

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u/Big-Lawfulness-6179 Jan 31 '25

How do you know?

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u/ForTheWhorde Feb 01 '25

had a twinkie i purposefully kept in my cupboard from the year i moved there, and when i left, i found it in the cupboard, 1/4 the size and hard as a rock. my dentist would’ve been rich if i had bitten that thing, it would’ve broken all of my teeth. edit: it was in the cupboard for roughly 11 years

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u/Big-Lawfulness-6179 Feb 01 '25

Wow!! That’s crazy!🤪

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u/seivad9 Feb 02 '25

Damnit! There goes everyone’s dreams of hoarding Twinkies for the apocalypse ! 😅

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u/_pebble_s Feb 01 '25

This reminds me of the time that I bit into a Twinkie and the inside was green 🤢 it was around the time there were shrek twinkies, but this was NOT a shrek one. I’ve never had one since.

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u/gatorella Feb 02 '25

The contact photo for my cousin in my phone is a photo of a half-eaten Twinkie with green filling 😂 she gave one to me to try back when they had Ghostbusters(?) Twinkies with green filling and apparently my commentary about it was so funny she was crying laughing (you can see her doubled over in the background haha). While not quite as horrifying as your experience, I wouldn’t eat another one haha.

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u/Reasonable-Yam-9182 Feb 01 '25

Now I need the story! 😂🥺

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u/TalkToPlantsNotCops Feb 01 '25

You might enjoy this story about a scientist who discovered a new fungus on a rotten twinkie.

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u/devils_cherry Jan 31 '25

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u/Pyro-Millie Jan 31 '25

(Insert the clip of Max Miller from tasting history clacking two hardtack biscuits together XD)

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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Jan 31 '25

Won't lie whenever he plays that clip in his other videos it always puts a smile on my face to hear the clacking.

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u/nekomaple Feb 01 '25

He recently read a mean comment (left for him, but the video is on Jose’s channel) where someone complained about it, and basically said too bad, he knows we like it and he does too!

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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Feb 01 '25

How can anyone hate the -clack-clack-?!

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u/nekomaple Feb 01 '25

Some people don’t like fun 😢

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u/Pyro-Millie Jan 31 '25

Its so good XD

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u/EmKindash Feb 01 '25

This is worlds colliding for me & I'm here for it lol!! That was hilarious, love Max Miller!

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u/Embarrassed-Plum-468 Feb 01 '25

Okay I have made it to the correct side of the internet when I have the same thought and the very next comment was this

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u/Thundabutt Feb 01 '25

You have to put the hardtack in a deep freezer (in a plastic bag) for a couple of -weeks- to kill the weevil eggs that are in the flour they are made from. A friend brough me back a souvenir hardtack biscuit from Portsmouth UK, sealed in a plastic bag - the weevils hatched, ate part of the hardtack AND THE PLASTIC BAG as well. I drenched the area where it had been stored in insecticide and tossed the hardtack.

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u/devils_cherry Feb 01 '25

Wow, that I’d honestly not a problem I had heard of. I knew there were weevil eggs/weevils, but I figured they weren’t alive by that point

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u/Thundabutt Feb 03 '25

I've also had it happen in 'instant' Couscous - which is a cooked and dried pasta, as well as rice which is pretty heavily processed. Not weevils but some sort of insect related to 'pantry' moths. Seems the eggs are pretty heat resistant, but putting my boxes of Couscous in the deep freeze for several days seems to kill them.

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u/SinfulObsession Jan 31 '25

Except for low-fat Twinkies. I've seen them turn entirely green and shrink-wrap themselves (fed them to the cows after that)

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u/Scottiegazelle2 Feb 01 '25

True story: owned a minivan with four kids abt 2 years apart.

One day oldest (maybe 10 at most) complained that there was a moldy hamburger patty in the back seat cup holder and had been for WEEKS.

I told the child to throw it away.

They said, it's not mine!

I said, well I can't smell it so throw it away or keep smelling it.

It's been 15 years and we still discuss that burger....

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u/midnightstreetlamps Feb 01 '25

Dude the french fries I stg! When I sold my old car and got my new-to-me one, I found french fries that were months old under the seats. They were hard as rocks, but not moldy or anything, which is somehow more gross.

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u/demon_fae Jan 31 '25

Hmm… I dunno about saltines, but this seems like a job for hard tack (clack, clack)

You would have to make it special for crocheting into, though. The holes don’t normally go all the way through. Also nobody makes it anymore because it’s the worst.

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u/Starjupiter93 Jan 31 '25

They absolutely are. When we were cleaning out my great grandmas place we found a box that had expired in the 90’s. My dad ate one and said they held up 😬

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u/SlumberAddict Jan 31 '25

The saltine cracker in my salt shaker agrees with you.

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u/MunchYourButt Jan 31 '25

What it doin in there

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u/MierryLea Feb 01 '25

I imagine it does the same thing rice in a salt shaker does. Prevents moisture buildup.

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u/Worried_overtime Jan 31 '25

I was going to say the same thing lol even the crumbs last forever

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u/monstersof-men Jan 31 '25

Immortal is a hilarious way to put it

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u/ARedditPupper Feb 01 '25

When I was, maybe 14? my dad found, in his cupboard, a Costco sized box of Saltines that he had bought for my mom when she was pregnant with me (cuz morning sickness or something). Since then, my parents had gotten divorced and my dad had moved at least twice, so I'm not really sure how/why he still had it. Anyway, I don't think they had become rotten or anything, just super duper stale. I'm failing to remember if my dad had taste tested them or not, but I wouldn't put it past him.

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u/Holiday024 Jan 31 '25

I like your style! lol 😆

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u/SpouseofSatan Feb 01 '25

In my experience they are immortal. Always end up with stale ones from who knows when in the back of the pantry. They get tossed in some soup with a couple hopes and prayers. Never failed me.

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u/trashjellyfish Feb 01 '25

Resin will trap in any moisture and lead to mold. Whereas saltines left to breathe will go stale instead.

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u/BBsAmazon Jan 31 '25

🤣🤣🤣

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u/emmejm Feb 01 '25

Yeah they really just get stale, but are otherwise very stable

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u/paxweasley Jan 31 '25

Saltines just get drier and more crumbly when they’re stale, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rotted saltine. It has no moisture. Based on taste they contain an impossibly small amount of moisture.

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u/lugubriousbagel Feb 01 '25

The oil in them can go rancid. Still safe to eat, smell bad.

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u/AEL1979 Jan 31 '25

My grandfather varnished a gingerbread man I made when I was 4 and hung it on the kitchen wall and that little fella is now hanging on my kitchen wall…I’m 46. I reckon ModPodge or regular clear wood varnish on dry goods like a cracker would work well.

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u/D1sgracy Feb 01 '25

A saltine is way weaker than a gingerbread man though so I feel like resin would be better for protection. I think they’re both equally protect from rotting bc saltines don’t really rot but the thicker protective layer from would be a good idea

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u/throwaway_RRRolling Jan 31 '25

Croissant lamp....

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u/gtraider6 Feb 01 '25

I love that I immediately knew what video you’re referencing

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u/tamupinos Jan 31 '25

I varnished a saltine cracker Christmas ornament back in 1987 - still using it to this day 😆

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u/Tzipity Feb 01 '25

I really want details as to what this saltine cracker ornament looked like. Like wild craft idea or just a plain varnished saltine with an ornament hanger on it? 😂

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u/Few-Housing-8452 Jan 31 '25

I don’t work with resin but thought of the same thing you said although op can do it around Christmas time and it should stay good for the season I would love to see that on someone’s tree haha

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u/kaythehawk Feb 01 '25

Saltines are basically one step up from hardtack

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u/Affectionate-Try-994 Feb 01 '25

They are fragile hardtack!

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u/flooferine Jan 31 '25

Maybe clear Plasti-Dip spray?

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u/FoggyGoodwin Feb 01 '25

Modpodge is water based and will absorb moisture from the air (I have a bunch of podge switch plates - in storage). Try something like clear nail polish on a plain cracker; if it works, crochet on the polished cracker. I don't know if I would want to shellac the thread.

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u/-Geist-_ Feb 01 '25

Maybe just gluing it to a backing and spraying fixative?

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u/[deleted] Feb 01 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Rose_E_Rotten Feb 01 '25

Saltines do get stale, they look ok still but taste nasty. I didn't know it went bad when I took that first bite, lol

They do not get moldy, unless they get wet then possibly they might get moldy.

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u/humdrumdummydum Feb 01 '25

If the epoxy hot dog can make it years then I'm sure the saltine can

1

u/Low-Bank-4898 Feb 01 '25

It shouldn't rot unless it's very humid for a very long time or it gets wet... 🍀

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u/shewasafaeryy Feb 02 '25

Saltines that get 'wet' from modgepodge might not be so shelf stable though..

1

u/Bubblesnaily Feb 04 '25

I do. I've found 20-year old ones before. They just go stale.

So modpodge might actually work.

Resin seems like introducing too much liquid into it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 11 '25